Lu Han quickly climbs into the van, as fans starts to surround it.  He quickly looks into the bag that a pretty fan had desperately tried to give him.  He didn’t know how she got through the bodyguards, but she did a pretty good job at it.  Perhaps it was because she was so small.  The interaction was quite long, considering that Exo M did have body guards after all. 

            At the back of his head the whole time he was talking to her, he couldn’t help it but thought that she looked familiar…  He assumes that he met her somewhere before, but he doesn’t remember where. 

            Maybe she’s an avid fan that follows us everywhere?, he thought.

            He pulls the shirt out and a note falls out.  He blinks slowly as the opened it and reads it.

            It’s always hard to watch you walk away because I love so much.  It hurt to know that you were so far away from me for so long because I missed you so much…  I missed you endlessly and tried to distract myself with life, but it didn’t work because everything will remind me of you…  I’m glad that you’re back now.  My heart will no longer be a gaping hole with you back in my arms.

            Lu Han quickly makes a face, unsure of how he will ever accept such heartfelt feelings like these from another fan.  He loves them, but his love will never measure up to his fans’.  They love him, regardless of the flaws he has…  And, it’s touching because he knows that he’s no one special.  He’s just Lu Han: another human being with a dream.  That’s all he is, so why should he receive so much love and support?  And, how will he ever repay these people that care so much back?  The fan letter was the most love-felt fan letter he has received in a while…  And, it has struck a chord on how little he could to for his fans besides do well with Exo M’s activities.

            I wish I could love you as much you love me, thought Lu Han as he thought back to the fan girl.  He thought about how she probably spends a lot of money to support his fan websites, to buy Exo merchandises, to travel to see him, and the precious hours she spends online just to gaze at his face. 

            He feels like he’s a greedy person: receiving so much and giving so little back.  And, it pains him that he will never be able to love her the same way she loves him.

Sooyun: OMG!  Guess what?!

Lulu: What?

Sooyun: I met Lu Han today!!!!!!!

            His face scrunches up, confused.  He quickly stands up from the ground and walks out of the living room.  He and the boys were watching a variety show.  Today went well and they were given some time off.  The boys were laughing out loud and were distracted, but Lu Han didn’t want them to start questioning/teasing/warning him again about Admin SY.

Lulu: What?  You went to the fansigning?

Sooyun: No.  My friend wanted to shop, so we went to the COEX mall…  And, we ran into Exo M as they were leaving!  OMG!!!!  It was so crazy, Unnie!!! 

            Lu Han quickly closed the door behind him as he entered the bedroom.  He takes in a deep breath as his eyes darted over to the shopping bag the fan had given him earlier.  It is sitting on his bed, unlike the rest of the other gifts that were in 4 big boxes on the ground at the foot of his bed.

            He shook his head.  No way, he thought.  He swallowed hard as he thought of the girl again and Admin SY’s picture…  It really was her, even if he didn’t want to admit it.  Before he could write a message back, he got another message from Admin SY.

Sooyun: It happened so fast that I couldn’t prepare anything for Lu Han…  So, I gave him my boyfriend’s welcome-home-present.  I FORGOT THAT I HAD WRITTEN A NOTE FOR MY BOYFRIEND AND PUT IT IN THE BAG!!!  It’s so embarrassing!!!  Now, Lu Han has that love note…  0///0  My face is completely red as I write this…

            Are you serious?!!, he thought as his face goes red.  There he is, thinking that it was another love letter from a fan.  He was so wrong.

            Lu Han takes in a deep breath as he places his phone on the night stand.  He quickly pulls the shirt out from the bag again and stares at the note….  Her hand writing…  Her heartfelt words for her boyfriend…  He didn’t really know what to feel, as he stares at the wall.

Sooyun: Since I already gave it to him…  I really can’t explain myself at all.  He won’t remember me and will probably think that I’m a freak or something.

Lulu: You must really regret it.

Sooyun: Well, I can always write that note and get the shirt again…  But, it’s just that…  I’m embarrassed that I had given him that.

Lulu: Why?  Because he’s not the person the note was intended for?

Sooyun: …  Yes.  If I was given a chance to write Lu Han a message, it won’t be something like that.  It will be something many fans will usually say: eat well, stay healthy, rest well, and don’t put so much stress on yourself.  To be honest, before my boyfriend, I would be infatuated with my biases as if they were my boyfriends…  It’s actually quite unhealthy to be so infatuated with someone you don’t even know like that, especially when they will never return those same feelings for you because you’re nonexistent to them.  But, if you think about it…  It’s quite sad to be that type of fangirl.

            Lu Han stares at the message and then turns back to the note in his hand.  He ponders again if he would have fallen for her if he knew her in real life…  If she was single and knew him in real life…  Would he be her boyfriend instead?  Would he date a fan, who would’ve have been infatuated with him as if he was her boyfriend?

            Lu Han sits on the bed and quickly rereads the note…

            At the back of his mind the whole time he was reading, he couldn’t help it but feel jealous.  And…  Wishing that she had written the message for him instead…  Wishing that he could be in her arms and smelling her scent…  Wishing that he could be the man that was by her side, even if his contract wouldn’t let him.

            I shouldn’t be feeling this way, thought Lu Han, as he places the card on the bed.  His hand quickly goes through his hair and pulls it, frustrated.  I should be happy for her.

            He opens the shirt open again.  He liked it when he saw it earlier and thought about wearing it when Exo M goes back to China.  He gingerly touches it…  A scenery from London: that iconic building with a bright red British telephone booth.  He wants to visit it one day, whether with the guys or by himself or with someone special…  He wants to visit it one day.

            Even though the original owner was supposed to be Admin SY’s boyfriend, he didn’t mind receiving it.  This was her choice.  If we were together, would she buy clothes like this for me too?, he thought.  Lu Han shakes his head.  Just let go of those feelings, Lu Han.  Let them go before you get yourself hurt again…

            Lu Han picks up the card and stares at it again.  “If I knew that it was you and wasn’t in the situation I was in, then I would’ve bought you coffee or something else to drink…” he thought out loud.  “I would’ve talked to you as if we’ve known each other for years and haven’t caught up in a while…”

            I would’ve cared for you as if you were my girlfriend, he wordlessly added.

            Lu Han needs some senses knocked into him.  So he quickly grabbed the shirt, note, and went back into the living room.  Not wanting to talk to Admin SY again, he left the phone in the room.  He wants to face reality and talking to her and pretending to be a girl is not helping it.

            “Hey guys.” he calls out, as he enters the living room.  “Guess what?”

            “What?” asks Kris, his eyes glue to the TV.

            Lu Han looks around the living room, as they slowly turn to look at him as soon as the commercials came on.  “I met my girl today.” he breathes, heavily.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

            Sorry for the small update…  I’ll update again soon, like sometime around this week.  Hope you guys enjoy this!

LOVE,

loveFORyunho