She inhales her food, smiles, and then picks up the fork and knife in front of her.  Before cutting into the steak, she stares across the table to an empty seat.  Although she hasn’t been crying anymore over Shin’s absence, it still hurts.  It’s only a year.  She quickly cuts through the piece of meat and places it into .  She chews on it slowly, enjoying the flavorful taste of beef.

            No wonder Shin would always get this when we’re here, she thought with a smile.

            When she is halfway done with her dinner, an alcoholic drink is placed on her table.  Sooyun looks up and says, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t order this.”

            The waiter smiles.  “It’s a gift from another customer.”

            She flashes him a look.  “I’m sorry, but I can’t take this offer.” she states.  “Please take it back.”  She frowns.  “I don't want this.”

            “I-I understand.” says the waiter.  He takes back the glass cup and walks away.

            As soon as he turns away, Sooyun quickly slips a ring from her bag on her left ring finger.  She watches as the waiter takes the drink to a young man at the bar.  Not wanting to make eye contact with him, she looks back down at her meal.  She continues to eat, but lost her appetite.  She will have to pay for the food regardless of it being half done or not.  In addition, it is a great way for her to prepare herself when the young man confronts her. 

            The only exit is by the bar, unfortunately.  Sooyun ignores him as she walks past him.

            “Excuse me, Miss?” he calls out.

            Not wanting to be a complete stuck up, she turns around.  The guy smiles and opens his mouth to say something when she interrupts him.

            “I’m engaged.” she smiles, as she purposely brought her left hand up to get a stray hair out of her face.

            It was a ring that Shin had given her after a trip to Paris.  It wasn’t the engagement ring.  She had given that back to him when his body was cremated…  That ring she is wearing was a testing ring.  Shin wanted to know what her ring size was and what designs she liked without making it obvious.  It was sort of like a promise ring, although Shin never really promised anything when he gave it to her.  The proposal, whenever Shin wanted to pop it, was a done deal when he gave her that testing ring.

            The young man flashes a dumfound look.  “I-I’m sorry.” he mutters, automatically.  “I didn’t know.  You were sitting alone and-”

            Sooyun continues to smile.  “It’s OK.” she said.  “He’s on a business trip abroad, that’s why I’m alone.”

            She politely bids the young man good bye and headed home.

            Tonight, she is going to be alone.  Hana is with her boyfriend, a co-worker named Jae.  He’s a nice guy and understands why Sooyun has been so attached to her over the last year.  Feeling bad that she takes up so much of Hana’s attention, Sooyun has decided to give them a gift card to one of the best restaurants in Seoul.  She and Shin were avid customers so the owner gave them discounts and still continues to give her one.

            She sighs as she sits down on the couch.  She quickly kicks off her heels.  She has been running around with a politician’s wife all day.  The client wanted her to look presentable at all times, regardless of who she really is with nice bussiness casual attire and high heels.  Sooyun didn’t mind since the last time she had really worn heels was more than over a year ago.  She closes her eyes slowly and opens them again, looking straight at the coffee table in front of.

           Shin had carelessly left a bowl and spoon on the coffee table the day the accident happened and they were still there.  A tall glass cup with dried up, crusted orange juice on the bottom stands proud next to it.  On that day, he was eating cereal with milk and drinking orange juice before they left for the fansigning.  Sooyun can still his melodic laugh when she told him that he looks like a little boy, eating kids’ cereal.

            ‘Then you’re a pedofile!’ he countered.

            Sooyun lets out a soft laugh as tears fall down her face.  Her hand comes up and wipes away her wet face.  Hana says that it’s probably unsanitary to leave things like that for that long, but only said it once.  She never brought it up again.  And, the maid knows never to touch those items.  Whenever GD and Taeyang come over to hang out, GD would spend more than half the time staring at those 3 items regardless of what they were doing.  No one ever really says anything, knowing how important those last bits of Shin is to Sooyun. 

            She turns out the lights in the living room and walks upstairs, to the 3^rd floor.  All the things fans gave Shin is kept up there.  The entire floor is filled with fanarts of him, graphic designs with his pictures, and many fan gifts.  ‘A Moon Shin appreciation room’ was what he called it.  Sooyun cries as she stares at his face. 

            She walks over to a box, by the red sofa that Shin had wanted on the floor.  She sits on the rug and opens it.  Sooyun takes out the journal that was kept in it along with his iPhone.  She flips through the thick mound of paper.  Just seeing his handwriting makes her cry.  Although she wants to, she can’t read it because every single time she does she would start to cry.  The last thing she would want is to smudge the words with her tears since Shin had only written with ink pens.

            Sooyun stares at the date of the last entry Shin ever made.  “Has it really been a year, Shin?” she asks.  She lets out a whimper.  “Can you hear me?”

            No one answers and she knew what that means.

            Before Tao could move Abel away from Ken, Lu Han quickly enters all the keys for a combo attack.  “NO!!!!!” he screams, angry.

            K.O. flashes on EXO M’s large plasma screen as Lu Han laughs evilly in the background.  Tao rolls his eyes and turns to the older guy.  “Xiao Lu, is it OK if I go to sleep now?” he asks, childishly.

            Lu Han blinks, slowly.  He doesn’t want to say yes, but he does so anyways.  “Go to sleep, Gege.  It’s late.” says Tao, as he stands up from the carpeted ground.

            Lu Han and Tao have been playing video games ever since the others had gone to sleep.  A game that they like the most is Street Figther.  The younger boy has been staying up with his older band mate for months now.  They have become even closer over the time and Tao looks forward to hanging out with the older guy.  However, Lu Han likes to stay up super late or, sometimes, until the sun rises.

            Lu Han stares at the TV after Tao closes the door.  He hesitates to turn it off, but did so anyways.  He turns off the TV, the game device, and the lights in the living room.  He lets his eyes adjust to the lighting and finds his way back to his room in darkness.  Although Lay claims that he’s used to Lu Han coming into the room late by now, he still tries not to bother the roommate.

            Lu Han yawns as he lies down on the bed.  He’s no longer scared of falling asleep anymore.  It used to bother him a lot, but now…  He’s just tired.  He’s tired of his constant night terrors, Moon Shin, and Sung Sooyun.  He doesn’t care anymore.

            Why can’t you two just let me be?, he thought, drained.

            The psychologist claims that he is still holding onto something, that’s why he still has those dreams.  Well, whatever it is that he’s still holding on, he wants to let it go.  He doesn’t want to care about what had happened anymore.  The accident has drained so much of his energy and life.  Lu Han can’t even get half the sleep his band members get, perhaps one-fourth of that instead. 

            He turns to his side and grabs his phone.  Slowly, he slips out the door again.  He sits in the living room in the dark as he plays with his phone.  He decides to go on Safari instead of the usual Temple Run he’d play.  Lu Han swallows hard before typing in the site.  Then, he enters his username and password.

username: luye90

password: trouble041990

            He knows that he shouldn’t be going to the site, considering the frustration that Sung Sooyun and Moon Shin has given him.  But…  Today, exactly one year ago, is when Moon Shin left the world by accident.  No matter how frustrated and exhausted Lu Han is, he knows that he should pay some respect to the boy.  Sung Sooyun didn’t post much for his one year absence, only a short message and a photo of them.  It seems like Moon Shin’s death has not settled in her message.  I can’t believe that you’re really gone…  You’re really gone...  You’ve suddenly disappeared off the surface of this earth and is no were to be found.  Then, he stares at the photo that she posted up of her and Moon Shin with the caption: A photo from the beginning…

            Looks like she’s posing with me instead, he thought.

            It did look like she was posing next to him.  Their smiles were nice and broad, full of happiness as they look into the camera.  Sure, Moon Shin doesn’t have the same scar on Lu Han’s lips, their noses might be slightly different, and maybe his smile wasn’t as bright as his, but they still look the same.  They look like the same person.  If Lu Han showed the picture to someone who doesn’t know the difference, they would have thought that he was the boyfriend instead.

            Do I still like her?, he thought.  He closed his eyes as he locked his phone and it turns off.  No…  I’m freaking tired of everything.

            Lu Han quickly stands up, forgetting his phone on the couch.  He went over to the wooden TV stand and pulled out a tiny drawer the stand has.  He quickly grabbed the flying wish paper the drawer contained and the pencil in there.  He writes a message to Moon Shin.

Moon Shin,

            Hey, this is EXO M’s Lu Han.  It’s unfortunate that we never got a chance to meet…  I think it would’ve been pretty interesting.  I’d never met anyone that looked exactly like me before and I’m sure it’s the same for you…

            Has it really been 1 year?

            How are you?  Are you doing well?

            Well, I hope you’re doing well.

            I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you or your fiancée by lying that I’m a girl.  And, I’m sorry that I liked your girl.  I never intended to take her away from you.  She loved you then and she loves you now.  You’re a lucky man, even now that you’re gone.

            You probably don’t know this, but I’m not doing well.  I don’t know why, but I keep having these night terrors about you and your fiancée.  Please help keep look over me and keep those dreams at bay…  It’s a stupid favor to ask of you since we never knew each other, but I’d appreciate it. 

From,

Lu Han

            He reread the letter.  It sounds like a letter written last minute…  He shrugs it off.  Moon Shin probably doesn’t mind.  It is 3 AM after all and he’s dead tired. 

            Lu Han quickly steps out onto the balcony with a lighter.  He burns the paper after rolling it up and watches the wishing paper fly.  As the burning paper floats towards the sky, he hopes that his words will reach Moon Shin up in the Heavens.

           "I just really want to forget and move on from the past, Moon Shin." says Lu Han, out loud.  "I hope you understand..."

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

            I hope you guys enjoyed this!!  ^^  I know…  It’s been a year.

LOVE,

loveFORyunho