Sooyun let out a long breath of air as she stepped into her small one room apartment.  Her neighbors next door was smoking excessively again and making the entire hallway rank of second-hand smoke.  She frowned.  On really bad nights, the living room will smell exactly like the hallway, but it’s worse.  They share a wall together, so all of her furniture ranks of second hand smoke.  She shook her head as she headed towards the bed room.

                She quickly pulled off her fried chicken scented work clothes before hitting the showers.  She has just gotten off her long shift from a KFC store in the neighborhood.  She quickly jumped into the shower and got out.  Although Sooyun had homework to do, she needed to go on the computer.  She needed to see his face before doing homework or going to bed.  She couldn’t pull away from her most recent bias, EXO’s Lu Han. 

                It has been 2 long years now that none of the new rookie idol bands have evoked any interests from her.  Even Beast had little effect on her even though they were all handsome, cute, and talented in their own, unique way.  For a short time, she had liked CN Blue’s Yonghwa.  But, her love for him quickly died when he admitted that he had written “Love Light” with SNSD’s Seohyun in mind… 

                Sooyun smiled as she scrolled through the pictures of Lu Han.  Although she had seen them million of times before, she couldn’t look away…  Lu Han has been the most perfect human being she has ever laid eyes on.  He has the most beautiful, natural, deer-like eyes ever.  But, his nose is the most perfect aspect of his ageless face and making him have one of the most flawless side profile views she have seen.  No matter how long or how many times she stares at him, he is always perfect in every single way…

                Sooyun blinked slowly as she exited out of all of the windows she opened.  It is getting late and she knew well that she was already done with her homework for her early class in the morning.  She could always finish the rest of the work she needed to do during her break.  Sooyun’s smile fell as she came to the desktop background picture on her computer…  It was a screen shot of Lu Han from “What is Love.”  To her, it feels like she is the only one that cares about Lu Han the most… 

                “The everlasting love they spoke of may be nonexistent, but you can trust that I will love you with all my heart~”

                The people that she interacts with daily seems to be unaffected by the announcement of SM’s new boy band, EXO.  It seems like no one knows that Lu Han, the perfect, beautiful angel that fell from the Heavens, exists.  Sooyun knows that, eventually, the source of her fandom will burn out.  As much as she dedicates her whole heart and energy to her bias, she is realistic.  Regardless of the reality, it is now and here that Lu Han is her bias.  And, she will be dedicated to him and love him the best that she could.

                There is no way she will ever be able to be with Lu Han as much as she would love that to happen.  He will never look her way…  He will just past her off as another fan or worse…  A saseng fan…  Sooyun knew well that although she might be obsessive with her bias, but she’s nowhere near to being a saseng fan.  She cares and loves them, but she wouldn’t stalk them…  And waste her life away in that form of way.  Not only that, but she has no good source of income.  Her family is financially-deprived, thus she is.

                Sooyun’s mother died when she was young, so she has always been motherless her whole life.  And, her father had always been a construction worker until he decided to go back to college so they will have a better life about 10 years ago.  Mr. Sung got an undergraduate degree in Physics and learned proper English. 

                After he received his degree, he decided to get a Ph.D in Engineering overseas at CalTech, California.  In another year, he will graduate and do some postdoctoral project or work in Korea.  CalTech gave him a lot of financial support as well as a stipend for being a science graduate student.  From time to time, he would send money home, but it would mainly be for bills and the upkeep of the apartment Sooyun lived in.  She would always feel bad because she knows that her father’s expenses in America are high as well.

                It makes her sad to face reality…  But, it is what it is.  Life is not some day-dream, where you can live your life like how you like it…  Sooyun accepts that she is where she is in life.  She wants to climb up the social ladder and hopes to do so one day…  Completely committing her life to her bias will not get her up, but down the social ladder.  Probably even worse than where she is already.

                Sooyun knows that not only will Lu Han have a lot of fans…  But, a lot of other women who works with him will like him as well.  Whether it will be a female idol, actress, PD, or staff member, they will like him because he seems like a soft-spoken, gentle, and kind person.  And, not to mention, his doll-like and perfect looks will fuel to the fire.

                She lets out a heavy sigh and smiled at her background.  “It’s OK.” she said, softly.  “You may never know that I exist, but as long as I know of your existence…  Then, it’s enough.”  And, with that, Sooyun turned off her computer.

                This is the life of a fan girl, she thought.

“I lost my mind

When you walked into my field of vision

The world around you

Get in slow motion

Please tell me if this is love.”

-EXO M’S “WHAT IS LOVE”

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

                I hope that you all enjoyed this new story!!  It will definitely start slow, but things will pick up soon.  ^^  So please be patient with the progress of this story! 

                FYI: Red = Chinese

LOVE,

loveFORyunho