Donghae

Lately I caught myself thinking the way I did a few weeks ago.

Maybe life wasn't going to be that unpredictable anymore.

Maybe I would be able to sort things out in a not so far future and maybe I wouldn't be that overwhelmed anymore.

My life - called by the name Lee Hyukjae- decided to stay unpredictable and I'm not sure anymore if I can cope up with it any longer.

He never gave me his promise last night.

I asked him several times when we stayed in bed.

I asked him in a whispering way at the dining table were we met the others again.

The interview was alright. No one questioned our not coming when Leeteuk told them both of us caught a slight flu.

Sungmin and Heechul told them.

I'm sure of it.

The way Kuyhyun glared holes into the tablecloth and Ryeowooks hardly noticeable puffy eyes.

They didn't ask him about it and I've never been more thankful. Shindong entertained the table with one of his stories and even though the laughter seemed forced from time to time it nevertheless helped to keep the mood from drifting off to awkward.

Hyukjae hasn't been that clingy for a long time.

He never left my side, not that I would have let him walk away, and as soon as we sat down his hand grasped mine under the table.

When we went to bed he waited for me to get changed until he crawled under the blanket and as soon as I did the same he snuggled closer to me.

Like always.

It felt different that night.

I could physically feel how he yearned for me to protect him and I made sure he felt nothing but safe in my arms that night.

And as if he wanted to repay me that was the night when I heard those three words I love so much more often than I could have ever imagined, followed by his tender kisses on my lips, my cheeks, my neck.

I know we slept too less but which dream could be better than the one lying next to me.

***

We could have made it to the car and to the dorm without any problems but our exact time of arrival somehow went through to the fans even though Leeteuk talked to our managers to keep it secret due to the circumstances.

When we walk out of the terminal we are greeted by the screams of hundreds of fans and even though there is security they can't do much.

Seconds later we're inside the crowd, trying to find our way to the exit.

I try to keep my smile even though it's suffocating.

I tighten my grip around Hyukjaes hand. I can feel how his palm gets sweaty and cold.

He paused for a moment but I forced him to follow me.

I look at him every few seconds.

His features show me that he slowly starts to panic.

I try to swallow down my own nervousness for him.

I don't like those crowds and right now it seems to get out of control. Hands keep touching me, I can hear my name, screamed by so many  people that I get dizzy.

Flash lights right in front of my eyes.

The next second I nearly loose Hyukjaes hand.

No way that will happen.

I pull him closer, my arm now around his shoulder.

" Don't be afraid." I whisper into his ear. I'm not sure if he can hear me over the screams.

I know how we look like right now.

I couldn't care less in the moment.

He's so pale.

I keep looking at him and the anger rises inside of me.

I know the fans don't mean to scare us.

But right now they definitely cross the line.

I have to keep myself together.

I already had some scandal due to my cursing at the airport when the fans where to close and nearly suffocated us. In the end it was also because of Hyukjae that I exploded like that. I saw him in pain when some elbow hit him in the rips.

" Hae..." he whispers and clutches my shirt.

I smile.

" Just a few more metres." I assure him.

That's when I see him.

A taller girl takes a step to the side and my gaze falls on Chi Soo.

He leans against the wall, a few metres away from the turmoil and just looks at us.

He keeps eye contact with me for a second. His features show no emotions.

" Come on, Hyukjae."

I try to pull him away, but it's too late.

He already saw him and stops in his tracks.

"Hyukjae."

The nervousness  written on his face gave way to something I can't really describe...

Maybe...

Anger?

People keep bumping into him but he doesn't move.

The first fans start to look strangely at him.

"Hyukjae... Come on." I get slightly nervous and try to pull him away. And he would have come with me, I'm sure of it, if Chi Soo hadn't challenged it.

He moves his hand to his neck.

Right where he marked Hyukjae yesterday.

My boyfriend stiffens more, if it's even possible.

And when he puckers his lips and sends a kiss over to Hyukjae, followed by a smirk, all hell breaks loose.

With a sad Sorry Donghae he breaks away from me.

" Hyukjae!"

He ignores my screams and paves a way for himself.

They make way for him, too startled to react.

This is...

He can't...

He... he wouldn't...

I stopped caring about my surroundings and my screams can't be drowned by the fangirls anymore.

I can't get through.

I try to but hands keep me back.

He keeps walking, getting farer and farer away from me.

And all of sudden I remember it.

My dream.

When he walked away...

And I knew he wouldn't come back...

Only this thought is enough to trigger the tears.

" Hyukkie!"

That's it.

There's no way we can explain this.

And whatever he's going to do know, it won't be nice.

For all of us.

And I want to break down at the thought of this being the end to everything.

"Oppa...", The girl in front of me asks, her eyes widened in surprise. " Why are you crying? Are you hurt?"

"No..." I whimper. " Just let me get through."

I try to get through.

No chance.

" Is Hyukjae oppa alright?"

" He isn't. Please... let me through."

She nods but even though she tries to make way there's too much crowd to get through.

I see how Hyukjae reaches the end of the crowd.

Security helped him to get through and now there's nothing between him and Chi Soo.

I slump down.

There are still hands on my shoulders.

Siwon was behind me.

Still I'm not sure if it's him.

The only thing I know is I'm lost.

So lost.

" Oppa. What's wrong?"

I look at her worried face and finally the tears start to fall.

"My boyfriend... I'm afraid of loosing him."

Next chapter will be the last