Donghae

"I'm sorry."

We lie at one of the beds, tightly entangled. I might not be able to move anymore, but I  won't try. I don't want to. Nothing will get me away from him. He snuggles closer to me when I finally speak,  his warm cheek touching my neck.

"For what?"

"For being an . For yelling at you... for being the worst boyfriend ever."

He doesn't answer. His fingers keep playing with mine and the kiss he plants on my neck is enough of an answer for me.

"Can we go out today? The fanmeet will be held tonight. We still have plenty of time. I want to go to the beach with you. And to a cafe.... running away from the fans is also okay. Just... you and me."

I kiss his head. "Of course. I didn't plan different things. But... don't you want to rest? Did you sleep enough last night?"

"To be honest... no. I was worried about you."

"Idiot." I lift his head with one finger under his chin. He looks tired.

I kiss his cheek. " You should have slept. I'm alright."

"You're not."

"At least I'm going to be alright. What about you?"

His face saddens. " And again this conversation will end and none of us will be honest about his feelings just to be strong for the other?"

I pull him closer and inhale his scent. My most favourite in the world. " We should change a few things."

He nods.

His hair tickles.

"Okay.", I peck his lips. " How are you feeling?"

Another peck.

"You tell me first." hd answers.

"Why?"

"You owe me one and you know it."

I can't help but to smile.

I really missed his bluntness even though I don't want to be reminded like that about the mistakes I made.

"Okay. You want pure honesty?"

"Yes."

I slowly let go off his waist and get up into a sitting position, still keeping his hand in mine.

" Then let's be honest.", I can feel his eyes on me when I look away and stare at our hands. " Last night I cried like a baby. Not just sobbing. Really heavy crying. Trust me: This room was full of used tissues. You could get really erted thoughts if you had looked inside. Definitely one of those nights I will remember in the future. Leeteuk stayed with me the whole night and I'm really thankful for it and also kind of confused he didn't throw up after the nth time I said your name because you were the only thing I could think about."

He blushes.

I reach over and caress his warm cheek. A warm smile appears on my face. "You know. This has been clear before but last night it was like... the final epiphany."

"And what would that finale epiphany be?"

I let go off his hand, just to approach him. He doesn't move when I lie down on top of him, our chests touching. I bend down and capture his lips with mine before letting go to look into his beautiful eyes.

" Forever is a long time. But I think I'm going to spend it with you."

"Forever is a heavy expression."

" My love for you is also heavy. Right here.", I touch my chest. "My heart feels the weight everyday. Not that I mind. It's a nice wei-- are you crying?"

His eyes got teary while I talked. He takes his sleeve to wipe over them. "It's just... nice to know."

"I'm hurt. You didn't know before?", I pout and soon after smile again. "Well... then I have to show you more. I could kiss you."

And I do so.

"And I could caress you."

And I do so.

" I could hold you all day long."

I embrace him in a tight hug.

"And I could tell you that I will never love anyone as much as I love you."

"Don't say it."

I furrow when he stiffens in my embrace. " Why?"

"Hae...", he says, looking at me with his teary eyes. "Don't say things like that."

"Why? I... always tell you."

" When you talk like that I feel like I messed up everything... but I was so sure."

I feel cold all of sudden. I can feel his hands on my back. He holds me tighter. Just a little. But enough for me to notice.

"Baby..." I support myself on my hands and try to lift my upper body a little to have a better look into his eyes but he pulls me back.

One of his hands stays at my back.

I can feel the over on my neck.

My cheek touches his when he holds me.

I can't see him.

" I'm sorry, Hae."

"For what?"

"I guess it's too late now."

Too late?

Words I fear.

" You know I hate those words." I mumble into the pillow my nose slightly touches.

" Didn't find another word." he says softly when his phone rings.

How much I started to hate those things.

"Don't you want to answer?"

I can feel how he shakes his head.

" Baby..."

Enough. As much as I love to be held by him, this is enough. I get out of his grip with soft force just to meet my personal horror scenario. Tears flow down his face and wet the pillow.

" Hyu--"

His phone went off and now mine starts to ring.

His eyes widen.

I didn't want to answer the call but his reaction tells me to do otherwise.

I look at the ID.

"Hae Ri..."

Now there's fear in his eyes.

" Don't answer."

I meet his gaze for a few seconds... And answer the incoming call.

" I..."

I touch his shoulder but he gets up, fear written on his face.

" I need to use the bathroom."

Then he vanishes. Before I can follow him there's Hae Ris voice.

" Don't hang up. It's about Hyukjae and if you won't listen to me you'll loose him."

***

I don't know why I decided to meet him this morning.

Maybe because I felt happiness...

Maybe I wanted to be the good person who forgives and forgets.

                   He wasn't nice.