Donghae

"Hae... It's me. "

The words stuck in my mouth.

"Donghae?  It's me. Hyukjae."

"."

My eyes get teary as soon as I hear his voice.

" You stupid idiot. I realized it was you as soon as you breathed into the phone. No need to tell me."

 I bite my bottom lip  to hinder the tears from flowing. Still, my voice trembles. "Baby..."

My legs start shaking and I have to grab the balustrade for support.

Leeteuk touches my back. I only realize it half-heartedly.

"I'm sorry for calling that late Hae. I don't have a mobile with m--"

"Screw that.", I inhale deeply. "Are you alright?"

Silence.

Leeteuk slowly leaves my side and disappears inside.

I barely notice it.

There's only him.

" Hyukkie. Say something."

"I..."

"Yes?"

He slowly starts to cry. I can hear him sobbing.

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"Hae..." he manages to say between two sobs, his voice soaked by his tears.

"Ssh... it's alright."

"It's not.", he chokes. " I shouldn't be here at night... damn it... I didn't want to... hell, I even destroyed Heechuls cabinet."

I don't like where this conversation leads to.

Not in the least.

He talks too fast, his speech mashes up.

"Calm down." I say softly.

"I can't."

"Where are you?"

"Some 24 hour wash salon where's no one right now. There's a phone for customers."

I feel how my breathing gets a little more relaxed.

He's somehow save.

"You're worrying me to death right now and I didn't think I could be any more terrified."

I turn my back to the beautiful view in front of me.

Slowly I sink down to the ground, my back pressed against the metal bars behind my back. I keep quiet to give him the opportunity to talk even though I have so much to say.

"Hae... I want to be with you so baldy it hurts. It hurts so much I can't breath."

"I'm with you."

" You're not. It's so cold and if you were here it wouldn't be. Because you would hold me. You haven't hold me since yesterday, Hae, and I'm so glad I love you that much because otherwise I'd probably hate you now for pushing me away like that."

I let him talk.

His words cut deep.

But he has to talk. Now or never or he'll lock it away again.

" I've done nothing wrong. I don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm not perfect but I haven't made mistakes that justify that. Why is everyone playing with me?"

He slowly gets worked up on it, his voice getting louder with every sentence he speaks.

" You didn't let me speak! I wanted to talk to you and you pushed me away as if all the words you ever told me where the biggest lies of your life! Don't you ever make me feel like I'm a failure to you anymore because I won't be able to take it once more!"

I knew his tears hadn't tried up. There's it again. The slight sound of sobs that hurt my ears and my heart and all of me.

"You'll be first any time and you're so much more worth the any other thing I own... Why couldn't you let me talk?"

Finally his voice breaks and he just cries and I can physically feel how all of the frustration and fear and sadness finally find their way to the surface.

They break through the shield he built and finally let go off him.

And I'm glad he's crying.

Not because he is.

Just because he does it finally so we can move on.

"I'm sorry, baby."

Did he hear me?

" I know...", he manages to say. " Because you love me."

"Yes. Because I love you. And I'm glad you told me how you feel about the things I said.", I really want to cry but I know how soothing my voice is to him so I keep it together. " I can't undo the past but I'll promise it won't happen again. I knew I was wrong as soon as you left the car and I can only hope you believe me."

There was something between us.

Something that threw a shadow on our relationship and I was the one who evoked it with not listening to him. To feel how it gets smaller by the second, how the apartness fades away that separated us for only a day - enough for me to go crazy...

I must be a lucky person.

" Of course I believe you."

" Really?"

" How could you betray me on purpose. You're Lee Donghae."

I smile slightly.

" I just needed to tell you, Hae. So I don't have to think about it anymore. There's enough to worry about. Like... your friends... but... I don't want to discuss this over the phone."

"Anything you want, baby."

I wanted to talk with him.

But he's not in the condition right now.

" Will you come to Indonesia?"

" Tomorrow."

" I want you to go home. Let me call Yesung so he can get you. Do me the favour and tell me where you are. I don't want you to walk around alone at night."

I take his non- answering as a Yes.

" To tell him you have to hang up." he says, slighty nervous.

" No way. Give me a second.", I cover the hearer. " Hyung?"

"Leeteuk appears at the doorframe, a guilty look on his  face.

" I wasn't eavesdropping."

" Forget it. Can you call Yesung for me? I want him to pick up Hyukkie."

"Sure."

Hyukkie tells me the address of the wash salon and Leeteuk leaves again, this time for real.

There's silence again. This time quiet comfortable.

"Baby?"

"Yes?"

" I love you. So, so much. If you ever feel like running away again, do it. But just run in my direction so I can wait for you. Always use the fastest way right to me. Alright? I think I just died tonight. And to keep me alive stay at the phone. I want to talk to you until I know you're back together with one of the members. Even if it's for hours. Ok?"

I can feel him blushing through the phone.

"Yes..."

"I'm by your side."

"Yes."

"I thought I lost you."

" Same here."

I can't help but to chuckle. " Aren't we a bunch of love-sick idiots? Heechul would have thrown up right now."

"He surely would have... but you make me feel loved so it's alright."

"Anytime."

There's it again.

The comfortable silence between us.

He breaks it after a while.

" I'm scared of facing the members."

"They'll understand."

"I can just hope."

" You know. There have been enough times when they went on rampage. Remember the day Heechul kicked that barkeeper into the balls?"

He chuckles. " How could I forget. He was lucky than no one recognized him."

" Hyung still things he deserved it."

" He kind of did."

" Matter of opinion."

"Why? That guy clearly went overboard when he told Heechul tha--"

"Hae?"

I freeze when his voice gets nervous.

"What's wrong?"

" Hae Ri... "

"Hae Ri?"

                            "She's there... in front of the store..."