Eunhyuk

It's not that easy to understood what she just told me. I heard her words.. Perfectly fine to be exactly.

She's got a nice voice. A firm voice. No stammering. No spluttering.

I don't think she practised before.

 She's a natural.

Why didn't she speak more often? I would have loved to talk to her. Listening to her soothing voice would have been nice... I guess. The sound of her voice was almost able to take away the pain her words caused me.

As I said.

Almost

I feel like crying again. A thing that I did too often lately. I don't like my crying and whimpering self. I prefer seeing myself as strong. I always tell myself to stay strong, but I can only think like that in times of joy.

And if it's back... the sadness and the fear... I'm committed. Much more than I ever thought I would be, with that enormous strength I always thought I had and that was nothing more than hot air.

I took a seat next to her but now I have to get up. The sleeve of her shirt touched my arm. That's more than I can take today.

"I'm sorry Hyukjae."

"You told me already."

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

I wanted to sound more rude.

But with the tune of my voice I could have told her nicest things.

I run my fingers over my faze. Her talking brought me into a state of trance. I shouldn't talk that softly to her but I can't bring myself to yell at her. I never could.

She's his friend.

I show her my back and only realize that she'll leave when I hear her steps. "I think it's the best if I leave for now.  I need to look for Chi Soo, Hyukjae.",  she stops- " I don't want you to keep this from Donghae. I never meant to. To be honest, if you wouldn't tell him I'd be the one who'd do it. But it'll be better if you talk to him. There has been too much lying and too less honesty lately. I promise you, from now on Chi Soo won't cause you any harm. You don't have to experience anymore. Neither Donghae.

He's strong.

I know what's on your mind. You think you can't tell him because it would break him... Maybe there'll be sadness waiting for him. But he won't break. We're not that important anymore. As sad as it sounds...As long as you stay, he'll be fine."

With that she leaves me alone.

I look at her figure that slowly disappears into the dark.

And for the first time for days I feel like I can finally breath again.

I got my answers.

I'm not going to experience any more. I don't have to fear the next day anymore.

I broke down but I'm not broken.

He tried to break us but we didn't break up.

I can breath.

Finally.

***

A grey Audi stops next to the pavement and uses the flash light.

I get up from the chair I took a seat at again and walk out into the rain. The few metres to the car are enough to fully drench me.

"Hey Kyu." I get into the co- drivers seat.

"Don't give me a *ucking Hey Kyu!", the next second he hits my shoulder, not too hard to be really painful. " Ryeowook is crying at home while cleaning your *ucking mess! And you're getting inside with ridicioulous Hey Kyu! Hey Hyukjae! Know what?! I'm pissed off!"

He hits the stirring wheel and I slightly wince.

"I'm sorry." Is the only thing I can say. Probably rather whisper. I look at my wet shoes, not knowing where to look else. I'm too ashamed to meet his gaze. He takes a deep breath.

"You're alright?"

I nod slowly.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really in I'm going to lie to you because I did it the whole time or Really like in I'm honestly fine?"

"Honestly fine."

He snorts.

I still don't look at him until I can feel his hand on my shoulder. This time no hitting. I can only feel warmth.

"Then I won't stay mad at you."

"I wouldn't mind. I deserve it."

"Well. Actually you do. This was like the worst thing you ever did. Wookie will have a trauma for life just so you know. You should prepare yourself for a clingy dongsaeng."

I'm not too sure if he talks about Wookie as the source of the clinginess when I finally take a look at him and see his teary eyes.

"Are you crying?"

"Because of you? Phh.", he scoffs. " Why should I cry because of you. I mean, you just left looking like the worst mess and we couldn't find you for hours. Nothing to be worried about."

A smile spreads on my lips.

He subtle lifts his arm and wipes his eyes. " I'm definitely not crying. Crying for an idiot like you. So not going to happen. Hell, I even have to drive around at night in this *ucking rain just because you decided to run away. I'm only doing this because Leeteuk asked me to. I would be sleeping right now if it wasn't for hi--"

"Thanks Kyu."

He bites his lips and slightly turns his head away from me when I disturb his ranting.

"Thanks for taking me home. And thank you for being worried."

"Phh... worried..." he mumbles.

"Kyu?"

"Hmm?" he asks snippily.

" I really lied to you all the time. I wasn't feeling well and I pushed you away when you wanted to help me. And I just realized this because... right now I'm feeling relieved. And I can't really classify why... But I know this won't be like that forever."

He stops at a red light. Finally his features soften. " So?"

" I really need to talk. I just got to know things I can't keep inside anymore. And... I wanted to ask if you'd still be willing to... listen to me.", I stare at the hem of my shirt. " I'd understand if you don't want to anymore. I pushed you away too many times."

The light turns green and he slowly starts to drive again. " Wookie bought hot chocolate. And if I remember it right Sungmin hides a strawberry cake in the fridge. Want to have a midnight snack?"

I bite my lips not to cry out of emotion. " Thank you."

"I've got one condition."

I lift my head in surprise. "And that would be?"

"Let me tell Donghae when we go to Indonesia tomorrow that you slept in my bed and that we cuddled a lot and that we woke up entangled with each other."

And the rest of the drive I can hear his devilish laughter and I ask myself why I said Yes to his request.

***

"HYUNG!"

Ryeowook crashes into me as soon as I enter the dorm.

"You're choking me."

"I'm just glad you're back! Where have you been?! You're wet all over!"

He clings to my neck and doesn't seem to intend to let me go until Yesung softly pulls him away.

"Let him breath."

Ryeowook wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. " I made something to eat for you. Sit down. You have to be hungry."

"Wook..."

"Come on, hyung." he takes my hand and guides me to the table.

I notice a little cut on his finger. "You cut yourself?"

"While I was cleaning up the mess in the living room."

The guilt overwhelms me as I stop in front of the table. "I'm so sorry."

"Hyung. Take a seat." There's his loveable smile again.

"Listen to him, Hyukjae.", Yesung nods to the chair next to me. " I'm sure Kyuhyun already gave you a telling- off."

"Kind of."

" And the cabinet was ugly as hell. Good thing you destroyed it."

Ryeowooks eyes wide in shock as he listens to Yesungs words. I can't help but to chuckle slightly. "Don't tell Heechul."

"Maybe the time has come."

"What time has come?"

Kyuhyun enters the room, balancing a huge cake and other sweets on his hand.

Yesung shakes his head. "Nevermind... Hyukjae. Sit down. That cake looks quiet delicious and I really want to try it."

This is how it should be.

Me and my friends.

My brothers.

Together at night.

Delicious food and the feeling that it'll be alright.

Smiles and laughter.

Hands that casually caress my back from time to time.

Warm hands.

It would be perfect if he was here.

Tomorrow he will again

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And the moment I was left  alone in the room, something snapped in my head.

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Borrrrrriiinnnggg... needed a connection to the next chapter^^

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