Donghae

This isn't how it's supposed to be.

I'm supposed to hold his hand.

Instead Leeteuk drags me through the crowded airport, trying to be as subtle as possible about it but I already see the pictures of my blank stare throughout the web.

I'm supposed to be a jealous who watches his back every time he gets closer to the fangirls, making sure no one touches him inappropriate.

Today it's me they keep looking at.

The hood that covers my face slightly gets out of place when I bounce against Leeteuk. Before I can adjust it someone grasps the fabric and does it for me. I meet Sungmins supporting smile when I look up.

I'm supposed to be by his side 24/7 a day.

Now he's somewhere on the streets and I pray he already sits inside a taxi, driving back to the dorm.

"Did you reach him?"

Leeteuk heard me but he just keeps walking, not without sending me a glance.

He's angry.

Maybe furious.

And I can't blame him.

Everything becomes kind of blurry, crushed by the images that keep showing up in my mind.

I didn't mean to...

I'm so sorry.

I really didn't mean to act like this... I will listen to you. I will to what you have to say and then it'll be okay.

Or nothings going to be okay anymore.

Our love started out of the negative.

Dad died. And there he's been and everything I couldn't give to my father anymore, I gave to you.

I was clingy, unbearable clingy. I nearly choked you and watched you running away so many times.

We started out of the negative and finally were able to move out of it.

We didn't reach another level just to fall back again.

He put so much effort in this relationship.

He wouldn't just let go after everything...

I feel sick.

I feel like throwing up soon.

I didn't eat this morning.

And now the fear that keeps roaming inside my stomach.

                        The guilt.

"Hyung. I need to go to the restroom."

Kyuhyun

I walk out of the cubicle and come up to the sinks.

I keep looking at my face while washing my hands.

Should have stayed at the dorms. I look like a panda and it's all Hyukjaes fault. He really had to stay with Junsu until late at night.

The door to the restroom opens and Heechul enters the room. Only a brief glance shows me that my hyung isn't in the best mood.

Not that it would stop me from talking to him.

Unlike others I'm not afraid of his moods.

"Stressed out by the fans?" I ask.

He looks at the cubicles.

"Don't worry. We're alone."

He sighs deeply when he gets closer to the mirror. "Good thing."

"Something happened?" I walk over to the hand dryer.  It doesn't work. I utter a threat and make use of the paper towels. Sometimes technique pisses me off.

Sometimes.

" Eunhae happened."

"Now that you mentioned it. I haven't seen Hyukjae around. I'm pretty sure I saw him getting into the car earlier. Did you drop him somewhere?"

"Kind of." He keeps adjusting his hair.

" Woah. Donghae let him off that easily?"

Heechul smirks but not in his usual way. It looks kind of... sad?

"Donghae went on a rampage. Hyukjae was forced to get out of the car."

"What?" I furrow. No the thing that I expected.

"You mean he went on a rampage  in a the-world-is-so-cruel-they-take-away-my-boyfriend-i-need-to-whine-about-it-the-next-week way?"

" No. More like the Donghae-explodes-for-real-and-screams-at-Hyukjae  way."

"Oh..."

"Yes."

"What happened?"

" I don't really get it myself. I wanted to talk to Donghae this morning and I found him kicking his luggage around his room. He said everything was ok but in the car he kind of snapped. Something related to Hyukjae going out last night."

I support myself on the sink. " Don't think that's the reason. I was with Hyukjae all the time."

"Well, according to Donghae it is. Seems like Hyukjae promised to be back soon but he wasn't and didn't even call. As bad as it sounds, I kind of understand him. He's worried. But that doesn't mean I would have handled it the same way.", he splashes a bit of water in his face. " Donghae even snapped at me. I really need to punch the hell out of him."

I bite my bottom lip not really listening to him anymore.

Something's wrong.

Totally wrong.

I just have to get a hold of the thought in my head but it keeps slipping away.

"Kyuhyun?"

"Hm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing... it's just..."

"What?"

"Well...", I get a little closer to him and take out my phone. " You know.... you said Donghae freaked out because Hyukjae didn't call. But he called him to make sure Donghae wouldn't be worried."

"Donghae said something different."

"Yes. Because Hyukjae didn't talk to him. He left a message and Chi Soo--"

I all of sudden tighten the grip around my mobile.

That's it.

I got it.

The thought that kept slipping away.

It was his name.

How could I forget?

"And Chi soo...?" Heechul repeats.

I want to answer him but the next moment the door to the restroom opens again and Donghae appears.

He slowly closes the door and looks at us with his pale expression.

"Donghae!"

Two steps and I'm in front of him.

I grab his shoulders and shake him a little too bluntly.

"YOU FRIGGIN MORON!"

"Kyu..."

I can see his pained expression and let go off his shoulders.

"He called you!"

"What...?"

He looks devastated and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be that harsh but I can't hold back. I'm too... excited and pissed off and furious and everything is a big mess inside of me.

"He in called you last night to make sure you wouldn't be worried! Here! Look at my phone!"

Donghae

I'll throw up soon.

And it will be on Kyuhyun if he doesn't let me go inside that cubicle.

My shoulders ache from his tight grip but he's words drown everything.

"Here! Look at my phone!" He nearly punches me with his mobile.

There is it.

One call, answered by my cell phone.

But...

I didn't.

"Kyu... I haven't..."

"I know! Holy crap. ", he turns away and starts walk up and down. " Now everything makes sense. I couldn't get a hold of it when Heechul told me about what happened in the car but now... !"

He kicks one of the cubicle doors just to get pulled back by Heechul. "Stop destroying the restroom!"

"Don't you get it, hyung?!"

"What?"

"What we talked about?! Everything makes sense!"

" No way..."

"YES!", he turns back to me, getting closer again, Listen, Donghae. Hyukjae called you! But Chi Soo answered the call. Hyukjae left a message for you but Chi Soo never told you about it"

I try to, but I can't follow him.

Chi Soo?

What does he have to do with it?

Sure... I left him alone for a moment, but...

He wouldn't.

" Kyu... what are you talking about? Stop making up stories. Hyukkie and I fought but it'll be okay. So, leave it."

Will it be okay?

It's just too compelling, a solution like this.

But... that would mean my best friend...

No.

I mentally slap myself.

It's Chi Soo we're talking about.

"Donghae! This is connected to your friends! I bet on everything I have! Believe me!"

"Stop it."

I try to get away from him but he holds me back, roaming through his phone. "Okay. It's alright. Really. I'm not even mad at you for not trusting my.  I know that my story sounds too odd can't be real. But then: How do you explain this?"

And the sickness in my stomach overtakes me all of sudden when I look at the screen and I hardly reach the next toilet before I have to throw up.

__________ Looking forward to read comments :-D