Kyuhyun

My eyes widen when I see him disappearing in the cubicle. Seconds later unmistakeably sounds reach my ear.

"Donghae?"

Nothing.

Just his heavy breathing.

"Are you alright?"

Still no answer.

"What did you show him?"

Heechul nods at my mobile with a worried expression.

I pull him a little closer so Donghae won't hear us. "I got a message from Haes mobile last night. Look."

From: Fishy

Yah Gamer! Make sure Hyukkies will have a lot of fun tonight. He needs to relax a little. I don't want to see him back before 2 am. Got it?

" First I was confused. You know how he acted back in the waiting room. But then I thought he just made up his mind, answered him and stayed outside longer. I thought it was okay. Thank god I didn't delete the message like I always do."

"It's not your fault."

He puts a hand on my shoulder and his grip is just a little too tight. He seems to be calm, but inside he's as furious as me.

I can't see Donghae like that. He's too precious and there's no way I'll let the person who's doing that go away with it.

My brothers mean everything to me.

"Dongh-"

He exits the cubicle, not looking at me.

He walks to the sink and opens the water tap.

"You're alright?" I ask when he washed out his mouth.

He just shakes his head and walks out of the toilet.

"Donghae! Lets talk!"

Donghae

Chi Soo and Hae Ri were untouchable...

At least in my head.

Badmouthing about them?

Ended in me beating up the other party. I've been like this all along my childhood. They were everything I needed.

I grew calmer over the years. Mostly because Super Junior took all of me. There just wasn't the time to freak out.

And there was this other person that started to fill my mind.

I didn't see them much anymore.

And my image of them stayed the same... As if we were still the little childern from Mokpo... Forever frozen in time.

How could this happen?

I don't talk to anyone.

I think Kyuhyun keeps telling me something but I'm too far away to listen. Soon after that he says goodbye and leaves together with Ryeowook and Yesung.

I stumble down the aisle of the plane nearly missing my seat. Heechul shoves me into it and sits down next to me. As soon as he sat down I forget about his presence again. My eyes are glued to the window.

Chi Soo and Hae Ri became touchable.

Even if my head doesn't get it and doesn't want to admit it.

The rest of me might knew it all along. Everything just falls into place too easily.

But what's the worst....

Them becoming touchable... them loosing their almighty status they head in my thoughts took Hyukkies strength away and he became everything I never wanted him to be.

Vulnerable.

Weak.

Afraid.

I try to forget the pictures in my head. His face when he got out of the car.

It was there when realisation hit him.

I yelled at him.

Didn't let him explain about the call....

...and about the message.

No...

I can't keep thinking about it.

I close my eyes and try to remember how his lips feel.

The warmth of his body.

Anything that keeps me away from the blackness in my head.

And every other day I would have been okay because he's the only thing I really can't live without.

But today, those words don't comfort me anymore.

I need him in person.

I need to talk to him.

Assuring him that it's okay now and assuring it to myself that way.

I still don't get what's going on but eventually I will...

I promise, Hyukkie.

Knowing he's beside me will solve everything.

....

Maybe not everything.

But at least I will be able to think about my friends without breaking down.

Until then they have to get them out of my mind or else I'll go crazy.

The flight takes two hours.

It felt longer to me.

My hand hurts when I get out of the plane.

I held my mobile tightly the whole flight, knowing that I want to call him as soon as I leave the plane.

But there's no time.

They drag me out of the airplane through the crowd of waiting fans I'm barely able to hear. I find myself in a van on the way to our first interview, already occupied by our manager.

When did we arrive in that building?

All of sudden I'm dazzled by bright lights. A stylist takes care of my makeup.

When did I change clothes?

I stumble in the next room, get greeted by our interview partner. I forget his names as soon he turns to greet the other members.

I want to call Hyukkie...

But there' always someone by my side as if they know I just wait for the right moment to sneak away.

They should just do it without me.

I can't concentrate.

The whole interview is kind of blurry to me.

Leeteuk touches my knee when the interviewer asks me something, else I wouldn't have noticed.

Obligatory smile.

Short answer.

Back to my thoughts.

Hyukkie...

***

It's evening when we're finally able to leave.

I glance at the clock.

K.R.Y and Hyukjaes showcase should be over now.

"Hyung?" I ask when I approach Leeteuk.

"What's the matter, Hae?"

"Could all of you wait for me? I need to call Hyukkie."

"Can't you wait  until we're at the hotel."

I look to the ground. " I... really need to... I need to apologize..."

He exhales. Then I feel his hands on my shoulder. " Okay."

"Really?" I look at him.

His eyes are soft. " I'll tell the driver to wait for you."

"Thanks, hyung."

I leave him and look for a quiet place. There's an empty waiting room. I get inside and sit down at one of the sofas inside.

First, I call his number.

My heartbeat grows faster the longer he doesn't answer.

After a minute I hang up, feeling more and more anxious. I call another number. A  few seconds later Kyuhyun answers the phone.

"Donghae?"

"Yes."

"What's the matter?"

"Hyukkie doesn't answer my calls. Is he at the dorm?"

"Yes, he is. But he's sleeping already. He might didn't hear you calling."

"Oh...", I bite my bottom lip. " Okay. Let him sleep. But tell him I called him."

"I will."

He hangs up before I could say anything more. I stare at my mobile.

Of course he's tired.

A lot happened today...

But...

No.

I call Kyuhyun again.

I can't wait.

I need to talk to him.

And I'm sure he'll also have a better sleep.

Just telling him I love you is enough. Wishing him sweet dreams and of course... apologize for being the fool I am.

Kyuhyun doesn't answer...

Strange.

I look for Yesungs number.

Seconds later I hear his voice.

"Yes?"

"Yesung. It's me, Donghae."

"Oh, hey."

"I just wondered if I could talk to Hyukk-"

"He's taking a shower right now." He says hastily without waiting for me to end my sentence.

"A shower?" I furrow. Wasn't he supposed to be sleeping right now?

"Shall I get him?"

"No... No. It's okay. Sorry for bothering you. Good night."

"Good night, Donghae."

Something's strange.

And I don't like the feeling that slowly grows inside of me. I think for a moment and then look for Ryeowooks number. He answers the call a split of a second later.

"Hello?!"

He seems to be anxious.

"Hey. It's me. Donghae."

"Oh..."

"Wookie?"

"Yes?"

"I just called Kyuhyun and he told me Hyukkie is busy with cooking. First I didn't want to bother him but I really need to talk to him. Could you get him for a moment?" I say as lightly as possible.

"Oh, well...", he laughs artficially. ", You know, he's trying out this new recipe and I really don't want to bother hi-"

" You're lying."

"What?"

"You're lying.", I unconsciously tighten the grip around my mobile. "Where's Hyukkie?"

"Hyung..."

"Where.the..is.Hyukkie?"

Seconds pass without him saying anything.

Then I hear slight sobs. " He disappeared two hours ago. We can't find him..."