It might be a little confusing at first. So just to help you a little with reading:

cursive -> The evening before

normal--> Donghae

fat black letters--> Eunhyuk

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" You really don't have any beer can left?"

Donghae shakes his head. "Sorry. Had some in the fridge but Hyukkie threw them out in the morning."

They laze around on the sofa in front of the TV, not really watching what's on.

Chi Soo on the left, Donghae on the right and Hae Ri in between them.

It's quiet inside the dorm. The members are asleep already, except of Donghae who isn't able to sleep.

Cause Hyukjae's still not back.

He was glad when Chi Soo called him, asking if he wanted to hang around with Hae Ri and him, just like in the old times.  And since he had to get up early in the morning they decided to stay at the dorm, watching a few movies.

Chi Soo takes popcorn out of the bowl and munches them satisfied. "Already missing your hubby? You look kind of gloomy."

Hae Ri hits him softly. "Stop making fun of him."

"Donghae or Hyukjae?"

She glares at him and takes a sip of the strawberry milk Donghae gave to her.

Hyukjaes strawberry milk, to be exact.

There had to be some kind of payback for choosing Junsu over him.

No.2... Phh...

***

I've never been like this.

Not on the outside at least.

I didn't think I'd be able to show him anything apart from the love I feel for him.

But right now I'm furious. And I can feel it flowing throughout my whole body.

I tend to be too emotional, they say...

I know.

And I thought I could control myself now but I was so wrong.

"YAH! HYUKJAE!"

Finally he turns over and gives me his attention.

I had hoped he would talk to me when he entered our room, but he just stood there, his expression unreadable to me.

The chats inside of the car die.

My heart skips a beat when he finally talks to me.

I slowly turn over, and deep inside of me, there's something like relief. He'll yell at me then we'll make up and everything's going to be alright.

And I don't have to feel that lonely anymore.

So lonely...

I'm not used to it anymore.

He's  always by my side.

Taking himself away from me all of sudden is not fair.

I wouldn't mind any other day. I'd just wait for him to come back. I know he overreacts from time to time and sometimes he says things he regrets later but I choose him even though I knew about it before.

But I'm not able to do things right lately and he knows it best and...

........Screw that...

I just want him to talk to me.

"Had fun last night?"

"What are you talking about?"

He glances at the driver next to me and bites his bottom lip.

He can't be too obvious even if he wants to.

The car stops at a crossroad.

"Donghae?"

"You know... everyone is sick of it."

"Everyone?"

***

Donghae keeps looking at the clock above their heads.

11:44 pm and still no sign of Hyukkie.

There's it again.

The nervousness in his chest.

He already took a shower and to be honest, he was quiet tired.

Didn't get too much sleep last night.

Still no news from Hyukjae.

He tries to call him but his phone is turned off.

Calling Kyuhyun also fails.

He growls and throws his phone at the table.

"Yah, Donghae. Stop it. You'll wake her up." Chi Soo whispers.

Hae Ri fell asleep, her head on Chi Soos lap.

Donghae adjusts the blanket he covered her with.

Chi Soo keeps looking at him,.

"You're getting furious, right?"

***

Yes, everyone.

And everyone is me.

And everything to me is you.

But you being my everything is like the biggest secret I ever had to hide and right now I just want to yell at you but there's the driver and I can feel Leeteuk glancing at me from the middle seat row.

The atmosphere reached the bottom. Shindong and Sungmin chatted happily until I started to talk and even Heechul who's uninterested most of the time turned off the music he listened to.

To be honest: I couldn't care less.

"Hyukjae."

I can see how he flinches hardly noticeable.

He's not used to it anymore, me calling him Hyukjae.

Even I feel uncomfortable.

"How much do you care about your situation?"

"Hae..."

"How much!?"

Again I can't help but raising my voice.

And I want to punch me for that.

He gets louder again and I can only look at him in confusion, my eyes pleading.

"Hae... I really don't know what you're talking about. You've been like this since last night and I really thought about it a lot... but...", I take a fast look at the people present. " Let's talk about it later. We'll have time at the airport."

"Let's talk now."

Shindong touches his shoulder to calm him but he just pushes his hand away.

"Please, Donghae." I beg.

I glance at the driver next to me.

He looks outside of the window, staring at the red traffic light in front of him. I've known him for years and I know he's trustworthy but it's not like we have to provoke something.

"It's enough, kids. Let be quiet until we arrive." Leeteuk finally says and I send him a grateful smile.

"Hyukjae!"

Leeteuks turns over to Donghae. " That applies to you, too."

But I should have known it.

Why calming down even for a second if there's a raging Donghae behind me?

***

"I can see it."

"Well... and what do you see?" Donghae asks half heartedly, his eyes glued to the door.

It's half past twelve.

Still no sign of Hyukjae.

"Donghae. I don't like this. I really don't like what he's doing."

"Hyukjae?"

"You know, it's not that hard to see that something's odd. And your so anxious and twitchy and more often afraid than I ever noticed before."

"So?"

"And Hyukjae isn't." he states.

Donghae wants to answer him, but the words stay stuck in his mouth.

That's Chi Soo.

Always looking right inside his head, sensing what he's feeling.

Donghae inhales slowly and leans back. " He cares a lot about everything and it breaks my heart everytime he cries... But he's just...to careless. You know... I really don't want to admit it... but right now... I'm getting angry. Really angry. And he better has an explanation for his lateness.  I told him he shouldn't come back too late but even if he wanted to, he could at least give me a call. But here I am. Waiting for him, worrying... I can't even reach his phone. He knows the mere thought of something happening to him drives me crazy."

"Show him?"

He looks at Chi Soo in confusion. "What?"

"You don't have to hold back all the time. He's not as fragile as you think."

Donghae bites his lips. " I'm just afraid I need him more than he needs me. ... I shouldn't think about this crap." he shakes his head as if to get the thoughts out of his head and walks to the kitchen. " I'll make some tea. It's getting cold."

"Sure."

And then there's the message.

He walks back to the living room after a few minutes, two cups in his hand.

Chi Soo gives him his phone. "Message."

He reads.

And something snaps inside of his head, letting the rage take his body.

From: Kyuhyun

" Hyukkie is having the fun of his life. I guess he forgot about everything else. Totally won't come back so soon."

***

" I'm worried sick! Every in day! And I really hoped you would at least consider your situation as a little dangerous! But no!"

"Hae..."

But I already reached the point I didn't want to.

Screw the driver.

Screw Leeteuk who says something to me I don't hear.

The only thing that matters is to get rid of the things I wanted to tell him, that have suffocated me since last night.

"YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE ME A IN CALL TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE! DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA HOW WORRIED I WAS?! HELL, I NEARLY CALLED THE COPS!"

I would have jumped up if Shindong didn't hold me back.

The driver turns over. " Shall I stop the car for a moment?"

He's calm.

He already experienced a lot in the past, driving stressed idols around.

Leeteuk shakes his head and glares at me. "No. Donghae will calm down now. Right."

That wasn't a question.

I clench the backrest in front of me.

I wouldn't have said anything.

He would have come back and I would have hugged him like I always do, smelling his scent, kissing him and forgetting that he made me upset.

But the moment I read the message I felt so lost and for the first time I really wanted to punch him for doing this to me.

For making me fall in love with him and making a fool out if me. I only looked after him and didn't notice how much the situation got to me. And now I'm sitting here, not really sure about what's happening.

Is it me who's screaming? Hyukjae still looks at me, but something is different now. He... doesn't really... see me... just looks at me...

"I tried to call you! I tried to call Kyuhyun! Nothing!... YAH! Are you even listening to me?!"

He keeps staring at nothing.

"Hyukjae!"

                            "Could you please stop the car?"

Wait...

What?!

The driver looks at Hyukjae. "Yes?"

"Please stop the car. I need to get out."

"Ehm... sure..."

"No way!" I hiss at the driver who already indicates.

"Hyukjae. Come on.", Heechul finally intervenes. " He yelled at you. It's okay now. Come to the airport with us."

" No, hyung.", he says calmly. " I just realized something."

"Hyukjae." Leeteuk says.

"Sorry, hyung. I really need to get out."

The car slows down and all of sudden my rage is gone when I see him reaching out to open the door.

"Hyukkie! Stay inside."

And when he turns around I almost tear up.

He smiles at me. My most beloved smile which never let me feel anything different than purest happiness.

Today it scatters me.

"Hyukjae! I swear.. if you get out of this car..."

There's nothing in my voice than purest pleading.

"What?"

"Stay.Inside."

"I'm tired, Hae. And I don't want to talk anymore. I'm leaving." His voice is warm, not offending, not loud.

"You can't!"

"Sure?"

He opens the door and again I get up from my seat just to have Shindongs arms around me seconds later. They know I'm capable of jumping over the seat rows to get to the front.

" I wish you a nice trip, guys. Have fun. We might join you later."

"Hyukkie! I'm sorry!", I cry out. "Let's talk, alright? Just don't leave like this! I calmed down! I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, Donghae. Don't worry. We'll talk another time. I'm just sorry that I ... ", he stops and his smile vanishes. " Forget it... just calm down for now."

There's no possibility I can let him go like this.

He smiles, but his face...

It turned pale, so pale. And is it me or did his hand shake, just slightly but enough to notice?

"Hyukkie... No!"

"Hyukkie!"

I'm just glad he's back to calling me like that.

Hyukjae sounds too... hard.

He keeps shouting but I just get out of the car after Leeteuk slightly nodded my way.

I can't go with them to the airport.

I'll cry.

As soon as the car is out of my sight I'll cry my heart out and I'll be glad that there aren't many people around.

I'll call a taxi and drive back to the dorm and go back to bed.

Or I'll just stay in that spot, not moving and thinking about the things he told me right now.

About the things that all of sudden make so much sense.

" See you soon."

I wave at them and Haes last Hyukkie gets drowned by the noise of the car door I close.

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I always cry when I'm happy and I cried alot after the upvotes and comments and subscriptions. thanks so much. i love you, guys:D so please, make me cry again ;) *no masochist just a crybaby*