Kyuhyun's POV

I blinked in shock, stepping away from him involuntarily.

"W-what?" I asked, wondering if I heard him wrong.

"Would you still love me if I killed someone?" he repeated.

He still refused to meet my eyes.  He looked away, his head turned to the side.  I felt a cold rush of dread rise in my stomach and I didn't know how I was supposed to respond.  My words got stuck in my throat, leaving the room in a charged silence.

Suddenly he laughed, a dark, tortured sound that made the hair on my arms rise. 

"Do you see?  Do you see why I can't be with you?  I can't let you be associated with a murderer"

I my lips, trying to calm the erratic pounding of my heart.  I stared at him, the beautiful man I loved so much.  He was so innocent, so fragile, there was no way he was telling the truth, it just wasn't possible.  I stretched out a trembling hand and gently angled his face so I could see his eyes.

They were red and wet with tears, I studied them for any sign of lies.  My heart stopped when I could only find guilt and infinite pain in his orbs.  I dropped my hand, and he quickly looked down again.

"H-how?" I finally managed to ask, swallowing my horror the best I could.

He took a deep breath and swallowed thickly before answering.

"It was years ago... I-i was with someone before you..."

I nodded, my heart clenching slightly at the thought of him with someone else.  He squeezed his eyes closed before he continued,

"He was older than me, I trusted him, I t-thought I loved him.  He took care of me, spoiled me, he was everything I thought I wanted"

I saw his hands clench into fists before he continued,

"But he was a lie.  The person I thought he was wasn't real, he tricked me..."

His voice changed from bitter to pained and his fisted hands began to shake slightly,

"But I didn't know... I trusted him so much, I did everything I could for him... everything he wanted..."

Tears began streaming down his face and he sniffled,

"I didn't even ask him why he wanted me to lie to the police.  I just did without thinking.  He told me they were framing him and he didn't do anything wrong a-and I b-believed him"

His words were coming more quickly now and I strained to catch everything he was saying.

"I told the police he was with me that night, I gave him an alibi.  I was so stupid I didn't even doubt him when it kept happening, I just kept lying for him over and over again... I-i just didn't know... "

He was full on sobbing now,

"A-and then one day I found his journal.  He never let me read it, s-so I was curious.  Inside, there were pictures... p-pictures of w-what he'd done... p-pictures of the b-bodies.  H-he had k-killed all those people, each time I l-lied for him, I helped h-him m-murder another p-person"

His knees began to shake and he slowly slid to the ground, his whole body shuddering violently,

"T-that night I was trying to go to the police, I was going to give them the journal, b-but he found out.  He slapped me and grabbed me, h-he was too s-strong, I-i couldn't get away"

He pulled his knees to his chest, making himself as small as possible.

"It hurt so bad.  A-and I f-felt so d-dirty.  He called me the most horrible names, and he just kept telling me how disgusting and ugly I was.  H-he said he owned me and n-no one would ever want m-me again.  He said I was j-just as bad as he was"

"H-he r- you?!" managed to force out.

He shook his head, laughing coldly,

"No, I didn't refuse.  I never told him to stop.  It was my punishment, don't you see?  I deserved it, so many people had died, I could have stopped him earlier, but I didn't and more people suffered because of me"

He swallowed again, trying to calm himself down to finish his story,

"After that I ran.  I couldn't stay there with him.  I told the police, and he was arrested.  I testified against him and he was sentenced to life.  The police didn't charge me, but I wish they had, maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty.  Every time I close my eyes, I see those bodies.  I wish they had sentenced me to death, God knows I deserved it"

"Is that why you became a e?  To punish yourself?" I asked numbly as my brain slowly started to put things in place.

He nodded,

"I couldn't stay with you, I couldn't hurt you like that.  I sold my body because I wanted to stop thinking about you, I didn't want to remember you and how much I wanted to be with you.  I just wanted to feel pain so I would remember what I had done.  I hurt myself so I wouldn't run back to you.  Each person I slept with reminded me I wasn't worthy, it reminded me how dirty I was"

He wiped his eyes and tried to slow his breathing,

"I-i know I hurt you, and I'm truly sorry, but can't you see?  I don't deserve to love someone like you, I don't deserve to feel special and beautiful.  But more importantly, you shouldn't be associated with me.  You shouldn't love someone as horrible as me"

He met my eyes voluntarily for the first time in the course of his story.

"You are so much better off without me, you will be successful and you will make a difference in the world.  You don't need me"

He smiled sadly and got to his feet.  He approached me and reached for my hand.

"Be happy please" he whispered, placing something in my hand.

He released my hand and turned towards the door. 

"R-ryeowook!" I called, not wanting him to leave.

"No Kyu" he replied, not even turning around, "Just please be happy, please..."

Then he hurried away without even giving me a chance to answer him.  I stared at the place where he had been standing and I tried to wrap my brain around what had just happened.  Part of me still couldn't believe and I wondered momentarily if this was just some sick dream.

My hands closed into fists and I was surprised when my fingers closed around something.  In my daze I had forgotten that Ryeowook had placed something in my hand.  I uncurled my fingers and stared at the object.

It was a cheap plastic ring, the gaudy blue stone sparkling dimly.  It was the ring I had given him so many years ago when we were children.  He had had it this whole time.  It was the ring I had given him when we promised to be together forever.

My head was spinning, there was just too much to process.  The innocent Ryeowook I loved all this time had lost his innocence so long ago.  Maybe Henry was right, had I fallen in love with his memory?  The memory of the small boy I had given this very ring to?

A knock sounded at the door, and I slowly looked up, my head lost in a swirl of confusing, conflicting emotions.  It was the wedding planner, she smiled and tapped the watch on her arm.

"Let's go Mr. Cho, it's time to get you married!" she chirped excitedly.

I just stared at her blankly and she sighed.

"What did you get yourself into?" she hurried over and began fixing my hair and straightening my tux.

She looked me over and saw Ryeowook's ring in my hand.  She frowned and snatched it away from me,

"What are doing with this crap?  Is this from a quarter machine?" She asked, the disgust obvious in her face.

I didn't respond, but I took the ring from her hands, shoving it deep in my pocket.

She made a face, but her headset buzzed to life, demanding to know where I was and why I wasn't in position.  She rolled her eyes and grabbed my arm, pulling me as she huffed about being late and pushing the whole schedule back.

I followed her blindly, not even caring that she was taking me to be married to a person I would never love.  All I could think about was Ryeowook, and what he had done, and how he had suffered.

After all the hell he had put himself through, he still worried about me, all he wanted was my happiness.

The planner rushed me over to my position at the end of the aisle, next to the platform where the priest stood.  I turned towards the door and faced the sea of people waiting to watch my nuptials with Seohyun.  All their faces blurred and my eyes glazed over as Ryeowook continued to dominate my thoughts.

"Just please be happy, please..."

His words ran through my head even as the opening bars of the wedding march rang through the church.  Seohyun entered and all the guests stood in respect.  She slowly approached me, her eyes trained on me like a predator on its prey.

But I was deaf and bind.  I barely heard the music and I barely saw saw her approach.

"Just please be happy, please..."

His words haunted me, running through my head, cancelling out all my other thoughts and voiding all my senses.

But how could I ever be happy without him?

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Sorry for not updating guys but I'm really sick right now... seriously I feel like walking death...

Anyway, if you were confused by Ryeowook's story here's what went down:

1) Ryeowook's boyfriend tricked Wookie into thinking he was a good person

2) He asked Wookie to lie saying he was with him when the police called, by lying Wookie gave him an alibi so he couldn't be a suspect in the murder case they were investigating

3) This kept happening, meaning Wookie's boyfriend kept killing people, and Wookie kept unknowingly covering for him

4) When Ryeowook found out what his boyfriend was doing he tried to take the evidence (the journal) to the police, but his boyfriend stopped him and him as a show of dominance

5) Wookie allowed himself to be as punishment because he felt guilty for covering for a murderer

6) In the end Wookie told the police and his boyfriend went to jail, but Wookie lives with the constant guilt that he played a part in the murder of innocent people

7) Wookie didn't know his boyfriend was a murderer so don't be so hard on him, kay?

I hope that cleared things up if you were confused, sorry if you didn't get the story >.<

Anyway thanks for reading!

Location: bed

Mood: dead, I feel like ...

Music: "7 Years of Love" by Kyuhyun (~<3)