Ryeowook's POV

"Now, would someone care to explain this mess?"

I winced.  My hyung wasn't shouting, but there was an unmistakable authority in his voice.  No one made any moves to answer and I heard Heechul sigh quietly.  I was staring down at my lap, but I snuck a look at Kyuhyun and saw him staring at me, his eyes trained on me like he was scared I would disappear.

I quickly looked away, blushing darkly.  Zhoumi didn't miss this interaction and he nudged me gently.  I bit my lips and continued to look down, searching for a way to get of this mess.  Unfortunately, my hyung refused to let me off the hook and he ordered,

"Ryeowook, please explain"

I shot him a pained look, but he simply arched his brow, telling me he wasn't going to leave me alone.  I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Heechul-hyung, this is all my fault"

My hyung nodded and wiated for me to go on.  My eyes darted over to Hnery and Kyuhyun and I saw both were watching me intently, obviously curious to hear what I had to say.

"This man" I began, indicating Kyuhyun, "is my old boyfriend.  We broke up two years ago and I cut off contact.  I guess he came to find me"

Zhoumi stared at me in shock, understanding quickly flickering over his features.  He stared at Kyuhyun then looked back at me his eyes a mix of questions.  I had spoken in Korean, so I knew Zhoumi didn't know how much I had ommitted.  I'm pretty sure he only recognized the word "boyfriend" and put the rest together.

I avoided Kyuhyun's eyes, knowing that there was so much more to our story.  So much more I wasn't saying out loud.  My hyung gave me a sharp look and I knew he wasn't fooled.

"Ryeowook, I'm not asking you to tell me everything, but don't treat me as a fool.  I know you're cutting stuff out and I want details"

I nodded in defeat, knowing I didn't have much of a chance anyway. 

"W-we didn't break up on good terms... I sorta just left..." my hyung raised his eyesbrows, but he didn't push me for information and he let me continue uninterrupted.

"I came to here so he wouldn't find me, and I made myself disappear.  I made it so I couldn't be tracked down"

Again my hyung simply nodded, silently encouraging me to go on.

"The event that Siwon took me to was his engagement party..." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. 

That was all I was willing to reveal, I didn't want to dig deeper into my past.  I had done my best to close the door on that chapter of my life and I was determined to keep it that way.  I didn't need to reopen old scars, I was barely surviving as I was now.  If I let myself feel all that pain again I didn't think I would make it.

Heechul looked at Kyuhyun and asked,

"I suppose you recognized him at the party and followed him here?"

Kyuhyun nodded, his eyes still locked on me.

Heechul sighed and rubbed his temples tiredly.  He looked at Kyuhyun before turning to look at me.  Finally he asked,

"Why did you follow him?"

Kyuhyun blinked, obviously startled by the question.

"Because I love him" he answered seriously, his voice firm.

I felt my eyes prick with tears but at this point I didn't know if they were happy tears or guilty tears.  My hyung looked back at me and asked,

"How do you feel?"

I stared down at me feet and tried to side step the question,

"I left him, doesn't that say enough?"

"No!" I looked up in surprise when Kyuhyun cut off my hyung and answered instead.

I met his eyes and saw they were burning, filled with frustration and maybe even a little bit of fear.

"You left because Seohyun forced you too!  You love me just as much as I love you, stop this Ryeowook!  Why the hell do you keep running?!  What the is there to be scared of?!"

I flinched and looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes.  I bit my lips, trying to bottle up all my feelings.  I heard Henry shush his brother, trying to calm him down.  Zhoumi shifted beside me and even though I doubted he knew what was going on, I was grateful for his support.

When Henry got Kyuhyun under control, Heechul turned back to me.

"Ryeowook, do you love him?"

I froze.  I looked up at my hyung with wide eyes.  He looked down at me seriously, expecting me to answer.  There was a thick tension in the air and I shifted uncomfortably  I didn't have to look to know that Kyuhyun and Henry's eyes were both boring into me. 

"N-no" I whispered, my throat burning with my lie.

I hadn't realized how much it would hurt me.  I was actually a bit stunned at the force of my emotions.  I wanted to just cry and run into his arms.  I wanted him to hold me and my hair.  I wanted him to kiss me and tell me over and over that he loved me.  But I couldn't let him.

I was never worthy of him and this fact was more true now than ever.  It didn't matter how much I loved him, it couldn't make up for the awful things I had done and it sure as hell couldn't make up for my past. 

He thought he loved me, but he didn't even know me.  What choice did I have?  I lied to hurt him.  I wanted him to hurt, I wanted him to hate me.  I wanted him to move on.

"Everything I wrote in that letter was true" I continued, squeezing my eyes shut in agony.

"You were always a game to me.  Do you see where I am?  I'm working at a whorehouse!  I sell my body to the highest bidder!  I don't know why you keep deluding yourself, wake up Kyuhyun!  The only one running is you!  You're too scared to admit it, you're too scared to see what I really am!"

I opened my eyes and forced myself to stare at him.  I sealed everything within me and managed to look at him coldly, careful not to let my emotions be revealed.

He looked like a stricken puppy.  His eyes were wide and his mouth hung slightly open.  There was an immeasureable amount of hurt in his eyes.  It killed me to see him look like this, but I refused to back down.

Suddenly his face changed.  His eyes narrowed and his lips closed into a straight line.

"I don't believe you" he said lowly.

I stared at him, wondering how he could have so much faith.  After everything I had done to him, he still believed I was good.  It honestly amazed me.

"Prove it to me.  Prove that you don't love me"

There was a challenge in his voice, an assuredness that he was right.

"What do you want?" I asked him, making sure my voice stayed cold.

"Sleep with me" he answered, his eyes studying mine for any sign of weakness.

"Sleep with me and show me that I'm just another client to you.  Show me that all you care about is my money.  I'm getting married to a woman I will never love in two days.  I'll come tomorrow for my bachelor party.  If you can go through with it, I'll believe you and I'll let you go.  I'll get married and I'll pretend like none of this ever happened"

I felt my heart rate increase and I sense of dread fall over me like a thousand pound weight. 

"Stop it Kim Ryeowook!  it up, you can do this, you can do this for him!" I yelled mentally, trying to fight the horror that was rising in my chest.

"Fine!" I hissed at him, my eyes determined.

He nodded and stood without another word.  He bowed to my hyung and swept out of the office, Henry following behind him.  I stood, watching them go, maintaining my blank facade.  As soon as the door swung shut I swayed and crumbled on the floor, clutching my chest tightly.

"Lixu!" Zhoumi gasped running to my side.

He pulled me into his arms and held me against his chest.  I didn't sob, I was too numb for that.  I began to shake violently and I clutched onto my friend's shirt, trying to find anything to anchor me in reality.

My hyung looked at me, an unreadable expression in his eyes.  He didn't say anything but he watched me closely as I trembled.

"You love him don't you?" he asked so softly I almost didn't hear.

"More than you could ever know" I answered, meaning it wth all my heart.

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Ta-da!  I present my next update!!!  I actually like how this turned out...

Thanks for reading you guys!!!  I finally made it over 100 subbies!!!

*hugs you all*

Location: in the love tunnel (you will get this if you fave the "Break Down" album! ^^)

Mood: loopy... sleep deprivition ftw!!!

Music: "Go" by Super Junior- M (this album gives me too many feels... *sobs*)