I'm Not Your Girlfriend - Kloverlover31 (Reviewer: Lady_Mitsuki)
** Starlight Review Shop ** [CLOSED]
Title: I'm Not Your Girlfriend
Author: Kloverlover31
Title [4/10]:
This wouldn’t be the kind of title that would make me interested. It’s so basic and cliché, and it’s so obvious that the girl ‘who won’t be his girlfriend’ would become one later…
Hmm, it does relate to the story.
Description/Foreword [6/10]:
Description/Foreword [6/10]:
Overall your description is simple yet interesting. It doesn’t change a lot from the stories of the same kind, but I liked it. You need to decide whether you want it on the present or on the past, though.
I especially liked your little quote.
Originality [3/10]
That’s not properly original, of course. And there are a lot of clichés on it, too.
Somehow that scene when he kissed her made me also think of ‘Koizora’, even though ‘Koizora is a sad drama xD
Plot/Writing [12/22]:
Your story started pretty fast. I liked the main idea, just that the plot was too rushed.
It seemed you wanted to add those popular scenes that we all see on dramas, like ‘love contract’, ‘sudden kiss, ‘family opposition’, etc, but you did that in a too rushed way.
I like when stories have a beginning, a development, and an ending, and yours was a bit confusing because the main action started already on the first chapters.
Your way of writing was not bad, honestly. Aside the mistakes/verb tenses, I think you have potential. Especially if you’re not a native speaker, I think you can get your English better a lot easier than many people… you just need to review your chapters and don’t forget its organization.
Characters [4/10]:
Your characters were fine. You could portrait them a lot better, especially Soomi.
I also think you should make it more clear the reason why Hoya became interested on her in the first place.
Grammar/Vocabulary [10/23]
Hmm, your fanfic is not that bad when it comes to vocabulary; also, you don’t have huge grammar mistakes… But you have some really important faults like not using capital words on your story or forget the verb tenses. You absolutely can’t fail on it. Capital words are important in any way, and also the verb tenses.
Examples:
1. “that one time, soomi got really mad. So mad that sunggyu came home crying because his arms are blue”
2. “but the next day, everything is normal between them, like nothing happened”
3. “his expression softened as he looked at soomi who's sleeping soundly”
4. “She's living her life as average as possible until one day she met the school kingka, Hoya.”
I’m sorry If I can’t point out a lot, it’s just that I’m busy… and I didn’t want to make you wait any longer! I’m really sorry if you feel this is not complete enough, you can criticize me if you feel like it then.
Some mistakes:
1. “hoya looked at the chaos. he hated to see their family fought fight.”
2. “sunggyu and jieun panted. "this girl sure's got a lot of energy" sunggyu said sarcastically, pointing at soomi. “
3. *woah.. this is one It's an huge school* sunggyu shook his head as he looked at her
4. “ieun helped her as the both of them looked at the map. sunggyu asked the security and he seemed to get got the right directions.”
How much I enjoyed your story / Overall Excitement [4/10]
To be honest, I didn’t really appreciate. Maybe because it was really long, I was not willing to start or finish it. But that wouldn’t be fair, so I really paid attention to your story and read it.
To be honest, I didn’t really appreciate. Maybe because it was really long, I was not willing to start or finish it. But that wouldn’t be fair, so I really paid attention to your story and read it.
It became a lot more interesting in the middle/ending of it. And more understable as well.
Btw, just in case you updated more chapters, I need to advice you that since I saved your story on Microsoft Word I only read until the fight between Hoya’s family, when his dad says he won’t let Hoya be with his girlfriend like his brother did… I know it may seems unprofessional to you, but I’m really, really sorry!
Extra [3/5]:
I love your poster. It’s so simples yet cute! I really appreciate it.
Extra [3/5]:
I love your poster. It’s so simples yet cute! I really appreciate it.
Also, I love the music quotes you always put on the beginning of chapters.
Your chapter titles are nice too, but please use capital words!
Bonus [1/10]:
If your fanfic is amazing you can surpass 100, but I'm kinda strict so.... It has to be really good! ^^
[Points: 47/100]
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