Kang Raena

Eun Hee whispered,” Woo Bin Oppa said that I got worse when I came back from the States.”

I had to silently agree and Eun Hee knew it herself as well, she was that unstoppable party animal, we had always concluded that it was because the night life there is better than ours, hence she got influenced.

“There was someone, whom doesn’t like it when I club, he liked me in this form instead, and slowly but surely, I had lessened down my clubbing just for him and it felt good to be able to still feel on ecstasy without touching alcohol.” She whispered as though she was afraid.

She looked up at the night sky and continued,” He was the person who broke my worst habit but he was also the person who made it worse than before. Ironic, isn’t it? It’s not exactly weird since he isn’t here to control me now, anymore.”

“Is he somebody from the States?” I asked the girl beside me who was 2 days apart from being a 19 year old.

“Yeah, he was. But he is more than someone from the States to me.” Her eyes wavered slightly at the thought.

She took a glance at me and knew what I was thinking about; why did you break up with him if it hurts you so much? Why did you let him go if you can’t take the pain?

“I didn’t, I’m still holding on to a small tint of hope that everything wasn’t real. But you know, Raena,” She paused and sniffled slightly.

“Sometimes, it gets tiring to continue chasing, sometimes I wonder if it is still worth it, just sometimes.” She gave a small smile which didn’t reflect what she felt.

“I feel like the skin of my hands are burning and the next thing I knew, there’s blood on the skin. The friction was too strong carry, it felt as though the horse wanted to throw me off the saddle but I held on, wanting to stay and it hurts a lot to try and stay. I feel like letting go of its reins.” Her eyes widened at what she just confessed to me. The night breeze blew, comforting her soul. I know it wasn’t the time for me to in, she needed time and a person to talk to.

“Every time I felt like giving up, I would distract my mind and those horrendous thoughts. How? I would have intake of alcohol and soon it became worse. Sleeping became my worst enemy and I couldn’t deal with it, it was too difficult to close my eyes because being sober, the thoughts would return again and again. When I’m drunk, it’s easier to handle the pain, you could tell me that I’m running away and I know that I am. There are times when I wonder if alcohol could just numb me permanently and take my life away.” Her breath hitches. I grabbed her hands that were resting on her lap and gave them a tight squeeze. No, I can’t lose her, how did she have such thoughts and never told us?

Her eyes glistened with tears and I replied her,” Alcohol may take away the pain temporarily and distract you but when the alcohol in your system fades away, the wound would hurt tons more.”

“Which was why I couldn’t stay away from alcohol for too long. It went from being my happy pill to being my painkillers.”

I uttered to the girl who was revealing her all, right now,” Why don’t you let go of the reins? Didn’t you say that he was trying to get you off? Maybe there was a reason for that. Sometimes, it’s better to just let go when things aren’t suitable for you. If both of you still hold on, it hurts more for all parties.”

She mumbled,” He may be the worst man that I have ever met in my life, but no, I don’t want to leave him.”

“Is that the truth or are you being delusional, Eun Hee?”

“He told me to hold on till he