*Kris’s P.O.V*

We had finally returned to Korea after a month or so. I had stopped counting after a while. I felt as if I was hurting myself that way. I haven’t been able to talk to Eliza. Again my schedule has everyone busy and when we get back to either the hotel or our dorm all I do is eat something light and then sleep.

I found it a bit wrong I mean I should at least say something that I’m doing fine but I haven’t. I felt like a terrible boyfriend. Not to mention it was my idea for us to keep dating. I didn’t really expect it to be this hard. Well I guess I did but it’s not what I imagined. I sometimes would wish if I could go back to the day I was just on punishment. At least I had a more time to spare and be able to talk to her.

I was sitting on my bed leaning against the wall. I had the scrapbook Eliza made me on the side. It was about three in the morning and I just couldn’t sleep. Some days I would have good nights and others I just couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I felt as if maybe Eliza is the same as me. Can’t sleep and but still has a good night. I sighed as I saw Chen’s body roll to his other side.

I got up slowly and put the scrapbook under my pillow for now. I walked out of the room and got some water to drink. I saw the light on in Tao’s room. I was about to open it when he did it.

“Oh you’re up?” he said with a smile.

I shrugged my shoulders and went to sit in the living room. “I can’t sleep.”

“Are you thinking about…?” he didn’t finish the sentence. I sighed and nodded my head. “Why haven’t you communicated with her?”

“I don’t want to get in trouble.” I said taking a sip of my water.

“Pssh when has that stopped you?” he said resting his elbows on his thighs.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” I asked looking at him.

“You already got in trouble breaking the rules when we were in America. What makes this even different?” he said smirking. “Kai talks to Sui at least twice a week sometimes three. It depends.”

“Well that’s Kai and his girlfriend.” I snapped at him.

“What’s your point?” he asked.

“I’m not Kai. I’m me and I just feel like someone is watching me all the time I don’t want to cause anything.” I said to his question.

“Maybe you just need to man up and actually send her a text.” He said looking at me seriously. “How do you not know if she is waiting to do the same? How do you not know if she expecting to hear from you? It was your idea to get back together with her since you liked Kai’s idea with his girlfriend. If I were you should take responsibility for your words. Don’t be making a promise or a commitment that you can’t keep and then end up hurting. It would be a waste.”

I didn’t say anything after his reply. I heard him yawn and then he placed his head on my thigh. “What are you doing?”

“Sleeping.” He said softly.

I tried to push him off but he wouldn’t budge. “Go sleep in your room.”

“No, hyung isn’t around.” He said softly again and then all I heard was a soft snore.

I sighed and then let out a small chuckle. I swear sometimes Tao is such a child. I grabbed my phone and went to photos. I looked for the only picture I had left of Eliza. I ran my thumb over her face and felt a warm smile spread across my face.

Angel… I miss you a lot. I want to hold you in my arms while I sleep.  

One reason why I couldn’t sleep as much is because I got attached sleeping with Eliza in my arms. Knowing that I couldn’t do that anymore it took its toll. I would have reckless nights of sleep and I know the makeup stylists always have to put a lot to cover up my eyes. Once I told them to stop but they kept at it. I snapped at them and then they stopped. The members had never seen me like that before.

First time for everything right?

I got a pillow that was somewhat close to me and lifted Tao’s head off my thigh. His heavy head had put it to sleep and I couldn’t move it to wake it up. I gently put his head on the pillow and went to his room and grabbed the blanket. I wasn’t going to be able to pick him and carry him like a baby to his room.

Tao is tall just as I am and he is heavy as it is. I would need someone’s help but since everyone is asleep but me. I grabbed my water and went to my room. I placed the scrapbook under my bed and started thinking about what Tao said.

“You already got in trouble breaking the rules when we were in America. What makes this even different?”

What really made this time different? I couldn’t answer that. Maybe it was because I have the manager that doesn’t like me and watch me more often than before. Maybe it’s also because I’m scared that once I do talk to her she will be angry and won’t talk to me. But I know deep down Eliza isn’t like that.

“Maybe you just need to man up and actually send her a text.” He said looking at me seriously. “How do you not know if she is waiting to do the same? How do you not know if she expecting to hear from you? It was your idea to get back together with her since you liked Kai’s idea with his girlfriend. If I were you should take responsibility for your words. Don’t be making a promise or a commitment that you can’t keep and then end up hurting. It would be a waste.”

I had no idea where Tao had come to know such advice. Maybe he has been hanging around Kai a bit too much or talking to him about my problems with Eliza. I didn’t have problems, we just didn’t communicate and at times during fan signings and concerts I sometimes would be blank and space out. I wouldn’t react t