When I got back home I stayed in my car for about ten minutes before I got out. I cried all the way back home and as I stood in front of my door to the apartment I was still crying. I let myself in and shut the door behind me. I slid down against the door and hugged my knees into my chest. I felt so much pain inside me. I couldn’t believe he was gone.

Kris is gone now and I felt so empty inside. I couldn’t stop this pain. I didn’t know what to do. I just couldn’t stop crying when I wanted too. This is the pain I didn’t want to be feeling. Maybe if Kris and I had broken up sooner it would be less painful but I know I would still hurt. But I wouldn’t want to hurt this much. I hadn’t felt this way since I saw my dad shot himself.

I had relaxed a bit but tears kept falling down. I sighed a few times and I took out my phone. I remembered I had a text when I was at the airport. I didn’t bother checking it. It didn’t seem important to me. When I checked the screen it was a text from Kris around the same time being at the airport.

Kris:

I’ll text you when I’m in Portland… Love you Angel.

I lips did a quick smirk but faded and I started to cry again. This time I pushed myself off the floor and went to my bedroom. Before I got on my bed I saw sweater and a paper that said Angel on it. I picked it up slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. I opened the paper and realized it was a letter Kris had left.

I don’t know when he did this. What was I doing? Did he plan on leaving me a letter? Then I remembered earlier he was doing someone on the table. He had been writing this when I was showering. I looked at the sweater on the side and it was Kris’s. He left it behind. But why would he forget to pack his sweater. I looked at the letter and slowly opened. 

       Angel,

There are so many things I still want to do with you but I know I can’t. I really wish this day didn’t come but it has. For that I am sorry. I didn’t want to put you through this pain. I never want to hurt you. But I’m already doing that. I’m sorry… By the time you are reading this I am already on the plane and you are in the apartment. I left my sweater behind because I know you love it and I do too. But I’m giving it to you. I remember when you wore it the day after you got Mother Nature. Seeing you wearing it made me feel good inside. It was if it was protecting you. I liked being by your side that day. I can’t believe writing this is so difficult for me. I guess it shows how much I love you and not let you go or write this. I never really expected to fall in love with someone while being here. It wasn’t part of my idea. But when I met you everything just changed and it felt right. I liked being around you. I liked seeing you smile and laugh. Then before I knew it we kissed and we became a couple. It all happened so fast. It was a blink of an eye and then the day at the beach where I knew I had fallen in love with you. I never wanted to be away from you or leave you alone. Yet here I am leaving you. I wish I could take you with me but I know you can’t come. No matter how much I want you too. Angel, I want you to know that I never regret anything when I was with you. The days with you meant so much to me. Even though we stayed in most of the time I loved it. I loved it most when I got to hold you in my arms and hold while we slept. I never wanted to let go of that moment. The kisses we shared were also something I never wanted to stop. I could keep kissing you and never get tired of it. Every day with you just felt wonderful to me. I never wanted to pass it up. I already miss you and that’s because you are in the shower. I’m sorry I couldn’t say bye to Carolyn or Christi but I know you will pass on the message for me. Oh Angel I love you so much and I always will… after all you are my first love and you never forget your first love right? I know I won’t even if I wanted too I couldn’t do it. I hope I am your first love as well? It would be nice to know that I am. Well… this is enough now. I heard the shower turn off and you will be out soon. I love you Angel… Always!

          Love always Kris.

P.S. I’m sure you have read the lyrics to “Angel” by EXO-M? That is where I got your nickname if you didn’t know. That song is yours… I’m giving it to you because you are MY Angel<3

I shut my eyes when I was done reading the letter. I started to cry uncontrollably this time. I let the letter fall on the floor and grabbed the sweater. I took in the scent and it still had Kris’s rich cinnamon scent on it. I moved it away from my nose and hugged the sweater. I buried my face into it as I cried more. I couldn’t believe what I just read.

I never thought a letter that Kris left would be beautiful and painful at the same time. I felt my throat hurting due to all the crying I had been doing. My head started to pound and I couldn’t make it stop. I continued to cry. I forced myself to the pillow Kris slept on and placed my head there. I sniffed it and it had his scent.

I opened my eyes and tears escaped my eyes. I didn’t know what I was going to do. How was I going to be now that Kris was gone? How will I be towards everyone? I didn’t know what to think expect only wished Kris was with my right now. He was the only one I wanted to see and be with right now. No one else. But there wasn’t anything I could do. He is gone now.

I shut my eyes and held the sweater close to me and never let it go. I cried and cried until I just gave up on crying and soon shut my eyes and went to sleep.

- - - -

*Kris’s P.O.V*

I had arrived in Dallas and it was an overla