"Sarah open the door please!", begged Sehun already since 1 hour.

He felt so stupid and guitly. He had to apologize to you. Never, really never in his entire friendship with you, he would have forgot your birthday. He was always the first one who congrats you and make a big house party. Because of Chanyeol, his work and worrying about you, he have forgotten it. Stupid him. Stupid stupid him.

"Come on Sae Ra open the door!", he tried again, but there was still no answer.

Why had Chanyeol to hurt you on your birthday huh? Couldn't he just waited for one day maybe? The most important thing for Sehun was that you were happy. Even if Chanyeol would have lied one more day, just because of your birthday, he would be ok with it. But just look what happened now. He insulted you in the worst way he could, not giving a damn that you loved him really.

In frustration Sehun hit the door hard.

"OPEN THE DOOR!", he shouted and banged the door harder. Even if this bastard of Chanyeol had ruined the beginning of your birthday, Sehun wanted to rescue what was left.

When he was about to break the door,  he heard you whisper from the other side of the door: "Leave please."

"Sarah! Sarah, look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say these things. Can you please come outside? Your birthday-"

"I don't care.", he heard you say.

"What?", he leaned his ear on the door to hear you better.

"I don't care about my birthday. Just leave me alone."

"What? No! It's your birthday! You have to celebra-"

"Do you really think I care about this now?", he heard you sobbing "Leave me alone."

"Sarah...", he whispered, his both hands on the door while his head was hanging down.

"I knew it. I knew he would hurt you. I-I should have..."

"Please just go.", you whispered and stopped from there on talking.


B,A.P had tried after Sehun to talk to you and bring you out of your room, but they failed badly. The whole evening you didn't come down or talked to them.

"She won't come out today.", stated Himchan and they all nodded.

"Let's let her rest.", suggest Yongguk. "She'll feel better tomorrow."

When he saw the disbelieve in his dongsaengs eyes, he put an arm around Jongup's shoulder.

"You know her. She's Sae Ra. Sae Ra! The girl who throws more fists than any other girl. She's strong. She'll be over it soon. I'm sure of it."




                                                                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



B.A.P tried to wake up early in the morning since they wanted to see your face.

They knocked at your door, but there was still no replay. The door surprisingly opened, but you weren't there.

The only thing they saw was blood on the ground.

"W-W-What---W-W-What-Hyungs...", Zelo stuttered in fear while the boys looked shocked at the ground.

*Think logically. Think logically.*, thought Youngjae all the time when he found the answer.

"HER HAND!", he said a bit to loud and joyfull.

"The Youngjae.", muttered Daehyun, rubbing his ear.

"Her hand. It's her hand. Don't you remember. She was bleeding, but I think she didn't treated it yesterday.", he whispered the last part and the boys nodded. In one hand they were happy, so nothing bad happen to you, and maybe you were just to lazy to clean up, but on the other...where the heck were you?

They looked around to see if you maybe left a note, but no there was nothing. Hmmm strange. You always leave one when you're outside.

"She's probably already in school.", convinced Himchan the others and they really hoped you were.




Yes, you really were in school. But your eyes... the boys didn't like your look. You looked so pissed and sad at the same time, it was really scarry.

The school didn't knew that you and Chanyeol had broken up...or let's better say that he broke your heart, so they ignored you like the other days and B.A.P was complete thankful for it.

When schoolbell rang for lunch you stood up and Zelo and Jongup were immediately on your side.

"C-Come. Let's go eat.", said Zelo but you didn't even looked at him when you passed with no answer.

He looked down sadly. He hated to see you like this.

On the corridor you saw Himchan, Daehyun and Youngjae walking to your direction.

"Hello Sae-", and you passed them, not giving a damn about their shocked face.

"Damn it.", said Daehyun while ruffling his hair frustrated.

"Isn't there any way how we can talk to her or cheer her up?", asked Jongup when he and Zelo arrived. They all looked at each other but no one had an idea.

"Time heals.", said Himchan and brought his arm on Youngjae shoulder. "We should go and eat."

They all just nodded but their thought were still on you. Would you be ok? Definitly not. Can they do something about it? Definitly not...




                                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



1 week has passed and you still refused talking with the boys. They tried hard to make conversation with you, but you would just ignore them or lock yourself in the room.

You had resigned so you wouldn't see Chanyeol again what really got on B.A.P's and Sehun's nerves.

One day Daehyun suggested to go and to beat Chanyeol up, but you just shoot him the most meaningfull look.

'Touch him and you'll feel my wrath'

They didn't knew what to do. Time heals? Completly . You looked like you would die any minute, day by day.




"I'm done.", said Youngjae and threw his glass on the ground. You had just entered the kitchen. You had took a knife to eat an apple but you cut yourself, quiet deeply, but you didn't hissed or complained because of the pain. You just looked at the cut and let it bleeding for a few seconds. Then you took paper and were about to leave again when you heard Youngjae's words.

You turned to him and he frowned deeply.

"Stop it.", he demanded. Not understanding what he wanted, you just continued looking at him.

"I said stop it.", he said again with a menacing voice and walked to you. 

The 5 others were shocked to see Youngjae like this. Sure they had seen him angry, but he looked more than just angry.

"Stop looking at me like this."

A bit confused, you were about to leave this irritating boy, but he turned you harshly around.

"Stay here, when I'm talking to you!", he raised his voice trying to get any reaction of you but no.

"What?", you asked monotone and Youngjae clapped his hands.

"Great! So you remember how to talk!", he said joyful sarcastically.

"Since almost 2 weeks you stopped talking to us. Ignoring every effort.", he scolded but you just shook your head.

"Leave me alone Youngjae."

"No, I won't leave you alone this time.", he said threw gritted teeths.

"And your face.", he started. "It's always the same!"

"I think you should stop to eat chips. You're talking sensless things braniac.", you said, again turning around to be turned by Youngjae.

"Get angry!", he shouted.

"What?"

"Get angry! Get sad! Get irritated! SOMETHING!", he shouted. "I want to see any emotion of yours, but since 2 weeks, it's ing the same!"

"So?"

"That's not you!", he shouted again and shook you. "You're full with emotions. You laugh a lot. You scold a lot. You curse so much and get so rapidly irritated. Why the hell, do you become an ice block because of this bastard Chanyeol, huh?"

You flinched slightly by the mention of Chanyeol's name but your expression was still the same. Emotionless.

"He doesn't like you. No, let's better say he almost disgusted you. He only wanted your body and what now? You're a wreck! The Sae Ra that I know wouldn't be like this. The Sae Ra I know would go, give him a good beating and curse his name like crazy. The Sae Ra I know would-"

"You think you know me?", he raised your eyebrown. First reaction since 2 weeks.

"Yoo Youngjae", this was the first time since ever you said his name. "Have you ever been in love?", you asked him directly.

"What?", he looked confused at you.

"Have you ever been in love?", you asked again. When he didn't gave you an answer you continued.

"Being in love is the best feeling ever. But also the scariest. You feel jumpy and happy everytime you see the person. You'll blush every minute when you look at him. You'll smile if he smiles. You want to have him every minute around you... no every second Youngjae. Without him you're like a lost puppy.Trying to find him, to have him back, to hug him, to kiss him, just to be with him... and this is the scary part. You're nothing without your love Youngjae. Nothing."

"Being apart is just hurtful ok. And when he says that he doesn't love you back, it hurts like crazy."

Now you looked up and this was the first time since 2 weeks you looked directly in Youngjae's eyes. The hurt he saw was almost hurting himself.

"And now tell me braniac...how should I feel when my love called me a lost puppy. Lesser than dirt. I'm not even more value than an insect. So tell me. Should I be happy or rather sad? And if I can't be happy and neither cry then what should I do?"

No one replied they just look at you and you shook your head while leaving the kitchen.

After some second Youngjae kicked the door. "Damn it!", he cursed annoyed.

*I don't like her to be like this. I don't like it how she talks about love. I was never in love, so what? Love can't be that painfull*, he thought bitterly and left to go to his room.



"Even Youngjae is effected by her behaviour.", said Himchan and shook his head. Youngjae who would normaly give a damn about you and your feelings was getting irritated by you. Also the other dongsaengs weren't looking happy anymore. Esspecally Jongup. He looked awfully sad all the time and when you stopped talking to him, he also somehow stopped giving a complet answer to his hyungs.

Himchan sighed and stood up. *Maybe I should talk to her, but a way nicer than Youngjae.", thought Himchan while walking to your room.

He knocked and opened the door, but when he entered you weren't inside. *Omo! Where's she?*, he thought surprised. Maybe in the bathroom, but he was wrong, you weren't there either.

"Yongguk hyung!", Himchan called having a strange feeling. *She would never...or would she?*

"Yes?", Yongguk answered and walked upstairs. "Have you seen Sae Ra going outside?", Himchan asked but Yongguk shook his head.

"Not in her room?"

"No."

"Bathroom?"

"No."

They both thought about where you could might be when Himchan got an shocking idea.

"You don't think that she...", he stopped talking and shook his head. No, never. She's not that stupid. Never.

"What'?", asked Yongguk and frowned.

"I know it's ridiciouless...but you don't think she went back to...yeah Chanyeol, am I right?", he asked but there was no replay from Yongguk.


*But maybe... maybe she really is that stupid.*




                                                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Since 4 hours B.A.P was worrying about you. They called Sehun but he said you weren't with him. They called at your two old work places but they also denied your prescens. They even asked if Chanyeol was there, but they said, Chanyeol was preparing for his perfomence. He hadn't seen someone since then.

But when you weren't with Chanyeol, neither with Sehun, were could you have been? Hospital? No, you weren't even there.

Tired by the long surch, Youngjae decided to go home. Maybe you would come by the time. The rest of B.A.P refused and continued looking for you in the city and everywhere else. You weren't yourself.You could have done something stupid already.




Before Youngjae reached home it started to rain. *Oh, I really hate this day.*, he thought annoyed and started to run. After some seconds he made a stop to breathe. Since you weren't training with him anymore, he gained weight again and did lesser sport. Damn it! It was one of his dreams to lose weight and now look. He's gaining it again. 

After some seconds he continued running. He passed a park and saw someone swinging herself. The peron looked like she wouldn't have any intention to stand up and to look for a safty place because of the rain.

Youngjae started to run slower and recognized the pabo who was sitting there.

"YAH!", he shouted and ran to her. Your head was hanging low while slightly swinging yourself.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG WE LOOKED FOR YOU! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED-", he stopped screaming when he saw that you were crying. It was somehow hard to see since it was raining, but with your parted and trembling lips, the face which looked awfully in pain he could finally see your weak side.

"Let's go home. It's raining.", he said and wanted to take your hand but you hit his away.

"Go...away...", you managed to say.

Dumbfounded Youngjae blinked a few times.

"Are you stupid?! It's raining! We have to go home! We'll just get sick."

"I don't care.", you tightend your grip on the swing. Youngjae sighed dramatically and tired.

"Fine.", he said and turned around to go. After some footsteps he turned around, but you haven't budge a bit.

"OK FINE!", he yelled all of sudden and walked back to you. Sitting on the other swing.

"If I get sick, it's all your fault!", he complained and swing himself lightly.

"You know I hate to be sick.", he said, he wanted to make you feel guilty so you would give in and go home with him.

"When I get a headache or a cold...I don't know who's going to treat me! My mom isn't here and Himchan hyung-"

"I visited my aunt.", you said all of sudden and Youngjae stopped talking.

"I always go in the beginning of the month and in the end.", you said more to yourself than to Youngjae.

"But this time I forgot.", you chuckled bitterly. "And everything because of Chanyeol. When I was in love I forgot. When he broke my heart I forgot. Stupid me.", you said and sighed shaking. It was so cold but you hadn't the strenght to stand up. You just wanted to sit there and pity yourself a bit.

"How did she die?", asked Youngjae but you changed the topic.

"I promised to help you with your diet but I didn't kept my promise. I'm sorry.", you apologized and this was maybe the first apologize he heard directly from you.

"It's ok.", he whispers, but you shook your head.

"I'll help you again Youngjae. And this time I won't put it back."

He nodded and looked at you. This was the first time he saw your true side. The broken but still helpfull Sae Ra.

"I'm so weak.", you said all of sudden. "And I promised to be strong. I'm so stupid."

Youngjae stood up from the swing and kneed infront of you. "Listen", he started.

"You were never weak Sae Ra. Just because you're crying doesn't mean you're weak. You're crying because you went so much threw you have to express your feelings somehow. And crying is the best way and not by showing your straight face."

"Yah."

"Sorry I had to.", he chuckled but got serious again. "But look. When a bastard like Chanyeol talks so bad about you, he doesn't deserve you. And as the strong person as you are, you're going to show him how good you're without him."

"I don't think I can-"

"Yes, you can.", he cut you off. "Because you're not alone. Because your friends are her. Sehun, Yongguk hyung, Himchan hyung, Daehyun, Jongup, Zelo...and also me.", he finished.

You looked up to look at him. "You're also my friend?"

He offered you his hand. "If you let me."

You hesistated to take his hand. What if he hurts you like your others so-called- friends? What if he's just lying because he wants go home? What if he just use you? What if-

Youngjae gave you a smile which was so full of sincerity, that you forgot about your ' what if's ' and took his hand.

His smile grew when you stood up, just to fall in his arms.

"Sae Ra? Yah! Sae Ra!", he turned you around. You were panting in his arms with your eyes slightly open.

He put a hand over your forehead and you were burning like crazy. *Fever!*

He managed to put you on his back and to run home.

"Yah! Don't dare to get sick!", he yelled over his shoulder to you. *I knew I should have just drag her home with me. Damn you rain!*





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Hey Hey! :D 27 chapter *-*

Finally able to update! :DD

Hope you do like the chapter!

Oh and do you mind if I answer some comments here under my storie? :)

See ya next time! :DD<3 <3 <3 Saranghaeeeee!!