Chapter 73
A Bang In The Heart
I tried to dress casually in a loose fitting outfit, so that my bump didn't show as much as possible. I wore a causal button up shirt with comfy black jeans and a pair of grey converse.
I hadn't talked to TOP in such a long time and it was going to be weird to tell him that I was going to quit.
When I arrived in the building, TOP was waiting casually in the lounge for me with one leg elegantly crossed over the other. He was wearing a usual preppy outfit, a light blue undershirt and a warm brown sweater over it. His dark brown chocolate hair was cooly flipped up and out of his face, awkward yet handsome strands struck out cutely. His crisp sharp eyes were fixated on a strange comic book that he was reading all the while looking ridiculously handsome as if he was doing a photo shoot.
And then I saw that Daesung was right next to TOP, looking and pointing at something in his magazine. Daesung's light brown hair seemed to lighten up his face. An angelic and happy smile graced his lips as if he knew of nothing but happiness. Daesung's laughing always made me laugh. Like usual, Daesung was dressed casually but with some sort of y touch to it. A black long sleeved v neck and light colored jeans, all complimenting his perfectly toned muscles underneath it.
"Oh Remi you're here!" Daesung said as he saw me walk towards them.
Top looked up and gave a light smile. "Oh annyeong."
"Annyeonghasayo, Daesung oppa, I didn't know you were here too." I said softly.
If he was here too...then maybe Jiyong was here?
Daesung smiled widely "Yeah, I figured if Top hyung was going the. I might as well come along."
"Is anyone else here? I mean other bigbang members?" I asked
TOP looked at Daesung, "Youngbae's here right?"
Daesung nodded, "Yea, I think Youngbae's down in the dance studio. Seungri's in Japan and Jiyong-ie hyung is at the photoshoot for a magazine."
"Ahh. Okay." I said.
Daesung stood up and put his comic book down. "Ah okay, let's learn Enguhlishi."
I closed my eyes and stopped him. "Wait...no. Um, I'm quitting here today."
Daesung's warm smile vanished and looked surprised.
Top stood up and put down his comic book. "Quit? What do you mean quit?" His deep low voice spoke slowly.
I gave off a nervous smile. "Well, I don't think I can live here any longer. It's getting hard for me so I'm going back to the States."
"Does Jiyong-ie hyung know about this?" Daesung asked.
I paused for a second and then responded. "I'm planning to tell him soon when I can."
Top frowned a little and then tried to smile, "Well then, it's your choice isn't it? You'll come back right?"
I forced a smile and nodded. "Of course! Of...course."
Would I really? When would that be? After I had the baby? After...Jiyong's over me?
"Ah well that's a relief! I didn't want to take an English lesson today anyways!" Daesung joked to try and make me laugh. And of course he succeeded.
"You still better brush up on your English when I'm gone." I said in English.
Daesung's face hardened and waved a hand at me, "Ahh what the heck is she saying hyung?"
Top shook his head, "I don't know, I think she said she wants to at least have dinner with us before she goes."
I laughed loudly, "Yep you got that right!"
We headed down to the company's cafeteria and got our meals. Sadly for me, it was a stew that seemed to make me more nauseous by the minute. Usually I would have loved to eat it but today, the smell was sickening to my stomach.
I tried to keep a straight face and breathed through my mouth but it was just unbearably disgusting to me. A smell that was a mixture of rusted blood, bitter medicine, and a strange rawness to it.
"Are you okay Remi? You look a little sick." Daesung asked as he stopped eating.
I raised my eyebrows and forcibly picked up my spoon. "N-No, I'm fine."
Dipping my spoon into the stew and fishing out a nice spoonful, I held it up to my face to eat it. As soon as I put it in my mouth, I knew that I couldn't do this.
Something came up right away and I immediately covered my mouth and ran straight for the bathroom. I nearly sprinted with one hand covering my mouth and the other on my stomach. When I reached the nearest restroom, I ran into a stall and began to throw up everything into the toilet.
I closed my eyes because I didn't want to see it all. My throat felt raw and disgusting but even thinking about the smell made me throw up even more. I threw up until I felt my face became wet with tears. My fingers grasped tightly on the toilet seat as if I was hanging for life.
After about five minutes of heaving and throwing up, I felt completely dizzy and sick. My head pounded heavily and I just sat down on the bathroom tile floor. I couldn't care less if it was dirty, I just needed some rest.
But then I heard slow steps walk into the bathroom.
I thought that there was no one in here when I came in.
The soft steps grew louder as they got closer to my stall, and then my door swung open.
It was Top. He stood over me with a confused look on his face. There was a soft smile on his face as if he wanted to ease the pain that I was feeling.
"Are you okay? Was the food really that bad?" Top joked as he crouched down to my level. I tried to give a smile back but I couldn't.
He saw what was in the toilet and winced. Looking away, he reached in and flushed the toilet.
Top's deep dark eyes seemed to glimmer as he joked. "What are you? Pregnant or something? It's like you're going through morning sickness."
Why did he have to say that? Why?
As soon as I heard him say "pregnant" it seemed as if my estrogen levels skyrocketed because my emotions burst open. Tears flowed out of my eyes and I scrunched my body up as I began to break down. My hand covered my stomach. From the pain from all the heaving and because I really was pregnant. My body felt hot and my head heavy.
I just really needed someone to be by my side.
Top's eyes opened widely as if he realized something. And then he seemed completely focused on me.
I put my head down and cried my eyes out because I had forgot how to stop. My body was shaking as if it was cold but I was sweating ridiculously.
And then something unexpected happened. Top placed his arms underneath my legs and arms and picked me up like some princess.
My head was right against his chest and I could smell his faint trace of cologne. A little sharper than Jiyong's but I could handle this smell.
I felt exhausted and my eyes couldn't make out anything through all the tears and my swollen lids, but I knew Top was walking out of the bathroom and somewhere else.
My sobs began to do diminish slowly but surely as he gently put me down on a soft place. A sofa.
When I opened my eyes through my damp tears, I saw Daesung looking at me with worried eyes. "Are you really...pregnant Remi?"
I tightened my lips and nodded as I brought my legs up to my chest.
Top closed his eyes and sighed, putting his hands on his hips as if he was thinking about something.
Right at that moment, I heard a rolling noise from the hallway and sure enough Youngbae oppa came in on his skateboard.
Youngbae was cooly dressed in an all black outfit and his signature SnapBack. There were sunglasses on his eyes even though it was night and we were inside. His hair was was frizzy and full of excitement but it cutely matched his overall happy look.
"Oh Remi-ya! What are you doing here?" Youngbae said brightly and then his smile gradually went away when he got closer. He k ew right away something was wrong.
Youngbae took off his sunglasses and his eyes stared at me confusedly. "What's going on here? What's wrong?"
"Remi's...pregnant." Daesung said softly.
Youngbae's face froze and darkened. There was a look of confusion on his face. "W-What?"
"I am." I said quietly with my hand over my stomach.
Youngbae looked so disappointed when he began to realize what he was hearing.
"Who's...Who's baby is it?" Top's low voice was filled with genuine concern.
My lips felt locked shut but I had to force something out. "I-It's...It's Jiyong oppa's."
The three of them seemed stressed but Daesung tried to give me a soft smile, "Congratulations." Daesung opened up a bottle of water for me to drink.
I gratefully took it and sipped some water.
Top smiled sheepishly and put a pillow beside me. "Congrats."
"Thanks" I choked out.
Youngbae on the other hand seemed a little bit upset but he forced a smile when he saw me looking at him. "Yeah, congratulations."
I tried to smile but what ended up coming out were more tears.
Youngbae came over to me and gave me a light gentle hug. His arms carefully caressed me and pat my back. "You'll be okay." He whispered in my ear.
"Have you told Jiyong yet?" Youngbae asked brightly as he could.
"...no. I haven't." I said.
Daesung looked at Top and Youngbae, "If Jiyong-is hyung found out, he would tell the public won't he?"
"Knowing Kwon Jiyong...I have no doubt that he will. And as soon as possible too." Youngbae responded.
"Ahh...and we have our comeback soon...." Daesung said sadly but as soon as he saw me he instantly tried to cover it. "Not that I'm not sad about that it's just-"
"Let's be honest. If Jiyong does goes public about it, then we will lose many fans. There's no doubt about that...but it's not the fans I'm concerned about." Top said as he sat down on a chair.
It was more than that though. If I told Jiyong then he would announce our relationship to the public for sure. I knew that but what would happen afterwards was scary to think about. I could get targeted by the media and Jiyong could lose his career from hate. All those years of him working so hard to get this famous and well respected, it would be going down the drain.
"Still though Remi...you have to tell Jiyong, or else I will." Youngbae said firmly.
I looked down and clenched my teeth hard. My arms tightly wrapped around my body and I nodded. "I will. I'll tell him."
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