Chapter 55
A Bang In The Heart
"Ah noona! How about this Saturday?" Minwoo brightly asked me as we stopped at my house. He walked me home today...again. In fact he's been walking me home basically every single day after my part time job, telling me that the world was too dangerous and filled with "bad people" as he called it.
"Andae* I already told you. Students are gonna start flowing on Saturday classes because summer's starting." I tightened my lips and shook my head.
"Not because you're just trying to avoid me?" Minwoo playfully smiled as he messed with his hair.
I scoffed and shook my head again as I started to unlock my door. "Hey...I'll still help you with your English tomorrow!" I smiled as he started to pace backwards.
I've been tutoring Minwoo in English because it was definitely not his forte. But he's constantly been asking me out on a date but everytime I made some sorry excuse not to go.
"Noona, jalja*~" Minwoo gave a small salut as soon as he knew that I was just about to close the door. I gave a small wave and watched his cute hair bounce as he walked away.
Hahhhh. I sighed as I shut my door and got ready for bed. The routine was now always the same. Work sleep, work sleep. except for the fact that I couldn't sleep anymore. I had something of insomnia, and couldn't stay asleep for more than an hour. There seemed to be nothing much to even look forward to. I tiredly dragged myself into bed as I collapsed onto my bed.
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*andae- no
*jalja- sleep well
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My eyes blinked as they adjusted into the pitch black ceiling and started to make out shapes from the moonlight coming in from the curtains. The air was silent and calm but I just couldn't sleep. Everything was all wrong, the moonlight was starting to get too light, the air was becoming thick and heavy and everything bothered me.
I took a deep breath as I covered my eyes with my hands. Why was everything pissing me off so much?
But then as I laid still, I heard a soft whispering voice that somehow crawled its way into my ear.
Great now I was hearing things.
The smooth and feathering voice was singing...a song that sounded so familiar and pleasing to my ears. I felt calm and serene and my heart steadily pounded warmly at my chest.
"How have you been?" The alluring voice asked me. But there was this small concern and seriousness mixed into it. I didn't care though, I just stayed calm.
The voices in my head were now asking me questions.
"I'm...I'm doing okay." I said out loud as I tightened my lips and blinked into the darkness.
For some reason, I knew who I was talking to. But all I could think was that this was all in my head.
The voice seemed to be thinking of something to say, hesitating and wondering about me.
"...you can't sleep huh?" The voice asked.
"No, I can't. I just...can't." I responded and looked at my hands that were drawing shapes in the air.
I took a deep breath and paused for a bit until I started talking again. "You know what else I can't do? I can't stop...stop thinking about him." My voice cracked out the words with out my mind's consent. Why was I telling this to the voice in my head...or was it really in my head?
"I- I didn't want it this way...it's okay if you hate me. Just hate me." He spoke softly and I heard sorrow being swallowed.
"I hate him." I whispered and blinked hard. "I hate him. I hate him. I hate him" I repeated over and over.
But the voice spoke with it's warm sweet words in response, "But...I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." It repeated the same three words over and over.
I closed my eyes and just before I fell into the darkness of slumber, my mouth formed the same words..."I love you."
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My eyes were half groggily eyed and open when I woke up.
Huh? I actually fell asleep? My mind felt renewed and my body felt so relaxed. I moved my legs around in the air as I rolled off my bed and sighed.
But what was that? I remembered talking to something last night. Was it just a dream?
My phone vibrated on the bed side table and my hand reached out to grab it.
...A new message? From...Jiyong?
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I quickly paced myself out of the elevator and wondered where he was. This morning he had told me that I had accidentally left one of my important papers inside that folder I had given Miko. The only time I could come to the building was after work and now I had finally been done with everything and it was 11 pm. I was exhausted and felt just popped but I had to go. I just...had to.
A lot of the building lights were turned off to conserve energy and instead, lights were dimly lit.
But where was he? The text he sent me was so vague and casual and I almost couldn't even tell if it was directed to me.
Wandering around the third floor which was where he usually was, I peeped in side the frosted windows to see if I could make out any blurry figures inside the rooms. The only recording room with a dim lamp light on seemed to have a dark figure inside of it. Besides there was some soft beat bouncing off from that room.
Peeping my head in, I quietly and smoothly opened the door to see if anyone was in there.
The room was a warm glowy orange because of one of the lamp lights in the corner of the room. As soon as I opened it, a clean beat 90s hip hop track filled my ears. There seemed to be no one else in the room...except for a small body sitting peacefully on one of the chairs.
Jiyong? I asked myself as I dared to go closer.
When I was just about 2 feet close to him, I could definitely tell that it was him. The same chic look on his face...but his eyes were peacefully closed. His mouth was slightly open and his chest slowly went up and down along with the beat. It was as if he was breathing music.
I always loved the way he slept. The way he had his head slightly tilted up innocently and his eyebrows so calmly down, free of stress and worry. The dim light shadowed on his features, accenting his perfect face and toning the beauty of it. His hair was shoved underneath a black beanie, he always did when he was working hard. Jiyong always said that it helped keep his thoughts inside his head and hold it all together. There were heavy circles underneath his eyes, making him look tired even though he was sleeping.
As creepy as it was, I just stood there, watching him sleep like a little boy. And I couldn't do anything else but watch. It was so captivating and addicting...almost like a drug. Just watching him started to bring back memories and jerked my tears back up to my eyes.
Why was I being like this? I told myself over and over again that I would forget him, but here I was...watching him, thinking about him.
Using my hands I covered my mouth and took a deep breath.
But then from the hallway outside, I could hear muffled sounds of people talking. The steps they took were magnified and their voices began to grow louder. They were coming inside here!
My heart began to pound hard and I panicked, my mind going blank out of control.
Why was I panicking so hard?? I had every right to be here, I was just going to pick something up, that's all. But even so I started freaking out.
What if Jiyong sees me?! I hesitated and looked around the room for places to hide.
As I began to back away from Jiyong, I felt something at my back.
...a handle? It was a door handle into the small recording room in the front, the place where they go into sing and rap.
Without thinking, I swung the door open and snuck myself inside. Aware of the fact that there was a large window in front, I crawled myself into one of the empty corners.
I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. Why the heck did I run in here? I could have easily said I just came in. Why did I have to make this so awkward??
I heard the door to the main room swing open and the voices grew loud and clear, overlapping the soft beats to the track.
"Yah~ Jiyong-ah, wake up. Go home and sleep." I recognized one of the voices...Teddy.
I heard a soft moan followed by a sigh. "I...can't. I'm waiting for someone." This voice was now clearly Jiyong. The feathering way that he spoke rushed into my ear.
Wait...so he had been waiting for me? He fell asleep waiting for me?
"Haven't you been here for a while now? You should go home, don't you have like a concert rehearsal tomorrow morning?" Another voice that I recognized to be one of the other producers asked.
"Ahh...uhh" Jiyong seemed to be stretching. "Actually, I was just checking out some beats that we did last week. Don't worry bout me hyung, you can go."
"Well we're gonna go get a drink, you sure you don't wanna come with?" Teddy asked Jiyong.
"Nah...I'll pass. There's something more important than that." Jiyong sighed.
After a few more words, I heard the muffled sounds of a door swinging shut and then the same rhythmic beat overlaying the silent room. Everything felt so muted here but it was as if I could hear my own self breathing. There was something warm and cozy about this place. Even the song sounded relaxing and I could almost picture Jiyong tranced inside of the beat, nodding his head to the rhythm.
My eyelids felt heavy and my breathing was calm. Darkness seemed enticing to my tired eyes and drowsiness waved over me.
Must...stay...awake. Must...stay- I can't do this.
And my eyes slipped shut, closing in the warm dim lights around me and blocking out the music out of my ears.
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"Yah, wake up. Yah~" an unusually loud but soft voice spoke to me.
My eyelids felt glued shut and I didn't want to budge. Where I was sitting felt so comfortable and sleep was trying its best to seduce me back.
Go away, I'm tired as heck. I wanted to say but my mouth just let out a few moans.
But that voice triggered a face in my mind. A face that I knew so perfectly, and so well.
No way. It couldn't be..?
My eyes opened in one swing and my face froze as soon I saw who I was directly facing. And damn right it was that same face.
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