Chapter 20
A Bang In The Heart
I walked in blindly into the house as quietly as I could. Sua was sitting comfortably on the couch with her laptop as usual.
"Hey" She said looking up at me with tired eyes.
"Oh hey"
"Aren't you so early?" Sua said sarcastically chewing her gum perpetuously. "It's like you're busier than me"
I laughed with a caution. What would she think if I told her I've been out to Dongdaemun with one of her biggest idols. Imagining it gave me a headache.
"Yea... You know the usual. Do you have work tomorrow?" I asked her to switch the subject.
Sua shook her head and her eyes lit up brightly, "Oh yeah, tomorrow, me and my friends, we're hanging out. Wanna join us? You can meet my friends." She said nicely.
"I have work tomorrow at in the evening but I don't think it'll last that long." I said remembering my new job as a cashier.
"Alright then, it's a date!"
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The next whole week seemed to go by painstakingly long and slow. My life felt almost endless and I was starting to doubt the idea of death by old age. Will I ever even get that far? The week hadn't even ended yet.
I went out with Sua and her friends two times already and felt glad that I did. They were fresh faces and It was nice to know that I was finally making friends. Of course, her friends were so similar to Sua that I even had the thought they were Sua clones, constantly bombarding me with questions almost too invasive to my life.
Other times when I wasn't being lazy, I was working at the Ji-market. The boss was so friendly and the other younger employees gave me a healthy sense of life. My range of people that I could find myself familiar with grew to an extent where I almost felt different. I was starting to enjoy life here now. I didn't come here to just teach English. I had come here to do something different. Be a part of this culture, be a part of the people and be...me.
Despite my reluctance to start looking for a new job, I called up Aunt Leda who had promised to find me a job as a school teacher.
"Oh hey hon, how you doing?" Aunt Leda's voice crackled on the side but then smoothed out to an even tone.
"I'm doing good, it's really nice so far. How are you?" I quickly said without thinking about the things that happened to me the past week.
"You know the usual. Hey so I have been looking for that job for you..." Her voice broke off as if she was looking for something on her desk.
Oh nice. I thought she might have forgotten.
I waited patiently for her to find it as occasional mumbles came from the other side.
"Okay found it! Um so I called up like three schools around the area and uhhh... Lets see here." She paused, "Jinha High school is hiring new English teachers...but they don't necessarily need one right now. They said maybe starting next month or so."
"Oh" I absently murmured back. I was too busy with the thought of something else. If I did quit my job now, that means I'll never see them again. Them as in...him.
"You there?" Aunt Leda asked.
I nodded and then realized that nods can't be heard over the phone. I laughed at myself and finally spoke out loud. "Thank you so much, I'll call them myself later"
There was a short pause and then she spoke, "Are you sure you're okay Remi?"
"Yeah yeah of course, why wouldn't I be?" I frowned and shook my head as I sat down and leaned against the wall.
"Okay good, I'll text you the phone number and their fax number if you want."
"Yes that would be nice, thanks again Aunt Leda." And the phone disconnected.
What was wrong with me? This never ending anxiety and emptiness. It couldn't be because of them, right? A big part of my life seemed to be missing but I couldn't tell if my heart of exaggerating that absence or if this was truly how I felt.
Every night in hopeful intentions, I lightly knocked on the thin bedroom wall before I slept. But every time all I got was a disappointing response of silence and my mind sank into a great depth of despondency.
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Finally getting home after working 6 hours at the Ji-market, I was tired as if I hadn't slept for several nights. Standing up the whole time was hard enough but my badly in shape body couldn't stand the frantic movements I had to make around the store. In other words, I was exhausted.
Sua wasn't home as she went to visit her family down south and I was practically all alone. I didn't want to take a shower or even wash up so I just went straight to bed. When I turned the lights off, the darkness seemed to swallow me and my thoughts all in one.
I lied down on my bed, trying to recall my thoughts as I dug my hands deep in to my messy hair. Today would be the last night that Jiyong and Youngbae would be in Korea and then they would be gone for two weeks. Two whole weeks! I almost went crazy this week without seeing them. How could I endure that long?
I frowned in deep thought and moaned as I turned over on my bed. In the silent air, I slowly lifted my hand up and formed it into a tight fist. I put my fist close to the wall, almost just a breath of a millimeter away.
What am I thinking? That Jiyong would be here now out of all these days? I shook my head and lightly sighed. My fist let go of all the anxiety it held a grasp of and it fell down on my forehead in despair.
You're so stupid Remi... You're a mess. I said quietly in a crackling voice.
Da-da-da-dum-dum~da da.
My eyes flew open and all signs of tiredness disappeared. It couldn't be...? My face and body froze but my eyes gradually moved towards the wall. No way. Am I dreaming?
I curled my fingers back into a fist again, the anxiety back into me. I held the fist up back close to the wall. Do it Remi! Tap back!
But before I could, the pleasant tapping sound came back from the other side just as playfully as it did the first time. My ears happily welcomed it like church bells.
Holy crap. It was real. My heart began to pound obnoxiously fast and it took over the dead still silence. A tidal wave of surprise washed over my mind, leaving me frozen as a corpse.
I opened my mouth to say something but a soft smiling voice beat me to it.
"Remi-ya, do you have anything to eat?"
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