Chapter 51
A Bang In The Heart
The perfect couple. The goddess and the god. That's what some called them. But some were devastated. Comments on every article or on Bigbang's fan cafe were plastered with either hate and threats or tearful happiness. Every single website had "G-Dragon and Miko" as their most clicked issue. Celebrity magazines had a large picture of that one secret shot where they were found kissing in a club or some street cafe. GD and Miko here. GD and Miko there. I always had this fear inside of me to turn on the tv or go outside because I didn't want to see it anymore.
But physically, it was as if nothing else changed in my life. I still went to work at the school as a teacher. One good thing that came out of this was that the rumors or anything about me had disappeared like the wind.
I tried to forget, I told myself it was just the past and nothing more, but it affected the now and my future. There was a jump at my heart whenever I thought about Jiyong and even when I pushed him out, he would still manage to squirm his way back in to my mind.
At first I denied it. I questioned everything, and couldn't believe it. Just a month ago I had been lying in his arms, us whispering in ears the things we loved most about each other. The things that made us happy and cry...the things that made us one.
But it was all gone now. Kwon Jiyong, you're no longer a part of me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It has been almost two months now since...it broke out. The same routine fixated my brain to keep me occupied. Work, work, sleep. Work, work, sleep. There had been some major problem with my wrist, a broken bone that was hard to relocate and fix, that still kept my hand in a small cast. It hurt like crazy whenever I lifted anything or did something excessive. But I didn't mind too much.
Sua was even more busier with her job. She finished her internship and finally got a job as an official photographer journalist at a local magazine company. As for me, I was still a teacher, fully occupied with tutoring students till late at night and also filling in shifts for my part time job.
And Bigbang, all the members were busy with preparing for the tour and their own little lives. Occasionally, Seungri or Daesung would stop by the building and take a short English lesson and leave. Youngbae sometimes invited me to have lunch with him, and honestly, he was one of the people on my life that actually made me smile during this time.
Slowly but surely, I thought that I was returning to normalcy. Of course, I felt somewhat desensitized, emotionless and empty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ah noona, are you leaving now?" Minwoo asked as he grabbed his bag off the counter. Another guy I've been getting unusually close with these days. Minwoo. He was always a bit ecstatic and kind to me, which I enjoyed for once in a while.
"Uhh yea, I'm going home." I said quietly, as I waved bye to the Ji-market owner in the back.
Minwoo was a cute looking guy, who looked young enough to probably pass for a teenager. His smooth calm black hair softly framed his face and when he smiled, his white pearlies shined brightly.
Minwoo jumped over and opened the door for me, "Hey, I'll walk you home. It's late and...dangerous out there."
I let out a small soft grin and shook my head. "Don't worry. It's not even five minutes from here."
"Exactly! In those five minutes, you could get seriously hurt! I mean look at your hand!" Minwoo excitedly said, his strands of hair cutely brushing over his wide eyes.
I lifted my hand in my cast and and raised my eyebrows. "I'm walking there, my hand will be fine."
"Aishh noona! J-Just stop making excuses. I'm walking you home!" Minwoo said as he waved goodbye and rushed me out of the door.
The always so familiar narrow alley seemed now further apart. Almost like a wide road. Every time I walked through this place now, it gave me chills. Chills from the memories I had in this alley, that guy I had always walked here with...and the light that I saw coming near me.
The street lights had no color this time, just a plain florescent light, harshly beaming down at me..and Minwoo.
I kept my distance from Minwoo when we walked, but he just kept coming closer. When the unusually long walk finally ended at my house, I stopped walking a few steps before my door to make sure he wouldn't come all the way inside,
"Minwoo-ya, gomawo" I tightly smiled at him, trying not to look into his eager eyes.
Minwoo softly smiled, his dimples shyly showing just a but underneath the moonlight. "No problem. Noona, if you have any problems..." Minwoo took my cellphone that was in my pocket and quickly put his number in my phone. "Just give me a call." He pat my back and put his hands in his pocket as he watched me awkwardly go inside.
What just happened? Was Minwoo just hitting on me now..?
As soon as I closed the door, my body sunk down to the ground and my back leaned comfortably the wall. I looked down at my hand which was grabbing my phone.
Scrolling down in the contacts names, I read out loud. Kang...kang Huijoon...Kang Minwoo. I gave a small smirk when I read his name. So he really did put his number in huh?
My hesitant fingers continued scrolling down until I read the name that stopped my heart. Kwon Jiyong.
I still had his number. By his name, there was a picture of him that I took one morning when we were waking up. His bed hair disheveled and eyes b with sleepiness but yet a sweet smile on his lips. I remembered that moment exactly, down to every detail. The way he whispered my name into my ear, holding me close to his warm body while trying to tickle me. The unique scent of him soothing everything inside of me. The soft morning kiss I gave him with a light peck.
Why haven't I deleted his number yet?
There was a sick churning feeling in my stomach and my heart began to beat faster.
Okay Remi, just do it. Just delete it. I brushed my fingers over his name. My hand trembled as my thumb grazed over the delete button in hesitation.
Just...do...it. I closed my eyes tightly and let my finger touch the delicate screen.
Riiiiiinggg riiiiiiiiinnnng
WOAH. NO WAY. I opened my eyes widely when I saw what I had done. My finger accidentally pressed call instead of the delete button! Oh my god. Oh my god. NO NO NO, I CAN'T CALL HIM.
I frantically shook my head as my thumb violently pressed the "end call" button in repetition. My heart beat had gone sky high and my forehead began to feel moist with sweat.
The screen returned back to the home screen and I let out a huge sigh. I held my phone closely to my chest and looked up at the ceiling.
He wouldn't have caught that right? That was what, maybe 5 seconds? No less than that! He couldn't have seen it!
All of sudden, I felt a vibration at my chest. I held my phone up to my face and to my shock, it was ringing. Kwon Jiyong was calling me back.
"What do I do? What do I do? Answer it??" I panicked and whispered to myself as my hand hit my head repeatedly.
After 3 seconds of thinking to every extent and situation, I swallowed hard and answered the phone. My heart felt as if it would pound right out of my chest. My eyelids heavily sunk down to close my eyes and my ear picked up the sound of the line connecting.
Why was I doing this? What good would it do me to talk to him? He never bothered to call me. He never bothered to talk to me!
Then I heard his soft feathery voice. Filled with a slight cautiousness and curiosity, he whispered, "...Remi-ya."
Almost instantly, his voice and the way he said my name triggered the memories in the past, making my eyes start to water. My hand jolted up to my mouth to cover up the little whimpers of my voice. I couldn't bear to show him that I was crying...weak and stupid. I bit my lip until my teeth began to sink into the skin.
What am I supposed to say? I haven't heard him say my name in so long, I almost forgot the way he said it. The way he said it delicately as if holding a fragile flower on his lips. He always said "Remi" with a pretty sounding "L", like melodic chimes touching a perfect high note.
There was a quick sigh. And then a pause before he said again, "...Remi."
You stupid, say something. Just say something, anything!
Tears rolled out of my eyes and all I could do was put my head down
Then a pause and then silence as the line disconnected.
Comments