Chapter 28
A Bang In The Heart
"Let me go-" I grabbed harshly at his arm and struggled to get free.
Instead of being released from his arms, Jiyong grabbed my hand and flipped me around to face him.
At this point I really could not stop crying. The tears flowed out of me relentlessly and my breathing was heavy and labored in deep sobs. I felt like a little girl who didn't know how to stop crying. I couldn't face him so I kept my eyes down.
"D-don't do this to me. You left me here all alone and confused." I wiped the endless tears with my sleeve. "...you wouldn't answer my calls! And... And you didn't text me back or- or anything!!" My breathing was now staggering and Jiyong continued to hold my hands tightly with his. I felt so belittled by him even though he didn't say a word.
I finally looked up at once and saw his eyes looking sadly at me. There were shaded dark circles under his eyes and he looked so thin. His eyes were filled with this sadness that seemed to be longing for something painful to end. A shiny coat of water brimmed along his eyes but he didn't cry or maybe he was trying hard not to. His lips continued to tremble and the corners of his lips were crooked down miserably.
Shaking my head and trying to get free again, I pleaded at him in loud sobs, "S-Stop, just stop it already! I can't do it! You make me so- so confused!!"
My voice split and my brows felt permanently furrowed in anger.
"I didn't know what to do... I just don't know! I don't even know if you like me or not.. Or if you were jus-"
Jiyong grabbed my hand up and pulled me into his chest as he swiftly kissed me to block my words.
Oh why? Why did he have to do this to me?
I felt a cold foreign tear drop from his face to mine as his lips kissed passionately on mine. That tear slid down across my cheek and the grip of his hand on mine became tighter. Jiyong kissed me hard and forcefully but each move with a careful and caring feel. This was different than our first kiss, he seemed to be wanting more and more and the way he kissed was filled with a deeper meaning, like he wanted to tell me something that he couldn't.
When he finally stopped, he tilted his head down so that his forehead gently leaned against mine. His eyes were still sad but blurry and my eyes focused in on his lips. There was a small light grin on his lips, not too entirely happy or sad. Jiyong's body heat floated over to me and I felt more calm but empty inside from all the crying.
"You don't know how long I've been wanting to do that" He said as I felt his hot breath on my cold skin. I could still taste his lips on mine.
I swallowed and closed my eyes hard with a frown.
Jiyong leaned back and using my hand, he tilted my face up so that I was looking directly at him.
"Remi I don't like you...I-I...love you." Although his entire body seemed to be shaking and nervous, his eyes kept a narrow focus on me, completely straight and serious.
Even so, I shook my head in discontent and the tears continued to well up inside me. "How can I- How do you expect me to respond to that when you...you just go out there not giving a crap about me and those rumors-"
"Rumors, that's all that is. Just rumors." Jiyong looked down and sighed.
"Remi, I'm a celebrity and that's who I am. I can't change it- No I can't even avoid it. And sometimes...sometimes it's not fair." His face crinkled into an agonizing frown.
As my head started to clear up from all the anger that I let out, I began to see from his shoes. And I understood him not completely but I was beginning to.
"And this... This is exactly why I'm so scarred to let you into my life." Jiyong grabbed at his hair and pressed his palm against his forehead.
"I won't be able to do anything about it. You're gonna get hurt Remi..." His voice gradually attenuated to a whimper.
I had been so blinded by what I only saw that I didn't realize how hard this was on him. It was a huge commitment for him to even start liking me and I was angry because of some stupid rumor. Now I felt terrible.
All was silent except for the unison of our heavy breathing. I didn't know what else to do so I stepped forward and hugged him with my arms wrapped tightly under his arms and my face snuggled in his chest. His arms naturally wrapped around me as well; his hand lightly caressed the back of my head and I felt his face cuddle into my shoulder.
"I'm sorry..." He said again.
I didn't respond but I nodded and he knew. I forgave him.
And...Miko. I was so curious about her. Don't bring it up Remi, don't bring it up. I cleared my throat and looked down to push back her name down my thoughts.
"Sajangnim was seriously pissed about the rumors. Also since the American tour is heading way, he doesn't want any more unnecessary attention and so..."
"...so?"
"I have stop living in the house next to yours for now. Well not too much anyways. Sajangnim wants me living in the dorm more than I do there now." Jiyong said sadly.
So I can't see him as much anymore? I barely saw him because of his busy schedule and now this??
"Okay." I nodded understandingly even though my heart screamed no.
Jiyong continued, "And... I couldn't call you because, my phone. It got stolen."
I pushed slightly away to look at him. "Stolen?"
Finally the wrinkled lines on his forehead smoothed out, "Yea, when Youngbae and I were flying to Chiba, I dropped my cellphone in the crowd and some fans picked it up and they ran with it." He smirked.
A small laugh escaped from my mouth. So that's who those people were on the phone! Sakura and Misuko!
"I think I know who your thieves are." I grinned and my firm face broke out into a more relaxed state.
Jiyong's face relaxed as well and he tried to hide a smile, "What?"
I shook my head. I'll keep Sakura and Misuko safe, they seemed like nice girls. I tried to hold in stifled laughter but I couldn't.
"Yah, if you laugh right after you cry, you're gonna grow hair out of your .*" Jiyong wiped the remaining wet tears on my cheek with his sleeve.
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*"...hair out of your "-its a korean saying. Don't ask.
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"Moya..." I swallowed hard and sniffed my stuffy nose.
Jiyong chuckled softly and messed my hair up with his fingers.
"Yah, you look ugly when you cry." He joked.
I pouted unknowingly and frowned, "I hate you."
"You know you love me."
He was right. I did...too much for him to realize.
Jiyong gently grabbed my hand and we began to walk back downstairs to the recording room floor.
"Yah...Remi-ya."
"Hmm?"
"I think we should keep 'this' between us for now. It'll get complicated when everyone knows."
"...Right." I let of his hand but our fingers didn't want to part from each other. The warmth from his hand lingered and I felt a sudden emptiness.
And we entered the recording room, him first and then me. As if we didn't even know each other.
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