Chapter 33
A Bang In The Heart
I wiped my tears until my sleeves were soaked and my hands were dry.
Was...that how he thought of me? I mean, I think I had an idea of it but never thought it was anything serious. I love Youngbae oppa but Jiyong...he was the one I loved with my heart. My head clouded up with thoughts and I felt as if I was about to explode.
Running down the stairs and finally to the lowest floor, I aimed to run across and out of the building...until protective arms caught me and pulled me back.
I hung my head down and tried to make it look like I hadn't been crying.
"Yah, where you going?" Jiyong pulled me back up straight and lifted my head to face him. When he saw my face, Jiyong frowned and his eyes filled with concern.
I bit my lip and tried to tug free. All I needed right now was to get home and to get my mind off of it.
"Were you...crying?" Jiyong touched my cheek and pulled my hair back.
I swallowed and shook my head. I pushed free from him one more time and strangely, Jiyong let go. He still had a confused and worried expression on his face but his arms let me free.
I slowly turned back around to the hallway out of the building and fled.
Why did things have to get so confusing?
Youngbae disappeared. From my sight at least. Whenever I still went in building on the days I wasn't working part-time, Youngbae seemed to have arrived and left before I even stepped foot inside. Jiyong's face was almost too rare to even see and all I could do was pretend that I didn't know him.
I was afraid, my heart filled with anxiety of even thinking that I would see them but everyday, that anxiety died down to an overwhelming disappointment when I never did get to see them.
A week, and half a week passed by just like that. And my life seemed to lack a "bang" that I had before.
Thoughts of Youngbae made me weak, I could still remember the hope in his eyes that I killed that day. The devastating look on his face when I yelled at him and the thump that I heard as I left the room seemed to create a doubt that happiness existed in life.
Sua was busy as usual, and she seemed to have a fun packed life. I did go out with her several times but I couldn't get my mind off anything.
To make things even more confusing, I received more "letters". All with no name and with a single insulting line clearly printed at the top. . I had this urge to keep them and so I hid them in a small stash underneath some of my papers on my desk. I wanted to know who and what they exactly wanted.
Daesung, Seungri and Top all came in at least once during the week and I treated them just as students as a teacher would. They sensed me creating a wall between them and me, and they didn't question it. Maybe they were used to this. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so close to them.
Finally, Jiyong texted me about his lesson and I felt this strange hatred coming up in me. Oh now he wanted to see me?
But then again, my self consciousness slapped me as I faced the reality all over again. He's a celebrity and I'm just his English teacher. That's all I am. Remi, stop being so selfish.
I dressed in shorts and sneakers, all fairly casually. But my heart wasn't casual, it was beating so fast I felt that it would leap put of my chest. My stomach had captured all the most active butterflies in the world and my hands were clammy. What was all this anxiousness for? I put the delicate heart necklace deeply in my pocket and it heavily dragged me down.
I waited nervously in the lounge room for Jiyong to come. My fingers furiously tapped at the table and I felt almost as if I was about to throw up. When I looked up, I found a cool and calm looking Jiyong walk out of the hallway and into the lounge.
His short refreshingly blue hair was smoothed up in a slick mohawk, matching with a crisp fitting white t-shirt and black baggy capris. His walk was too annoyingly calm for me and his chilly grayish eyes gave me a teasing smile when he entered. It felt as if it had been so long since I had seen him.
"Annyeonghasayo~" Jiyong bowed and ran over quickly to sit next to me, leaning and pushing himself against my shoulder. I scooted back and took out the papers for the lesson.
"Annyeonghasayo, Jiyong-shi" I couldn't help but smile when I felt his fingers tickle at my side. Why was it so hard for me to resist this man? But I quickly regained my frown and pulled back.
Jiyong pouted and put his serious face on as we started the lesson. For two hours, we went over more complex sentences and uses of casual vocabulary.
"Ah I got it now, 'I really love you all, but I'm sorry I can't stay longer' and then I can use, 'However..." right?" Jiyong fluently spoke with a slight accent.
I nodded and added more to his sentence, "'However...I'll come back next time for another concert, So don't worry'"
"'...However I can go home with you today...because I missed you. And...I love you'" Jiyong said softly in English as he slowly looked up from his writing. His muted blue hair seemed to fuzz out his sharp eyes and reflected a sorry gaze upon me.
I slightly pouted and tugged down at my lips. "Really?"
Jiyong nodded and thinly smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I packed my things and started walk out of the lounge and into the elevator, following Jiyong but making sure that I kept a distance from him. But in the hallway, all of sudden, Jiyong stopped walking and waited for me to catch up. When I finally did, he jerked at my arm and pulled me into one of the nearest empty rooms.
The room was a small recording room with no one else inside. As soon as Jiyong lightly closed the door behind us, he tightly wrapped his arms around me and sighed deeply. I just stood there, taking in his wholesome scent and his warmth embracing me. Jiyong's chin rested peacefully at my shoulder and his body rocked me, swaying slightly.
"Can we stay like this? Just for five minutes?" Jiyong whispered in a sigh into my ear.
I purposefully let out an annoyed sound, "So that you can completely ignore me later?"
Jiyong pulled back from his embrace and pinched my cheeks playfully, "Yah- I'm just working. Is that why you're so bitter? Remi-yang?"
"Well...you're a workaholic" I crossed my arms.
"I know." Jiyong sighed and stretched his arms out before he began to run his fingers through my hair. "I know...that's why I'm sleeping over at your house today." A mischievous smile came on his lips.
"Y-You can't do that!" An image of Sua holding a knife crossed my mind.
"Why not? I let you sleep at my house...so it's my turn now."
"There's a girl I live with and she's a little...crazy....about you." I let a small laugh sneak from my lips.
"Yeah I think I saw her before. She snarled at me when she saw me."
Oh god, what would she do if she knew that the alleged "creepy man" living next door to us was none other than the idol she loved most. Dark blood splatters flashed before my eyes and I shuddered.
"Okay fine, my house...we just have to make sure we won't get caught again." Jiyong smoothed down my hair and kissed the top of my forehead. His face was so close to me and I could see his pore-less clear skin and his perfect face invading my space. The air between us was warm and comfortable. Jiyong lightly grabbed the back of my head and lightly kissed my lips. We kissed with smiles on our lips and his fingers tickled the nape of my neck.
We slowly parted, leaving a small space between out lips and leaned our forehead together, continuously giggling at absolutely nothing.
Something in my pocket felt unusually heavy for some reason and it bothered me, My fingers unconsciously reached down into my pocket and pulled out...the heart necklace.
I put this here before I came, but why? It wasn't like I was gonna all of sudden meet Youngbae and give it back to him. He probably hated me now and even the word "rejection" would be hard for me to think of.
But right then I put my words back in my mouth as my thoughts came true. The door slowly opened with a tremble and I felt the walls crowding in on me when I saw who it was behind it. Youngbae looked up at us when he took a step in to the room and froze. His face was emotionless, his eyes, his lips and just everything about him seemed frozen. It looked as if there was no life in him. His hair was back in short braids covered by a red SnapBack and the shadow of it casted a dark look on his face.
Jiyong and I, still in each other's arms turned to look at him. Jiyong looked as if he was about to say something but held himself back. I grasped the heart necklace tighter In my hand and it began to burn a guilt-filled hole in my palm.
My heart pounded quickly and before I began to say something, Youngbae painfully sighed and raised his eyebrows as his eyes rolled over to the ground. He quickly backed himself out of the room and closed the door, leaving us in a deadly throat choking silence.
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