“Hands stretched out!”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Why not? That magazine said it’s good for you.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Hannah, you do it, show it’s good for your body.”

Hannah looks up from her cell phone, seeing Maria stand with her arms stretched out in the air, having the face-expression telling Hannah to do the same. She just shakes her head and looks back down at her cell phone. Hannah is happy the crew in the recording studio asks Maria to record next, so none of the ladies have to try the things she had seen in some magazine this morning. Maria really gets the strangest ideas at times.

The group is in the recording studio today, just as they were yesterday. They are recording the two songs for their next Japanese single; and later today they will be practicing the choreography too.

Hannah is almost lying in this uncomfortable sofa, sighing over and over again. She keeps looking at her cell phone. Jonghyun keeps texting her, and he is adorable. He only writes the cutest things, charming her and making her miss him even more. And he asks when she will come to Korea, and when she answers he asks if she will come earlier…

“He’s annoying,” Emelia mutters when lifting Hannah’s legs up to sit in the sofa, letting Hannah’s legs fall over hers. Hannah looks up at her friend, not amused by her best friend saying her boyfriend is annoying. “Does he know about the drama filming?”

“No,” Hannah quietly answers, looking down at her cell phone again when Jonghyun texts her. “I haven’t told him about that yet.”

“If you two are going to fight about that too, warn me so I can be far away,” Emelia tells her lightly.

The youngest glares at her though before she gets up to sit straight in the sofa with her legs against her chest. “You’re an idiot, Emelia.”

“What? It’s obvious you will fight about it, like you fight about everything, in fact anything. It’s either you make a mistake or he gets angry over you living your life. It’s the same thing over and over again,” Emelia shrugs her shoulders while talking and Hannah keeps glaring at her. Hannah holds on tighter to her cell phone when getting ready to leave her seat.

“At least Jonghyun doesn’t make me upset because he feels like it, compared to someone else,” she growls at Emelia before walking away. Before leaving the room she excuses herself to the Japanese producers, saying she has to use the bathroom.

Not just that antis and fans are after her for being together with SHINee’s Jonghyun, but her very own friend since childhood is going on her nerves about it too. Hannah looks at twitter again when heading outside. Fans have started to ask why she isn’t updating anything, even an article came out mentioning that 5 Pieces’ best updater on twitter has stopped updating ever since the news about her being in a relationship came out. It’s true, she hasn’t updated at all since she had to make a decision. She didn’t feel like updating at that time and now she just receives horrible comments and tweets, beside from these fans who are asking her to update.

Again now when checking twitter, it is a lot of antis (fans of SHINee’s or her own fans who doesn’t like to know she isn’t single) tweeting to her. Her manager suggested her to remove her twitter account, but … no way she will do that. She has even reached three million followers now! No way will she loose all that just because of some people being disappointed in that she has a life. It’s not like she tell her fans to not be in a relationship; don’t ever get married or pregnant.

With a pout she is looking at twitter on her cell phone while walking through the corridor. They recorded their Japanese album here too, so she knows where the things are. With a final sigh, she has written a short and simple tweet, upset and angry at all the people bashing her online.

{Twitter, 5P_HANNAH: I am human, aren’t you?}

She thinks it gives a good message. Maybe these bashing antis will think of that she is human too, like they are, that she has feelings and can be attracted by another person just as much as they can. She hopes they will back off, even if they don’t understand this message; she just wants them to leave her alone if they don’t like her.

Hannah looks up, grimacing at the corridor. The corridors here are scary for some reason. They feel long and endless, the ceiling is high and one side is just windows showing off the view they have from this high building. Hannah walks along the other wall. It isn’t that she is afraid of heights; it is just for some reason now she feels dizzy looking out the window.

Her steps are getting slower and she holds her hand on the wall. No, she is dizzy. And she feels sick, as if she has eaten too much and her stomach can’t take it. But she hasn’t eaten anything at all today. Her head starts to hurt too, or is it? She doesn’t know, all she knows is that she closes her eyes over the dizziness, not sure anymore if she is standing still or if she is still walking. Her hands start to press on her cell phone, a direct number, and she holds the cell phone to her ear.

A woman answers the call, professionally doing the introductions before asking how she can help.

“I’m looking for Doctor Yoo,” Hannah says in a whispering voice.

“He is busy right now, do you want to leave a message?”

“Could I… I’m sorry, but could you just ask him if he could take this call now? It’s important. Tell him it’s Hannah.” She puts her other hand on her forehead. Is she going to faint?

“Oh my god. Are you 5 Pieces’ Hannah?” the girl on the phone has a total change in her voice. “Just one second!”

Hannah doesn’t know if it is one second or one minute, all she knows is that her head is completely somewhere else. She gives out a sound of discomfort right before hearing the familiar voice of her doctor in Korea.

“Hannah, is everything alright?”

“I’m not sure. My head is spinning…”

“Are you sitting down?”

“Um…” Is she sitting down? She knows she has her arm resting on the wall, but it feels like she is lying down. Is it the floor she is lying on? Could she lie on the wall? No, that’s not possible, but she is pretty sure it is the wall she is resting her arm on. “I’m not sure…”

He asks if there is someone there with her, but she knows she is alone. A low cry tries to break out from her, her spinning head is freaking her out and she doesn’t know how to make it stop. She tries to hold on to the wall (or the floor?) but it is impossible to grab on to something flat. Her doctor tells her something, but she doesn’t hear what it is as she is trying to stare at the wall, trying to decide if it is the wall or the floor. Why is everything white in the corridor? Is she lying down or is she still standing up? She thinks her legs should tell her if they are standing up, but she isn’t sure if she even feels her legs. Her whole head is just spinning and she can’t think straight.

“Hannah! Hannah!” the others come running through the corridor with Emelia first, holding a cell phone in her hand.

Doctor Yoo had called Manager Lim, but since he is in Korea he got the number to Manager Lee, but it was Emelia who answered. Now they find Hannah leaning against the wall, not really sure if she is going to fall down on her or what she is doing, but when they come up to her she faints.

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

Manager Lee is standing by the edge of the hospital bed with his arms folded over his chest. He looks troubled, frowning when looking at the blonde girl in the bed. She has tubes put in her right arm, things that look like water at the other end of it, and she looks to be barely awake. He hasn’t left her side, just two times to go to the bathroom and during those times he got some coffee too. The other ladies of 5 Pieces were told to continue recording and practicing, which they are doing too, and Hannah hasn’t been awake until a few minutes ago. Manager Lee looks even more troubled when Hannah turns her head to the side, seeing a familiar face sit by a chair next to her.

“How are you feeling?”

Doctor Yoo Yongmyung had taken the first flight over to check on his patient and by his arrival the nurses and doctor at the hospital in Tokyo had informed him of what they know. He looks handsome in a white shirt and black dress pants, almost in his forties now, and always so professional with his hair at place. Hannah closes her eyes, barely moving when she whispers that she feels tired, and slowly she opens her eyes again to look at the doctor. She is thirsty too, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Are you still dizzy?”

She shakes her head for answer, but she barely moves. Manager Lee keeps frowning. She looks to be in pain. Doctor Yoo sighs and leans forward with his elbows resting on his knees, making him self ready to inform her about everything without using the hard words so she can understand him. Hannah has already been checked by the nurses when she woke up earlier, just making sure she can move and everything is okay with her.

“You fainted because of fatigue; lack of sleep, tiredness, exhaustion… The, well, another reason for you fainting is because you have stopped taking your pills.”

“I can’t take the pills when I work,” Hannah whines in a whisper, “they make me sleepy.”

“You get them for a reason, Hannah, and they will not help you unless you take them every day,” Doctor Yoo tells her. “You haven’t eaten enough, you have worked too hard, and you don’t sleep enough either, you don’t take the pills… And apparently you have been drinking alcohol too?”

“I hadn’t taken the pills for several days, I thought it was okay,” she mutters.

He just sighs at her and Manager Lee looks down, as he is the one who shouldn’t have let her drink if he knew it would cause her to faint. Hannah stopped taking the pills when she was a mess from the news coming out about her and Jonghyun, and she hadn’t taken them since. She actually forgot about them, but this weekend she was reminded that she should take them but because she didn’t feel any different, she thought she didn’t have to take them anymore. Her doctor has told her that she can’t drink alcohol when taking these pills, but he has let her get away with it a few times before so she thought it was no difference this time.

“You work more than your body can handle,” Doctor Yoo tells her, “and that is why this happened. Your diary is horrible; you don’t even eat half of what your body need. The other members eat enough for the work their bodies do, but you work out on the side too, and you don’t eat as much as the others.”

Manager Lee responses to Hannah’s unspoken question by saying he brought the diary with him for the doctor to see. Hannah has a diary where she writes down what she eats every day, which she has been doing since she first came to Korea because she at that time had to loose weight and they had to control what she was eating. Now, it isn’t really for the same reason. The doctor keeps telling her that she needs to eat both good and bad fat, that she can eat fast food and tells her that she needs to eat this and that many times a day and Hannah honestly just listens at the beginning. She can’t focus for more than that and her eyes closes. She is so tired.

“I will call your trainer, and together with your manager we will fix a food schedule that you have to stick to, okay?” Doctor Yoo finishes up before standing on his feet. “At the moment you need rest, but because I know you want to know; yes, you will continue working. You will be back practicing tomorrow morning, but for tonight, you will be resting here.”

“Can’t I rest at the apartment?” Hannah whispers.

“You will stay here over night,” Manager Lee answers first, and his tone tells her to not argue with that.

She is too tired to argue anyway, so Hannah just closes her eyes again. Doctor Yoo waits by the door until the manager looks at him, and he shows that he wants to talk to him outside. A nurse steps inside to check on Hannah while the two men steps outside.

“For how long have you worked as 5 Pieces’ manager?” Doctor Yoo asks with his hand held together behind his back. He is standing straight, one foot slowly getting in front of the other when slowly walking forward, the manager walking slowly beside him.

“Only for a year,” Manager Lee answers politely, knowing it is an older man he is talking to. “I know Hannah very well, and I will make sure she follows the schedule.”

“If you know her well, you should know she rarely do as she is told when it comes to her body – health, food, exercise; she doesn’t do what she is told,” Doctor Yoo tells him, looking straight ahead with his head held high. “She has to take her pills twice every day, and she needs to eat. I’m not sure if Manager Lim has told you, but Hannah is still weak from the car accident two years ago. It will take a long, long time before she will really recover from it, and though she doesn’t show it, she still has trouble from it. Don’t talk to her about it. Hannah just needs to be reminded of her schedule; don’t put pressure on her or try to force her, just remind her and she will manage it on her own. She knows the importance, she just need a reminder from time to time. Do you think you can help her with that, Manager Lee?”

Manager Lee looks at the doctor, again having a little troubled face-expression.

“I will do my best, doctor.”

Hannah opens her eyes. It feels like she has been sleeping for a few minutes, if she even has fallen asleep, but according to the clock on the wall she has been sleeping for eight hours. Its midnight now, the sounds around her are different compared to before. She feels stuffed, which she can understand because she has slept for eight hours and her body is stiff when she doesn’t move. Lying on her back is uncomfortable, and she tries to move to lie on the side. Her whole body is stiff from lying still for so long and she can almost hear how her body is making sounds at her movements.

“What’s wrong?”

Manager Lee is suddenly leaning over her. He had been sitting on the chair where the doctor sat before, and when Hannah started to move he panicked. If she felt more awake and her body able to move on its own, she would angrily tell him to leave her alone, but now she just sighs and closes her eyes.

“I need to move.”

“You need to rest, the doctor said that,” Manager Lee says in a low voice, trying his best to be nice. She knows that. Manager Lee often shows his surprise at things and he is frightened at moments when he doesn’t know how to act. He is human, she thinks; of course he can’t know the best way to react all the times.

“I can’t move my body if I’m still for too long,” Hannah mutters behind her teeth, “I’m not even leaving the bed.”

She wouldn’t even be able to get up from bed with the tubes in her arm. She glares at it before closing her eyes again; knowing Manager Lee has quietly taken his seat again. She has her back against him, and carefully she is lying on the side, making sure her back isn’t feeling horrible in this new position.

Hannah is curious about her members, how they have reacted to this, if they even know that it isn’t such a big deal. And she thinks of Manager Lee, who reacted the moment she moved. Does he even sleep?

Carefully she turns in the bed again, first lying on her back with a grimace in her face. She turns to lie on the other side, now able to see Manager Lee sit there. He is leaning back in the chair, sitting with his jacket over him, and he looks at her tiredly.

“Don’t you sleep?” she whispers to him.

“I have slept a little, and I have even gotten to sleep in a bed – one of the guards out here got to keep you company,” Manager Lee answers and he gives a nod to the other side of the window behind his back. The window is hidden behind curtains, but she can see a glimpse of someone sitting out there. Once again, her manager answers a question she barely get time to think over; “It got quite wild in the hospital when they found out a member of 5 Pieces is here, so we have guards out in the corridor.”

“Oh…”

“You should sleep, Hannah.”

“Have you talked to the ladies?” She ignores his suggestion. Manager Lee nods, and he tells her that he has informed them about everything and that they are now sleeping so they can begin practice tomorrow morning with Hannah, and when she asks about Jonghyun the manager is frowning, saying that Jonghyun knows and he has freaked out enough for them all. He looks down at his hands, and Hannah sees that he is on the end of his jacket. The pillow she rests her cheek on is surprisingly comfortable, not as comfortable as it would be if she was in her own bed, but comfortable enough. She closes her eyes for just a few seconds before looking at her manager again when he talks to her.

“Doctor Yoo talked to me earlier,” he says in a low voice, not looking away from his hands. “And he made me wonder about what I saw at the concert this past weekend… when I saw you talking to Kyung who … He was upset over something.”

Hannah tries to hug the pillow, failing because of the tube in her arm. Her cheek is pressed against the pillow though. Manager Lee hesitates to say something more, as he thought Hannah would say something after his words.

“Kyung Ho got upset when you mixed up colours…” he finishes saying, only now glancing up at her. In his eyes, she looks pale and tired.

“After the car accident, when I still was at the hospital, Kyung Ho helped me a lot,” Hannah is telling him, looking at something next to him. “My brain had been damaged somehow, and there were a lot of … issues, with it, according to the doctor. I got no problem to remember a song; the lyrics and the choreography are easy to remember because it is about routines and such. Colours, on the other hand… I keep mixing up. You can show me the colour green, and I will see that colour but my memory will remember it as another colour. Mostly it is just about colours, and if I ever mess up words, people think it is because I am a foreigner. Not even the ladies know about it because … honestly, it isn’t much difference from before for them.”

“So … you mix up colours?”

“I tell you, it is no big deal. Maria would freak out over such a tiny thing…” Hannah answers and he think she looks like she really has no problems with the fact that she mixes up colours. “I don’t want you to tell them, Oppa.”

He nods. It makes him feel better that she trusts him to tell such a thing. But he still looks troubled.

“But …” he says, again hesitating with a frown when looking at his hands. He can’t look at her now. “Your doctor worries because you mixing up colours?”

Hannah looks surprised at how he thinks of this so much. She looks away from him when he glances at her. It isn’t awkward between them, not at all, Hannah is actually happy Manager Lee is here – it could just as much have been Manager Song, and that would be awkward. “I… well…” she stutters out and clears , frowning now too when thinking about it. “I have some memory issues at times, not about colours and words but … well … memories.”

“You can’t remember things you have done?” Manager Lee sounds shocked.

“Um… I don’t know what it is. Most of the time I don’t know about it, it isn’t a big deal, but … at times I just forget things. It’s normal, but Doctor Yoo says it isn’t this … much.”

“Severe.”

“He says mine is more severe,” Hannah nods against the pillow. “One day, when we were practicing for … [I Love You], members of SNSD came inside the room. I got stuck against the wall, because I didn’t recognize Yuri’s face. No one else noticed, but I was panicking over it. I didn’t know who she was.”

Manager Lee is staring at her with huge eyes, and he would absolutely love to laugh and say it is a hilarious joke, but Hannah is spacing out by the memory that he is scared it isn’t a joke.

“Next time we met, I knew exactly who she was. It’s like … my memory comes and goes however it wants at times.”

“Has it happened with me too?” he is curious to know, maybe he is scared to know, but he had never imagined it would be like this. He sees how Hannah’s mouth twitches – what does that mean?

“Not what I know of,” she whispers, and she closes her eyes tiredly. “What scares me the most though … is when Doctor Yoo reminds me of that I could have lost my memory in the accident. I remember when I woke up from the coma; and the nurse and doctor kept asking me if I knew who I was, if I knew what year it was… I thought they were insane for asking me such simple questions, but … it’s frightening.”

“And you haven’t told Maria or Emelia or the others about any of this?” Manager Lee interrupts her thoughts. He knows she was thinking of something because she looks at him with a strange expression.

“No.”

“Can I ask you why?”

Hannah moves in the bed, frowning. “I don’t want them to worry,” she simply answers. “If they knew everything … they would treat me differently. I just … don’t want them to know.”

“But you are telling me…”

“I don’t know why I tell you. I’m just tired,” Hannah whispers and tries to hug the pillow again, and getting another fail in her try.

“I’m glad you told me. And I will keep your secret. You should sleep now, Hannah.”

She closes her tightly, pretending she isn’t crying when thinking of what she is hiding from her members. She doesn’t want to let them know, she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it. If she pretends it isn’t there, maybe it won’t be there.

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

Hannah has lied down on the floor, lying on the side with her head resting on her arm stretching out over the cold floor, tiredly smiling when Ryo crawls in below her chin. He is waving his tail happily when Julia lies down to rest her head on Hannah’s knees, simply lying on her back over the floor with them. Hannah giggles and Julia is smiling widely, though they both within seconds’ stops, closing their eyes as they are lying on a very comfortable cold floor. Michin gets his front paws on Julia’s stomach, maybe trying to figure out what they are doing lying on the floor like this.

Maria takes a picture of it, getting up on the sofa to take the picture from above. “This is so going on Instagram,” she chuckles when starting to upload the new picture on her account. She simply writes ‘After Music Station’, just so people know it isn’t really that late.

Most of the day has been spent practicing the choreography for their new song [Secret Touch], but in the evening the girl-group (without Carolina) has performed at the Japanese program Music Station. They performed two songs, so when coming backstage, the girls lied down to wait to go home. Hannah is tired today, mostly because she slept so much at the hospital. When they come back to Korea in a few days she will get her food schedule, and she will have to work hard to get back in shape. No matter how much she says she will gain weight, she doesn’t. She doesn’t gain weight, she is still loosing it, and she doesn’t like it, but she doesn’t do enough to fix it.

Sitting in the car on the way to the apartment now when their schedules has ended for the day, Maria gives out a groan when showing off what comment her picture has gotten on Instagram. Fans are commenting that they all should rest well, saying they must be tired, they should take care of their bodies, asking if Hannah is okay to work as she was sent to the hospital yesterday, and only one person comments that the picture is funny.

When coming home, the girls do their usual routines for a PV filming by getting facial masks after washing up. Carolina does it with them, and the ladies are sitting in the living-room, enjoying some silence when having facial masks.

“This is relaxing,” Emelia mumbles, leaning her head back in the sofa. The other ladies are giving sounds in agreements.

Hannah gives out a giggle, thinking of how stupid it must look to have all five ladies just sit here and not do anything while having facial masks. Even their pets are sleeping now.

“Let’s do well tomorrow ladies. Two days video shooting, then we got Music Japan on the second day too… then we are back in Korea.”

“Uhu, I miss Seoul,” Carolina whines.

“I miss home,” Hannah joins in the whining.

“It’s fun being in Tokyo though,” Maria mentions, “but I really miss home too – Seoul home.”

“I miss my bed…”

“I miss having my own room.”

“Oh, I miss that too!”

“Okay, so let’s do our best these two days so we can enjoy coming home!” Maria cheers out loudly and the girls cheers with their facial masks making it difficult to shout but they seem to manage it either way.

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

Headline 02nd: 5 Pieces’ Hannah Sent To Hospital During Japan Schedule Due To Fatigue

Headline 02nd: SM Entertainment Says Hannah Is Okay + Will Go Back Working Tomorrow

Headline 03rd: Hannah First Tweet After Couple Announcement Asks “I Am Human, Aren’t You?”

Headline 03rd: 5 Pieces Performs [Run Out] + [You Said A Lie] At Asahi Music Station

Headline 03rd: Maria Shares Picture On Instagram Of Julia & Hannah Resting Backstage

Headline 04th: ‘We Got Married’ Episode 24, Maria Surprises Hyunsuk On His Birthday

Headline 04th: 5 Pieces Helps Maria To Prepare For Hyunsuk’s Birthday On ‘We Got Married’

Headline 05th: 5 Pieces Performs [Let Me Love] With Four Members At NHK Music Japan

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

X. devonalias