A/N: my schedule was through the roof and with sudden rush of one shot inspirations due to Jonghyun's solo debut, this update got pushed back.

I apologize for that so this update is... not the last.. but 2nd to the last so hang in there my precious bestfriends ^^

....

Jeongmin ran to where his heart was leading him,  his heart who was beating for one person alone, and that person was Youngmin. He knew what the boy means to him that risking his life over and over again would be nothing if he can be with him. But the reason why Youngmin is pushing him away was baffling Jeongmin to the point of making him want to give up, but not without knowing the reason why.

Jeongmin's feet (and heart) brought him towards an apartment complex, the house he knew where the Jo's resides, his instincts telling him that Youngmin is here. He took heavy steps up, not knowing which floor to check and if he should knock on each door. Half way up the second floor, he looked up through teary eyes ans stopped on his tracks, finally, Jeongmin saw him.

He looked at Youngmin, his heart beating eratically and his body wanted to hold him tight and just lock lips with him, and more tears fell from his eyes. Youngmin looked surprised for a minute but his face contorted to look displeased. So many questions left unanswered but how to start asking was the problem.

Youngmin broke the tension by taking a step down the stairs, passing by Jeongmin who clenched his fists tighter.

"Is this what you want?" Jeongmin asked through gritted teeth but Youngmin did not respond. "Youngmin is this what you want?" Jeongmin directed it to the younger.

"Yes, I want you out of my life." Youngmin uttered and Jeongmin choked while he sobbed.

"You want me ... out?" Jeongmin was surprised and his heart ached thrice as much.

"Yes." Youngmin replied sternly.

"I ... why?" Jeongmin asked as tears fell from his eyes. "I've done nothing wrong but love you." Jeongmin tried to talk some sense to Youngmin.

"It is wrong that you love me. This is just a game to me, and to be honest,I am utterly bored with you." Youngmin's words were laced withvenom and it not only hurt Jeongmin but also himself. He doesn't mean any of it but if loving Jeongmin would continously harm the older, then let him sacrifice his love to keep Jeongmin safe.

"You are playing with me?" Jeongmin asked, not fully believing what the younger said.

"Are you deaf?" Youngmin mocked then snickered. "I have better things to do than play around with you." Youngmin uttered and then walked down the flight of stairs as Jeongmin was left dumbfounded. 

Tears still fell and Jeongmin's heart shattered to a million pieces. He couldn't feel his body as numbness took over. He took hurried steps down, stumbling a little and grabbing the rail to help him steady himself. He then started to run, to leave the damned place and to just escape the world, death would be an option he'd gladly take if that was given. He ran far and without looking back, too much had been said but it did not gave him what he was looking for. 

He loved him, again and again he will still love him. But if the one he loves was the one who was pushing him away, throwing him out like some unwanted trash, would he love him still?

And the answer would be yes, he will still love him just as much, or even more. 

"Youngmin." He breathed out as he took in heavy breaths before he collapsed on the sidewalk.

Youngmin was slumped on the alley near their apartment, clutching his shirt as the pain was unbearable. Jeongmin was someone he truly loved and cared for, so much that parting with him would be a way to save his life from all the negativity that their relationship had brought; and if it meant keeping Jeongmin safe, then he'll bear with his heartache.

But it still hurts, much more than he expected and far worse than dying, because he had said word he didn't mean and added scars on Jeongmin's soul. He was evil and Jeongmin deserves someone better than him.

....

Jeongmin woke up and groaned, expecting that he was already dead but the sound of beeping monitors crushed his hopes. Losing Youngmin was worse than death and he had every reason to pull out each and every cord and tube attached to him. 

"Jeongmin." He heard his brother spoke, who it was he wasn't sure as his mind was still fuzzy. 

"Why am I not dead?" Jeongmin uttered with difficulty as the tears fell from his eyes as he closed them. He heard his door being slammed and he knew that it was Hyunseong.

"Don't kill him please." Jeongmin muttered and heard another slamming of the door.

And indeed it was Hyunseong who stormed out of the hospital to catch Youngmin and launched his fists and beat the younger eventhough he is fully aware that he is his future brother-in-law.

"You are a coward Youngmin!" Hyunseong shouted loudly as tears fell from his eyes. "Is it too much to love him back as much as he did?" Hyunseong uttered.

"Stop it Hyunseong" Donghyun called out as he pulled his brother away from Youngmin. "Please don't add anymore damage." Donghyun uttered just as Jinki helped Youngmin up.

"I apologize for Hyunseong's harshness." Jinki said as he sat him on a bench and took out his handkerchief to wipe the blood off of Youngmin's face. 

"I deserve it." Youngmin uttered, his head hung.

"No you don't neither of you deserves this." Jinki tried to explain. "Tell me what holds you back because you two obviously love each other." Jinki uttered and Youngmin's tears started to fall.

"I am scared hyung." Youngmin uttered. "I am scared of losing him. Being with him put him in danger and I can't lose him!" Youngmin felt his heart ached so much.

"It was an accident." Jinki pointed it out. "No one wanted it to happen." Jinki added.

"But it did, and if you weren't there hyung, he's.probably dead by now." A chill run down Youngmin's spine.

"Leaving him doesn't make it any better, on contrary, you are not only killing him, but yourself as well." Jinki said in a calm voice. "Have you looked at the mirror Youngmin?" Jinki's brows furrow as he look at Youngmin in the eyes. "Please don't make this complicated because you two are very smart and overthinking about things which has simple answers will make it more conplicated as it is. This is not a math problem Youngmin, just life." Jinki said and patted Youngmin on the back.

"I need some time hyung." Youngmin responded and Jinki understood.

"Better drop by April Shower this Sunday, Sunggyu's going to propose to your sister." Jinki grinned and Youngmin grinned a bit.

"Took him too long huh?" Youngmin asked.

"He did but hey, better late than never." Jinki replied and bid goodbye.

"Should I just stop thinking?" Youngmin muttered to himself as he covered his face on his hands.

.....

A/N: yes a proposal coming and... the ending guys ^^ stay with me