Maestro
Description
2 pianists, 2 vocalists, 1 flutist and 1 violinist. Music binds them together but what happens when someone hits a wrong note? What do you do when one note ruins the rest?
Foreword
1) Grammar: 3/ 5
Okay, I feel like you obviously know proper grammar but it wasn’t effectively applied within some chapters. You lack a sufficient amount of commas. Whenever I read, I verbally read the chapters quietly. I base the sentences off whether not they sound grammatically right when you verbally say it. You also have the tendency to use a plural word when it is meant to be singular or sometimes I noticed it would be the other way around. Your grammar didn’t distract me a lot when I was reading so it’s alright. Keep in mind that when you use Past and Present tense in a sentence, you must keep the original tense for the whole thing or before changing. Example, she began to run as she thought, or she began to run as she was thinking. Use a preposition to link the verb.
P.S please always make sure to start sentences with Capitals (it didn’t occur often but it’s something I noticed.)
2) Diversity of Conversational Structure: 5/ 5
I feel like all the characters have their own style of speech obviously, for example, Minyoung speaks in a more polite and mannered way while there’s Ga-In speaking freely while using profanities. I feel like you were very distinct between the characters and their conversations towards another.
3)Typographical errors and Layout: 2/ 5
I found no problem with the layout.I hope you recheck and edit your chapters as I found an enormous amount of typos within every per say 5 chapters. The typos were really distracting as there were too many.
4)Story Title: 5/ 5
Maestro is a very interesting title. It obviously relates to music and as a fellow Pianist I felt drawn to it. I feel like Maestro is something different, something unique if you compare it to other titles you find in today’s main topic. It suits the story as well as you based the plot of music and the school named Maestro
5)Description: 3.5/ 5
The description itself is not grammatically correct as you have to provide capitalization and punctuation. Another typo in the description, “thei faces” I Suggest you don’t use shortcuts and abbreviations in a description as it shows the way you write and some readers may feel uncomfortable with them. I feel like your description was okay, it summarized the story’s plot and main point.
6)Foreword or Prologue: 3/ 5
I feel like the layout of your foreword was a bit poor. You didn’t have to indicate what was plot by saying Plot. This applies to the character’s profile as well. You could have also put your own personal comments after the actual foreword itself. You could’ve made it more interesting when making the foreword. You have to remember to capitalize the first letter at the beginning of your sentence. It did answer the 5 things I look for in a foreword, What’s the story about, who’s in it. Why does something happen and when and where.
* Here’s a foreword that I made *
“2 pianists, 2 vocalists, 1 flutist and 1 violinist. Music binds them together but what happens when someone hits a wrong note? What do you do when one note ruins the rest? “
7) Story Plot:
The presentation of Characters: 5/ 5
Since you had a character synopsis, there is not much to talk about. I feel like the characters didn’t change as much through the story but you can obviously tell they have matured.
The distinctiveness of the conflict: 15/ 15
There were many conflicts between the characters. I feel like the main conflict was that their group relationships were breaking apart as feelings began to develop between all 6. It was very distinct as their feelings weren’t rushed in the sequence of events.
The flow of the Events: 10/ 10
The flow of events in the story was very paced and not too fast. The only event that I felt was so fast was the confession between Jaejoong and Hara. I feel like their relationship was a bit underdeveloped but it played along with the story’s conflict. It was no problem to me at all. I loved how the events were all separate as you didn’t add any new events out of nowhere.
The quality of the description of the setting and its appropriateness: 5/ 5
You were very descriptive upon the setting. The plot you chose was unique and original upon the topic and choice of characters.
The fitness of the twist in the story: 15/ 15
The plot was very unpredictable; that’s what kept me reading. I found it interesting as dramatic events happen so fast that I’m just like WAIT WHAT. The twists were crazy but so captivating. The events that happen to Jaejoong are wow. They make me wonder if he’s a mental retard but it’s just Jaejoong and his character.
The consistency of the content: 5/ 5
The story follows through the events very well and there are no sudden changes as I mentioned before.
The taste of the story: 13/15
I feel like overall the story is very well written in the sense of plot and events. I feel like it was cliché upon the love triangles and love situations. The amount of typos might throw off the full flavour of the story. I enjoyed it though but the way the story is presented in grammar is misleading in some ways. Please make sure to re-edit your story.
Overall score: 89.5 / 100
Editor’s note:
I really do like the story and I’ll be reading your story ^-^
Hwaiting author-nim.
Tata ~
iMerawr. iReview ^-^
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author's note: thank you so much. this doesnt discourage me at all unlike before.
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plot-A story about three students Junsu, Yoochun and Jaejoong which includes their passion for music. they left their previous university SMU for reasons such as hazing, ragging, bullying, the policy of kingkas and queenkas and fanclubs. they left SMU and joined Maestro which is also a popular varsity in competition with SMU.
A story of three students of Maestro Hara, Son Ga-in and Park Minyoung with their talents and their ways to get rid of their own fears and problems. from them the trio JYJ learns a lot.
a difficult situation between Hara,Yoochun and Jaejoong occurs because Yoochun who has never felt seriously about any woman fall in love with her while Hara falls in Love with Jaejoong and Jaejoong having feelings for Hara too refuses to acknowledge it because of Yoochun whom he refuses to tell. Hara seeing such dramatic situation decides to back out and maintain her friendship.
a difficult situation between Junsu and Ga-in arises when he sees her bullying boy. he hated bullies as always and starts a rivalry with her without knowing the truth. Ga-in seeing such misunderstanding decides to teach him few things about getting facts before judgement.
the story of Minyoung is that she sees all of it but decides to stay quiet. however she often becomes victim of 'push and pull' for the love triangle and requests for advises which she doesnt prefer.she's the type not to interfere with others problems even if it is her friends'.
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" means talking and ' is thinking, in case any other signs such as * ~ that means they are for specific characters thinking
a lovely poster by yuichi...a girl's work i really love...i had to search for u a lot. but thanks anyway and the work is great.
opening song "in heaven"--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcecmEa0NEg
ending song "W"--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d8biPaCDoo
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character sypnosis---
Kim Junsu: a singing student who is very positive but fragile in some ways. he loves soccer and music but hates bullies which isone of the reason to leave SMU. his family has a very high status as recognised as one of the top tycoons in east Asia and they are known as KJ's. he is also known as duckbutt or dolphin which he hates to be known as and he is short tempered and often scary. his age is 22 currently.
Kim Jaejoong: although Junsu and him share the same surname they arent related in any way. he is considered as themost beautiful looking which earned him the name Yoongwoong, meaning Hero. very polite and generous and puts others whos are close before himself other than that he is cold to all. he is also a singing student along with Junsu and his family, known as The Kims, owns one of the top restaurant franchise around Asia. he is 23 in present.
Park Yoochun: a music student and the only one who plays an instrument the piano among the trio. he knows how to compose and sing but prefers to graduate on piano. he is very frank and sassy and very straight forward to others. though he means no harm, his flirty attitude always gives people the wrong idea and he was the only one who liked his popularity in SMU yet leftit for his best buds. he earned the name Mickey because of his perky attitude. he is 22 at the moment.
Son Ga-in: a music student at Maestro from the clarinet department. she is very mischievous yet strong headed. she is considered very y and hot by men. she always carries a dark aura among men but positive around female and protects them from bullies. she belongs to a high tycoon family the Son and is known as Piper or Pied Piper. she is 20 at the moment.
Koo Hara: a student from the piano department as same as Yoochun. she doesnt belong to any high tycoon but from a respectable family with good finance background. she is knows as the Doll because of her looks which she hates a lot. she is known to be most outgoing and most open to everyone and perhaps a female version of Yoochun but she flirts only to teach a lesson to those who flirts with her or any of her friends annoyingly. she is 20 but few months younger than Ga-in making her the youngest. The speciality in her is that her intuitions are always correct making her the future calculator and a mind guru.
Park Minyoung: she is from Violin department and rarely sees her Ga-in and Hara in Maestro because of her separate class schedule which leads her to be the most distant from everyone else but she is very protective of others. she is very sensitive being a woman and reserves the tradition leading her to wear very conservative clothes. she earned the name Big Man or Daemul because of her brotherly attitude yet very motherly. she is few months older than Ga-in making her the oldest.
Long haired singer: a mystery woman Yoochun encountered on the hill when he was passing through. he never saw her face only her hair untied and long to her knees and the violin she plays. he only hears her song and eventually falls in love but doesnt tell anyone of it.
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