“Please eat? It’s only a few bites of rice,” Heechul persuaded desperately.

It was only him and Kibum sitting at the kitchen table. Donghae had locked himself in his room again after eating and Sungmin was watching television boredly. Kibum hadn’t eaten dinner, nor lunch or breakfast. But then again, he had been sleeping most of the day.

“I don’t want to,” Kibum mumbled quietly, staring at his hands in his lap. The mere thought of eating sent his stomach on a rollercoaster of twists and turns. After being worked up from all that crying last night, the headache derived from it, and the fact that Donghae still hated him, Kibum just couldn’t bring himself to eat, talk, or do anything. He felt like a lost soul, as if his body was empty and all he felt were feelings of pain and sorrow.

“Kibum, please. You’ve barely been eating anything these last few days; you’re hurting yourself doing this. I’m really worried about you,” Heechul told him. He was getting really desperate; he’d offered Kibum anything he wanted to eat but the boy refused. He was looking so weak and sickly it wasn’t even funny.

“I’m sorry,” Kibum said softly, honestly not wanting Heechul to worry over him. What if Donghae saw this?

“Don’t you want to go stay with Leeteuk and Eunhyuk and Henry? I’m not letting you leave until you eat something and keep it down,” Heechul said, resorting to threats if that’s what it took. He’d asked Kibum earlier if he wanted to go with Sungmin and stay with Leeteuk for a week and Kibum had agreed almost immediately, which was sort of a surprise to Heechul since Kibum still clung to him like a duckling.

“I can’t keep it down,” Kibum replied with a sigh, already foretelling what was going to happen if he tried to force food down. He knew he’d end up throwing up everything he’d eaten which would cause Heechul to spend more attention on him; that would make Donghae hate Kibum even more.

“You can try, now finish eating or you’ll sit here all night,” Heechul snapped.

He hadn’t meant to say it harshly, but he was just irritable right now. Not at Kibum, but at the fact that he refused to look him in the eye. Donghae’s words had really gotten to him and now he was becoming introverting within himself again, recoiling back to the void of emotion boy he used to be in the beginning. It was hard to see this after he’d been so good with letting his true self come out more and more every day.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Kibum mumbled again. Heechul sigh and reached forward to take one of Kibum’s cold hands into his own warm ones.

“Kibum, look at me,” He said softly. When Kibum shook his head no, Heechul tried again. “Kibum, please, just look me in the eyes.”

Kibum slowly lifted his head and looked at Heechul with his bloodshot, worn out, hopeless looking eyes. Heechul lifted his hand and cupped Kibum’s cheek gently and sighed.

“Don’t apologize, you have done nothing wrong. But you are worrying me so much, so please, just eat, okay?” He said.

Kibum nodded and looked away again, but picked up the fork and slowly began to eat. If this would make Heechul happy and not worry over him unnecessarily then Kibum decided that he’d just eat, and if the food didn’t stay down he’d force himself not to get sick. He’d do anything as long as it got Heechul to just let him be, then maybe Donghae wouldn’t hate him so much.

When Heechul was satisfied that Kibum was eating, he left the table to go call Leeteuk to inform him that they’d be leaving soon. Kibum sat there by himself, slowly chewing and swallowing and already feeling the pain in his stomach. But he didn’t stop, because he had to make Heechul stop worrying about him. Would Donghae stop hating him then? Had he not cried himself dry of tears, Kibum would have done so once again, because the thought that all this time Donghae was harboring those feelings all this time. It felt like a stab in the back, like everything he’d known was a lie and his whole reality was shot because all this time his best friend, his brother, one of the closest people to him, hated him the entire time.

After forcing down the last few bites, Kibum brought his plate to the sink and rinsed it off. He went over to the couch and sat down to wait. He sat a little away from Sungmin, he’d been making sure to keep his distance from him since waking up. What if Donghae got mad at Kibum and thought that now he was trying to steal his friends too? Kibum reminded himself to do the same when he got to Leeteuk’s home to. He just couldn’t risk anything happening that would cause Donghae to hate him even more.

He was so glad that he hadn’t had to face Mir today either. Kibum wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to look Mir in the eyes again. The boy had done not