They always say “It hurts me to hurt you.” as if that will somehow make things any better. But when that hand comes down, knowing that they think its okay to pretend they feel worse about it makes the pain even greater. But somehow in Sungmin’s mind this got all twisted up, because for some irrational reason he seemed to think that this was what his father thought every time he hit Sungmin. The eighteen year old liked to think that his father felt guilty for hurting him, that maybe in the deep depths of his mind he regretted every negative action he displayed on his son. Because Sungmin loved his father, and sometimes he liked to think that Kangin loved him just as much.

So when the time came that Heechul sent everyone away, Mir off to school and Kibum and Donghae out in town, Sungmin put on a brave face and followed him into the living to have the talk. He sat on the cushy couch and folded his hands into his lap and looked up innocently at the man he called umma, the one who had always protected him even when it hurt to do so.

“I already know what you’re going to ask me. Why did I leave, where have I been, and what happened,” Sungmin said, starting off the conversation.

“Then begin; tell me everything,” Heechul replied, leaning back into the couch. This was one of things he loved about Sungmin, the boy always got straight to the point.

“I left because appa accidently hurt me again and I was really upset about something and getting hit just made everyone worse so I went to stay with my friend Yesung for the night. But I didn’t want to stay in the same town so I left around ten but somehow I got swept into the darkness of the wilderness and it took me several hours to find my way again and get on a bus and come here. I was going to go to Teukie umma’s, but it was farther and I didn’t have much money,” Sungmin explained to him.

“What do you mean he accidently hurt you? There is nothing accidental about abusing you, Sungmin. Don’t try and make this sound like a fairy tale. If your father is hurting you again then you need to tell me. I’m not going to sit back and watch you get hurt and you know that,” Heechul said bitterly, hating that Sungmin always tried to defend his father no matter how bad the situation was.

“But umma, it really was an accident; I know appa didn’t mean to hurt me. He was – he was just drunk again,” Sungmin said softly his voice trailing off, trying not to dig a deeper hole. But it was too late for that, because he knew Heechul would never let him go back if he knew his father was drinking, let alone hurting him, again.