"Sense"

 

 

The sound of the kettle on the stove awakened me from my train of thought. I went off again, it’s been the nth time I lost in my thought while doing stuff. I forgot what I wanted to do or to take when I went to a certain room at the house, I didn’t answer when I got called by the photographer during a photo-shoot, and I misplaced the lunch package with empty container. I kept doing things wrong and I wondered what was happened with me.

Taking the hot water from the kettle, I poured the water inside my tea cup. A smell of the black tea immediately greeted me, giving a calming vibe. I inhaled the scent again before taking a sip from my tea cup. Tracing the cup softly, I leaned to the stool at the pantry while taking a deep breath. The past few days were giving me a weird mood. I rarely got enough sleep due to the high intensity contraction I felt from the baby, my body felt so tired but still, I couldn’t sleep. I tried so many things to help me to get sleep: reading a very boring book, drinking warm milk, listening to slow music. None of it helped me to get a proper sleep and that’s clearly made me worried as well as Kris.

He noticed that I couldn’t sleep so when the night came, usually he helped me to get sleepy by initiating a conversation while giving me a soft massage around my shoulder or plainly hugging me, my hair so I could at least get to close my eyes to the dream land. Sometimes, just to make him feeling a little relieve at least, I pretended to sleep so he could get his own sleep. It has been a rough week for us, for him especially to deal with those paparazzi outside the hotel and his unending effort to calm the news down. For me, his wife, being rumored to have an affair with his own business partner was not pleasant news to hear. I’m done reading ty articles about me using Kris to get his money to later on be away with Woobin oppa or how I tried to lure two men and made Hwang Su Ah a victim. The media started to favor her, telling everyone that in this matter, she got so shocked to the extent she needed to be hospitalized. And again, it was because I tried to seduce her fiancé while I’m pregnant with another man’s baby. Rumor could sometimes too cruel to handle. And I know Kris was on the edge of feeling tired after the rumor finally stopped spreading.

When I left the bed earlier, he was sleeping while snore a bit, showing how tired he was. I carefully got off from the bed and went here, just trying to calm myself. It was around 5 in the morning and there’s barely any sound around the house, but I like it. I love the view outside the pantry; it’s the backyard with anything green. I got used to this habit to drink the tea while looking at the backyard, doing nothing until I get back to my bed and snuggled myself to Kris. He didn’t notice that I went missing sometimes, and that’s good because clingy Kris could be really demanding somehow.

Baby Bear lately gave me a chill as well. The contraction that was caused by his movement, most of the time made me couldn’t stand on my own. He’s an active baby, but when he started moving around, it sometimes felt like he’s giving a sign that he’s ready to see the world and I could went panic for this habit. Kris was being attentive as usual, but whenever I went panic, he always appeared like he’s the one who’s giving birth. And the view of his face losing his soul sometimes helped me to get through whatever I’m having, along with my mother’s guidance.

After the rumor started to tone down, I spent more time at my parents’ house, ignoring the fact that previously I had a fight with my father. I was so angry to him when he thought that I’m having affair with Woobin oppa, but my mother explained that my father only scared that I would still lingered with the memory of Woobin oppa with me. He knew how much I love Woobin oppa that time. It’s the first time I took a guy to have a family dinner with my family and to get him along with my parents very well made me think that Woobin oppa was the one. So for my father to know that actually Woobin oppa already being match make by his family and even more leaving me at the dinner he planned to introduce my family to his, made him furious and after that day he banned me from seeing Woobin oppa. No matter how much my father likes him, he didn’t allow me to see Woobin oppa when he came the next day to explain everything. As a father, I knew he’s just being so protective over me, but seeing his reaction the night he heard about the rumor, I felt that my father didn’t even believe me but in the end, I understood him. My father just wanted everything to be okay for me and Baby Bear.

But again, no matter how much I was being cared by Kris and my parents, I still felt the uncomfortable feeling that lingered inside me. I thought that it’s the side effect of being pregnant, even when I searched on the internet it showed me that it’s because I felt anxious towards my pregnancy. But I felt good that it wasn’t a baby blue, there’s no way I didn’t want Baby Bear. Although when the first time I knew I got pregnant I didn’t know whether I should be happy or worried, I never had the idea to get rid of him.

I didn’t know why but lately, I tended to be more sensitive and just wanted to spend the day alone with my baby. I could suddenly talk with Baby Bear, just telling him what I felt, what I wanted, and how I couldn’t wait to see him so I could have him in my arms. And to be honest, that’s kind of refreshed me. I love it a lot when my baby responded my words, either with a small kick or a huge movement. I already fell so hard for this baby…

“What are you doing this early?”

I looked away from my tea cup and saw Kris with his sleepy face approached me at the pantry. Still with his eyes half-opened, he tried to focus his gaze on me.

“I’m looking for you earlier; you’re not on the bed. What’s wrong?” he asked with his hoarse voice. I let put a small smile and softly caressed his cheeks. “Is there something wrong? Do you feel sick somewhere? Should we go to the hospital?” he asked curiously.

“Hey, I’m fine” I said, caressing his cheeks harder. Kris rubbed his eyes and finally, opened his pretty eyes fully.

“You can’t sleep again?”

“I’m awakened too early, that’s all” I told him, trying to make him at ease.

“This little buddy here won’t stay still, hmm?” he looked at my bump and slowly rubbed it. “Aren’t you feeling tired?”

“Well, he’s just being a little excited over everything I did…” I answered, smiling to him. I loved it when Kris channeled his inner daddy side. I never thought that he’d be such an attentive husband and furthermore, a father. I remembered how awkward both of us when we knew that we’re going to have a baby together. I never imagined that I would be here with him, being his wife as I got pregnant with Baby Bear inside.

Kris then kneeled in front of me, making his eyes in line with my baby bump. He started to caress it and just looking at it.

“Kris, what are you doing?” I asked him in confused. He hushed me, motioned me to keep silent. I followed him and just looked at what he’s about to do.

“Baby Bear, this is your Daddy calling from the outside…” he said with a serious face. “Just like we always deal with each other, you’re going to come out soon so please Baby, please let your mommy take a rest and let her get the energy she needs to help you go out, okay? Don’t be a bad boy by kept kicking your mom. You need sleep, she needs her sleep as well. Now let your mommy sleeping, won’t you?”

I bit my lower lips, holding on the smile I couldn’t hide. Kris was being on his own again; it’s him and his baby speech time. It always worked whenever he spoke like this to the baby, making me feeling all comfortable because Baby Bear usually stopped making a movement every time his daddy asked him to. But as weird as it was, it’s still magical to see how Baby Bear could understand what Kris was saying. I couldn’t wait to see later on how Kris would handle this baby when he got him on his hands.

Kris caressed my stomach again and the movement that’s made by Baby Bear suddenly stopped. He’s not kicking or even moving anymore and for that, I ran my fingers along Kris’ short dark hair.

“At least he wouldn’t bug our peaceful morning” he whispered, showing his gummy smile.

“You always know what to do to him” I praised him.

“Because I’m his daddy” he proudly said as he stood up. “And because I’m willing to do anything for you to get sleep” he added.

I chuckled and softly pinched his skin. “Stop being so cheesy” I commented and he replied with another smile. Why he’s so adorable?

“Are you ready now?” he asked.

“Hmm, what for?”

“Sleep, of course”

“It’s already in the morning, Kris” I told him. He shook his head as he checked on the clock in the kitchen.

“It’s still 5.30, we have two more hours to sleep before we started our schedule today”

“Hmm?”

And before I knew it, Kris surprised me by taking me to his arms bridal style. I gasped as I quickly put my arms around his neck. He laughed a bit as he saw my reaction. I quickly looked at him when I was securely placed in his arms.

“You can always tell me beforehand, you know?”

He let out a big wide grin as he looked at me in the eye. “I love giving you surprise plus you must have been so tired for stayed up the past days, I’m saving your energy”

“You don’t have to... You’re tired as well” I said to him when he walked me from the kitchen through our bedroom. Please, that’s quite far.

“Tell me, were you always stubborn and refuse help offering from someone, hmm?” he asked, tightening his hug around me. I could only reply with a chuckle and decided to just lean my head to his chest, giving it a small peck. I love the smell when he woke up early in the morning. He’s not smelly, but I just love this kind of scent. And Baby Bear clearly loved it as well.

Kris placed me right at the middle of our bed, covering me with the blanket and the lying next to me. I turned my back and faced him; he looked back at me, saying nothing.

“What?” he asked me.

“Nothing”

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“Aren’t you?”

“I’m asking you first, you should answer my question before I replied yours” he said. Kris, as always, loves to be the dominant one. In bed, he’s nowhere different.

“I don’t know, we’re awakened already and I don’t think I could sleep with this condition”

“Lie on your side, you’re not comfortable lying on your back” he reminded me, softly touching my shoulder. I followed his words and once I turned to my side, I somewhat felt a little better.

“Is it good?” he asked as he slowly massaged my back from the top of my spine up to the upper part of my , His massage relaxed me and somehow, I started to enjoy it and slowly closed my eyes.

“Where did you learn to massage me like this?” I muttered, too tired to speak loudly.

“The yoga class, of course. The trainer taught me this simple movement and this should help you to get sleepy at least” he explained, still massaging me with his fingers.

“It’s good, Kris” I stated. I could hear his low tone laugh and right when I’m totally into his massage, I felt him lying down behind me and placed his arm around my stomach under my night dress. Having him touching my skin was somehow didn’t feel awkward anymore, I love it. Since we’re decided to get together, there’s none of his acts that I considered as awkward. I always want him near me and without him, I felt like there’s something missing. He’s overpowered me the way I want it. And maybe, I need him more than he needs me, but that’s okay. I want this man.

“Still don’t want to sleep?” he asked me, more like teasing me because he clearly knew that I’m half asleep right when he massaged me well.

I just hummed as respond and then he snuggled closer to me while rubbing my stomach.

“Let’s cuddle then” he added, kissing my shoulder softly before placing his chin above my head and after that, all I heard was his breathing sound.

And that’s enough to sooth me calm.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Rumor and more rumor…” Soohyuk hyung shook his head and threw the paper he’s reading. “Kim Woobin, since when you’re living your life like a celebrity?” he commented with a big grin.

“It wasn’t like he wanted it” Sungjun responded as he adjusted his dark shades, leaning more to the back of the wooden chair, crossing his legs to the wooden table in front of him.

I copied what Sungjun did, taking a deep breath. I was staying at my holiday villa, getting away from the media that’s chasing me the past few days. My closest friends came to support though. Lee Soohyuk, the banker, accompanied me along with Bang Sungjun, a recently rising star in the art world, he’s working as professional painter that had just held his first exhibition. We’ve been here for a week ever since the news broke out. My parents knew my whereabouts and decided to agree with me working away from the office, rather than having the paparazzi waiting around the office or even worse, our home.

My mother was the one who got stressed about this. She’s still trying to fix my broken engagement with Su Ah when this news suddenly spread like crazy. I have no idea from where those paparazzi got my pictures and Jinah taken, furthermore they’re also released other pictures when I’m still in relationship with Jinah. Rather than worrying about the news that might affected my project with Wu Global Company, I worried more about Jinah. How would she take this rumor? She’d been rumored to have an affair with me. I would want to help her, of course, by clarifying the news at least. But her husband seemed to be one step ahead from me.

Within the next day after the rumor blown to the media, the representative of her family along with her husband confirmed that the one in the pictures was her and Kris Wu stated that he knew I gave her a lift to his hotel. Surprisingly, he also confirmed that he knew our previous relationship. The things I never knew before and made me wondered, how he could act so fine in front of me like we never knew each other aside from the fact that our companies working together?

“I always thought that Kris Wu is a cold vampire from the comic book, you know. I don’t really have a close relationship with him but when we’re attending a same event; he wasn’t a type of person who could be easily approached. He’s so cold” Soohyuk hyung said when we’re discussing about this rumor. “And rather than trying to get close to him, I preferred to just enjoy the food and drink”

“His mom is good though. Lady Wu came to my exhibition and event bought two of the most expensive paintings that she loved” this time, Sungjun added a testimony about the Wu family. “I wondered how Jinah could get close to him”

“Hmm, that’s right. Do you happen to know how they met?” Soohyuk hyung asked me.

“Soohyuk hyung, how could you ask those things to Woobin hyung? Tsk, it’s like adding a salt on an opened scratch in your skin…” Sungjun responded.

“He’s over her” Soohyuk hyung replied, appointed me. “Right?”

“At least she’s not that important anymore” I muttered.

I remembered how I cope up to forget her the past two years. It was never easy, because I didn’t let my heart forgot her and I enjoyed the feeling of loving her while she’s nowhere on my reach. But when I saw her happily married to Kris Wu and even having a baby together, I thought that it’s the time for me to stop my feeling towards her. It wasn’t fully erased though, but at least I started to accept this bitter reality and not hoping for her to get back to me anymore.

“But their love story was somehow weird, right? I recalled that Kris Wu was dating Choi Sooyoung that time and then he broke up with her and seen with a Chinese jewelry designer. He’s rumored dating her, since he kept going to Shanghai once every two weeks” Soohyuk hyung said out of the blue.

“Are you sure you’re a banker and not a gossip columnist, Hyung?” Sungjun playfully commented. But Soohyuk hyung only shrugged, smirk his thin lips.

“So what? He’s dating women previously at least, not a man” I commented.

Soohyuk hyung shook his head. “That’s not my point” he cleared his throat before starting to speak again.

“It wasn’t that long before he’s suddenly informed his engagement with Jinah you know, his previous relationship”

“Are you saying that Jinah was the reason of his broken relationship?”

Soohyuk hyung shook his head again. “Not that also. Well, that might happen. As you can see, they’re that passionate towards each other until he got her pregnant…“ Soohyuk hyung suddenly stopped his words when he noticed my glare. I didn’t like it when he spoke that way towards Jinah.

She’s not a pure girl, I know. I was once having a very intimate make out session with her as well, but that’s when we’re all about our feeling. So if it was said that she’s basically a girl who had lust and losing it with Kris Wu, I’d prefer to think of it as an act of their love. There’s nothing wrong with being in love and making love altogether. So Soohyuk hyung better not addressing Jinah as an easy woman.

“Ok Woobin, sorry. That’s not my intention… What I want to say is, how long did actually they knew each other? There’s no record of their relationship. Kris Wu said that he’s been in three-months relationship with Jinah, but if that’s true, how could he’s still having a date with the jewelry designer like two months before he announced that he’s going to marry Jinah. And moreover, Jinah was in New York during that period until she’s back to Seoul. I met her in New York as well as in Jaejoong hyung’s birthday party. Other than that party, I never saw them together before. Isn’t that weird?” Soohyuk hyung ended his analysis that somehow made me thinking of the possibility of their relationship.

He wasn’t wrong though. I do feel that the relationship was weird and that everything happened so sudden.

“Her relationship with Woobin hyung previously never caught on the camera until we knew that there’s actually someone who followed Woobin hyung and Jinah when they’re having a date outside the country. Why wouldn’t she cover her relationship with Kris Wu as well? Who knew that the jewelry designer might be just the cover for them so no one would think that Kris Wu and Jinah are actually a couple…”Sungjun let his opinion heard.

We went silent for seconds. There’re so many possibilities and to be honest, I didn’t want to know it. If she’s happy with him now, there’s no need for me to intervene in this matter.

“But she’s with him now and that’s what matters” I closed the discussion session, leaving the bench at the backyard to go inside the villa.

I didn’t intend to get angry or being emotional here, it’s just… I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She used to be the love of my life, and even though I know that I should move on, it wasn’t an easy task to do, so one step forgetting her means a lot to me, talking about her again wouldn’t do any good for me.

I heard the back door being opened and I knew it was Sungjun. As the youngest one here, he usually the one who consoled me even though he’s not that much helping. Sungjun was the calm one, he’s not good with words and he’s rarely express his feeling well. But having his accompany was somehow made me feeling a little better.

“Soohyuk hyung didn’t intend to make you remember her again” he said softly.

I hummed, responding to him before I gulped the mineral water in my hand.

“You’ll get over her, Hyung. Give yourself more time and don’t think about her. She’s okay, I believe, and you should too” he added.

“I know”

“It was such an unfortunate event, of you losing her like this. But Hyung, if you two are fated together, no matter what happened, you will always end up with her. But for now, as you can see and you realize, she’s someone’s wife. And you know that it’s impossible now for you to get her back…”

I turned to face Sungjun, patted his shoulder softly.

“Do you think I’m that pathetic? Waiting for someone’s wife?”

He looked startled, but then I smiled so he could feel at ease again.

“I’m over her, really. But if people kept talking about her in front of me, I might get hurt again so I preferred to leave the discussion earlier…”

Sungjun patted my shoulder as well.

“I know you’re strong and can face this matter, Hyung. Take your time… You’ll be over her without you realize it”

That’s my pray, for her to be okay and for me to forget her, whenever I’m awake in the morning.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Are you okay?”

I looked up to see my mother looking at me like I was in trouble. Maybe my facial expression said it all. I was unhappy with the conversation that I’ve just had with Kim Woobin and my mother clearly knew that.

“You said to me that you fine knowing him as her ex-boyfriend, now you’re looking grumpy when you talked with him. It must be not about the project that you two were talking about earlier, right?”

I took a deep breath as I didn’t want to lose my cool in front if my mother. I’ve been arguing a lot with her lately, regarding Jinah, of course and I didn’t want to add another heated discussion with her. But unfortunately, everything went unplanned and I ended up talking with Kim Woobin at the rooftop earlier today, resulted in a cranky mood of me.

We didn’t communicate at first since he’s reportedly worked from his villa away from Seoul and all we talked was only about the project along with the rest of the team. But this morning, right when I arrived at the hotel, he appeared at the lobby, waiting for me. I agreed to talk with him and took him to the rooftop. And there, we had our conversation.

We both didn’t know where to start but it’s him who stated his apology towards me.

“I’m sorry for not informing my past with your wife” he said.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I knew about your relationship with her and I knew as well that you’re just being a good person by giving a lift for her to the hotel. I should thank you that time” I replied.

“I’m not a threat that you should worry” he said again. “I didn’t have any intention to meddle in your current relationship with her. It was occurred that I knew about your relationship with her when our company already signed working agreement. If I knew it beforehand, I would explain it to you”

“It’s okay” I shortly replied.

And that’s all. But for some unknown reason, I felt annoyed with what he did. Why would he explain about it? He didn’t have to. And I knew that he wanted to know about her condition and even though Jinah told me that he’s her past, I still feel a bit scared that he would steal her from me. That’s why I didn’t tell him about her condition. He didn’t need to know anything about her.

“I wasn’t being a business people here, Kris. I’m being a mother right now…” my mother’s words awakened me from my thought. “I know that you’ve sort your relationship with Jinah, that your fake marriage had turned into the real one, and I’m happy for that. But let me get this straight, you need to separate your own feeling towards Kim Woobin and your business with him”

After I explained her the real situation between me, Jinah, and Kim Woobin, my mother finally understood what the base of the rumor that spread wildly out there was. She was angry at first, but then she accepted it. 

“It wasn’t easy now that you’re really in a relationship with her, right? It wasn’t like the previous time when you’re half-heartedly having this marriage...” my mom said again.

What she said was true though. Recently, I couldn’t separate my feeling as a person, as Jinah’s husband, towards Kim Woobin who’s my working partner but at the same time, my wife’s ex-lover. And that’s probably happened because I felt jealous towards him. It’s like he’s making me feeling insecure with my position to win Jinah’s heart. No matter what, their relationship ended not because they stopped loving each other, it’s the condition that made them have to be separated. If there’s nothing wrong with them, there’s no chance for me to be with her and maybe, I wouldn’t even met her. And I knew I didn’t want that.

“I’m sorry I previously scolded Jinah like that, I was being selfish thinking of the company but I also scared that she would hurt you, Kris. I didn’t want anyone to hurt you, not when you’re head over heels over her…” she said softly. It wasn’t a rare moment for my mom to talk like this, but I know that this time, she’s being serious about the relationship that I had with Jinah.

“I could feel it, the way the two of you looking at each other and care for each other. I know you fall for her, and I could tell that it’s the serious one…”

She walked to me and softly hugged my shoulder, carefully patting it. “I’m happy if you finally found your other half, and I’m happy if it’s really Jinah. But I want you to remember as well, don’t let your love for her creates a jealousy over her past lover and in the end, ruined the two of you. You should believe her and only listen to her; other’s opinion didn’t matter if you have her words. Do you understand?”

I sighed, nodded as I patted my mom’s hand around my shoulder. I’m happy that we didn’t have to go through another cynical argumentation. I always missed the time she’s just being my mother at home. But overall, I’m glad she accepted my relationship with Jinah, that’s the one thing I should care about.

“I did never hate her, if you think like that. Or if she thinks like that…” she started again.

“Mom…”

“It’s normal for every mother to get scared with the woman that their son loves, Kris. You used to only favor me and even though we used to lived separately previously, you’re still my baby boy who got attached with me. I never worried with your previous ex-girlfriend because you said yourself; they’re just your girlfriend, nothing more. But Jinah is your wife and a wife, held higher position that girlfriend and to be honest, I’m scared”

I was surprised to hear her confession. And unknowingly, I let out a small smile towards her. I never knew that her hard acts towards Jinah were all because she’s partially feeling jealous towards her.

“There’s no way I’ll forget you over a girl”

“You scared me the day you took her from my house, when the first time she appeared in front of me when she’s pregnant. It’s like you really care for her and I never saw you’re doing those things before”

“Just in case you didn’t know, while you’re treating her like that, I was receiving the same treatment from her father” I raised one of my eyebrows.

My mom smiled and playfully messed my hair. “If it’s for a girl, it’s her father that you should worry about. But Mr. Im is such a good person. I could tell you’re married to a well family”

“You should make up with Jinah, Mom. Okay?”

“I will, of course. Let’s have dinner together, I’ll make sure to make up with her…” my mom said with her chic style.

I love it when she could appear cold but at the same time, sweet. And that hit me. I’ve just realize that Jinah was actually acted the same like her. I would never forget how cold and stubborn she was, but in the other time, her smile melted me and her wonderful cute act always wins my attention. Turned out, I fell for a woman who’s a similar copy to my mother.

And speaking of the woman, suddenly I felt like calling her.

Just right before I moved from my chair to get on my phone, Chen abruptly opened my office door and I could tell he’s all the way looking so panic and confused. My mother was the first one to ask him.

“Chen, what’s wrong?”

He took seconds before he could really say something that I noticed as her name.

“It’s Jinah noona, Hyung”

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I didn’t wait for my chauffer to open the door for me right when we arrived at the hospital. I left my mom with Chen who’s assisting her to get out from the car. It’s raining outside and the temperature dropped pretty low, but I didn’t pay attention to the cold wind that greeted me once I left the car. All I have in my mind was Jinah’s condition.

“She’s about to cross the road to but the cupcakes you like at her favorite store. It happened so fast, a sport car happened to come out of nowhere and hit her. Her body was fallen pretty far from the spot where she’s hit. The car left just like that and Jinah was found bleeding badly. She went for surgery right now; she’s losing so much blood”

Jinah, being hit, losing blood.

That’s all I could remember from Minseok’s call earlier. Jinah was happened to be hit by a car and when she’s taken to the hospital, it was at Minseok’s department. I have no idea what was happening here, she was alright this morning. I still talked with her after she’s awakened and we even had breakfast together. I recalled that she’s going to meet her fellow model friends and after that planned to visit her parents. I knew her schedule and there’s nothing wrong with that. But how on earth she ended up in the hospital after being hit by a car?

I started to feel dizzy; slowly I felt that my soul leaving my body. I asked the direction to the surgery room with a trembling voice and hand, I almost couldn’t make it there for I kept wobbly walking and even hit whatever that’s blocking up my way. I didn’t know how many times I said sorry half-heartedly to the people that I’m accidentally hit. It frustrated me how far should I go before I really could see her. I turned to the left when I passed the long corridor and there I saw my in law.

Jinah’s parents were looking down as they waited outside the surgery room. I saw Sora as well, still in her white suit. Minseok and my father in law were the one who noticed my presence. I didn’t how tired my legs until I suddenly couldn’t stand up anymore. The two of them helped me to sit down; Minseok kneeled in front of me and cupped both of my face.

“Kris, Kris. Focus. Listen to me” he said pretty loud, but I couldn’t get focus. My mind kept wandering about Jinah and unknowingly, I called her name.

“Jinah. Where’s Jinah?” I said, stuttering my words.

I could hear my mother in law was crying as she tried to hold on my hand, but her hands felt cold and all the voice around me sounded so soft, I barely heard anything but my own heartbeat. I noticed that people around me were talking as well, but I couldn’t focus to hear what they said. It was like several ago, the day my father passed away. The panic attack that creeping me out appeared again and this time, it came worse.

“Kris… Listen to me” Minseok tried again. “KRIS!” he yelled and this time I stopped stuttering and looked at him.

“Can you hear me now?” he asked. I nodded, like I’ve just realized what’s happening.

“Where’s Jinah? How’s her condition? How’s the baby?” I quickly asked him.

Minseok moved to my shoulders and tightened his grip there. “She’s still inside the surgery room and since she’s pregnant, we asked the obs-gyn to help the surgery as well. We still have to wait for her surgery to be performed well before we could hear her news, okay?”

I looked down and slowly, covering my face with my palms. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t want to talk with anyone so I kept my face covered, I heard my mother talked with her parents, she’s crying as well as Jinah’s mom while I felt Chen sitting next to me. But right now, other than Jinah, I didn’t want to see anyone else.

We could do nothing but waiting for the surgery until it’s done. My mom and Jinah’s mom were praying together while I tried my best to think positively about her and the baby. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept silent at the corner of the room, waiting and waiting for her. When the sign of the surgery room changed from red to green, signing that the surgery was over, all of us quickly gathered in front of the door. I was expecting to see Jinah in her bed, but all I saw was the doctor that performed the surgery. He’s still on his scrub when he met all of us.

“Are all of you the family of Mrs. Jinah Wu?” he asked. My father in law confirmed it and the doctor asked my presence as her husband.

“Mr. Wu, I’d like to inform you that your wife already passed the surgery well but recently she’s in coma, it’s considered normal and it will take her around 2-3 days to gain her consciousness. There’s a broken rib and her legs might be dysfunctional for time being until she started to work on her leg again, but…” the doctor stopped explaining, earning my attention and the rest of the family.

“But what, Sunbae?” Minseok asked the doctor respectively.

The doctor looked at me and took a deep breath before talking.

“We lost the baby” he said with a low voice, bowing to me.

I could hear my mother in law gasped, followed by a loud cry. It wasn’t like I didn’t care for her but I’m having a problem digesting the news that the doctor had just said. He didn’t say that the baby was dead, did he?

“The baby…”

The doctor bowed once again and after that looking deeply at me.

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Wu”

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

disclaimer: picture is not mine.