"Let Go"

 

 

“I still can’t believe that you went to Alaska, Dear. ALASKA!” Heechul oppa excitedly talked about my Alaska trip when we’re done having lunch at the café around the downtown area. I’ve just signed my extended agreement with my agency and had a little brief about my future activities during my pregnancy. I love Heechul oppa for still put his trust on me to be the face of several high class brands that won’t be easily pulled by a pregnant model like me.

“So there’s city in Alaska? You’re not living in an igloo, right?” he asked me, showing a confused face which made me let out a laugh.

“Of course there’re cities there! It’s just like another city, Oppa, but with tons of snow and everywhere you looked at showed white color. But it was good there, I had a good time” I said, smiling to him.

“If I were you, I’d have a good time also, Jinah. You got the most rich and handsome bachelor in the city, you have him under your arm, and he still loves you when he knew you’re pregnant with his baby! Why I’m not surprised to hear that you’re having a good time in Alaska, huh?” Heechul oppa teased me as he sipped his latte. “I could imagine him pampering you all the time and I bet he’d always stay by your side every time both of you walk together. What a sweet thing…” he said again.

I couldn’t say anything but an awkward laugh upon Heechul oppa’s words. Well yes, whatever Kris did to me during the trip in Alaska could be defined as an act of pampering me. He never let me wait for him or do anything by myself, he’d do it for me, for the sake of my pregnancy. But there’s no love, Oppa. Oh, how I want to tell him… We did it, or he did whatever he did to me, with no love. How can we love when we didn’t even know what we felt towards each other? What we have is a mutual understanding that we need the baby inside me, to survive. I wonder how well were our act in front of the others, no one noticed how I always awkwardly moved a little further away from him or how he would be stiff when I circled my arm around his. We’re far from a couple, oh God.

“Are you happy with your marriage, Jinah?”

I never expected Heechul oppa to ever ask me this kind of question. I blinked my eyes several times before I gulped the water on my glass. I didn’t know why, but I felt nervous and to be honest, I didn’t want to answer his question. He didn’t know whatever happened between me and Kris of course, but from my point of view, this question felt so intimidating. I bit my lips and made a smile towards him, slightly nod, just to make sure that he knew I am happy with Kris.

“I really wish you have a good marriage life, Jinah. You know, I’ve known you ever since I’m still the assistant manager in this agency. And I’ve been seeing how you grew up; I know you even before you start to use makeup. I know you when you’re still clumsy with those heels. Remember when you kept falling down on the ground when your mentor made you walk properly on a straight line and since you’re really scared with her you asked me to accompany you walked everywhere using your deadly 13 cm heels?” he asked with his wandering eyes.  

This time, I genuinely smiled. Oh well, the memories of my early year as a trainee surely was the hardest part of my career (before I then realized that auditioning for modelling was hard also). Days and nights spend on the training room, practicing until I couldn’t feel my feet, dieting until I didn’t want to eat anything (before I knew what’s the right diet for me), crying when I failed an audition, crying again because I passed another audition. I had it all in my mind, those days that marked my path in this career…

“I never want you to get hurt ever again, you know?” Heechul oppa glanced at me as he rubbed the side of my arm softly.

“Oppa…” I sighed, shook my head softly as I looked back to him. When he spoke like this, I knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. It must be him.

“Are you really over him? I mean, it’s not that I don’t believe that you’re in love with Kris, of course not” he quickly confirmed his words. “It’s just, how exactly things worked between the two of you? Have you really recovered from Woobin?”

I inhaled deeply before letting out a sigh as I heard the name again. Kim Woobin. That beautiful name that used to slip out from my lips, the name I loved the most. I’ve trained my mind, to stop saying his name, but it didn’t work. He left a huge spot in my heart, and I knew exactly, that spot wouldn’t be that easy to be covered and I didn’t think that it could be fixed. I’d be forever having my heart broken, left it untouched, better be.

“It’s in the past, Oppa… If I kept holding on him, how could I be Kris’ wife and having his baby?” I reasoned a very fake answer I’ve ever said.

“He made you happy, right?” Heechul oppa slightly smirked as he caressed my cheek. “I’m happy if you’re happy, Jinah. And if Kris made you happy, I’d be very glad with that too” he smiled.

“You’re a little girl for me forever. You’re the one who cried secretly on the back of the curtain at the training room, the one who tried to steal the spot with whatever you have, my pretty little girl. As your oppa, I just want you to be happy because you deserved it…”

“Why are you suddenly became this melancholic?” I playfully slapped his upper arm as I let out a laugh. He’s always being playful, he didn’t take things seriously; he’s one of the people that made me feeling strong during my trainee period. And if there’s anything I could do for him, I’d do it voluntarily. But seeing him being a little serious and filled with sweet words, I felt he’s finally matured.

“Just think of it as a day off of playful Heechul oppa, hmm? I’m in the mood on pampering you, so just accept it!” he said, smiling widely. I laughed along with him; doing sharing like this had been one of our routine that we used to do. And with Heechul oppa, everything always felt times better!

“And how’s the baby growing?” he asked me as he looked at my bumpy stomach. It’s showing on my dress, the baby bump. It’s pretty bigger compared to three weeks ago on my wedding day and I do feel like a pregnant woman recently.

“The baby is doing well. I finally stopped having my morning sickness and I swear it’s better than ever!” I excitedly said. Man, the morning sickness did killing me during the first trimester of my pregnancy and I couldn’t wait for it to end. Now that it’s stop, I could say goodbye to the sink that always greeted me every single day. “I felt more like myself, Oppa”

Heechul oppa laughed as he heard my words. “I could see that. You’re back with your makeup on…”

“You didn’t know how badly I want to just go out from the house bare face. I didn’t have the mood to put any makeup and my hair, it’s dry and I couldn’t even comb it…” I started to complain. Other than Sora and my mother, I basically didn’t tell anyone else about what I felt during the pregnancy so for Heechul oppa to listen to my rant, I felt thankful.

“Hey, maybe your baby is a boy?” Heechul oppa said with one of his eyebrows raised. “What do you say about a baby boy?”

“Really? What made you said that?” I looked at him in confused. Where did he get the idea of me having a baby boy?

“It’s not the first time I heard and saw people being pregnant. It’s said that if the mother looked so awful and barely looking fine during the pregnancy, the baby must have been boy. And if the mother looked pretty, she must have been having a baby girl…”

“Said someone who didn’t even date the past 6 years…” I rolled my eyes as I heard about it. He just chuckled over my expression.

“Experience, Darling. Experience…” he said playfully. “I think you’re having a boy and I’m so going to bet on it!”

“No way, you’re not going to use my baby as a bet!” I said to him, jabbed his side using my elbow. Heechul oppa only laughed again, ah this guy…

“I could imagine how awesome your babies would be along with Kris, Jinah” Heechul oppa smiled as he imagined something. “Tell me, is he good in bed?”

“God, no! You’ve promised me you won’t ask anything personal regarding my marriage life…” I slapped his arms again.

“Hahaha judging from your answer, I bet Kris must have been very great in bed…I could tell…” he slowly nodding, acting like he knows it all. I just ignored his words. I didn’t even remember that night when we…conceived. Erm. A ring came from Heechul oppa’s phone, creating a break between our talk.

“Hey, do you want me to take you home? I just remembered that I have another meeting for a TV show. Maybe I can drop you home and went to the meeting after that…” Heechul oppa said as he slid on his phone, checking on his schedule. He’s dead busy yet he managed to spend a little time with me. I appreciated it so much…

“My home is quite far from here, Oppa. It’s fine, you can go. My driver would pick me up here later on…” I said, reassuring him.

“Take care, okay? I’m sorry I really have to go” he said in such an apologetic tone, I nodded in reply. He kissed my cheek and hugged me before he left for his meeting.

And after that, I sat back on the comfortable sofa and just enjoyed the tea served on the cup. I like the ambience of this café; I need this kind of environment to keep me calm and composed, especially during my pregnancy. Sometimes, when I felt moody, I thought I could kill someone.

I had nothing to do this evening so I thought I would just stay for a while in the café before I called my driver to pick me up. I let my body rested as I leaned to the back of the soft sofa, breathing softly. I softly closed my eyes when I heard the music played at the café. The cafe singer performed a jazz number, and I realized this song used to be my favorite. It’s Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me to the Moon.

I smiled to myself upon hearing this song. It’s the song I liked the most, during my trip to London. During the period of…

 

“Can I have this dance?”

I looked up and found the gentleman from the hotel this morning. During the breakfast, there had been a little chaos; the tables somehow were not enough for all the guests that stayed in the hotel so whoever sits alone were asked to share their table with other guest who wanted to have a breakfast also. I happened to be alone and the waitress asked me if the gentleman can be placed on my table. Being a polite person, I allowed him. He looked Asian, so I thought it’d be fine for me, since we’re coming from the same root.

Turned out he’s a Korean; a guy with same nationality with me happened to stay at the same hotel in this foreign country, I couldn’t be more thankful than that. But he’s a quite person so I couldn’t do anything much with him, even the fact that I’m Korean also didn’t move him to have a conversation with me. Please, I’m having my expectation lowered towards him.

We bid our goodbye when I have to go earlier than him to go to the photo-shoot location along with my appointed agency in London. I had a week photo-shoot plus city tour in London, but since my manager and my assistant will be arrived the next day from Seoul while previously I stayed in Paris to visit my cousin, I came first to London. Being alone and do everything on my own was a thing I learned and got used to since I started my trainee time; I have a friend also, but being an independent little girl was somehow got attached so much in me, I started to rely only on my own. And for me to stay here alone in London, I just have to adjust to it and do things like I was staying in my own country.  And so me and the stranger said goodbye to each other and never thought to see each other again; until he appeared in front of me, dressed in a very decent suit that showed his social class in the party.

It was a birthday of one of my socialite friends I met in LA three years ago when I was sent for a modeling trainee program. We’ve been a good friend, so when she heard that I was in Paris and planned to go to London, she made me come to her party. As a billionaire daughter, she surely spent a lot for this birthday party. I was done socializing and enjoying my drink near the bar when Mr. Kim, the gentleman, came and asked me to have a dance with him.

I wouldn’t lie. Ever since we saw each other this morning, I’ve noticed his handsome face and manly gesture. He’s surely acted like a royal, maybe he’s born as one, I didn’t know, but for sure, he made me feeling secured and comfortable even though what we had was a table shared for two. We didn’t converse much, we didn’t do anything in particular that showed that we had a communication together, but just being near with him made me feeling…safe. It’s weird, I should’ve admitted, but somehow I like it.

I like his strong facial expression that made him look fearless, he’s so dominant and he didn’t appear warm. But once he spread that smile from his perfect lips (yes, his lips is so damn y and perfect), everything about his cold feature disappeared. He seemed down to earth, polite, and filled with manner. The way he stood straight with soft glance as he looked at me made me feeling a little nervous. I was never once being stared like that by anyone, especially by a guy. None of my ex did those kind of stare, maybe because I was so young back then that all that mattered was a mutual feeling and a hot kiss shared between us, but a soft glance and polite manner? I didn’t think I’ve ever experience it before.

Seeing him here in this party made me sure that he’s indeed the part of the socialite community I might be never heard of. Sometimes, even between those high class social groups, there’re few super exclusive group that we barely heard its existence, but for sure, they’re actually present. So maybe, he’s one of it. Maybe he’s my friend’s friends, or maybe he’s one of family members from my friend’s side? I would never know, but I felt happy to see him here out of the foreign faces I saw ever since I stepped in to the ballroom.

So I accepted his hand that’s extended to me. We’re dancing with Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me to the Moon as the back sound. The way my right palm intertwined with his left felt right as he wrapped my waist with his right hand, securing our close position.

“Miss Im” he called my name, or more like whispering to me, as I placed my left hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry for earlier this morning. I had so many things on my mind, I barely talk to you. Sorry” he said, somehow explaining his cold gesture on the table earlier.

I bit my lower lips, pressing a smile which suddenly presented there. I didn’t know why I smiled, maybe I was happy that he remembered me and that he thought he’s being rude to me? Oh, well. But whatever, I felt a little special, hearing the way he apologized to me.

“It’s fine, Mr. Kim” I replied.

“Woobin. Just call me Woobin” he corrected me.

He took a step back as he turned me for a spin before he caught my waist again and we moved closer, face to face. He kept looking at me as we moved on the dance floor. Despite the other couples that were having a slow dance also in the dance floor, I felt that there’s only me and him here. It’s not a good sign; he hypnotized me towards his deep stare and his tight hug, I already felt trapped. But surprisingly (or not), I like to be hugged like this by him.  

“Jinah. You can call me Jinah” I replied, smiling.

He then smiled to me and the rest of the dance; we’re just having each other around and didn’t say anything. I didn’t know why he didn’t say anything, but then I acted thoughtless. This maybe will be the last time I saw him; there’ll be no other chance to enjoy this kind of warmth provided by him, so I held on his shoulder tighter and somehow, he hugged me closer to him.

It’s not fair. He’s so perfectly tall, dressed well, mannered, and now, I found another fact about him: he smelled good. I love how his scent made me noticed a strong manly presence as well as a soothing feeling as my nose slightly touched his upper neck. He’s like a prince I always imagined during my teenage time. He fit a prince definition and I believed he could pull that character. I was crazy (or he drove me crazy?), I never want a guy the way I want him. Well, I didn’t know yet whether I wanted him or just adoring him, but all I knew, I didn’t want this dance to end.

But every beginning always have an end, and so the dance. When the music stopped and we moved to the next event of the party, both of us took a step back and slowly, left each other’s hand hold and by that, we’re exchanging looks. He smiled and somehow I awkwardly replied, I could feel a heat came around my face. Uh oh, what happened to me?

“Pardon me, but how long are you going to stay here?” he asked me as we walked side by side, getting closer to the center of the ballroom. The birthday girl apparently was about to blow the cake candles, guests were invited to clap along with her.

“A week from now” I responded. Why he was asking about my stay? He wasn’t planning to see me again, was he?

“I’m having a meeting for the next three days” he said, more like informing me. I didn’t say anything; I didn’t know what his intention of telling me his schedule is. It’s silent for a while.

“Can we meet for a dinner on the fourth day of your stay?” he asked me, stopped his step and looked straight at me. I didn’t expect him asking me to see me again, but… his offer was so captivating. I lost in his deep eyes as he kept looking at me.  

“I’m afraid I have a schedule on that night” I replied. His eyes grew bigger in surprised, probably not expecting me to refuse his request.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you’re free. Guess I’m not the only one who got a busy week here” he politely said, added an understanding smile.

“But I have a time for lunch” I said, smiling as I saw him again. I could see his eyes beamed suddenly. Really, was my sight play a trick on me? I didn’t hallucinated when I said that his eyes looked excited once I said a time for him, right?

“Then, do you want to have a lunch with me? I mean, if you’re fine with a café near the palace…”

“It’d be nice” I responded, still looking at him. He looked a little awkward but he still managed his calm posture. I smiled as our eyes met and he flashed me a very genuine smile I’ve ever seen on his face.

“So see you, then?”

“See you…

 

“Jinah”

My eyes immediately opened when I heard someone called my name. No, I knew even before I dare myself to open my eyes, I knew whose voice it was. And to see him in front of me made me think that the memory of the first time I met him that was just played in my mind, felt so real. He’s here, standing tall across me. Not in the suit that night he wore, no, he’s wearing his usual working attire.

A black pant, white shirt, a dark tie, a black suit. His hair was combed neatly to the side of his head, parted perfectly. He looked at me, looking surprise but also seemed like he’s relieved about something. How could he get here?

“Hey” he said, smiling tiredly as he kept his glance still at me.

I didn’t know, years not seeing him, avoiding him at my best; even during a social event where his family members or his beloved fiancé probably seen together with me, I tried my best not to look at him. I tried to suppress my feeling, the itch on my fingers, to just type his name on the search engine, wanting to know whether he’s fine, wanting to know, when he will be married. Because I knew, once I heard about his wedding date, I’d probably go crazy by crying for him, all over again. It’s like that night was about to be repeated, whenever I thought about the possibility of him marrying her. So I suppressed my feeling, avoiding him, trying to forget him because he would never be mine to claim for.

I think I never really forget him. Woobin oppa, the only love in my life… the one I would never have.

I blankly looked at him, checking on him. He walked closer to my table. I noticed that there’re only the two of us here inside the café. It’s a small comfortable café which only happened to be full during after office hours and on weekend and since it’s still around 3 PM, no visitor other than us currently. I felt a little secured when I realized the café was empty, no possible eye witness of his presence here along with me. I hope there’s no reporter out there, the café is somehow near with another agency of actors and actresses, which probably appeared around the building so the reporters could take any pictures and published news based on it.

“Can I sit here?” he asked me, appointed the chair across me.

“Oppa…” I addressed him. I didn’t know if I want to be near with him. I mean, I wanted us to have a good separation, but it seemed, every time he’s around, I had my heart beating like crazy. And it happened too now, but it’s not coming from my heart I guess. It’s my stomach, I could feel my stomach suddenly felt so tight and there’s something I noticed as a beat of something. Was it the baby?

I took a deep breath, before sipping my tea again, trying to relax my body. No, I couldn’t get cramp here, not in front of Woobin oppa.

“Let me have a minute to talk with you” he pleaded.

I remembered the last time I met him, it’s on the night before my wedding and I’ve said clearly to him. We’re over. What’s wrong with him? Couldn’t he understand that simple words?

My phone rang before I could say anything. I found Kris’ name on the caller ID. I accepted the call, ignoring Woobin oppa who’s still standing in front of me.

“Hi Kris” I intended to make Woobin oppa knew that me and Kris is real.

“I saw Mr. Lee coming to my building, following my mother’s driver. He brought several items my mother sent for us. You’re not with him, yet?”

Oh yeah, I let my driver followed my mother in law request earlier this morning when I had meeting with Heechul oppa. “I’m still around the company”

“With Mr. Kim Heechul?” he asked me.

Kris didn’t know Woobin oppa. But there’s no point also to tell him about Woobin oppa. It’d be fine if I just lie, right? I mean, no one harmed over my lie…

“Yes” I replied.

“Oh. I thought your meeting ended already” he said, sounded a little surprise. “Ok, then. Have you told Mr. Lee to pick you up?”

“I’ll call him when my meeting ends” I replied.

“Ok. Call me if you need anything. Bye”

“Bye Kris”

I ended the phone call and placed the phone next to me. Woobin oppa was still looking at me, waiting for me to have my attention on him.

“Can we talk?” he asked again, weaker this time.

I didn’t think I have an ability to refuse him.

 

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I’ve just done my visit to one of our approved partners in the business when I passed the small café near the office building. I knew that place, it’s one of memorable places I would never forget about her. It’s almost three years ago when I first saw her again in that cafe after we met for the first time in London.

A month after we’re back in the country, I called her and she agreed to meet with me but since her line of work was so busy with tight schedules, I told her I’d be the one who came to her work place. And we found this café, the place was kind of small for commercial café but the coffee was good and it’s comfortable to have a chat or discussion.

This is the place where I confessed to her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

And I was surprised to see her, sitting on our regular seat as I walked myself to the café. I noticed her presence when I walked pass the glasses wall. It’s like the first time I saw her; she sat on the seat, looking beautiful on her dress. I noticed she remained the same. She’s just as beautiful as I ever remembered her. But this time, I found her closed her eyes as her right hand placed above her bumpy stomach.

She’s pregnant. I always have to remind myself about that, and the fact that I saw the ring on her finger, I have to tell myself too: she’s married. That were two things I could never accept about her. How could the love of my life go away like this? I wish she knew, I was about to cancel my engagement with Su Ah, once I could win a tender for Wu Global Company, and I would go for Jinah. But now, she’s the lady of the company that used to be my goal.

I knew it’s an irony. If I win a tender to work along with the Wu Global Company, my company would strengthen its financial structure and once we’re stabilized the company, I have no more reason to be married to Su Ah. Clearly, my family company would be bigger compared to her family’s company. And that means more power for me. But it wasn’t tempting anymore. Not when what I’ve been dreamed of, to be with Jinah, ruined as she married to Kris Wu. My family company would be saved, but there’s nothing for me. In the end, I didn’t get what I want.

And I’m so close to give up anything; including my life. But seeing her sleeping peacefully as she slowly rubbed her stomach, somehow made me felt calm again. It seemed that my emotional and cold side that I put every day in front of my family and my fiancé, gone for a while. She’s the cure of my illness.  

I wanted to talk with her, but seeing how she accepted Kris’ phone call, I started to believe that she’s indeed moving on and having a good life with him. I waited for her. It’s hard for me to let her go, but if she’s happy, how could I destroy her happiness?

People say that it’s love, if we could let the people love be happy, even if it means that the person being happy without us. And that’s exactly what I want her to know. I’m ready to let her go…

“I’m sorry I didn’t attend your wedding. I had a meeting outside the country…” I reasoned. I want to be honest with her, but I couldn’t.

“You’re still managing so many deals and meetings, I guess?” she replied softly, avoiding my eyes.

“Yeah…” I dryly replied. How would things be more awkward than this? Should we just talk about the weather? , I had no idea what to tell her while whenever I was away from her, all I wanted was to see her and talk with her. Why it went like this?

“Oppa…” she called me as she looked at me in the eyes. Those beautiful pair of eyes…

“How are you?” I asked her.

“I’m fine” she shortly replied.

“I’m glad you’re looking well and great and…” I stopped talking as I gazed to her bump. She noticed it and touched it with her palm. “How’s your pregnancy?”

“It’s good. I’m on my fourteenth week and I felt better than ever” she softened her gaze as she talked about the baby.

And how I hurt by looking at her. I always thought a long relationship with Jinah, ever since we started dating and spent time together; I knew that she’s the one. We’ve had each other and both of us seemed to have a sixth sense towards each other. I somehow managed to know what would she thinking if she saw something, or how she read my mind when we exchanged glances. I missed laughing over something that only us know, I missed telling her a very dry jokes that would made her slapped my arms yet still smiling. But I know that it’s just memories.

She’s now someone’s wife.

“I miss you” I bluntly said, made she stopped rubbing her stomach and looked at me with a surprised expression.

“Woobin oppa…”

“I knew, the last time we met, it was not in a good condition. I’m sorry for interfering you during your bachelor party, but Jinah… I do really miss you. A lot” I said as I stared at her.

She sighed, letting out a desperate long breath and then closing her eyes.

“I miss you too” she said, more like a whisper. See, our feeling is clearly mutual…

“But more like an old friend” she added, making the smile that I had in my lips changed into a frown. “I don’t want us to have a bad separation oppa. I know, two years ago, when we broke up and everything ended, we didn’t end it right. We hold on each other, never really stop to think of each other. But I did stop, Oppa. I don’t want to have myself kept holding on something I know will never happen. You and I, no matter how hard we try, we will never end up together”

“It’s over. I’m married, I’m pregnant, and I’m about to be a mother of my baby. You’re soon going to have your own family. When we separated, I want us remained as memory, a good memory. So I begged you, please let this meeting as our last meeting with each other”

“Jinah… “

“If I can let you go, why can’t you do the same?” she said in a desperate tone. “It would be better for everyone. Me, you, my family, yours. Let’s just accept the fact that we’re not destined, Oppa…”

I couldn’t say anything over her words. She’s just damn right… Currently, everything has changed and it seemed like I’m the only one who hasn’t changed yet.

“I need time…” I said to her. “I need time, but of course, I’m not going to interfere with your current relationship. I think he’s a good guy, he can take care of you and I’m sure you’ll be happy with him”  

I lied. I couldn’t let her go, still. But I have to; I didn’t want her to feel sad over me, over us. The feeling that I have for her really killing me inside, sometimes I couldn’t contain it anymore. But the thought of letting her go always scared me. I always felt guilty ever since we broke up that night, there’s a burden that I kept holding on back then.

“I’ll be happy, Oppa. So you should be happy also, okay?” she said softly, smiling to me.

I would never regret my love for her, but the pain to let her go… I watched her as she took another deep breath before she looked at me.

“I sincerely hope that you’re going to have your own happiness, Oppa. I just want you to know that I never hate you; I never want us to be in a bad relationship after the break up. I will always pray anything good happen to you… “She said, adding a faint smile. I just looked at her, trying to enjoy her glance one more time before I have to go. “You’ll be fine, Oppa...”

I nodded. I’d be fine. Maybe I’ll have to take another year of trip, so I could forget her, so I could ignore the fact that I have a company to be taken care of and a future wedding to be hold. Maybe after that, I’d be finally feeling fine. I don’t know, I have no idea about it. I just want my heart to stop aching.

Her driver arrived earlier than expected at the front of the café. We bid our goodbye and hugged each other. Finally, after years not feeling her, I could have her in my arms again, even though it’s just for seconds. I’m happy, we’re ending things right. Although I know, it’s not an end yet for me, but I’ve come to a decision: I have to let Jinah go.

When she went with her driver, I stayed back in our seat. Again, I remembered some of the things that happened in this place. This is the place when I confessed to her; this is also the place when I proposed her unofficially back then where I asked her to be my other half, to spend the rest of her life along with me. She said yes, but it’s never happened.

And now, in the very same place, we ended our ties… Everything is a history now.

 

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I loosened my tie as I walked toward my room. Today had been hectic and tiring, all I want is a bath and bed, and my day would be complete. The maid said that Jinah already went back home, she surely missed her dinner as I saw Kyungsoo’s food package still placed in the table. I was about to open my room’s door when I caught a body lying on the carpet in front of the TV in the living room. My eyes grew wider when I noticed that it’s Jinah, lying there with her night dress.

“Jinah?” I called her name. I’m afraid she’s fainting or even worse, falling in lying position. She had her body on her side.

“Jinah?” I called her again. This time, she turned her head to the left and saw me. “Hey, what’s happening? Why are you on the floor?” I asked her as I kneeled next to her.

She rubbed her stomach and closed her eyes as she lying on her side again, facing her back to me.

“The baby. I’ve been trying to sit on the bed, the sofa, the lazy chair, everywhere. But the baby felt comfortable when I lay like this on the carpet…” she explained, slowly made a circular movement as she rubbed her stomach.

“Are you okay?” I asked her; afraid she’d feel anywhere uncomfortable. I didn’t want to experience those anxiety feeling back in Vancouver.

She nodded. “You’ve just arrived?”

“Yeah… Long day today…” I said. After I made sure that she’s feeling okay, I sat on the carpet also. Unknowingly, I copied what she did and laid next to her on the carpet. She turned to my side and looked at me.

“What are you doing?” she asked me.

“Oh… It felt good” I groaned as I closed my eyes. Having my body on the carpet surprisingly made me feeling good. “No wonder the baby likes it” I added.

“Yeah, it’s good. I felt fine finally, the baby requested so many things…” she said. “I’m afraid I couldn’t sleep again, just like last night…”

“You can’t sleep?” I opened my eyes and found her lying with her back on the floor as she looked to the ceiling blankly.

“Every night” she mumbled, rubbing her stomach again. “Now that the morning sickness was gone, a night sickness greeted me. I couldn’t sleep every time I awake around midnight”

“Is it normal? Should we go to the doctor?” I’m new in pregnancy department and I totally have no experience on this matter, so I quickly assumed every weird things happened to her as a symptoms of a bad pregnancy.

She shook her head. “I checked on the internet, it’s normal”

“Well, we have a personal doctor for reason. You can’t rely on internet forever” I said. Urgh, since when I became so detail over a small thing like this? But how could she just believe what the internet said?

She let out a giggle. I didn’t remember she ever giggles in front of me before, or she did, but I didn’t notice that her giggles sounded kind of….cute. And refreshing. Oh Kris, come on…. What’s happening to me?

“Relax. I won’t ignore my baby… If I need to see the doctor, I’ll go” she replied.

“You better be” I responded as I looked to the ceiling also.

We stayed like that for seconds, not saying anything. We grew accustomed to this kind of interaction ever since we’re back from Vancouver. Both of us agreed to maintain a good partnership on where we can be a good partner for each other, like when she’s having her cramp, she should be telling me or when she needs a friend to talk with when we’re together, if I’m available then I would be more than fine to listen to her. The marriage was a fake one, but the pregnancy was not. I wouldn’t dare to risk her state and the baby condition. I’ve seen enough on how hard the pregnancy took her…

She suddenly let out a loud sigh.

“Kris” she called me.

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever have to let go of something? Something you know you can’t get or can’t have?” she asked me, still caressing her waist and stomach.

I frowned, thinking. What’s the thing I can’t have but I have to let go?

“Is it like…my stock or an ownership of a company that I want to buy?” I asked her. She rolled her eyes and looked at me in disbelief.

“Of course, you’re Kris Wu. You have nothing you can’t get…” she commented as she rolled to the side and slowly raised her body from the floor, sitting. She covered her face with her palms but then she mindlessly combed her hair with her fingers.

“Do you have something in mind?” I studied her face from the side.

“I’m hungry” she looked at me.

I let out a chuckle. “So what you have in mind is being hungry? The things you want to let go is not feeling hungry?” I .

“Food” she said, appointing to her stomach.

“Alright, alright” I said as I pressed my laugh. “Kyungsoo sent us food… He said that it’s your entire favorite menu…”

I haven’t finished my explanation about the food as I found her shook her head, looking at me with a horror in her face. I thought there’s something happened with her stomach.

“What’s the matter?”  I asked.

“I want dim sum” she said it firmly and I’ve learned, whenever she craved something like that, I have to get it right away.

“I’ll order it for you okay?” I said as I took out my phone and looked for the Chinese restaurant name here.

She beamed a happy smile. “Thanks Kris”

Im Jinah and her craving. Sometimes I wonder if I should just buy a restaurant that has a lot of skillful chef from all over the world. She once craved for a taco, and she wanted it to taste like the one she ate in New York. Imagine how I should fulfil that request…

We ended up walking to the kitchen as we waited for the food delivery. She moved to the couch and started to watch a TV while I took a drink in the fridge. The sound of the TV made a good back sound at our house, it’s empty and a little silent lately so a noise would be better to hear. Ever since I stayed at my house in Canada during my teenage year, I always love TV noise, because at least I know that I’m not alone.

My phone rang once I took the glass to the sink. It’s Chen.

“Hyung”

When Chen called me ‘hyung’, usually it wouldn’t be a business thingy.

“Yes, Chen?”

“I think I found something interesting and I thought you should know” he said.

“What thing?” I asked him. I didn’t remember I have something to ask to him. We had our meeting done by today and since he did a good job on doing a presentation to our future partner for new hotel in Jeju, I didn’t ask him to do anything else.

“Check your Line. I’ve sent it” he mentioned.

I put my phone away and checked on the latest message from Chen. It’s a picture. I clicked on it and what I found…made me slightly frown.

“Hyung, do you get it?” he asked me. I hummed, confirming my answer.

“They’re a couple, but broke up around two or three years ago” Chen said as I still looked on the picture he sent me. “Seemed that your new business partner has something to do with your wife…” he said in apologetic tone.

The line went silent for a second before Chen called me again.

“So?” I mindlessly replied.

“I thought you should now” he said.

“It’s in the past, Chen”

“Their last meeting was today” Chen confirmed for me.

Another message appeared on my Line, as I checked on it, a picture of Jinah hugged Mr. Kim from the Kim Construction showed. They looked comfortable with each other, though. The way she circled her arms around his neck and how he firmly hugged her waist, somehow proved that they’re once having a close relationship. The previous one Chen sent to me showed her picture with him also, walking hand in hand in Spain. And I could see from her expression, how happy she was along with him.

“They’re never appeared in public during their relationship period, most of the time they were meeting and dating outside the country, avoiding publication. I bought these pictures from a showbiz reporter, because I didn’t want it to be a problem in the future” Chen explained.

“What problem?”

“Hyung, Mr. Kim is currently engage with the daughter of Hwang Telecommunication and they’re planning a wedding” Chen explained. “If this picture appeared, it wouldn’t be only them that’s having a problem with the media, you and your company will be affected also”

I felt like laughing to myself. Of course, I married a supermodel and she’s hell one of the most gorgeous, there must have been a story or two about her love adventures. Why I wasn’t thinking about it, huh? Do I expect her to be totally free from rumor? My glance fell to Jinah who’s still absorbed on watching the television with a sleepy face; she didn’t notice that I was looking at her.

“Hyung?”

“Do whatever you can to prevent these pictures leaked to public”

I ended my call with Chen and turned my back to my room. I was previously wanted to join her on the couch and maybe watch a TV show or something while we’re waiting for the dim sum to be delivered. But somehow, I felt kind of not in the mood. Suddenly I wanted to punch something or just want to kick on anything that blocked my path as I walked to my room.

I didn’t understand why. I felt betrayed.

 

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Hello… An update, finally.

Sorry, it’s getting longer and longer for me to update the story. Huge change in the office, there’re some adjustment and more works and meetings and presentations to be prepared. I rarely spent hours in front of my laptop to write or even watch. I’ve been missing update from kpop world in terms of new show or whatever (just finished the last 3 eps of Showtime this Friday, see how late I am…)

No time for drama, for book, or whatever. I just play around ask.fm or twitter if I have free time, which is not much. I planned to write on weekend, but weekend only is not enough. Believe me, I want to update all of my stories, but seemed that my body getting weaker everyday hehe.. I already wrote until the next 4 chapters for Perfect Timing, but I still need time to check on it. So please bear my late update. I even have new scenarios, but I won’t start anything knowing I have limited time to write…

Ok, enough from me. Share me your thought on this chapter, will you? I put more than a week to write this... I’m sorry if it’s still not satisfying you enough. Now that Kris knew about Jinah and Woobin, what do you think he’ll do? Will he ask her about her past relationship? Share me, I want to know! :)

And for the increase of subscribers, thank you all for those who subscribe for this story. Hope you enjoy your stay here…   

 

xoxo,

yuriya

 

bonus: see what I got on my ask.fm today hahaha