"Decision"

 

 

“How are you?”

I surprised myself as I asked her. I didn’t know what to say, so maybe, asking about her condition would be a good way to start conversation. We need to talk. She looked at me with an equally surprised face, as she didn’t think that I might ask her this question.

“What are you doing here?” she replied shortly.

“I found you fainting on the elevator, I just want to check whether you’re okay or not. I need to make sure that there’s nothing happened to the guest in my hotel”

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. If she wanted to play, then I’m in.

“I’m fine”

“Why are you fainting?”

“Is that should be asked by the hotel representative like you?” she scoffed.

“I don’t want any misleading report regarding my hotel facilities. Who knew that you might say something bad about my place” I said, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

I didn’t know why, but the more she replied to me, the more I have this urge to reply her meaner. Heck, what on earth did I see from her that night? Oh well, I was too drunk my eyes went blind.  

“Low blood pressure. And that’s not related at all with your hotel facility. The place is good and safe” she ended her words looking directly at me. “Are you done?”

She managed to talk to me in such a flat tone. I looked at her and she looked at me back. 

“Do you want to say something?” she asked me again.

What is wrong with this woman? No one talked back like this to me. And she just did it not only once, but every time I talked to her!

“Why you’re not saying anything?” I asked her.

“About what?” she nonchalantly replied.

“Your pregnancy” I answered pretty quickly. It’s silent again. She seemed to dislike this topic to be talked out.

“What do you expect? I’m coming to you and saying that I’m pregnant?”

God. Is this a patience test or what?

“At least I don’t have to know it from another person” I muttered. “It’d be better if I knew it right from you”

“Mr. Wu” she called me. I flinched a bit upon the way she addressed me. “How does it feel to hear that I’m pregnant? Are you scared?”

“What?” I looked at her, giving her a puzzled look. Isn’t she supposed to act a little helpless? From what I knew from my friend who once experienced a claimed to have his baby, she cried desperately asking him to be responsible. But this woman in front of me, she didn’t even blink as she talked to me regarding the pregnancy issue.    

“Listen, I’m not really hoping for you to solve my problem here though. I knew I was careless that night, I was so stupid to follow my lust and both of us were under the effect of the alcohol. Both of us partially wrong and now we have to bear the consequences. But I know this will make your life upside down, as well as I am. But I don’t want to drag you to the things you don’t even want. So let’s just separate our way here”

I stood there as I digested her words, one by one. She’s indeed pregnant, but she didn’t want to tell me because she thought that it’d affect my life as well as hers. And she admitted whatever happened that night was mistake and she….wanted me to stay away from her. Am I correct?

“You’re really pregnant” unconsciously I muttered the fact. “Is that…” I hung my words, making her looked at me as I needed more time before I could go on to the next words.

“Is that mine?”

I asked this question out of curiosity and really, I just need to know. I mean, the news that I’m going to have a baby is kind of a surprise, but not like my “usual” surprise. Like when my uncle gave me a helicopter for my 20^th birthday, or when one of Arabian prince who happened to stay at my hotel gave me one of his islands to be named after me, just because I helped his son to get a place for living in New York. I will have a baby and of course, it’s just as crazy as it sounds. Kris Wu is going to be a daddy.

“So you’re here just to know about who own this baby?” she managed to say after she went silent for a while after my question. I noticed that there’s a hint of somewhat a hurt feeling in her words. But maybe that’s just my imagination.     

“I just need to know-“

“Whether this baby is yours or not” she cut me off. “You don’t have to know. This baby is mine” she coldly said to me. Again her eyes went wet. Is she crying? I wanted to ask her more, but I’m afraid I did wrong so I just looked at her. Somehow, she started to rub her stomach. Ok, is it a sign that she’s in pain?  

“Are you okay? Is there somewhere hurt?” I asked her, totally clueless on what to do. The last thing I wanted was her to be hurt in front of me. If it’s true that she’s pregnant with my baby, then at least she should be in a well condition. I walked closer to her but she retreated and moved her body to the other side of the bed.

“Look… Hey” I said helplessly.

I’m feeling guilty over her by asking that kind of question. It’s stupid question though. That’s higher chance that the baby is mine. I just knew that night was the first time for her. I guessed I hurt her badly, since she barely moved the next morning as we woke up.  I remembered I saw her innocence mark appeared on the bed sheet and from the way she struggled to just stand up, I knew that we went too much. I shook my head; it’s not the right time to remember what was happened. It’s time to think on what we should do next.

I took a seat next to her bed and tried to look at her, but she seemed to be really mad over me. She fiddled her fingers and looked away.

“I’m sorry” I heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it… I was…I was shocked” I tried to explain to her.

“Don’t you think I was shock also? I’m the one with the baby!” she half screamed at me. I didn’t know why but somehow I felt a little emotional over this conversation. What she said was true though, she’s the one who should carry the baby and here I am… complaining how shock I am over the news.

“I’m sorry, okay?” I replied, half yelling to her but I remained gentle. She’s on the verge of cry; I didn’t want to be the one who caused her tears. We didn’t say anything for seconds, not realizing how our situation getting worse only after minutes of seeing each other.

“What are you planning to do?” I asked her softly, once she stopped looking so furious.

“I’ve just heard about this news two days ago, how you think I planned about it, huh?” she replied, sniffling to the napkins.

I still in disbelief though. I’m going to be a father from a woman I barely knew.  All I knew about her was her name, Im Jinah. And from what I saw today, she’s working as a model. Other than that, I knew nothing else. Who is she?

Again, we fell in silence. I didn’t know what to say or what to do in this kind of situation. What would the entire family thought about me if this news ever leaked out? I’m not planning a marriage yet, let alone having a baby. This news would be a disaster for me. I glanced at her, and despite her pale face, she seemed thinking so hard. I guess she’s having a hard time also. But what to do? We didn’t know each other and now we have to bear a presence of a baby that bonds us.

“What should I do?” she sighed, muttering by herself, like she’s forgetting my presence. She ran her fingers through her hair as she raised her head and our eyes met. If she’s my girlfriend or better, my wife, I would want to hug her and calm her, because her eyes totally portrayed how confused and scared she was. Rather than being a fierce woman she was earlier, she looked a lost puppy now. The best way would be saying that things will be alright, but who am I to say those words to her? Besides, I knew that all of these things couldn’t be categorized as ‘alright’.

“Do you…want this baby?” I softly asked her, afraid that I might make her angry again.

“I don’t know” she mumbled, closing her eyes as she shook her head. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what to say to everyone around me once they found that I’m submitted to the hospital” she said out of her frustration.

I need an air, I couldn’t think clearly. I stood up and this time, it’s me who ran fingers through my hair. I loosened the tie around me and took a deep breath. This would be my unlikely surprise for this year. The heat of summer just made crazier.

“Keep my name card” I said as I placed the name card beside her desk. “I have to go now. Call me when you need anything”

“What does it mean?” she asked me with a furious tone.

“If you have anything you need, everything, just call me and I’ll give it to you”

She looked at me with a fierce look she once showed me. “I don’t need your money”

I sighed, somehow I just knew that she’s not going to accept this well. “I’m not giving you my money. I’m giving you what you need” I replied.

“Listen, Mr. Wu. I don’t care how you ended up appeared here, but I have my own reason to keep this thing to myself. And I expect you to respect my decision”

“Wait” I said, narrowing my eyes as I looked at her. “Are you saying that you’re going to handle this pregnancy by yourself?”

“Have you heard me saying anything to you regarding this pregnancy?” she questioned me.

I shook my head as I watched her.   

“Right. Because I will never do that” she said nonchalantly. “This would be the first and the last time you’ll hear from me”

“I’m sorry, what?” I scoffed as I heard her words. She didn’t expect me to appear again in front of her?

“Mr. Wu, actually… what do you want? Aren’t you feeling happy that I don’t even bother you with my pregnancy? You don’t have to worry that I’m going to ask you to be part of this baby life”

I looked at her in the eyes. All the words she said were true, every single of it. I should be happy with the fact that she’s pregnant yet she didn’t ask me anything, not even asking me for a penny though. But part of me saying that it wasn’t right, she’s not supposed to face this entire problem alone. No matter how tangled the situation would be, I’m part of it and she has to accept it, like it or not.    

 “I want to be responsible” I managed to say.

“Responsible” she repeated my word, scoffing. ”What kind of responsibility, Mr. Wu?” she was questioning me.

There, she got me. I don’t know what I want with her, with the baby, whether she’s going to keep it or not. I’m clueless. But I’m already drowning to this problem; I should not just leave her like that. I looked at her with a clueless and helpless look, the best way to explain what both of us felt.  

“I just don’t want anything bad happened to the two of you”

 

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I enjoyed the night view of Seoul from the lounge I’ve loved the past three years. This is my favorite building from all of the bars and restaurants I owned, this one is the precious one. I played with the wine glass in my hand, enjoying its smell. After a day filled with works and meetings, I surely deserved this kind of soothing and relaxing treat.

Tonight the lounge is filled by guests, as usual. But I always managed two or three rooms available, just in case I have a VIP guest that needs the room. I played again with my wine glass and a figure from the entrance caught my eyes. My favorite hyung is here.

“Hyung!” I greeted him in a cheerful laugh but in contrary to my expectation, he didn’t reply me. Instead, he looked lost and confused. “Kris Hyung, something’s wrong?”

“I’m in trouble”

That’s all he said and judging from his confused look, I guess I need to use one of my rooms. We moved there, I served him a glass of wine and after that, it’s silent. I just waited for him to talk to me. If I could guess what his problem was, probably it’s related with his family, again. If I were him, I would go crazy also.

The dim light in the room matched well with the dark night outside. I sipped my wine and healed its scent. I love it.

“She’s pregnant”

I stopped drinking and gulped the rest of the wine that’s inside my mouth. “I’m sorry, what Hyung?”

“She’s pregnant, with my baby” he said again, more depressing this time.

I tried to recall the “she” he’s referring to, but no name came up. Kris hyung was not someone with long track record of girls. There’re never any girl’s names following him. He’s as clean as white paper. So who’s this girl he’s talking about?

“Do you remember Jaejoong hyung’s birthday party?” he asked me.

I nodded quickly. It’s just held a while, maybe around two months ago.

“Do you remember what you did to me?” he questioned me again.

I recalled the party. It was crazy though. Considering that Jaejoong hyung, my cousin, is the young director for our family car company, he loves to party wild and his birthday would be one of his favorite celebrations. It was crazy that night, everyone went nuts and somehow, seeing how up straight Kris hyung was, I felt challenged to make him go wild, just for once. He could drink, but he’s not a drinker. He rarely touched alcohol, he didn’t even smoke. Sometimes I think he’s too clean, too perfect to be a guy. So I played around with him and using a little help from my friend, I made him lose his mind. In short, Kris hyung went drunk badly and I just watched him wandering around the party.

I didn’t remember about him until I couldn’t track him down during the party. The next day, he went mad at me and there, I just realized that he told me he slept with some random woman. Wait. My eyes grew bigger as I saw him looking at me.

“Hyung, is it… Are you… Are you talking about the woman you’re sleeping with that night?” I asked him the scariest question that I’ve just found out.

Kris hyung just looking down as he placed his forehead towards the wooden table, his hands clasped. He didn’t say anything which could only means that what I said is indeed true. Damn it.

“Is she looking for you?” I asked him.

He shook his head slowly. “I found her”

“How?” I raised my eyebrows. Is it possible that hyung is actually been in contact with this woman?

“It’s a curse” he muttered his answer.

“What?”

“I found her in my hotel, doing rehearsal for the fashion show event-“

“Which is held by your mom?” I continued his words with my eyes growing bigger.

He looked at me and nodded. “And then I saw her fainting in the elevator and I just told my driver to bring her to the hospital. I thought she’s just fainting due to fatigue or whatsoever. Turns out, she’s pregnant” Kris hyung stopped his words and just mindlessly played his fingers.

“Was she… asking you to be responsible?”

He scoffed and let out a chuckle. “She supposed to do that, wasn’t she?”

“She didn’t?”

Kris hyung sighed and shook his head slowly. “She asked me to leave her”

“What? She didn’t ask you to be responsible? Not even asking you to give her any money?” I’m surprised with this woman. Years being part of this line of life where I would tease some girls and asked to responsible for their fake pregnancy, I’ve found that this woman is just extraordinary.

Again, Kris hyung shook his head. “She wanted to bear it by herself. Is she crazy or what? How could she say that in her condition?”

I frowned as I didn’t get what hyung been talking about. I just looked at him and realized that it was maybe not the right time. Not when his family having so many issues to be talked about. A presence of unwanted baby would just stir the trouble into a bigger mess. I felt a bit guilty offer the news. I’m partially involved on why hyung got drunk, although whatever happened after that was out of my control. Kris hyung, for the first time, looked totally confused and messed up. It was so not him.

Suddenly Kris hyung scoffed and chuckled. “You know what? I’m screwed” he managed to say, despite his hoarse voice. “I’ve just realized who she is, Jongin. I didn’t know that she’s under my radar for the past weeks. She’s around me, but I didn’t even notice her”

“Hyung, what are you talking about?” I asked him, getting a little impatient since he didn’t make everything clear.

“Do you see that ad, Jongin?” he appointed something on my back. I turned around to see anything that might be the hint for our discussion. There I found a huge billboard at the building across mine, showing the commercial for one of the latest clothing in the city, the model looked so pretty with the dress and bags and make up. She wore several clothes, emphasizing her beauty.  

“Yeah, what’s with the ad?”

“It’s her” he replied shortly.

“Say that again?”

“It’s her, the woman I’ve been sleeping with that night. It’s her” Kris hyung shrugged his shoulder in defeated expression.

I swore I could feel I opened my mouth pretty big upon listening to hyung words. I looked at the ad once again, just to recheck it, just to make myself sure, just to acknowledge that what I saw is true.

“No way” I found myself surprisingly talking. I shook my head again and again. It’s just like the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard in my life. “Hyung. Hyung. Do you-Do you even know what are you talking about?” I my lips that went dry upon hearing the breaking news.

“That’s crazy, right?” he said.

“It’s true?” I asked him again, I really need someone to help me telling the truth.

“If it helps you, then I would say that it’s true. I’ve slept with her and now… she’s pregnant”

That’s just crazy. Kris hyung slept with Im Jinah, the Im Jinah, the freaking iest and the most beautiful model in the city. She’s the untouchable though, like there’s no guy could get close to her no matter how rich or how good looking they were. She’s free from rumor, yet she still attracted scandal reporter to write anything about her. But she’s totally hard to get though. How on earth my hyung, my Kris hyung, slept with her and just get her pregnant?!

“Hyung…”

“And now, she asked me to leave her. She’s pregnant, Jongin. And hell, just the news of her being admitted to the hospital already grabbed attention of the reporters. They’re all in the hospital now, waiting to get clarification about her”

“I don’t get it. Why she wants you to leave her? She’s not going to keep the baby?”

He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. Hyung looks so messy and totally lost. I think this is the first time he’s losing control over something.

“I wish I knew. I don’t know how her mind works”

Ok, it’s totally normal for me or Baekhyun hyung or Chanyeol hyung or even Sehun, to be asked to be responsible for some girl’s pregnancy. We never really did it though, those girls just want our money and of course, recognition to get higher social status by marrying one of us. But in this case, I don’t think Im Jinah wants any of that. Hell, she’s rich because she has so many contracts for any exclusive brands and social status? Come on, she’s popularly known well in this country.

“So what are you going to do now, Hyung?”

It’s silent for a while. Hyung just took a deep breath for a few times as he lean on the couch, trying to relax himself.

“That too, Jongin, I have no answer for that”

 

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I was walking around the hospital after the doctor checking on me after I took a rest for a night there. She stated that so far the condition of my pregnancy was good but I really have to pay attention since it’s my first time being pregnant and also because it’s the first trimester of my pregnancy, where it’s really crucial for the baby.

Still on my hospital robe, I walked pass several rooms before arriving at my room. I’m using the mask, in case people recognized me being treated in the hospital. My manager and Minkyung only heard that I’m having exhaustion and terribly need to rest. Thank God, Minkyung didn’t know yet that I’m pregnant. And due to my condition, I got two days free of schedule. I lied that my parents are going to stay with me, just in case my manager insisted to stay with me at the hospital. No, she should not know about this news yet.   

I’m about to take a turn before the VIP section, right when I saw a room with soft lighting and familiar scent, a baby scent. Following my footsteps, I walked my body to the baby care room. I’m faced with a room surrounded by transparent glass, revealing a lot of babies inside. Baby boys, baby girls; all of them slept calmly inside their cribs.

Without me knowing, I looked at the babies; one hand touched my stomach while the other hand touching the glass window. They’re all so cute; the pink chubby cheek, the pouty mouth, and the fist made with their tiny hands. I’m not really into children though, but I admitted I’m good with kids.

There’s one variety show when I handed with a situation where I have to calm a crying little girl. I thought it was impossible, but I made it. I calmed her, taking her to play and even feed her well. So based on that experience, I thought I might be qualified as a mother, didn’t I?

One of the babies awakened and I looked at him as he slowly started to cry. I felt bad for him, there’s no nurse around to pick him up. So I just looked at him as I lowered my facial mask a bit and waved at him, trying to make him smile again. I didn’t know whether he’s really seeing me or God helped me to calm him, but in the end he stopped crying and started to sleep again. I smiled to myself once I saw him went sleeping. It’s pretty.

“It’s cute, isn’t it?”

I turned to my right and found a woman, in the same hospital robe with me, standing next to me as she looked at the room also. I quickly raised my mask again and just muttered a “yes” to her. She looked a little older than me and looking from her body condition, it seemed like she’s pregnant too.

“Are you pregnant?” she asked me. I quickly nodded to her and she smiled cheerfully on my respond. “How many weeks?”

“Five weeks” I replied.

“That’s so young. You should take care of it really well. I’m not act like a snob who knows it all, though. It’s just… during my pregnancy, the first 3 months is just like hell. I can’t stop vomiting and my nose is getting sensitive. Any weird smell can trigger me to vomit instantly” she shook her head dramatically as she recalled her experience.

Really, I felt like I have someone to talk to. Her experience is just the same with me. Never once I skipped a time to vomit due to the morning sickness. It’s just crazy to have it every morning every day, without a rest.

“You’re pregnant also?” I asked her.

She nodded but I noticed that her smile is lost. “I delivered the baby a week ago”

“Oh, congratulations” I said genuinely.

“Thank you” she mumbled, looking at the corner of the baby room.

“Which one is your baby?” I looked at the sleeping babies in the room. They’re all looked like little angels in their sleep.

“She’s at the back there…” she appointed one incubator with a lot of rubber tube connected with the machine next to it. “She’s struggling now”

“Pardon me?”

“There’s something wrong with her heart. I mean, I don’t know that she’s having a problem. When she’s born, she barely cried and doctor said that the baby is too weak to even cry. I thought she’s okay…” the woman started to wipe the corner of her eyes. Somehow, I could feel her feeling. She must have been feeling really heartbroken as she looked at the incubator, longing.

“I’m sorry” she muttered. “I always get too emotional every time I talked about her”

“No, no, it’s fine. How is she currently?”

“She’s getting better, but she should stay on the incubator for more weeks. I don’t even hold her yet at that time. They took her to the incubator immediately”

There’s a part of my heart that flinched upon hearing her story. It’s so sad and touching. How a mother couldn’t touch their own child? That would be so sad…

“You know, Ma’am” she said again to me. “Protect your baby well during your pregnancy. Whatever you eat, whatever you do, whatever you think, please remember your baby. It sounds simple but actually, it’s pretty challenging. Don’t let yourself stressed out, because it might affect your baby. Everything you do, do it for the sake of the baby”

I nodded as I heard her advice. She’s so kind and I believe she’d be a good mother. Out of the blue, I touched her hand and softly it. She looked at me and smiled.

“I never thought I would be a mother” she added. “And I never thought that this is what they said about having your heart outside the body. Whatever happened to your baby, you felt like they’re your heart, placed outside your body. And it’s really hurt, really hurt, when they feel the pain and you’re not. It’s weird, my baby is the one with those rubber tubes and the oxygen, but I’m the one who suffocated”

I looked at the incubator. It’s indeed a baby inside, with a weak breathing. I softly rubbed my stomach; somehow I didn’t want it to happen to this little thing inside me.  

 “Inhee” a man voice heard and both of us looked at the source of it. The woman husband came for her, reminded her schedule to do some checkup. I bid a farewell to her, wishing her baby to be alright anytime soon. But I would never forget what she said to me.

“I’m wishing you all the very best for your pregnancy and may you have a blessed healthy baby, Ma’am”

I nodded to her politely, a little feeling bad because I couldn’t show her my smile due to the mask. Once she left, I’m all alone again, watching the baby on the crib. And that’s when it hits me.

I want this baby.

Part me of saying that this baby deserves a life. It’s my mistake to have it unplanned, but now that it already living inside me, I just want it to be safe. I know my decision would be a problem in the future, but for now, my heart tells me to keep it.

I will disappoint a lot of people around me. My parents, they didn’t know yet, and I have no idea what they are going to do to me once I told them that I’m currently carrying a baby inside me. I also couldn’t think how my company and my manager will face this problem. How many contracts will be annulled due to my pregnancy? How much should I pay to those brands? How many news will appear about me? How about my career and its continuity?

It’s weird, but for some points, those questions are just considered fine. Somehow I’m not feeling afraid at all. It’s like whatever happened; the thing inside me matters more. I knew I might be crazy for taking this decision, but now, knowing that something needed me, I felt like I want to do anything to protect it. I just happened to know about its presence, but now I don’t want to let it go.

Smiling to the cribs, I softly rubbed my stomach again. It felt a little better now.  

“We’ll be alright. Right, Baby?”

 

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This scene has been lingered on my mind ever since I updated Chapter 2. So I didn’t waste any time to write it. I’m probably going to check up on it again due to some words or grammar mistake, but for now, please enjoy it.

Any thought on this chapter?

Have a nice day, people!

xoxo 

 

ps: 

I'm imagining this Wu face when Kris heard Nana's request for him to leave her :p