(drama...T_T)

12/04/20 ...

The airport

Departure from Seoul to Jakarta

Today we are flying out to speak at the award ceremony.

Today my Yerin-unnie bad mood.

Today, my Yerin-unnie was unhappy with me. In the morning, after she came to wake me up, I found myself getting up, I answered in an annoyed manner and without respect for my older friend. Then I asked for forgiveness, I thought that I had forgiven, but it turned out not. She ignores me.

Today we stood before the departure; we were photographed, as usual.

I stood next to Yerin-unnie, and was the first to suggest making hearts with her. I raised my hand, with my thumb and forefinger I made a crescent moon, suggested that Yerin-unnie do the same, but no matter how much I looked in her direction, I would receive ignore. I imperceptibly pushed her shoulder; she looked askance at my soul mate, sighed, brought my soul mate. But our hearts did not match. My half was bigger than her. The pad of my thumb gently touched her thumb, silently begging to do half of the heart more to match with mine, but again received a blacklist.

Today, my Yerin-unnie ignored my heart all the way, all the way to the hotel room, and at night when I wrote a message saying "good night."

26/06/20 ...

The airport

Return from Singapore to Seoul

Today, Yerin-unnie treated me to food.

Today, Yerin-unnie smiled at me.

Today, Yerin-unnie held my hand and smiled with her eyes.

Today, Yerin-unnie looked at my nails, admiring the color of the varnish.

Today, Yerin-unnie did not ignore me.

Our hearts beat in the same rhythm.

The photos were perfect.

13/07/20 ...

Today, on one show, the question was asked:

Which part do you like the most?

Yerin-unnie answered, smiling with eyes-smiles:

I like the part of Yuju.

I was happy to hear.

After the show, Yerin-unnie came up to me and softly whispered in her ear:

-I like your look when you sing. He seduces.

I did not understand at first, and after I looked at my fancam, I understood. In that part, I accidentally looked towards unnie.

20/07/20 ...

Today, Yerin-unnie is fully committed to EunHa.

It hurts me, my heart is incomprehensible anxiety.

I lacked her warmth.

21/07/20 ...

Today is SinB Day.

Why am I so sick when I see them flirting?

22/07/20 ...

Today is Umji Day.

When will my day come?

Why is she ignoring me? I would at least have her smile in my direction.

I do not understand.

23/07/20 ...

Today, Yerin and Sowon leader are an inseparable couple.

EunHa today told me one thing that I categorically do not accept. I complained to her about Yerin-unnie in the morning. And I got the answer:

-You're jealous, Yuna. This is what this feeling is called.

I'm not jealous.

Definitely not jealous.

24/07/20 ...

Today, Yerin-unnie, if you think about it, should have devoted all my time to me.

After all, I was the only one left from all members.

But…

Not.

Today is not my day. She spends the day with her friends, how they can have fun in the photos that Yerin-unnie sends to her instagram page.

She is so beautiful, and I write to her about it, but I do not get an answer.

Why?

260/7/20 ...

Today, like yesterday, I wanted to ask Yerin-unnie, but all the questions got out of my head when Yerin-unnie came up to me herself and suggested:

-Yuna, you watched the movie“ ... ”, - I shook my head, although I watched already with SinB. Yerin-unnie smiled at me and my heart melted. - Come with me.

Today I enjoyed every second I spent with unnie.

Ah, I was happy!

Going to bed, I realized one thing: Yerin-unnie never tried to kiss me or flirt with me.

It was a simple trip to the cinema of two friends.

What happened? Am I not interested in her? How do I get her attention?

30/07/20 ...

-You're so stupid, Yuna. Do not think about such trifles, and always believe my heart - kissing me on the cheek, wiping my tears along the way, hugging me tightly, whispered Yerin-unnie passionately. - I love you, but I also love the rest of the girls. And I always see when they need my affection. I want to be a good unnie for my younger girlfriends.

-I'm sorry, - I cried, burying her face in her forearm, hugging tightly in response. - It's just that all these days you ignored me and I thought you didn't like me anymore.

-Stupid, - she gently her hair, - you are the closest people to me. You are my whole family.

04/08/20 ...

I have not seen Yerin-unnie for two days now.

Our company gave us a week's rest, and we parted on our routes. I knew where all members except Yerin go. She was silent, did not share, only later, hugged I around the waist, cuddled up to me, said goodbye:

“Be careful, Yuna, and come back wherever you go.”

- Unnie, where are you going?

“There, where I can find myself.”

I did not understand the meaning of the words, just let go.

All the girls called up to me except Yerin.

She disappeared for the whole week, and when it came time to meet her, I was nervous. This condition usually happens when we are preparing for a concert.

She entered the house, smiling broadly and opening her arms:

- Yennie, back!

SinB and EunHa identified me; they jumped together from the couch and ran to her, buried in their arms. It was they, not I, who told her:

- Welcome back, unnie!

12/08/20 ...

Exhausting practice of a new dance. They showed us dance moves again, we learned every step, repeating again and again. From morning to late at night, we trained in the gym. Sometimes everyone left, sometimes someone stayed. When one of us stayed, each of us live video communication with fans and talked. We needed their support. Yes and simple communication always strengthens our connection. One of these nights I stayed in the hall.

I Vlive an hour later, and while talking with Buddy, I got a call from Yerin-unnie.

Oh, how beautiful she is! She smiled that smile, which is intended only for me. She looked sleepy and tired, but still in her eyes I saw love.

-I'm calling to see your face, Yuju, and not chatting with Buddy. I miss you, come home soon.

-I can't yet, unnie. A little bit later. Do you have something to bring?

- My love.

Aigoo, this unnie, what is she doing with my heart?

-Buy snacks on the way home, - she asks in a sweet, childish voice.

- Now? Aigoo, what do you want me to buy? Hmm, here Buddy writes about ice cream. Will you have ice cream?

-At your discretion, Yuju. I'm sleepy.

-Wait for me, unnie, I want to get my arms around - completely forgetting that millions of fans can hear us.- I was then in the world of Yerin, I belonged to her. And even when she disconnected, I could only think about her.

When I got home, Yerin was expecting me. She gave me not only a hug, but also slept with me. Her hand held me securely by the waist all night, and her warm breath tickled my head. I was surrounded by her fragrance, enjoying every breath.

This night I will never forget, because tonight I realized how my heart felt.

19/08/20 ...

Birthday of Yerin-unnie and Umji.

I was preparing to give a special gift.

I also had plans to congratulate her at exactly 12 nights.

Come very first, get ahead of the rest of the girls.

But…

All my plans collapsed at one point when, after the routine, which usually happens during the schedule, we returned home, noticing the packed suitcases at the entrance.

- Someone arrived? - I was surprised.

-Yerin is going home for a few days, - the leader explained, picking up her suitcase and leaving the house. Only now I saw that Yerin did not rise with us.

I wanted to run after the leader, but EunHa's hand held me.

-Don't go, Yuna. Not now.

- What's going on here? Why are you stopping me? You ... - I carefully looked at my members, they looked away to the side, and then I understood. - Did you all know? Why do I know the latest? I am also a member of this group! I'm your friend!

-Yerin-unnie asked me not to tell you, - Umji explained quietly, hiding behind SinB.

-Yerin-unnie ... - I did not believe. - But why?

- When she returns, she will say everything. Forgive and understand us - EunHa asked, letting go of my wrist.

21/08/20 ...

Yerin-unnie rely towards evening. She was haggard, as if they hadn’t fed her at home, dark bags under her eyes, but the smile is still the same bright and bright. And the voice sounded as usual. She came to me, peered into my eyes for a long time, then pouted childishly, squeezed my cheeks:

-Did my Yuna miss me?

-No, - she shook her head, turning away from her.

- I am very bored of my Yuna - simply she said, kissing me on the cheek, leaving a trail of not only the skin but also in the heart.

-Why didn't you say you were going home? - offended asked.

- Sorry, Yuna.

-Is that all? You won’t add anything else?

-Sowon-unnie, I'm hungry ... - when she saw the descent leader, she turned her attention to her. She just walked around me and went to a meeting, they hugged her right away, and, not letting go of her arms, took her to the kitchen.

I already knew that unnie would not say anything to me, so why ... Why did I have a bad feeling?

24/08/20 ...

We were in the dressing room, I was sitting on the couch, watching a video clip on the phone when Yerin-unnie approached me. I looked at her, expecting to hear her voice, but instead she sat on myknees, hugged her tightly. I was a little taken aback, not expecting this, my hands automatically closed on it, pulling it closer to my body. She said nothing, just hugged me.

28/08/20 ...

Today was the game "Paper Kiss", Yerin-unnie stood in front of me, I closed the line.

If it weren’t for a thin obstacle between us, I would feel warm lips on my lips.

We later joked and laughed, but at night, Yerin-unnie again came to my room.

We spent the night together.

01/09/20 ...

Today, Yerin-unnie has been acting strangely all day. Her light and bright character did not appear today. She was sad all the time.

It hurt me to see her like that, I felt that I was powerless. I can’t do anything for her.

The only one she let in was the leader, Sowon-unnie.

No one else.

10/09/20 ...

Yerin-unnie was absent. In recent days, she often went somewhere, no one knew where. Although I suspect Sowon-unnie knew. When Yerin returned, she went straight into the room, locked herself, didn’t let anyone in. On such days, she did not talk to anyone, did not flirt, did not make laugh.

15/09/20 ...

So empty and lonely without Yerin-unnie.

22/09/20 ...

She is still not there.

03/10/20 ...

Yerin-unnie is back in normal behavior.

She became herself again.

She flirted with everyone, confessed her love, was generous with compliments.

She was acting too weird.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

And I don’t know what to expect from Yerin-unnie.

05/10/20 ...

Yesterday was my birthday and Angel Day was celebrated in Korea. So many gifts, so many wishes, so much love from Buddy. Sowon-unnie gave me the pillow I was talking about when we went shopping a month ago. SinB gave me scented candles, which she herself made (quite unexpectedly on her part). Yunby (EunHa) drove me to karaoke; we had a mini date in the afternoon. Umji gave me makeup.

Yerin-unnie, today sent me a greeting card, where instead of words, hearts are drawn.

Yerin-unnie no two days. On the 3rd day, when she returned, I thought that I could spend more time with her; it turned out to be a hoax. In the evening she went out, and after I found out that I had gone home.

Again.

No explanation.

I could not even call her, the phone was not available.

I miss my Yerin-unnie.

07/10/20 ...

The phone is still not available.

11/10/20 ...

I began to worry and worry about why Yerin-unnie still hadn’t gotten in touch.

-She's fine, - Sowon-unnie answered my question.

But to the question:

- Where's she?

Always changed the subject or left me.

I was interested in other girls; everyone unanimously reiterated that "everything is fine with her."

-Are you hiding something from me again?

- Not. We swore that we won’t lie to you anymore. Sowon-unnie somehow contacted her, I don’t know how, honestly, I don’t know. Just after that, the leader told us all that Yerin-unnie needed to be where she is now, for a little while longer.

-And where is she now?

-We don’t know, - EunHa assured me, the maknae nodded amicably.

They knew for sure, but, as then, were silent.

And I'm sure unnie asked them to be silent again.

Why doesn't she want to talk to me? Who am I to her?

Night from 29/10/20 ... to 30/10/20 ...

A message came to Yuju’s phone:

"Come to the park, I need to tell you something."

Yuju looked at one line with sleepy eyes, re-read the words many times, until she realized who the SMS was from.

She jumped out of bed, did not change, just threw a coat on her pajamas, changed her shoes, ran out of the house. Sowon silently watched her, but did not stop. In her right hand, she clutched her phone, where two messages from Yerin shone on the screen:

1. "I will tell her the truth."

2. "Forgive me for everything."

-Stupid , why shouldn’t I forgive you? You did everything you could. Thank you for staying with us for so long - Sowon said to herself, taking steps to the members' rooms to wake them up and communicate the sad news.

I ran headlong, as fast as my sleepy body allowed. It didn’t matter to me what she would tell me, the main thing was to see her again, to hear her voice, to feel her hands on herself, to inhale her perfume fragrance.

She sat on a swing, bowing her head, looking out for something on the ground. She plunged even more, her skin completely became transparent, and her hair color became ashen-light. She seemed all so small that, without hesitation, being near her, I hugged her first. Yerin did not flinch and was not afraid, she only raised her thin hands, hugged her shoulders.

-Hi, Yuna, - she heard her soft voice.

-I missed you so much, Yerin-unnie, - I sobbed, snuggling closer to her body. - I missed you so much.

-Forgive me for so long - in her voice I heard tired notes, but instead of letting go, I knelt down, burrowing into her warmth. -I came here to answer your question, Yuna.

-I don’t need answers right now, the main thing is that you are back, unnie, - I muttered into her neck, where my face was now. - We will have a lot of time to catch up. Now I will not leave you a single step.

-I was only allowed to leave for half an hour, Yuna. I need to go back - my head, Yerin quietly told me.

- Where to return? - after a short silence, curiosity defeated my heart.

- To the hospital - a barely audible answer came, then even quieter, Yerin added: - Yuna, I ...

30/10/20 ...

We walked along the stone path, clasping hands tightly to each other, our faces reflected the sadness and sadness of loss.

Our eyes no longer cried, but they were still swollen and red.

Each of us held a flower, because the one to whom they were intended loved them so much.

Our whole procession has reached its destination.

We stood around, the first was Sowon-unnie, then came EunHa, SinB, Umji and I.

Yerin, she ...

01/11/20 ...

I found her letter intended for me yesterday, but could not open it, tears prevented me from reading.

I know that the other girls, too, could not read their letters.

Each of us just knew that if we read the letter, then everything is real.

So it really is not.

02/11/20 ...

- Let's get together in the living room, and each of us will read the letter in a voice. We can overcome the pain of loss together.

Sowon-unnie's voice was strained, she had changed a lot since the funeral, it was the hardest thing for her, because Yerin she knew much longer than we did.

We gathered in the living room an hour later. We kept letters, looked at Yerin's handwriting, at her lovely drawings, but no one dared to read first.

Oddly enough, the first to open an envelope with her name was Umji. She resolutely kept the letter before her eyes, then her broken voice sounded in the silence of the room.

We did not hide our tears; there were moments of explosive laughter. Yerin's words of support and compliments were always different from the person to whom they were intended. Even through letters, she did not cease to amuse us, to give us energy.

My turn has come to read the letter. I carefully, like precious paper, opened an envelope, pulled out a scribbled sheet of paper, lowered my eyes and read:

You probably asked yourself:

Why do I have secrets from you? Why am I asking everyone not to tell you where I am? Perhaps you also ask yourself: Who are you for me?

I'm too shy to say these words out loud, so I write.

You are everything to me, my Angel. I love you more than life. And when you are in love with an Angel, you don’t want her to be upset, right? You want your beloved to always shine like a star in the sky.

Ah, even writing this is embarrassing!

Yes, the truth is that I'm in love with you, Choi Yuna. And even if I don’t really be with you until the end of your journey, I will whisper to you through the beat of your pure heart.

We will go all the way together.

What else to write? Hm. No, perhaps this is enough.

Good morning and sweet dreams, my Yuju.

From your ever-strange unnie Jung Yerin.