TRACK 149 | THE SOUND by The 1975

Just once, Rara. Just once. Act like you’re aiming for an Academy award or Golden Globes. Rara thought to herself as she held a small box in her hands tightly. Today was Baekhyun’s birthday. She couldn’t believe how she was going to lie to him on his 118th birthday. She watched Baekhyun as he bid the last of his visitors’ goodbye. They celebrated his birthday at the pack’s cabin, as usual.

Baekhyun was still at the door when Rara approached him and said, “Hey, Baek, can I talk to you for a moment? Privately?” She requested with a smile. Before could quiver out of anxiety, Baekhyun replied, “Sure. Let’s go sit at the steps of the back porch. The guys are out here in front.”

Stop being so nervous, or you’ll screw this up for Haoran. Rara reminded herself. Start with his gift. This will allow real feelings to flow and the rest will follow and will seem real, too. No big deal.

They were sitting on the first steps of the back porch with nothing but the darkness of the forest as their front view. Rara presented a small box and said, “Happy 118th birthday, Baek.” She greeted with a sincere smile.

“Hm...do you want me to open it now?”

“Sure, why not?” Rara urged.

Baekhyun carefully unraveled Rara’s gift and inside it revealed something similar to what was always hanging on the silver chain on Rara’s neck—a ring. But this time, instead of silver, his was made from black metal. It was just as simple as Rara’s, except for the Scorpio detail; Baekhyun’s ring was minimalistic with no visible motif.

Rara chuckled knowingly at Baekhyun, because he seemed to look like he was wondering what this was supposed to be and why it was this simple—but it actually wasn’t. “Do you know what dark matter is, Baekhyun?”

“Dark matter? Like dark matter in space?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” Rara said, as she took the ring from his fingers. “Dark matter is the non-luminous material that is postulated to exist in space. We don’t really see dark matter.” She explained. “It’s hard to prove something exists when you don’t see it, right? Good for microbes, microscopes were invented just so we could appreciate their existence and that people can accept the fact that viruses and such do reside in this period of time.” Baekhyun was listening to her intently; a lot of good stuff usually came out whenever Rara talked in an educational way. After that statement about microorganisms, he popped out a question. “So what about dark matter? How do we know they exist?”

Rara grinned at the piece of jewelry between her fingers. Slowly, she held it up, letting the light on the front porch shine on it. Baekhyun muttered a ‘whoa’ under his breath as he saw that the ring had tiny little specks that seem to glimmer as they were submerged in light. Upon closer inspection, some of the dots seemed bigger, and that their distances from each other seemed significant; it was then he realized that it was his own astrological sign. Just like Rara’s, Taurus was there, but apparently, it appeared when the ring is basked in his element.

“We know dark matter exists through the bending of light.” Rara put the ring back in his palm carefully. Baekhyun was still impressed by the ring tricks, unconsciously closing it inside his fist. “We know that there’s something out there because there’s something happening to the light we see. It’s reflected, refracted, bent, and etcetera.” Rara inhaled deeply, as if she was going to confess to a priest about a murder she committed. Baekhyun recognized that kind of sigh; it was disappointment in herself; it was a stomp on her pride. Whatever she was going to say was surely another one of her criticisms against herself. “Much of my love for you is like dark matter, Baekhyun. Because I’m standoffish, I’m not romantic, I’m not clingy and this is a known fact: I push you away.” Baekhyun chuckled lightly at that remark. “And because of that, people don’t see it. And sometimes, they don’t believe it, and think that maybe what we have is all one-sided and that I just tolerate you. Sometimes, it gets in my head, too. That I just got used to all of this and I learned to act in a certain kind of way.” She confessed. “But then, I see all these things you do for me, how you’d go an extra mile just to keep me company, how you still stick up for me even though you know I’m whole...maybe my love really is dark matter but it exists because I see what it does to you—what it does to light.” There was a serene expression on Baekhyun's face, and Rara could only smile. “I’m sorry, Baek. My love could have been depicted as the stars, the universe, the infinite galaxies...but it’s really just dark matter. But I hope you know I love you more than meets the eye.”

“Seriously?” Baekhyun huffed. “All those you mentioned are overrated. I’m honored to know that only I—I mean light—can prove a dark matter’s existence. I’m privileged.” He whispered with sheer indebtedness.

“Yeah, well, I love you.” Rara laughed a little. “Like dark matter.”

“And I love you, too.” He replied earnestly. “Like the light.”

“I hope you won’t ever choose to cease existing, Baek. That would render a lot of things useless, including a huge bulk of my entire time on this earth.” Rara whispered in an undertone.

“Never.” Baekhyun assured affectionately, as he planted a chaste kiss on her lips.

And before such action would cause a domino effect, Rara decided to jump into the water by saying, “By the way, I’ll be flying to L.A. for a research convention. With my research adviser.”

This news, like Rara has predicted, has caught Baekhyun by surprise. “Really? Without your groupmates?”

“Yup.” Rara said. “D’you think I can do it?”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, dummy, you’re not missing one week’s worth of lecture because of me.” I should try acting like I need a bit of support from him so he’ll push me to conquer my fears alone. “Seriously, do you think I can do it?”

“You’ll never know unless you try.” Baekhyun stated. “Even if I claw deep inside you to pull you out of your shell, you’ll never come out unless you’re willing to come out on your own accord.” He said. “Take a leap of faith, Rara.” Rara looked at him unsurely, making Baekhyun think that Rara was still as hesitant as ever to take that leap of faith whenever it came to overcoming her stage fright. “You know, it’s kind of an insult to ask me if I think you can do it alone.” Baekhyun crossed his arms and sat up straight. “I never doubted your abilities, not even for a millisecond. You ought to give yourself some credit.”

“What if I make a fool of myself in front of those highly acclaimed researchers?” Rara asked worriedly. “I’ll be an embarrassment to the school.”

“That’s why you need to practice.” Baekhyun pointed out. “It’s not going to happen overnight, kid. It takes time.”

“The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.” The thought of me lying to Baekhyun makes me sick to my stomach. “I literally feel so nauseous imagining myself presenting at the podium.”

“Then be sick all you want, but do it anyway.”

“That’s the mantra.” Baekhyun chuckled at Rara’s remark. “Good luck, then. I wish I could have seen it for myself.”

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