Please listen to "Peter Pan" while reading this.

 

"His Dairy"

 

❣I BRUSH OFF MY WORN OUT DIARY

SUDDENLY IN THE OPENED PAGES, CLEARLY

YOU ARE THERE, YOU STILL REMAIN THE SAME

I REMEMBER THE PICTURES THAT I FORGOT

SMALL TREMBLINGS GUSH OUT OF MY BODY

IT'S A BIT SAD THAT I CAN'T

GO BACK TO THOSE TIMES ❣

 

I was looking through my old stuffs and suddenly a dairy fall on the ground making a great noise. I leaned down to check what it is. 

 

When I saw its the dairy I used to write in my college life, a smile formed on my face. I miss those days and miss her. 

 

[29.01.2014

I saw her for the first time today. She was kind and beautiful. She even smiled at me. I felt something is jumping against my chest. Oh that's my heart. Is this the feeling when someone likes someone?]

 

I smiled to recall all those memories yes the first day of her college. I was very much happy that we share the same college. Soon I found out she also lived in my city. 

 

[04.05.2014

Dear dairy I feel like she caught me staring at her today. I don't know what should I do next. My feelings for her are growing everyday but I can't get the enough strength to tell her about my feelings. What if she rejects my feelings. It's not like I can't bear that cause actually that's what I am doing for two months. My feeling is one sided.]

 

I sighed when I recall that moment when I proposed her no actually I wasn't that brave that time. I just told her about my feelings. 

 

[09.11.2014

Dear dairy today was the day I told her about my feelings. She was confused. I was nervous. She wasn't saying anything and already my heart was breaking. I knew her from her first day and I noticed that she really doesn't feel comfortable to talk with the boys and specially after some boys . I was so upset that that time I couldn't stand for her. But I want to protect her but will I ever get that right to do? She was about to leave me there alone in street on her way home but I grabbed her by her hand. Yes I touched her for the first time today and she looked at me with fear. I immediately let go of her. Sehun you made a big mistake. That's what I didn't want to see. Seeing her afraid of me was killing me. She left me then alone with my broken heart. Now she thinks I am like those boys. I can't take this. Dear dairy how can I make her believe that I really love her? 

 

❣I'LL GO LOOKING FOR YOU TO NEVERLAND

FOLLOWING TINKERBELL SENT BY THE MEMORIES ❣]

 

[10.11.2014

Dear dairy, 

Today I was waiting for her to come. I want to say sorry and need to explain whatever happened. I love her and I can't see her like this. But she was late today. Well at least she came. I sighed in relief. I thought she wouldn't come because of yesterday. I was waiting for the class to end. I was standing outside of the gate. Finally she came out. She saw me but ignored me. I know why but I followed her. I called her name. She stopped and turned back. I also stopped. I was trying to speak up but my whole system wasn't working. 

 

Finally I spoke up. 

 

"Listen Nayeon. I really love you. Don't misunderstand please. I didn't mean to hurt you trust me." 

 

"Listen Sehun I understand that was a mistake but" 

 

I got a hope when she said that wait what but? Well I am happy at least she doesn't think me like those guys. 

 

"But what?" I asked. 

 

"I can't date you. I can't date any boys. I won't be able to take the pain after getting hurt again." She was crying. 

 

My body suddenly got paralyzed when I heard her saying again. Again why again. Who would ever hurt her? I wasn't moving but seeing her crying making me want to hug her but I am afraid. Dear dairy how can I let her cry in front of me. So I went near her and I hand her a handkerchief. She was crying hiding her face with her hands. 

 

I don't know how I got that much courage that time. I couldn't think of anything and hugged her tightly. To my surprise she didn't push me away. 

 

"Please give me a chance. I won't hurt you ever. I can't even think of hurting you. Hurting you means cutting myself" I said while rubbing her back softly. I broke the hug when I make sure she is okay. 

 

She wiped her tears and looked at me. I looked at down due to embarrassment honestly. She smiled and said "I would like to give you a chance" 

 

A big, a veryyyy big smile formed on my face and soon it turns into a blush. She smiled looking at me. After that we both were silent. I was walking behind her and suddenly she stopped. 

 

"Sehun?" 

 

"Hmm?" I looked at her. My heart skipped a beat seeing her smiling at me. Trust me this is the best feeling seeing your beloved one smiling. 

 

"We already pass my house" She said pointing at her house. 

 

"Oh that I didn't know that" I couldn't finish what I was saying. She started laughing. 

 

I placed my hand on my chest to check is my heart still alive or not!!! 

 

"You liar. I saw you so many times following me to my house" She said. 

 

Ahh great you are too good at embarrassing yourself Oh Sehun. I mentally slapped me. 

 

"You are cute Sehun. I didn't notice that you became red when you are shy like my Peter Pan" 

 

"Peter Pan?" I asked not sure what did she mean. 

 

"Yes you are my Patar Pan" She went in saying that. 

 

I was dumb founded there. 

 

"And you are my Wendy" I mumbled. 

 

❣THERE, YOU AND I ARE SMILING AT EACH OTHER

I'M AM YOUR ETERNAL PETER PAN

YOUR MAN WHO HAS STOPPED IN TIME

I MAY BE CLUMSY BUT I LOVED YOU SO MUCH

AND I WILL RUN TO YOU ❣]

 

[24.03.2015

 

We came out holding each other hands. I will never let go of her hand. Suddenly she stopped making me look at her. 

 

"Sehun I forgot my notebook in library. Wait outside for me ok?" She said before going in. 

 

I was standing outside waiting for my Wendy. I smiled when I recall what she said. Ahh this girl always call me by my name even I am two years older than her. She never called me oppa and I am dying to hear her calling me oppa once. But it's also cute. What's taking her too long. I got a bad feeling about that. 

 

When I went in I saw some seniors were talking with her. Seeing her face I could tell that they are just disturbing her. I immediately ran to them. 

 

I stood beside her and looked at them. I hold her hand still looking at them. 

 

"Ohh so it's your boyfriend or brother?" One of them laughed. Ohh I am losing my mind. How dare they! But I felt her hand in my hand stopping me to get close them. 

 

"Don't dare to say anything to her from now on. I am her boyfriend and I wouldn't mind to break your bones if I ever find out that you guys are disturbing her again"

 

"Sehun let's go from here" She mumbled. Already I could see her eyes getting watery. 

 

I didn't want to make her uncomfortable again so we were about to leave but I heard one of them saying 

 

"Let your girlfriend stay with us just for one night" 

 

I can't believe. How disrespectful!!! 

I went to them and punched that guy who said that. He looked at me with anger. Before he took a step I punched him again. 

 

"First one was for saying that and second one for making her cry" I said before run away from there. 

 

"Nayeon run from here" She did and I joined her. 

 

When we are already in front her house we both brust out in laughter. I looked at her and asked. 

 

"Are you okay?" 

 

"Yes" She also stole a glance. 

 

"But they are our seniors. What if they do anything?" In her voice I felt worry about me that always makes me happy. 

 

"Don't worry. I already complained about them." 

 

She sighed. Then I walked her to her house. I was going but I felt someone back hugged me. I smiled. 

 

"Didn't you go in?" I asked. 

 

"I did but I thought you deserve a" She made me look at her.

 

"What?" I asked with a smile. 

 

She blushed but kissed me on my cheeks before running away. I was standing there clueless. I smiled to myself.

 

❣ I CLEARLY REMEMBER BEATING AWAY

ALL THE VILLAINS WHO BOTHERED YOU

FROM THAT MOMENT I HAD YOUR HEART

AND EVEN SHARED A KISS ❣ ]

 

I smiled and turned over the page. Those memories are still in my heart. 

 

[15.05.2014

 

I called her and she received my call just in first ring. Was she waiting for my call. I smiled thinking that. 

 

"I want to take you on a date this Friday" I said.

 

"Where?" I know she is excited. I just could say not need to see her face expression. 

 

"Anywhere. Place doesn't matter. Only you do so the decision is yours" Now I am dying to see her blushing face. 

 

"Umm..m.. I don't know" She cut the call. 

 

I laughed. I know she got embarrassed and all because of me. I think she will never get used to me and so do I. 

 

I call her again and she received immediately. 

 

"Sehun?" 

 

"Yes?" 

 

"I want to go where I can rest my head on your shoulder none seeing us" She said. 

 

My heart started beating fast the time I heard her. 

 

"My house is the one and only option then" I joked. 

 

"Yahhh" She laughed then. 

 

"Ok ok sorry. We will go to park near my house in evening. That time maybe just you and me will be there" I said. Then she cut the call so the answer is yes. 

 

Dear dairy, how am I supposed to wait till then Friday come? ] 

 

❣ MY HEART RODE THE CLOUDS AND FLEW

YOU WERE PRETTIER THAN WENDY OR CINDERELLA

THE ONE PERSON WHO MADE MY HEART POUND

AS SOON AS I FELT YOU, MY EYES SHONE ❣

 

[17.05.2015

I opened my eyes and slapped myself when I saw I was already late for our date. I immediately jumped out from my bed and got ready. I was too late. Who sleeps in evening huh only me. I called her when I was already on my way. 

 

"Yah Sehun" Ohh someone is really angry with me but instead of feeling guilty I chuckled. 

 

"Sorry sorry I am coming" I started to run.

 

"Oppa?" Ouch that's what I wasn't expecting. I tripped after hearing her calling me oppa. But that didn't hurt at all. Still I was running towards the bus stop. 

 

"Yes?" 

 

"Don't come. I am already out. You just wait in park for me?" 

 

"But it's already too late. You sure you will be okay?" I asked as I looked at my watch. 

 

"Yes I am already there" She chuckled. 

 

"Ohh then I am gonna late. Ok bye" I cut the call. 

 

But dear dairy when I got there where was she?! I looked everywhere for her but she wasn't there. I tried to call her so many times but she didn't received my call like always. I waited for her to call my name again but she didn't come. My legs were weakened and suddenly I fall on my ground. Is she okay? What if something bad happened to her? How am I supposed to live without her? My eyes got teary. I couldn't think anything. I want to see her right now. ] 

 

❣ I’LL GO LOOKING FOR YOU TO NEVERLAND

FOLLOWING TINKERBELL SENT BY THE MEMORIES

THERE, YOU AND I ARE SMILING AT EACH OTHER

I’M AM YOUR ETERNAL PETER PAN

YOUR MAN WHO HAS STOPPED IN TIME

I MAY BE CLUMSY BUT I LOVED YOU SO MUCH

AND I WILL RUN TO YOU ❣

 

[19.08.2015

Dear dairy, did I really lost her? Just one day passed after she lost but for me my whole life just had stopped. I couldn't do anything. I wanted to see her badly, wanted to hug her tightly and now if I hold her hand again I won't let them go ever. I promise. This is all my fault. Why did I let her go alone. I didn't know where was she. How was she doing. The much I thought about her the more I wanted end myself. I said I am her Peter Pan then how comes I wasn't with her when she needed me. From that night I didn't move an inch from my phone. I thought she would call me. And just then I got a call. And after that I found myself  in hospital sitting beside her bed. You will never experience this much pain if you never be in this situation. Seeing her laying down on a hospital bed was the worst thing. She was just in front of me laying with her eyes closed. How much I cried after I got there I don't know. The doctors said she got in an accident and when they found out her phone they called me first cause I was the last person she talked to. I stood up and came outside. I needed to be strong. With my back resting against the door of her room I started praying. She is always in my prayers. I wasn't sure but I felt I heard her. I immediately went in and saw her struggling to sit up. My eyes couldn't fight with my tears. I went near her and softly help her to sit up. She was smiling to see me but I wasn't. I wasn't smiling all I felt that time is fear to lose her. 

 

She wiped my tears and gave the softest smile of her. I couldn't look into her eyes. I could say she was in so much pain but she was smiling because I was there. 

 

She hold my hands that made me look at her. She was staring at me with her big sparkle eyes. I wasn't saying anything. I let myself to cry all I wanted that I was holding into me. 

 

"Oppa" She smiled. 

 

"I am sorry" I mumbled. I am feeling to much guilt for let her alone that night. If I didn't then anything wouldn't happen to her. 

 

"Aniya. It's all my fault" 

 

❣ PINK FACES, THE FEELING OF

WALKING ON CLOUDS

BABY BOO, THE PICTURESQUE

YOU MAKES MY HEART POUND

JUST LIKE HOW YOU SOFTLY

SMILED WITH YOUR EYES BACK THEN

IF ONLY YOU CAN FLY INTO THE

OPENED WINDOW OF MY HEART ❣

 

I didn't let her say anything. I hugged her tightly. I felt she was crying leaning her head on my shoulder. 

 

"My dream came true. See I am resting my head on your chest and none is seeing us" She said still in  hug. 

 

"I promise I will never let you go" 

 

With that our eyes met and shared our first kiss. It's funny that our first kiss was in hospital but it was really special. 

 

Dear dairy,

For a moment I thought I am gonna lose her but she is still with me. My wendy. She means my world to me. How could I let her go. Our fate is written by God for sure but our love won't let us die without each other. 

 

❣(YOU’RE GETTING FARTHER FROM ME)

YOU ARE IN MY FAIRY TALE

YOU STILL LINGER AROUND, SWEETY GIRL

(DON’T LEAVE, I’LL BE THERE)

I STILL GET NERVOUS, THE CORNER OF MY HEART

WITHOUT YOU IS LIKE A LONELY ISLAND ❣] 

 

[04.06.2016

Today I proposed her and she said yes. Just an one year ago I thought I am gonna lose her but now we are gonna write down a new chapter. I love her so how can I erase her from me. She is in me. You will find her in me. The purest and innocent part of me is her reflection. 

 

❣ I WROTE YOU DOWN IN MY MEMORIES

YOU CAN’T BE ERASED, PRETTY GIRL

MY HEART STILL RUSHES

THE CORNER OF MY HEART WITHOUT YOU IS ❣]

 

WHILE THE CLOCK’S SPRINGS WERE TURNING

HOW MUCH DID YOU CHANGE

I TURNED THE LAST PAGE

THAT IS WRITTEN ABOUT YOU

BUT I HAVE NO COURAGE TO READ IT

(I AM YOUR PETER PAN)

I WILL ERASE THE SAD WORDS

OUR STORY IS NOT OVER

BECAUSE WE WILL MEET AGAIN

 

I smiled when I turned the page over but wait there is no more page. Didn't I write about her after that? I was searching the missing pages like a psycho. And then I heard her giggling. Yes my wendy. 

 

"Are you looking for these" She handed me some pages. 

 

"Yes and why did you hide them?" 

 

"Sehun how many times you are gonna read this diary and become emotional and how many time I have to say it's ok I am always with you" She smiled looking at me. 

 

My attention was attached to the diary. I smiled when I saw she had written down something after I ended our Story. 

 

YOU ARE MY PETER PAN

THIS WORLD IS SO LONELY WITHOUT YOU

LET'S GO BACK TO OUR NEVERLAND

OUR MEMORIES ARE THERE

OUR LAUGHTER, OUR SMILES, OUR'S EVERYTHING IS THERE 

 

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY PETER PAN

NO MATTER HOW LONG I HAVE TO STAND

I WILL STAY HERE FOR YOU FOREVER

CAUSE IT WASN'T THE END

I KNOW I WILL MEET YOU AGAIN

MY PETER PAN 

 

Your,

Loving Wendy. 

 

I smiled and hugged her and said,

 

"I will always be your Peter Pan and you will be my Wendy. And you need to say me this forever" 

 

     The End