Title: Happy Hyunseong Day

Author: ForgottenInspiration

Title: 3/5

        The title was not really creative. I know that this is a three-shot and since this is a short story, it’s quite hard to come up with a title that compliments the story, but I still expected the title to be creative. The title summarized the whole story which ruins suspense and readers already know what this story’s going to be about. But, I did like how you used Hyunseong’s name instead of using the word birthday and that showed a bit of creativity.

Poster/Background/Trailer:6/10

        The title needs to be more visible and in the middle of the poster, not hidden away. It should have been the actual title. The poster is supposed to be more colourful and fun looking. There should have been something to indicate that it was his birthday such as confetti or cake. It was way too simple and I would’ve liked to see a little more creativity. The background didn’t match the poster which I did not like. The font that you used for the story was purple, just like the background. Just because the background is purple, it does not mean that you need to make the story’s font purple. I did like how the background didn’t distract me from reading.

Description/Foreword:10/15

        The description was short and straight to the point. To be honest, it didn’t make me want to continue reading. It was too short for me and it was lacking. Also, use this: A/N to show that it`s an author`s note, because I couldn`t tell whether or not the foreword was an author`s note or the fan girl`s perspective.

Plot:18/25

        Everything was so predictable and tedious. I felt as though I was forced to read it. And just to point out something, when you are using a phone to call someone who is not in the same country as you, you usually need a calling card and find out the area code and things like that, so how come Hyunseong could call so easily? A few other things were unbelievable, too. And the plot wasn`t really original. I also would`ve liked you to explain some more as to how Hyunseong ended up on the other side of the world.

Grammar:12/15

        Wow! I am quite amazed by your grammar! You only had a few minor mistakes. First of all, you are mixing both past and present tenses together and it is a common mistake that people make. Also, you are missing a few commas here and there. Just remember to re-check your work, okay? Also, some Korean words were spelt wrong. And a habit that most people do is putting in three periods all the time when they don’t need to. You also do that. And do not capitalize the word ‘birthday’ please. Here are a few of your mistakes:

Example:”Ah ottoke~!?

Correction: “Ah, ottoke?!

Example: “Oppa...Saengil chukae...”

Correction: “Oppa, saengil chukahae,”

Flow:3/5

        The flow was a little too fast. I understand that this is a short story, but that doesn’t mean that you need to rush it.

Readers' Comments: 5/5

        Your readers love your story! All of the comments are positive.

Characters: 10/15

        Your characters were normal and nothing was special about them. I found their personalities to be quite predictable and boring. It’s such a pity that the characters weren’t portrayed very well. Even now, I still don’t know much about them.

Overall Enjoyment:2/5

        I am quite happy that this story is about Hyunseong, someone in Boyfriend who isn’t as famous as the rest. I had high expectations for this fan fiction, but I found it quite boring. I felt as though I was forced to read it.

Bonus:0/5

        I’m sorry, but I’m not going to give you any bonus marks because you didn’t create any good cliff-hangers. Also, your subtitles weren’t that interesting and didn’t make me want to continue reading.

Total: 69/100