Title: Angels and Demons: Those With Wings

Author:  8symmetrical8

Title: 3.7/5

               The title caught my attention and so I wanted to keep on reading. This is the type of title that if I were looking up stories related to U-Kiss, I would automatically click on it. Also, I looked up “Angels and Demons” on the search engine, and a lot of stories popped up. I am assuming that they have somewhat the same concept as you, so now I can’t really say that your title is original. This story summarizes the story and sometimes that isn’t good.

Poster/Background/Trailer:6.5/10

               The poster looked quite mysterious and dark, but this story is about angels, too, so it would have been better if there were more white to balance the dark and light colours. Also I did have a bit of trouble reading the quote because of its colour. The poster wasn’t that creative for me and I felt as though it was a little too simple. And there are pictures of Dongho, Kevin and Soohyun who have wings, but I’m sure that this story isn’t just about angels and demons, so I suggest that you add something else. The background was good, too.

Description/Foreword:11.5/15

               I felt as though the description and foreword were too short. And the idea that you were trying to tell us was a bit repetitive. Like I have said before, the description and foreword is quite short, so I can’t say much about it. But, as a reader, I would continue reading because even though you didn’t give me as much information as I wanted, you still managed to make me curious.

Plot:23/25

               This story does remind me of something that I have watched where an angel had to guide someone to the right path and someone evil was trying to guide them towards the opposite side. And I think that in the end, Dongho will earn wings, just like the show that I have watched. There are other parts of the story that remind of things that I have read or watched. But, I did love the story and something interesting always happens! Everything that you have written sounds so realistic!

Grammar:11/15

               Your grammar was quite good, but I did spot some mistakes. Also, I did sometimes have a hard time finding out where the characters were, so try to tell us. And use things like stars or dashes to show that time has passed or when the chapter is finished so that you can write an author’s note after it or it will look as though your story is a bit disorganized. Also, when you wrote:

Yeesh, talk about evil, even for a demon.

In chapter 2, it looked unprofessional. Try not to use words like those, especially since you seemed so fancy and professional before.

Here are some other mistakes that I have found:

Example:“AJ is already on it. Xander is your squadron leader. Go,”

Correction: “AJ is already on it. Xander is your squadron leader. Go.”

Example: Anyway, is is harder to be a Guardian on Earth than in Heaven?

Correction: Anyway, is it harder to be a Guardian on Earth than in Heaven?

Okay, I realized that you put a comma whenever someone finishes talking and obviously, before the quotation marks. Just to inform you, you should change the comma into a period, an exclamation mark or a question mark, depending on the situation. But, you only do that if someone talks and it isn’t followed by the words he said or she said. You also have some problems with dialogues. Here’s a link for dialogue rules:http://voices.yahoo.com/rules-grammar-punctuation-dialogue-writing-4063567.html. I noticed that one of the biggest mistakes that you do is rule 3. They didn’t talk about all of the rules, but they did talk about the ones that most people do wrong. Another thing that I want to point out is that when a dialogue isn’t followed by the words he said or she said or she asked, etc., and it is instead followed by something else like their actions or something like that, you need to capitalize. Also, please don’t capitalize words that don’t need to be capitalized. I know that they are important, but you don’t need to capitalize them. And if someone stops talking and you write the words he said, she said, etc., and they start talking about something else or they started a new sentence, then after the words he said, she said, etc., there should be a period and before the quotation mark and before the words he said, she said, the punctuation can’t be a comma, so instead, use things like a question mark, period, etc. Also, I don’t know whether or not I should say this, but sometimes, I felt as though you were mixing some present and past tense together.

Example: Kyuhyun scowled, “Filthy angel. I don't know why Lilith even allows your kind into our city,” he turned, and a personality shift later, he smiled at Dongho, “Ah, pure demon... One of Satan's first. I envy you,”

Correction: Kyuhyun scowled, “Filthy angel. I don't know why Lilith even allows your kind into our city.(See? This should’ve ended with a period because this is a different sentence from the one that Kyuhyun says next.)” he turned, and a personality shift later, he smiled at Dongho(This is supposed to have a period because Kyuhyun is talking about something else; something different from what he has said before). “Ah, pure demon... One of Satan's first. I envy you.(This should be a period because nothing is after it.)”

 To be honest with you, I didn’t really help you that much for this part because most of your mistakes are just about dialogue and paragraphs. But, if you are confused with what I just said, feel free to talk to me or if you want more tips because I didn’t talk about everything that I wanted to. Just remember to double-check your work and even if you’ve already updated a chapter, check over it to see if there were any mistakes.

Flow:4.5/5

               Rarely did I feel as though the story’s progress was too slow, and most of the time, it’s perfect!

Readers' Comments: 4.8/5

               Your readers love your story! They seem caught up in the moment.                     

Characters: 13/15

               From chapter 2, I could already tell what Dongho and Soohyun was like! The characters we described quite well and they were unique.

Overall Enjoyment:4.5/5

               I just recently started watching U-Kiss’ old shows and so it was easier for me to review this fan fiction, especially since Kevin, one of my biases in U-Kiss was there. I also love how you added the perfect amount of details. I didn’t give you a full mark because this type of fan fiction just isn’t my taste. Each chapter was interesting and wanted me to continue.

Bonus:4/5

               I loved how the subtitles were interesting and that for sure would encourage readers to continue reading. Also, I am quite jealous of your writing style! Your fan fiction seems organized and I can tell that you know what you are doing.

Total:  86.5/100

               Wow! I thought that I would be giving you a higher mark because your fan fiction was amazing, but since I’m a strict reviewer, I couldn’t give you a mark higher than 90, but don’t be discouraged by this mark! Continue to do what you are doing. I am quite shocked that you only have a few subscribers when your fan fiction is amazing! Kiss Me fans don’t know what they are missing out! Anyways, good luck writing your story and sorry for taking this long!

Thanks for requesting. Please comment below after picking it up and don't forget to credit :)