Title: X-Boy(FRIEND)s

Author: fosa_imaginator

Title

X-Boy(FRIEND)s? The title is pretty confusing and messy. Titles are supposed to be attractive; filled with meanings so as to bring readers to your story. Your title is just plain messy actually. I think a simple 'X-Boyfriend' is good enough. It gives the reader a tiny guess that your story incorporates 'X-Men' and 'Boyfriend'.

I can tell that by capitalizing the 'FRIEND' can make it more obvious that they are going to be the readers' friends in the story, but it is really redundant. The 's' behind your Boy(FRIEND) is also not necessary. Boyfriend is group of boys and it is obvious that boyfriend will is already plural. Y

ou do not need to add the 's'.

Take note of the importance of a title; people look at the title first and the title should be words that gives the overall meaning of what your story is going to be about. I had no idea what your story was going to be about when I saw the title. It did not interest me or anything because the title just doesn't give the vibe.

[0/5]

Poster; Graphics

The poster does not carry any meaning from the story. Just a simple picture with your title? There are so many graphic shops out there; I believe you can get a good graphic. Firstly, I think you can improve on your poster by adding in the OC/'I' 's picture. She is one of the main and should not be missed out in the poster! Secondly, the poster should have some patterns and PNGs; once you requested from a graphic shop with good designers, I believe your graphic will turn out great with better features. Lastly, I just want to say that the pictures you have chose for your characters are good! If you make one a moving picture, all of them should be too! Good job here. 

[1/5]

Foreword

Foreword is unorganized. Perhaps because of all the dots and dashes. I really hate them. Just to let you know what I personally feel and what ought to be (I guess). The description should be what your story is about and since you are writing a chaptered, you should have a good and strong description. I find that you have too much pictures and they are not really necessary. For the foreword, you should add in your author's note. What you feel about writing your story? Something along this line. Then you can add those inspired by (who) and the credits. Things will be much more organized and please use a line divider. Somehow, I have this feeling you need help in organizing your story; there is so many errors for your presentation. 

[1/5]

Characterization

Personally I feel that your characters lack personalities. You should not assume that your readers know what kind of person he/she is. Therefore, I recommend you to describe the characters below their pictures in you foreword. The reader will then get an overall idea of what the character is like and get a better understanding of the character in the story. Since they are main characters, the more you should talk about them. Also, I think you should give 'I' a name and not use her as 'I'. You might want the reader to get a feel of themselves in the story but it gets really confusing sometimes. You can simply just create an OC and everything will sound better. Give the OC a country; so you don't have to keep using dashes. They are pretty annoying since I keep seeing them in your story.

[1/10]

Originality

I had never read a story like this before; but since you adapted/got your inspiration from a movie so most likely this is not your idea. I think there are a few stories out there where characters have special powers but those had never gained my interest, most likely because they are so unrealistic. However, it is a good try you incorporated your own ideas.

[3/5]

Plot

I have no idea what your story is trying to say. Partially, I can say this is due to your writing style. However, I feel that you have completely no plan of how your story is going to continue. There is no specific timeline. Also, I feel that a few chapters is enough for a short introductions, your story have not even entered a interesting, in your case, mission. Everything you write is so uneventful. Perhaps, your story is not completed yet, and I cannot define the storyline but I have no idea why you want to incorporate romance inside too. Your story is not a romance/ high school story. It's so irrelevant.

The story just goes around how she ('I') wanders around the school. Then you decided to add B1A4 without even properly describing they will be appearing at the start. Not that you cannot give the readers surprises but it seemed quite no link putting the characters in first, then describing them later.

I think you should think of exactly what you want to write before conveying them down into words. This may help.

[4/15]

Language

Many errors; I think it may be because of minor typos. However, there are too many dots and dashes. I feel that before you post your update, proof read your chapter first. You obviously did not. I do not know how many times I have mentioned this because it is really annoying me and it applies in almost every section I'm evaluating; please do not use dots and dashes. It marks under language as that is not proper English. Hope you'll change the mistakes and maybe re-read your story and make proper edits!

[14/25]

Writing Style

I hate your writing style and the way you organizes your story. It is so messy. Messiness just decreases my mood to finish your story. If you need a divider, why don't you use the line divider button provided? It is neat and clear cut. Dashes are just messy. For your main character ('I'), i suggest you view this. This allows the  reader's login name to appear wherever you want it to. {Type in the tag you in the parts of your story where you want the visitor's name to be used. Note that you can actually put whatever you want in between the tags. | Check FAQ |} However, I would still suggest you to give the character a name. Your writing have too much dashes and dots; it is very unorganized and hard to read. Also, refrain from using too much pictures. As a writer, you should know how to describe the place using words and not photos. Using pictures just make the story childish. 

[2/10]

Flow

The flow is actually fine, just that there are no . The story is just moving on and on, revolving around the school. You should add in some interesting parts by now.

[4/5]

Enjoyment 

I did not enjoy this story at all. Your story looks like an action story but I do not feel any anticipation. You need to enhance the excitement level. Your story was pretty plain and boring, with no peaks or at all. It was such a bore reading your story but I managed to finish it and provide you with a good review. Hope you know what is wrong with your story and improve on it. You may gain more readers!

[1/10]

Bonus

Total: 31/95 = 32/100

Reviewer's note: Done with your review! Work harder and correct your story's mistakes. Do PM me if you have any questions about the review!

Thanks for requesting. Please comment above after picking it up and don't forget to credit :)