Me And My Crazy Circumstances - thelawbreaker (Reviewer: Jongsicaminyul5914)

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Author: thelawbreaker
 
 
 
 
Title (4/5)

The title suits the story. The story is indeed filled with crazy circumstances. However, your title is grammatically wrong. It should be My Crazy Circumstances and I.

Appearance (2/5)

The reason why the marks for appearance are so low is because of the poster. (not to mention that there is no background, but that is fine.) Your poster looks like it is made out of haste. The background of your poster does not suit the theme of the story at all. It looks like random photoshop brushes put together. The font does not suit the poster. Each of the element does not suit each other and therefore looks like a mess, earning low marks.

(Lol, I'm sorry for this. My friend is a graphic designer and this is what she wrote)
 
Description / Foreword (11/15)
Description and foreword is not bad, tells the readers the gist of the story, leaving cliff hangers about entire story yet does not give away whole story. Not bad
 
Plot / Originality (15/25)
Candy statues in the yard, under the sun is not very logical,  it makes the story seem too fake.
Also, originality  is okay. Somewhat cliché storyline, too many stories had this kind of storyline already. Not much excitement. However, the “crazy circumstances” are something more exciting for a cliché story. 
 
Characters / Storyline (7/10)
Characterization wise, it's pretty much fine, except for instance when they are too comical. As in, they don't seem real, like a human.
 
Writing (Spelling / Grammar / Punctuation) (9/20)
The character’s gender was mixed up and there was spelling error for the character’s name.
 
whole entire world
whole world/entire world
 
"Oh! Youngbae sunbaenim!" I replied in shock. 
It should be a comma instead of a full stop. 
 
As I felt my body stiffining
As I felt my body stiffening
 
Feeling the whincing pain again.
Feeling the wincing pain again.
 
Escaping yet, another one of my own-made troubles.
Escaping yet another one of my self-created troubles.
(Own-made sounds very weird)
 

There's a girl in front of Youngbae sunbaenim.I 

Typo error here.
 
small girl with cute sparkling eyes, pearl white skin and cute petite lips.
Petite is not used to describe lips but instead used to describe frame of a person.
 
"Why are your eyes sort of puffy?" He asked and brushing his thumb near my eyes.
"Why are your eyes sort of puffy?" He asked, brushing his thumb near my eyes.
 
Flow (4/10)
The flow of the story is not very well structured. There are a few parts where the story linked up awkwardly.  Too many rhetorical questions, you can express thoughts and feelings in other ways than asking yourself questions.
 
Overall Enjoyment (4/10)
It wasn't very enjoyable for me though. Firstly, the poster wasn't very attractive. Maybe you should request from a graphic shop. It was dull. I had to force myself to read this.
 
Total (56/100)

Honestly speaking, it was rather hard to read your story. You cannot neglect the more important aspects of the story, such as originality, plot, creativity. You have to see if it makes sense. Structure your story well. You should have a brief outline of what you are going to be writing. It seems to me like you are blindly writing. You also have far too many spelling errors. You can always run it through spell-check.

 



 

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Comments

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grldrgn
#1
Chapter 5: Is the story about cl and onew wgm removed? Omg so sad :'(
Pabolicious #2
applied as a reviewer :)))
glowbug #3
applied as a reviewer!
salvatore
#4
applied as a reviewer :)
littlelu
#5
Chapter 101: My review?
pandaeyesxxi
#6
Chapter 109: Thanks for the review!!~
Eyagibba
#7
Chapter 3: thanks for review
h3d1ez
#8
Hi, i would like to help making your shop layouts texts etc
my shop:
Graphic pro - store:
Gives you the best requested layouts to your stories you can get: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/281348/graphic-pro-open-graphic-shop-design-layout-posterrequest
Fake_D
#9
Chapter 104: Thank you so much for the review. Actually 'As Blood Runs Black' is actually a short fic for a contest I joined. I had to rush things up because they set a limit to the chapters in the rules and unfortunately it had to be under 7 chapters(if im not mistaken). So I had no chance to explain what not and what happened to JongUp. I admit it that it was too rushy towards the end because I didn't realize I made the first few chapters too slow. I was thinking of a spin-off for this short story so that I could explain on what happened to JongUp back then that had turned him that way. Anyhow, thank you for the review, I appreciate it. ^^
littlelu
#10
Requested