Title: +=Many Faces Of Love=+

Author: elf_verl

Title [5/10]

It's not an overused title, but it wouldn't really get my attention either. I don't see the connection it has to your story but I'm guessing that's because you still have a long way to go and a lot more to show us, readers, right?

Foreword [9/10]

The foreword is fine, a bit long but interesting. I made a few corrections on what was wrong, and I was hoping that you could correct them:

What will you do when you are caught in the rubrix of love, and had/have to make the choice between the one you love and the one who loves you? WIll/Will you be able to clearly differentiate between right and wrong? Will your choice leads/lead you towards the solution or simply make things worse?

“You want her now? Now’s/Now she’s gone and you realized/realize you love her?"

I really like it but I'm not friends with the colors you chose and there are different types of fonts.

Creativity/Originality [9/10]

The lead with no parents is quite overused, but you made that as an excuse for Yonni to meet other people and so you developed this story. You have your own writing and that's what differs you from the other stories I've read.

Plot/Writing [18/20]

The story flow is good.

There was a change of POV's suddenly, during chapter 13, which was unlikely to happen and maybe unnecessary. It was good, we got to know how Sungmin felt, but I think you could have told this with a confession or something. Still, it was good, it wasn't that out of place.

Also, the pictures on chapter 16 were useless. You could have described it using your own words, and then post the pictures in an author's note, for example. Leave it to the readers' imagination! 

There's something on your story that has been bothering me, and that is none other than the korean expressions you write from time to time like 'arasso' and 'mwo' and the others. But oh well, I think I can live with it!

Overall, I like your choice of words— better than this: I like the way you write.

Characters [20/20]

The characters are good, well-described and interesting!

Grammar/Spelling [16/20]

I found a few mistakes as I was reading your story and I'll help you correcting them. It's nothing serious — more like some verbs out of place. It's rare to find them in your story, so I'll conclude it as you were a bit careless writing them. Remember to re-read the chapter before posting it! 

Chapter 1

"They seemed to be going up some kind of steps, getting increasing louder."

I'm not sure of what you meant here, but I think the word 'increasingly' would fit better.

"My room was on the second floor of the house, and theirs was on the first." 

I would delete the comma since it's useless there. Or change from 'and' to 'while', still with the comma. You actually repeat this a lot, placing a comma before an 'and', when it's not really necessary.

"Blood" 

Ok, this is just me being paranoid, but I think you should place a period there, not just because it's rules but also because it leaves a deeper impression of what just happened. Or maybe not...? I'll leave it up to you.

Chapter 2

"The more I want to stop crying, the faster the tears flowed out." 

Replace it with 'wanted'. The whole story is in the past tense, this one should be too.

"What kind of trauma will cause her nightmares that be that scary?" 

Why not replace the word 'that' with 'to', so it will become 'cause her nightmares to be that scary'. That way you don't repeat it. :)

Chapter 3

"followed my parents deaths." 

I understand why you wrote 'deaths' but the correct word would be 'death'.

"The police contacted all of the contacts found on their phones," 

I don't like this here, replace 'contacts' for 'numbers' and it will look better.

"Hyuksu from Park Team said that they found her" 

I think there's something missing here, and that would be the possessive after Park, so it would be like Park's Team.

"he always make me happy." 

Makes, you must have forgotten to press the s.

Chapter 4

"He maybe a big bully," 

Careful here! 'Maybe' and 'may be' are different! 'Maybe' is an adverb meaning "perhaps" or "possibly", while 'may be' is a verb phrase meaning "might be" or "could be". In this case, she wonders if Heechul might be a big bully, so you have to correct it to 'He may be a big bully, (...)'.

"I heard Heechul gasped in surprise," 

I think it would be better if you replaced 'gasped' for 'gasping'.

Chapter 6

"Why haven’t the school done" 

School is singular, so it should be 'Why hasn't the school done anything (...)

Chapter 8

"The last time round he tried to cook ramen for us, it was so" 

That comma is useless.

Chapter 9

“We are throwing a welcome feast for Sungmin, Kyuhyun cousin,” 

Misses the possessive there, make it 'Kyuhyun's cousin'

"with him washing the dishes and I drying them up." 

'and me drying them up' is the correct version.

"Faster open the door!” 

make it 'Faster, open the door!'

Chapter 10

"his EQ is really high," 

Did you mean IQ? 

Chapter 12

"ruffling my long black hair such that they fell naturally around" 

Take out 'they', I have no idea as to why is it there.

Chapter 13

"and gets on each other nerves." 

Should be 'and get on each others nerves.', the plural is wrong.

"She pulled out a old looking bear" 

'An old looking bear'. I won't explain you to rules when it comes to a/an because I'm pretty sure you know them, since this was just a careless mistake.

"I do, this bear had been with me for a long time,” 

Should be 'has been'.

Chapter 14

"I forgot to warned you that" 

Since you already used the past in 'forget', then you don't have to use it on 'warn', just let it be 'warn'.

Chapter 15

"Why on earth will he like me?" 

Why on earth would he like me?

Chapter 16

"The fish had won!" 

I don't see why is 'had' in there, but you can take it off.

"Have your conscience been eaten away by Starcraft?" 

Since conscience is singular, then the verb 'to have' is singular to, it changes to 'Has your conscience (...)'.

"How can you still bear to laugh at me" 

I don't think 'bear' is quite the correct word here... Maybe if you change the sentence to 'How can you stand there laughing at me, when (...)' it will sound better.

Chapter 17

"I won’t be a minute!" 

I'm guessing you meant 'It won't be a minute'?

Chapter 18

"didn’t she said that she can’t believed I actually" 

Should be, 'didn't she say that she couldn't believe I actually (...)'.

Chapter 19

"Why else will he ask you to drink the red wine?" 

'Why else would he (...)' You do this a lot! I found this site here that might help you, since it has quick explanations and some examples: http://bit.ly/PNiPle :)

"If you haven’t dragged me into this, I won’t have to-" 

You used the wrong verbes/tenses here, let's rewrite this: "If you didn't drag me into this, I wouldn't have to-". Sounds better?

“What does love feels like?” 

'What does love feel like?'

My opinion [9/10]

This is actually the first Super Junior fanfic -that I remember of- I've ever heard and I was a bit reluctant, I have to say. I'm not that big fan, I do listen to their recent albums and I absolutely love the fact that Shindong is really funny, but that's about it! I have to say that your fanfic actually made me like them! 

It took me a while doing this - since May - and I'm extremely sorry about that. For some reason I did not like the beginning of your story, and for months I thought it would be something "boring". I had no idea it would be so funny, carefree like this! 

I don't give you fullmark on this, because it's hard for me to give it just like that, ahahah. Anyway, I really liked your story and subscribed! I'm actually looking forward to it as it seems there's still a lot for me to read~~! Keep up the good work! :D

Cover  [2/2]

I love it. Though it gives some kind of 'adult' feeling to it. I mean, I had no idea this story was about high school students - except for Heechul x) The designer is really good, I actually work at that shop too. ^^

TOTAL - 86/100 + 2

Thanks for requesting. Please pick it up and comment below :)