Title: A Walk on the Beach

Author: golferox

Title [4/10]:

It’s simple and related to the story.

Description/Foreword [2/10]:

Your description is too short. At first I liked the sentence, but after reading your story I think you could do a lot better. It is superficial and relative. It’s a nice sentence, but if you explained the story a little bit it would be better.

Originality [7/10]

Not original, but not cliché either. It was a nice oneshot, and it somehow had a twist. I was not expecting it.

Plot/Writing [19/22]:

This oneshot was full of surprises. I liked the way you developed your plot, it was good. I never expected the last part of your story, I was shocked.

Your way of writing is also interesting and addictive, you’re a good narrator. I really enjoyed your style of writing!

Characters [7/10]:

Oneshots don’t often allow us to feel something strong for its characters, mostly because the story doesn’t develop. However, your way of narrating made us connect.

Sungmin was really nice and caring. Maybe you should show a bit more of Hyukjae’s feelings, even if just by his actions and not thoughts… that would be nice.

Grammar/Vocabulary [20/23]

I think your vocabulary is abundant and good.

About your grammar, I only found some minor mistakes:

a) A music in the sound of the waves, rhythmically rushing and crashing before they retreated again. This, combined with the noise of trees swaying in the wind that he felt rustling his hair, created the perfect base for a symphony that was completed by the noises around him. The squawk of seabirds overhead, the scurry of crabs across the sand.

b) As the sun set, though, he began to feel lonely. It was as though something was missing from the perfect scenery.

How much I enjoyed your story / Overall Excitement [7/10]

I enjoyed your story. Simple but beautiful, sad but cool.

I think the best for me was that none of them died – that explains my excitement… I admit me and sad stories/dramas don’t fit, but this one is absolutely great. I also like love stories about people with disabilities… am I weird?

Extra [2/5]:

Should I consider your picture a poster? It’s just a picture, and it doesn’t give us a vibe of the story…. Looking at it, I thought it was just a lovely oneshot, not a sad one. No background either.

The length of the oneshot was okay, and its organization too.

Bonus [2/10]

[Points: 70/100]

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