JONGHYUN's POV

Among the crowd in the ball, there were a pair of eyes that caught my attention, it wasn't as pretty as hers, but it was a familiar pair of eyes. My smile disappeared as soon as our eyes met, i felt a chill in my back and cold sweats started to form, its as if i feared that i would die.

When i went down the stage, Krystal went to me and confronted me, the way she talked was the way i was expecting from Seungyeon, but Seungyeon --- as unexpected as always, didnt even slap me, or screamed at me and i was all ready for it. What she did only made me feel much more of a monster, the way she let me be to be happy to be a son, to be Lee Jonghyun was worse than feeling physical pain. And the way she let everything go for me, it was supposed to build my world as she intended, but when she walked away, its as if she only made my world crumble.
Will i be happy without her ? 
Can i be happy without her ?
How will i be happy without her ?

When i went back to the ball after she left, it was hard for me to get my head straight, luckily i managed to act in front of Abeoji's guest. In order to leave the ball before everyone else, i told Abeoji that i was too overwhelmed and i would take my leave first, he just told me to make a speech first before i leave and i did and left, leaving Abeoji. Instead of going back to the mansion, i decided to visit Omma.

"Oh, Jonghyun ah. What are you doing here?" The second that Omma opened the door for me, i hugged her and cried. I dont know what to do, i am so lost... I thought that when Abeoji finally sees me i wont need anything else, but now --- now my world just turned to ashes and got blown by the wind... My heart is into pieces and being stepped on a thousand times...

"Ommo, son... What happened ?? Huh? Whats wrong ?" Omma panicked as i knelt down on our doorway crying.

"Omma--- ottohke??? What do i do ??? Omma---" i mumbled within my crying. I am a man, but right now, i cant help my tears and cry like a child. My heart is hurting and i haven't felt this way before, even when i was longing for Abeoji.

"Wae??? Tell me Jonghyun ah, what is it ? Why are you crying like this ?" Omma said as she knelt down in front of me with a worried face.

"Omma-- im a monster... Omma, i am so bad, im selfish, i have no heart omma." I whined and she held my hand.

"No son, why? Why do you think like that ? Tell me..." As she was rubbing my hands i felt a slight calmness, my crying turned to sobs and i explained everything to Omma.

"Jonghyun ah--- how can you?"

"I know Omma... Ive only realized everything now, i saw the big picture of what i have done -and i just want to disappear right now." I said sobbing with my head low. Omma hugged me and i sobbed in her arms like a little child.

"You had your reasons Jonghyun ah. Its not your fault, you dont have to blame yourself... "

"But i lied to her Omma, i took advantage of her, her family, her love for me."

"But your father also took advantage of you, and your love for her." I looked at Omma "Jonghyun ah, i know you love your father very much-- that it even took you to forget who you really are. And that love was just used by your father, dont you see ??? He is just using you? Thats why i didn't want you to be with him, he is hungry for power."

Her words werent really getting processed in my mind, i knew that Abeoji wanted to be President of the company and we had to something to make that happen, but what i don't understand is if he really only used me, if he does see me as his son... My head ached much more, my heart cannot take much pain anymore. 

"Omma, what do i do about Seungyeon ? She is hurt, i broke her -- ive messed her up." 

"Jonghyun ah. You should know that you two are messed up right now, from your story id like to believe that she is a strong girl who knows her priorities and that is her family above herself." I looked at omma not really understanding what she is saying, she slightly smiled at me before continuing. "Give her time, space that she needs to work on her family, to give her distance to do what she has to do, and just believe that if you two are really destined for each other, then not only will the universe put you back together but everything else visible and invisible." I felt a slight relief in Omma's words, like it would be real, like somehow the universe will make it all alright. I stopped sobbing and just felt blank sitting in our doorway. I am still in my suit and the night is getting deeper, i should go back to the mansion now. So i took a deep breathe and took to heart everything that Omma had said.

"Omma, Abeoji might be looking for me, i should go." I said as i stood up. And she nodded

"My son, you have a good heart, never forget it. Listen to it, it will bring you your happiness that you are looking for." She whispered in my ears as she hugged me before i left.

When i got home, Abeoji was waiting for me.

"Goodevening Abeoji." I said as i arrived in his office room. He was just sitting, holding a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"Where did you go Jonghyun ah?" He asked, not looking at me.

"At Omma's house Abeoji."

"Wae?"

"I just missed her Abeoji."

"Are you sure ?" Then he looked at me, it was as if he was waiting for a different answer.

"Neh Abeoji." My heart is racing, I'm feeling like a little child accused of breaking the vase. My pride as a man disappears in front of my father and i don't feel good about it.

"You know Jonghyun ah, you are not really a good liar. So before i get angry i will ask you again. Why did you go to your Omma ?" He said, with a commanding voice, the one that will make your back feel cold and exposed.

"I-- i just wanted to see her." I stuttered. Abeoji stood up and i panicked. He walked in front of me and 

PAK

He slapped me hard and i felt angry. I just felt angry.

"You get your head straight Jonghyun. If i see you again falter with Seungyeon's presence then i shall disown you, you are no good to be my son by being a little boy crying just because of a girl. Do you hear me ?" His words, clear and ringing in my head. Every word emphasized as if he was the greatest teacher in the world. He knew, he knew i cried, he knew of Seungyeon in the ball, he knew i am affected.

"Yes Abeoji." Feeling angry, scared and intimidated, i found the words to answer. My heart is racing and i clenched my fists. This shouldn't be happening. This isn't how everything should be.

"Go to your room. Get your head straight. I'll take you to the office tomorrow." He said turning his back to me. He sat back to the chair and i bowed and left his office. I went straight to my room. Feeling furious and frustrated, i immediately ed my shirt, threw my coat and tie in the bed, slumped on the bed and sighed. Put an arm in my head and closed my eyes.

Listen to my heart. It should lead me to the happiness i am looking for, just what Omma said. For 26 years, the happiness i was imagining was Abeoji, greeting me good morning together with Omma, us going out on weekends hanging out together as a family. I wasn't even dreaming of having a company to run, i just wanted a family. But now, my heart is telling me that i do have a family, or i did have one-- i just ruined it.

Mr. Gong was very much like a father to me, he had always asked how i am, if i need anything, had always greeted me good morning and even good night, he treated me just like his own, and Jungyeon, a little sister i never thought i would have. I smiled at the thought of her but immediately disappeared as i think she probably hates me now. And sigh--- Seungyeon, she just gave me life, like a timely rainfall in my hard life... She always made me smile and make my heart burst with joy, excitement and love---

But my greed, my longing for a family, from my family made me blind, blind of what was already in front of me. I have hurt a lot of good people who gave me the family i was longing for but i was just blind to see it. And now, how will i sleep at night, knowing everything now? Seeing everything? I should have stopped when Seungyeon came, i should have realized what would happen when Seungyeon came. I should have seen everything... Should've come to my senses when the game changed.

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Should have closed this chapter prettier than this but I'm just lost on how to. I hope you can empathize with Jonghyun and understand his side. I would make them cross paths in the next chapters so please stay tune :) and i would like to mention some of the comments that really touched my heart, to suri65, tlynne, and sofia123. Such comments make me feel that you really take to heart what i am writing. To the readers who keep on commenting and subscribing, you guys make me want to write every time i check and an alert comes, really, just knowing that people view my story already makes me cry with joy. SO CHEERS TO EVERYONE !!! And christmas is just around the corner so ADVANCE MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! MALIGAYANG PASKO ! :)