Last night was a punch in the stomach, i still don't believe what i heard. And I'm trying not to wrap my head around it. Not because i hate him or anything, but because I'm choosing not to, for my minds peace sake. But thats impossible.

I see him in the morning, he drives me to school, he is WITH me in school and WE go home together. Basically, i see him all day and it makes it hard not to think of what i heard. Its also hard to act like i heard nothing, i noticed that i could practically burn a hole on his back when I'm looking at him from behind, i cant bear to look at him in the face because i might get pulled on his eyes. Jungyeon was right, he has this gravity that pulls me towards him. But one thing was making me stressed out besides Jonghyun.

"She probably feels the same" Jungyeon's words last night, pointing to me. Its not a complicated puzzle to solve that shes saying i like Jonghyun too. But do i like Jonghyun? I said it the first time, im dreaming of that slow motion moment, fireworks in display and everything so beautiful. And-- and -- i just remembered how i met Jonghyun. 

(Brown eyes locked with mine and everything went slow motion. The wind was blowing, the leaves on the tree dancing so slowly, the lights of the fireworks reflecting on the guy whose eyes are brown and stares at mine making me forget every thought i just had.) Fireworks. Slow motion. Heart racing. Brown eyes. Gummy bears.

Do i really like him? I mean....do i ? Ugggghhhhhh, i cant explain what I'm even trying to feel ? Or what i feel? Ugh, I'm lost. Jungyeon was probably right, he doesn't know it for himself, and i don't know it for myself. I haven't felt anything like this, and i don't know how to deal with it. Everything is happening too fast, life please slow down. I just had to deal that i wasnt my parents daughter, had to be a part of the richest family in korea, had to be introduced to korea, had to deal with a robotic bodyguard WHO DOESNT KNOW IF HE LIKES ME AND IT HAD TO BE MY SISTER TO KNOW IF HE DOES. Crazy, everything is just going C-R-A-Z-Y.

"Yah! You've been spacing since you got here, have you even listened to the lesson?" Krystal pulling me back from reality. Her face was worried. Our second class together and i totally didn't notice.
"Sorry, just out of myself" i looked back and saw Jonghyun avoiding the girl trying to talk to him. My eyebrows creased. And then he looked at me. Everything stopped.

His eyes locking into mine, that feeling it always gives me, my knees weakening, my heart racing. My stomach churning. Gummy bears help me. Then he broke the stare, looked at the girl and his mouth moved, seemed like he told something to the girl and the girl nodded but with a smile, why would the girl leave Jonghyun with a smile on her lips. Krystal nudged me.

"Yaaaah! What thoughts are going in your mind? Please state one by one. " she said really annoyed
"I cant even catch up with the thoughts in my head, how can i even say it to you one by one?" My voice low, giving up tone.
"You totally are out of your mind right now, youre totally out of it ! You need to eat ! Get some strength!" She was saying every word with emphasis, like she is going to war. But because it was lunch time we went to the cafeteria and  fall in line to order food, Krystal in front, his bodyguard behind her which is in front of me and Jonghyun behind me, knowing what he feels, i feel awkward and i think he feels it so theres a really heavy awkward atmosphere between us. Again, the only fruit served was melons.

"Excuse me, are there any fruits besides melons?" I asked politely to the lady handing out foods, she answered no with a smile and i smiled back. Next time i'll remember to bring fruits with me. The lady why i asked and Krystal shouted the answer for me before i can even speak.
"She doesn't like melons." The lady nodded her head and i said sorry and smiled.

"I don't like melons too" a voice so rare to hear but i know it very well, came from behind me and gave me goosebumps. I turned to look at him and he is looking at me----- smiling.

Oh my gummy bears...

--------------

guys i hope we can nominate seungyeon for the 100 most beautiful faces 2015, i know its a long shot but its worth the try right ? Thanks :)