That morning, the guy that was once cried in front of me, haena and hyuk came to my room.

         i didn’t know what was his name, and he refused to tell me his name because he said that he should keep his identity from me. since dr. Joohyun told him to.

          “hey” he called and i just smiled there. “anyway, did both of us were so close to each other? Are you my cousins? My brother? My boyfriend? Or maybe, my husband? I don’t understand” i said and he was laughing.

            he said he wouldn’t tell me about him. i had to admit that this guy was very attractice.

        A tall body and a handsome face, he just looked like the boys on television.

        “tell me about your day, [Y/N]”

        “it’s still the same, boring. The doctors kept telling me to trust them when they were about to inject something to me. though i don’t know if i should believe in anything anymore”

        “you must be believe in something”

        “i don’t know, i give up to believe in anything”

        “you know what, if you already figured out what you believe in your life, tell me. and one thing, stand up for what you believe in, even if it means to stand alone”

        “but i even don't remember anything”

        “then i guess we’re playing a game, aren’t we?”

 

        I was at the park, sat there without any friends. Hyuk was getting his treatment and haena was at her room.

          then, i saw a bugs who sat near me. and i even wondered, why did i haven’t figured out what am i afraid about?

           I wasn’t afraid of dark, ghost or even bugs. Okay, so maybe i’ll have a bucket list that was finding what i believe in and also what's the most thing that scared me.

        Suddenly, a guy who was a student – the one who looked at me with a weird look – came approached me and sat right next to me.

          he was smiling, and i swear i’ve seen him before but i couldn’t remember. “what a nice day, huh” he said as he streatched out his arm.

         I only looked at him deeply, trying to figured out who was he. “what? Is there something on my face?” he asked, the same question that i asked to him when he was looking to me.

        I replied, “no, it’s just like, you seems very familiar”

        “familiar to whom? Your ex?”

        “stop mentioning about him”

        “then you already figured out what’s the thing you most afraid about” i jumped, how can he knew about what i was thinking about a few minutes ago?

         I looked at him full of suprised while he has no expression at all. “how can you know that i was thinking about it?” i asked and he also got suprised.

        “really? Whoa, i think we have some chemistry”

        “stop flirting with a patient, you’re not even a doctor here”

        “that’s so wrong” that guy showed me a picture of him on his nametag. He covered his name and only showed me his picture.

         He was smiling so happy, it seemed like he was a trainee at here or whatever i didn't understand.

         “which doctor did you help?” you asked and she mentioned dr. Hyungseung and dr. Joohyun.

         Well, that means that he also going to take care of me.

        “do you have a name?” i asked and his face changed. “i can’t tell you my name, every doctor told me that it was dangerous for you to know other people names” he said and i just nooded, not really believe on what he said.

          since i didn’t know what i believe in now. Baekhyun broke it, everybody broke it.

 

        “they won’t mad if you spent your time here?” i asked to that guy who was exploring my room while i was on the bed. He shook his head and smiled.

         “they gave me a duty to keep an eye on you” he said and i just nooded, well okay. Then, a nurse came in and gave him the paper that i guess was my behavior report.

        He was shocked and asked, “ did you cut yourself?!”

        “yup, it was a long time ago when i was new here”

        “BUT WHY?”

        “calm please, gosh, it’s not like you care about me that much” i said as i looked at him full of annoyence. I stole sight to that guy and he still looked so shocked, i didn’t understand why.

        It’s not like he didn’t know that there was someone who cut themself because they felt stressed.

          That guy suddenly got out from my room and go to somewhere i didn’t know. A few minutes later, he finally came back.

         “what happend? Are you done yet? Why did you looked so shocked? Geez” i asked and he just shook his head. “nah, i’m just worried that you probably have some mental disorder” he said and then i looked at him with a straight face.

        I mean like, come on, if i had a mental disorder there’s no way i could talk to him like this. In a normal way.

        I replied, “can i ask you something?”

        “anything except for my identity”

        “i don’t understand why did they took all my pictures that i have in my black journal. Do you probably know why? They must have told you something”

        “what journal? Can i see it?”

        “here” i give him my journal and let him see the blank journal that used to be my place to collect the picture. Then he was smiling.

          “i think they left something” he showed me a picture of me and a girl, that i didn’t know who she was.

          It seemed like we’ve know for each other very well, it like we were a sister since both of us looked like each other.

        He asked, “do you know her?” and i shook my head.

        “how can you forget about everything but not with your ex?”

        “i don’t know, i know his name and everything. I just forget his face. It got blurred everything i try to thinking about him”

        “you're still thinking about him?”

        “he hurted me like that, how can i stop thinking about why did i ever fall in love with him?”

 

        It was lunch time and i was having my lunch with hyuk. I told hyuk about the misterious guy that suddenly take care of me, suprisingly, hyuk also got that treatment.

         “me too!” he said and both of us were very suprised. Hyuk suddenly looked at the empty chair that was beside us, and he was looking at me full of confused.

         “what’s with ‘don’t go out from the hospital’ do you know what’s that mean?” hyuk asked and i didn’t get what was he said, it gave me confused.

        I replied, “why did you ask about that?”

        “hyoyeon told me about that”

        “who’s hyoyeon?”

        “nevermind, you already forget her, i guess”

        After lunch, i went back to my room. i exhaled and inhale my breath, tried to not worry about anything include baekhyun.

        Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with my mind and steals my happiness.

         In the right time, that guy came into my room with my medicine. Such a nice ‘doctor-to-be’.

        “drink this medicine” he said and i did it as what he told me. after that, he sat next to me and looked at me with a weird stare.

        “why did you keep looking at me like that? it feels weird” i said to him.

        He replied, “you remind me of someone”

        “your girlfriend?”

        “my wife”

        “YOU HAVE A WIFE??????”

        “not exactly, it’s my wife to be”

        “oh my god, i’m so happy for both of you. I love new-married couple” i said with a sparkling eyes that made that guy laughed.

        “how about you? Did you and your ex ever planning for a marriage?” he asked and i nooded.

        I replied, “he told me that he will marry me someday. But that was when we were high school, we know that it’s just a game, right? look at what he did to me”

        “do you think he ever love you?”

        “if he do love me, he won’t play with another girl behind me. do you know what his biggest fault?”

        “no, what was it?”

        “i told him once that if he ever planned to go out with another girl, he should have just dumped me than playing behind me because it’s hurt me so much. And he didn’t listen to me, and here i am with a broken heart everytime i woke up from nightmare”

        “you’re right” he said while smiling to me. finally, someone told me that i wasn’t a selfish .

         “anyway, what should i call you?” i asked to him and he told me that i could call him with anything i like.

         I was thinking for a moment then i found a perfect name for him.

        “i’ll call you dr. Corn, don’t even try to protest about it. i like corn”

 

 

 

        “do you remember this guy? His name is jaejoong” said dr. Corn while handing me a photo of a cute guy. I shook my head, his face nor his name didn’t made me feel familiar.

          Dr. Corn sighed, he said that he was my bestfriend. Well, i didn’t remember him and i was sure that he didn’t care about me anymore. Just like baekhyun.

        “how about this? This is your little brother, Jung Ilhoon” said dr. Corn while handed me another picture of a baby. Again, i didn’t recognize him.

         “you didn’t remember about jaejoong or your little brother, how about baekhyun? Your ex?” he asked and i nooded. i told him that i did remember him but i couldn’t recognize his face anymore. It was blured.

        He said, “jaejoong and baekhyun came a few days ago and wanted to visit you but i said no, since you didn’t remember them and also it can bother you”

        “you save my heart”

        “save your heart? That’s funny”

        “if you let them in, i might have died”

        “how about this guy? His name is jimin, your first thought was he’s the one who make your friend died but it’s not him. before you forget him, you and him already became friends” dr. Corn handed me a picture of a guy again with a slanted eyes.

         i shook my head, it seemed like i forget about everyone. After a small conversation, dr. Corn took me to the park because he said i need to relax.

        Then, haena came approached me. “eonni, that guy seems very familiar” haena said. “really?” i asked.

        She replied, “yeah, it seems like i’ve met him before, what’s his name?” i shook my head because i didn’t know. I even called him with dr. Corn.

 

        When i went back to my room, i saw two elder which i could guess that they were my parents.

         Well, even though they didn’t tell me about who they were. They came here just to know about my condition and told me to not worry because everything is going to be fine. 

        A few minutes later, dr. Corn came in and both of my parents facial expression changed. Somehow, they were upset.

        “i’m sorry, sir, ma’am, it’s your time limit”

        “i know, goodbye dear” she said as she rubbed my head before both of them got out from the room.

         dr. Corn gave me a letter from someone named chanyeol. He didn’t mentioned who he was in my life, but he told me about his recent life.

         That guy named chanyeol told me that she wanted to ask a girl to go out with him.

        “what will you tell him?” asked dr. Corn who also read the letter right beside me.

        I replied, “i’ll told him to start the conversation first and don’t ever let she begin a conversation because girls didn’t do that. they, i mean, we are afraid that we’ll be an annoying girl”

        “is that what you did to baekhyun?”

        “from what i remember, yeah. When we were still fighting to each other, he always be the one who make an action to pissed me up while i was always trying to beat him”

        “so? Did you beat him?”

        “nah,  i ended up fall for him” i smiled weakly when remembering about what baekhyun did to me.

        i sighed, why did i still fall for him. “why are you so curious about baekhyun?” i asked dr. Corn and his face became pale.

        He replied, “no reason”

 

        I was at my room alone when someone barged into my room with a rushed. I remember his face, dr. Corn just told me his name this morning.

        It was jimin. “i-i have something to tell you!” said jimin. I told him to breath slowly and after he already calmed down, he sat right on my bed.

         “when you finally got cure, don’t go out alone without someone with you. They’re looking for you, they’re ready to did something bad to you!” before jimin could tell me more, the nurse forced him to go outside because it wasn’t the visitors time while i was sitting there with a nervous feelings.

         A few moments later, dr. Corn came with a worried face.

        He asked, “what’s happend?!”

        “that guy, his name is jimin, just told me that i shouldn’t go out alone because someone was looking for me. he said that, they’re ready to did something bad to me”

        “he said that!?”

        “yeah, i-i don’t know what to do now”

        “i have to call dr. Joohyun now, we have to do something to prevent this!” dr. Corn ran outside my room. it was weird, he seemed like more care about me than myself.

         i think dr. Corn really resembled to baekhyun. How he talked, how he smiled, how he reacted towards me, it was almost the same to baekhyun.

        But baekhyun probably already get busy with his new girlfriend, why did he still care about me? well, duh.

 

        It was dinner time, i was hanging out with haeun and hyuk but i just sat there with no expression at all.

         I was still thinking about what that guy said to me, and great, i’ve forgot what was his name.

         “are you okay?” asked hyuk and i nooded. hyuk did it again, he was looking at my shoulder.

         “what’s on eonni’s shoulder???” asked haeun with a full exitedment.

        Hyuk said, “she said that guy was right, he told you the truth”

        “that guy? You mean-“

        “and you have to be close with baekhyun, all the time”

        “b-baekhyun? He even didn’t meet me for months, why did i have to be close with him? we didn’t meet each other, and i’m sure that he was with that girl that i didn’t remember her name was. I don’t care okay, whatever those people want to do with me, they can kill me because i’m tired”

        I got up and left the table. i rushed to walk to my room and refused to talk to anyone.

        I didn’t understand hyoyeon at all, she should have told me not to come closer to baekhyun but instead she told me to be close to baekhyun. Did she wanted me to suffer?

        I heard a knocked on a door, and i could tell that it was dr. Corn. “are you okay?

         What happend at the dining room?” he asked and i told him about everything. Include, hyuk who was talking to hyoyeon.

         Suprisingly, he was believe in me. “if baekhyun came here and apologize, will you forgive him?” he asked.

        I replied, “forgive? Maybe. Forget? No way. Come back to him? not in a million years”

        “you said that you love him, don’t you?”

        “I do, but it doesn’t mean that i’ll let him hurt me even more”

        “you said that everyone tell lies, right?”

        “yes, indeed”

        “what if he tell lies also? About cheating on you? I mean, hey, it’s possible, right?” he asked and i was thinking at that moment, dr. Corn got the point.

        But then, i turned my head to him and wondered about why did he care so much about me and baekhyun.

         “you might also tell lies to me, i’m a patient that didn’t remember anything so all of you could wash my brain away” i said without looking at him.

        He said, “such a dramatic life, isn’t?”

        “yeah, and sometimes i have a dream that shows me that i was at hyoyeon’s position while hyoyeon’s at my position. Does the theraphy did that? i mean like twisted dream?”

        “i’m not going to lie to you, so theraphy ain’t work like that”

        “so? It’s not like i was hyoyeon all this time”

        “you’re not”

        Phew, of course not. they didn’t manipulated it, right?

 

 

 

        “dr. Joohyun will came here in a minute. She said that she found the resolution and already agreed by your parents” said dr. Corn who just came into my room.

     i just smiled at him, his presence made me felt safe. The same feeling that i always felt when i was around baekhyun.

        “dr. Corn” i called him and he turned his face to me, and smiling.

        I asked, “how about your fiance?”

        “well, we broke up”

        “wait, why?”

        “because-“

        Before dr. Corn could finish his sentence, suddenly dr. Joohyun came to my room with an annoyed face.

        There, i knew something happends. Maybe, something bad was going to happend?

         “i found the resolution, you can stay at b- his apartement for a while secretly and never let anybody to know where you live” she said as he was looking at dr. Corn. and i was suprised. What the. I didn’t understand.

        I asked, “but why?”

        “because they will always watching over you and knew about when will you go from this hospital. We decided to let you live at his place because it’s the place that i think is safe”

        “w-when will i move out?”

        “as fast as we can, remember, don’t tell anyone about your new place” dr. Joohyun came out and pulled dr. Corn outside.

         I saw that both of them were talking so seriously. Dr. Joohyun somehow looked so mad while dr. Corn was trying to calm her down.

          It was just like mom with a son. A few minutes later, dr. Corn came with a smile.

        “it’s okay, i have a room for you there” he said.

        I replied, “it’s going to be so weird”

        “why?”

        “because i’m going to live at your house, i’m not your wife”

        “you’re my patient and it was my responsibility to take care of you”

        “but it’s getting too personal, isn’t it?

        “well, i don’t mind”

 

        The next day, the nurses were helping me with my stuff and took it to the dr. Corn’s car.

         today, i’ll left the hospital. It was the first time since a year that i could breath in a normal atmosphere.

         It was so much differences, i even couldn’t blink when i passed every place. It’s just like i’ve never know this place before, though, i believed that i forgot about them.

        When we were arrived at dr. Corn’s apartement, he was helping me to bring my stuff to the 18th floor, where his apartement was located.

        I was amazed when i finally saw his apartement. It was so big, too big for someone to life alone.

         near the door, there was a kitchen that was very neat. There was a piano also, tv room and bookshelf that also were very neat.

       In front of the kitchen, there was a living room and at the left side, it was baekhyun’s bedroom while mine was right beside his room.

        He also helped me to organized my things and after that, we both sat on the living room with a weird feelings.

       He looked so nervous while i was so scared. I mean, i lived here with him alone.

        “they will bring the theraphy equipment here, you don’t have to be worry” he said.

        “i’m not worry” i replied and both of us laughed. He got up and asked me for a meal, then i told him that i wasn’t hungry.

        He said, “you have to eat lunch”

        “i’m still not hungry”

        “sit there, i’ll cook you something”

        “wait, you can cook? Aren’t you a doctor?”

        “i am, but i didn’t told you that i can’t cook, right?”

        “haha yes, you’re not” i sat on the dining chair that was exactly near the kitchen.

        I saw he was cooking with a full charisma, he indeed handsome. “for kills some boredness, you can tell a little about hyoyeon, anything that you remember” he said.

        I replied, “we were bestfriends. She got killed because of a bunch of gangster. I got crazy. I met baekhyun. He made me crazy again. i met you. And i sat at your dining chair while waiting for you to finish the food”

        “haha okay, i’m serious. But wait, did you still remember about the first therapy you had?”

        “i’m not exactly remember”

        “then, you know about the brain wash right?”

        “y-yeah..so you think that they’ve already-“

        “probably, yes, you always told me that you dream about something weird, right? i’m not assume it, but it could have happend in that way. I’m not going to lie to you, lies ed up my life a few years ago” he said and i could see some pain in his sentence.

        He might told me about his fiance, maybe they broke up because of ‘lies’. A few minutes later, he finally finished his cooks and we ate our lunch together.

       In the middle of the lunch, he asked me at very weird question. “do you have a dream?” he asked.

        I replied, “i shouldn’t, i couldn’t accomplish it anyway”

        “well, at least you have one”

        “there is, i want to be a writer. How about you?”

        “i always wanted to be a psychiatrist”

        “nice, dream come true, isn’t i?”

        “yup, i used to be a stupid guy at school and then someone make me realized about my own life. So i studied a lot, trying so hard or maybe too hard and finally i can accomplished my dream. If i can, why can’t you?”

        “we have a different fate, dr. Corn” i said and he chuckled. “it’s not fate, it’s a decision” he looked right in my eyes and things became weird.

         My heart beats faster than before, i felt this way before but i couldn’t remember how it felt like before dr. Corn made me.

         i disconected the stare and finished my lunch with a hurry, damn dr. Corn, why did you have to make me remind of baekhyun?

 

        It was already dark. I was watching tv and then i saw dr. corn was calling dr. joohyun at the balcony.

        He seemed very happy, and i could tell that it was his everyday expression. I sighed, living here for whole year or what?

         I don’t like a new living area, it made me kinda under pressure.

        And then, dr. corn came in and sat at the same sofa with me. “how long did you live here, doctor?” i asked.

        “i just moved here a few months ago, when i finally can be a trainee and then got accepted” he said.

        I asked, “that’s cool, but you still go to college?”

        “yup, i’m such a smart guy, aren’t i??

        “yeah right, and how come there’s no picture of you?”

        “dr. joohyun forbid me, i didn’t know why”

        “that’s odd, it’s not like you’re baekhyun”

        “I know right, it’s weird”

        I went to my bedroom and stayed there for a while. At least this bedroom kinda resemble to something, maybe my old bedroom.

       When i was admiring the room, dr. corn knocked on my door. “[Y/N]-ah, tomorrow we have a schedule for the theraphy” he said. “alright!” i replied to him.

        A few hours have passed, but i still couldn’t sleep. I got out from my bedroom and was trying to find something to eat.

        After ate some snacks, i walked around the apartement to see what was dr. corn have.

        Just books, a lot of books about psychology. I took a book and found out that it was a book for a patient like me, a traumatic anxiety patient.

        I took the books and sat right at the office chair that belongs to dr. corn. Right behind me, there was a window with a curtain.

       Such a cool house. “what are you doing there?” i jumped when i heard dr. corn voice.

        he was there with his robe, smiling while leaning against the wall. “i can’t sleep so i read your book” i said and moved my sight to the book.

        He chuckled, “come on, you have to get a rest”

        “but i can’t sleep”

        “so you want to sleep with me?”

        “No way, dr. corn, i’m not that ty”

        “you should sleep then”

        “no” dr. corn came towards me and put me on his shoulder. He carried me to my room while i was screaming and whinning, begged to him to drop me and let me to read more books.

        “sleep” he said with a command tone. I sighed, “alright” i covered my body with a blanket then dr. corn turned off the light.

        “good night, [Y/N]”

        “good night, dr. corn”