“Kim Ahyoung” then i saw ahyoung got up from her chair and walked to the podium to accept her certificat.

        It was our graduation day, finally. I saw ahyoung smiled, and there were jimin with her parents also. They clapped for ahyoung.

        “[Y/N]” i got shocked, oh my god it wasnow my turn. And i even couldn’t believe that i could passed this school.

         i got up from my chair and walked to the head master. He smiled at me while handed me the certificat, “hyoyeon must have be so proud of you” i nooded at him and i saw my parents and chanyeol were there.

         I got down from stage and hugging all of them until chanyeol said, “you might wanted to go to baekhyun school right now, your parents said you’re going to rehabilitation today. Right after the ceremony”

         i widened my eyes, i didn’t know about this before. I ran away from them and ran to baekhyun school that located near to my school.

         i couldn’t breath properly, but i have to. When i arrived at in front of his school, i saw some girls were gathering around baekhyun.

         I could tell that those girls were the sisters from his friends. I smiled, and then he catched my eyes.

         He smiled widely and ran towards me, ignoring all the girls there.

        “you came!” he hugged me so tightly and i hugged him back. Of course, i had to meet him before i got separated from him forever.

         I said, “listen baek, there’s something i have to tell you”

        “what is it, sugarlump?”

        “i’ll go to the rehabilitation today not after today, they lied to me again. chanyeol secretly told me, that’s why i go to your school and decided to meet you”

        “y-you’ll leave?”

        “yes baek, you know that i’m going to leave-“

        “yes i know but i don’t know that it will be this early”

        “my life is unexpected, baek. They knew that i’m leaving and they maybe bring some people to carry me up before they inject me with those awful medicine that made me passed out. So i better be quick” i said as i sighed so hard.

        “stop saying thing like this is the last time i’ll meet you, no, please just don’t because we will meet again no matter how” baekhyun pulled my hand and hugged me so tight.

        I replied, “byun baekhyun, thanks for the memories, the smile and the pain. It meant so much for me. i don’t know what will happen next, will you come to meet me or i’ll come to your wedding haha” i felt a tears fell down from my eyes.

          This is not right, i felt so much pain right now. I felt his hand cupped my cheeks and slowly leading my lips towards his unexpectedly.

        The first kiss that we shared, the moment before i go away.

        “shut up, i love you too, [Y/N]”

        Suddenly, we both heard a voice of a car. it was a hospital car with my parents were behind, oh no it could’t be happening right now.

         I was so scared as hell when they got down from their cars and walking towards me.

         baekhyun held my hand tightly, even though they told him to let go. I was screaming, i didn’t wanna go right now. Not now.

        I saw baekhyun teared up with jaejoong right next to him, calming him down.

        lOur hand got separated, i felt something inject me then i fell asleep.

 

        I opened my eyes and found the room that i’ve seen before. There was my stuff, but no one else there.

         Nobody could go here except for the visitors hours, i shouldn’t meet anybody from outside.

         There was no my parents anymore, ilhoon, chanyeol, the Lee Family, ahyoung, jaejoong and baekhyun.

        “good night, [Y/N], sorry for the sudden pick up” i heard dr. Joohyun’s voice. she felt sorry for me, she said that baekhyun was crying when he had to see me go away. i teared up, i missed him.

        She said, “he’ll help you and i decided to have him as a training students here. but it might be not easy for him, it takes a long journey”

        “h-how long am i going to stay here?”

        “it’s depends, but if you’re still in this condition well maybe it takes a year. You’re getting worser, my dear, and you have to believe me this time. Get rid of the bad things that you keep in your mind. Keep focusing about how will you get out from here” and then some guys came. The guys that took me here.

        “oh i understand, it’s because i almost know everything that all of you was trying to hid, am i? You are going to make me forget about everything and keep hiding about the truth!” they suddenly held me up and injected me with another liquid. It’s going to be a long life.

 

        I walked at the park in the hospital with the other patient. I didn’t know what i had to do, there was no people that i recognize.

         I sat on the bench and just looked at the ring that baekhyun gave to me. things ed up, i spent day by day at this place but i just keep became more worser than this.

        Chanyeol just sent me a picture. It was the picture of the park where me and hyoyeon used to play.

        He sent me the picture with a mail that told me how much they missed me. which i didn’t care anymore, with them, i didn’t give any ing for that.

        I threw the mail with the picture, hell with it. then i catched someone was looking at me and he was smiling, seemed like he saw me doing that thing when i threw the mail away.

        i ignored him as i stood up and headed to my bedroom.

        Within a minute, dr. Joohyun came to my room. “we’ll do the last treatment before the theraphy, are you ready? To begin everything and push the restart button?” she asked while i just sat there with no expression, at all.

        So this was how my life will ended. With an injection, doctors, mental breakdown, and many more.

        The treatment process wasn’t as bad as i thiought, because i didn’t have any conciusness.

         It was just like a hypnotise, in a doctor way. After the treatment, i went back to my room and sat on the bed. It was so boring.

        At the outside of the room, i heard someone talking, “i found this at his room, this can be danger! he might cut himself!” i peeked at the small glass and saw that the doctor put the little knife on the cart and it was right in front of my room.

       i opened the door when the doctor have leaved then took the small knife. Things may not be so boring afterall.

 

        After making some marks on my arm, suddenly, someone knocked on my door and handed me a mail.

        It was from baekhyun. I was so exited as , nobody has ever came to see me because the doctor said that my condition still ain’t so good.

         Even i haven’t reached any stability. I opened the mail and saw a picture of him with the other friends who joining seneung or just like S.E.T.

 

Dear [Y/N]

 

        A few days ago, i just had my seuneung and it was so awesome. I don’t know if i could make it or not, but how about you wish me luck with your lucky stone?

       Haha, it’s in this mail. And i miss you so much, so much until i couldn’t feel anything right now but missing someone that i love.

       I hope that joohyun nuna woud hire me as a trainee pretty soon, i do hope that i could meet you there. I’ll sent you some mail again, please looking forward it.

 

The guy with bycicle,

Byun baekhyun.

 

        I just got up and it was the right time for breakfast. Because of the medicine, i couldn’t speak or even walk.

         As if i was paralized. I got up slowly and sat on my wheel chair then went out from my room heading to the cafetaria where all of the patient were having their breakfast there.

          I found many old people there, kids and the teen that have the same age to me weren’t that much, at least it was countable, because it was only me and that boy that having a halucination diseases.

          He always sat alone and talked alone, as if there was someone. I just looked at him quietly and kinda interested to him, it must be very fun to have someone to talk right now.

          I was awfully alone, so alone. i know i usually enjoy about lonely but it was different right now, it felt like i was a bird that trapped inside a cage.

        Suddenly, one of the nurse gave me another mail. And today, it was from celena and the other girls.

        They were baekhyun’s friends, girlfriend. And all of them just like my friends now.

 

Dear, [Y/N]

 

        Hi there, it’s been a long time, isn’t? This is celena, and i wrote this message with much love from sunyoung, sooyoung, and hyelim.

        We were very suprised when our boyfie told us about baekhyun’s girlfriend, which was you.

         I know it must be so hard, though i don’t know how what it feels like. No matter how hard it was going to be, we believe that you can do it.

        do it for us, do it for baekhyun. Won’t you?

 

Beach Fellas,

Celena Ahn.

 

        I smiled so widely when i read that mail, it was so sweet. I didn’t know that they really thought that i was their friends, i thought that i was just such a loser.

        I kept the mail in my pocket and continue to ate my breakfast.

        “m-may i sit here, eonni?” i looked at my right and found a young girl, around 14 years old who has a beanie that cover all of her head, and her hair.

         I nooded, of course she may.

        She said, “m-my name is haena, Song Haena. I’m the cancer patience, first stadium. I wear this beanie because in case my hair fall down hahaha” i was so suprised, she has cancer but she still smiled at me.

        I wrote down a sentence for her, told her that i couldn’t speak because of the medicine.

        I was paralized for a moment. she nooded and smiled, she understood it.

        “maybe tomorrow you can tell me your name, eonni. Anyway, i know that you’re the same patient just like hyuk oppa. Hyuk oppa has a halucination diases, his real name is sanghyuk so we called him as hyuk. No one knew where did he came from, so they tought he came from overseas and born there. That’s him, the boy who talking to nobody” haena pointed at the guy that looked at me at the park a few days ago.

         And he was the guy that has the same age like me, the halucination problem.

        So, Hyuk was his name, an overseas korean boy that has a halucination problem.

 

        I went back to my room and i forgot to give ahyoung a mail because she was the birthday girl today.

        I took a piece of paper and wrote it down. I wanted to say many things around 2 pieces of paper but it must be so tiring.

        So, i’d just going to say some useful things.

 

Dear Ahyoung,

 

        It’s [Y/N], i’m okay here. i have a new friend, she’s a kid named Song Haena, around 14 years old.

        She has cancer, first stadium and the happiest kid here. so it remind me that i have to smile, no matter how hard it is because haena has a bigger problem than me but she still smiling brightly.

        Anyway, happy birthday, you fool. I’m sorry that i’m not be able to be by yourside right now because i’m at the rehabilitation for years, maybe.

         I just wanted you to study hard and became a succesful woman, and make sure that no one could hurt you because i’m not around.

         About jimin, he’s a nice guy. Dream as if you’ll life forever, live as if you’ll die today.

 

Your ‘crazy’ friend.

[Y/N]

 

        I rang the bell and the nurse came. I wrote down a note that told her to call my parents and gave the mail to them.

        She nooded and smiled, then left my room. i looked at the right side and saw trees that made my heart became calm.

       Spring almost over, winter was ready. I couldn’t wait for that.

        i looked left and found a mirror, i just realized that i’ve turned into a pale girl with a skinny body.

        i looked so unhealty though i was at hospital right now. I laid my body down on my bed, it was my new activity now.

        I was getting dummer-er day by day.

        Though it was Sunday, someone should come visit me but no one came. I didn’t know why, i guess that i was only the one who missed everyone and all of them ain’t longer give any single for me.

          then i heard a knocked, i thought it was baekhyun but it was jaejoong. Slowly all my hopes were dissapear, huft, nevermind.

        “well, sorry if i’m not baekhyun” he said and we both laughed. Jaejoong came and hugged me, he said that he missed me.

         he said that everyone missed me, they didn’t have a courage to came visit me.

         they were scared that they’d burst into the tears when they see my condition.

        “me and baekhyun are at the same campus, we both did it. he was very busy, you know. He kept studying so hard because he wanted to get pick by the licterature for being a trainee for the first semester, he’s such a good man indeed”

        “let’s take a selfie together, in case that for the next week they won’t let me go here again” so both of us took a selfie and he sent it to all my friends and family.

        After a couple hours, the visitor hours was done so jaejoong had to go home. We both said the farewell with a sad eyes.

        Then he was gone, and i was all alone again.

 

        After the first theraphy, i woke up and found myself already got back to my room.

         i didn’t know about things that i forgot, i didn’t know. Maybe i shouldn’t think about it so hard, after all i’d forget about everyone later when i got back from here.

          i took the small knife from the closet and then i sat on my bed. I tried the first cut, it was hurt.

        I saw blood came down from my arm, it was kinda scary.

        The second cut, it wasn’t that hurt. The blood came down again and it was quiet fun. And awesome.

        The third cut, it felt awesome. The blood came down again and again and i felt like i didn’t have any problems.

          It’s just like the problems flow down with the blood that falling down to the floor and my pajamas.

          I smiled, so this was what it’s feels like. Now i understood why did hyoyeon cut herself when she saw jimin has a fair with someone.

        Then suddenly, the nurse that usually gave me a medicine came and suprised by what she saw.

          “DOCTOR! PLEASE COME HERE, HELP HER!” she yelled and some doctors came. When they came, i kept smiling just like a psycho.

           It felt so good. They tried to stop the blood and gave the scars and alcohol. They thought that i was going to scream, but instead, i laughed so hard.

        Finally, i found my happy button.

        They covered my scars and took me to my room again. “what are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself!?” said dr. Joohyun. She yelled at me but i didn’t feel scared at all.

        “since i got into this hospital weeks ago, i was already dead. I don’t have life in here, you should understand it. why am i doing this? It’s because the blood looking much interesting than the lies that they made to make me happy. If you don’t mind, doctor, please get out” dr. Joohyun looked at me full of sadness and then running out from my room.

         i did felt pity for her but i didn’t give any pity for someone that have lied to me.

        One month. Two months. When will i go back?

 

-THE NEXT 1 MONTH-

 

        After did the theraphy, i woke up and found a male nurse. My head was spining, i looked at the mirror and found my face turned pale, and i got paralyzed.

        It was the effect for the theraphy.

        “your relatives can only visit you for once a month, so i’ll call them to tell them about this info, okay?” he asked and i just lied there silently. I couldn’t smile, nor even speak.

        Then after a few hours, i rolled my clothes and found the three scars that i made last month.

        I touched it slowly, i wanted to do it again but they had took my knife. I turned my phone on and told ahyoung to brought a pocket knife, without telling her the reason.

        A few minutes later, ahyoung finally came. She was really happy when we met, and then she cried.

        She immedialty hugged me so tight and cried in my embrace, she said that she missed me so much.

        “i really do miss you, i’m dreaming about you a lot” she cried. I hugged her back and told her that i was okay here, and i wanted to go home.

        “i guess that i couldn’t stay here much longer. I only have a few hours before they tell me to get out from here. so this is the pocket knife, what’s with it? what you want to do with this?”

        “i want to do something for someone”

        “ah you want to make something here? for baekhyun?”

        “i even not sure that he was still there for me” i sighed and was looking at the floor. Baekhyun haven’t sent me any letter, he might get too busy with his assignment.

        Ahyoung told me that she was busy too, but she has a lot of time for me.

        “what if he already got someone new?” i asked to ahyoung with a shaking voice. she smiled and rubbed my head, “he won’t, i’ll kill him if he forget about you” and we both smiled to each other.

        Then ahyoung left because they only gave one hour for the anyone who come to visit me.

        i looked at the moon outside and thinking about baekhyun, where were he? Why does he never send me a mail anymore?

        I asked to myself, “how can he make me so sad, but still want him to stay?” while wiping my tears that started to fall down.

        In this whole world, maybe it was only baekhyun who didn’t tell lies to me. i don’t know, maybe yet.

        “what have i done until making you become so sad, sugarlump?” suddenly someone hugged me from behind. I knew this scent, i knew this voice, and i knew who was the one who calling me sugarlump.

        It was baekhyun, he was here. i decided to not turn around but cried, i didn’t want to look at his face that always made me suffered from joy.

        “wait, why were you crying?”

        “no, don’t talk, don’t turn me around, i’m afraid i’ll miss you even more”

        “babe, i’m-“

        “you didn’t sent me any mail anymore, you make me think that you might forget me and already have someone else. You make me afraid, you dickhead. I hate you”

        without any expectation, baekhyun turned my body and hugged me so tight until i couldn’t hold it much longer and cried in his embrace.

        “i’m sorry about that, i was too busy until i forget about what bring me to here and it was you. And there’s no way i would forget you, no way” he said.

        That one hour, we only spent for sitting on my bed and talking about our days after we didn’t met.

        He had changed a little bit, he looked more skinnier and his hair turned to brunette.

       “so, do you still remember about ahyoung?” he asked and i nooded.

        Then he asked again, “how about chorong and jaehyun?”

        “wait, who was that?”

        “y-you don’t remember them?”

        “no, never heard them before. Who is that?”

        “nobody, don’t mind me. i guess it’s my time to leave, please take care, okay? I’ll visit you another time” he got up and was hugging me before he left me to the edge of the door.

        “and, [Y/N]-ah” i saw he held the door with the face that was looking so guilty, he was so sad.

        He said, “sorry for making you feel like that, i swear i won’t do it to you again” i smiled and nooded, i think i’d believe him right now.

       Baekhyun was worth to be believed in, he indeed worth it.

        I opened the envelope that baekhyun gave to me today. He only gave me a picture and a piece of message, but the most special picture.

        It was the water fountain that he took that day also. That water fountain was the most special place that we ever knew, because it was the place that made us fall for each other.

        I opened the paper and it was the letter from Mrs. Byun. Oh my god, it was her.  

 

Dear [Y/N],

 

        I knew about you and baekhyun relationships. I didn’t mad because you did lie to me, but i’m so glad that you knew how to make me not to be depressed.

       After all, you’re a good girl indeed and i want baekhyun to be with you not anyone else.

       You remind me of my past, i’m not kidding. And i wish that you’ll be back as fast as you can, please just do it for baekhyun, he was so stressed out and i’m so sad to see him became like that.

       thank you dear, we miss you a lot.

 

I miss you a lot,

Your future mother-in-law.

 

        WHAT’S THE MEANING OF MOTHER IN LAW OH MY GOD.

 

        It was dinner time, i went to the cafetaria and met so may people there. And haena was there too, it seems like she was waiting for me and left one chair for me right in front of her.

         i took my food and sat in front her, she smiled when she saw me there.

        “eonni! How was your day?”

        “it’s great, my friends came visit me”

        “is that so? Whoa my family also came here, i told them about you and they were very gratefull that i finally have a friend here” she said.

         “it’s a honor to be your friend too, little girl” i said and both of us laughed. After finished my dinner, i went back to my room and decided to get a rest.

          Jaejoong gave me a small camera and he wanted me to record myself and told it about my day, so if i forget it, i could watch it and remember about it again.

        “annyeong, [y/n] is here. today was pretty awesome, ahyoung came and we both have a great time. I told her about how i miss all of you, i wanted to go home and spent my days at usual. Baekhyun also came, i also miss him a lot. i thought that he forget about me, but in fact that he wasn’t. I hope that he won’t forget about me once if he already married to someone else. I love him, i love you”

 

        It was early in the morning, i got out from my room and went to the small park behind the hospital.

        There were so many people there, they looked sad too, just like me. i sat on the bench and took a picture of the view with the camera that jaejoong gave to me.

         but then when i was busy with the picture, i catched that hyuk, the boy that has a halucination problem, was looking at me.

         i clicked the button and got his picture that was looking at me. i slowly put the camera down and looked at him back, as he turned his sight to a tree that right behind me.

        He was smiling. He might saw his imagination friend there.

 

        I wish i have one.