I was walking down the street with ahyoung. we were going home together. Even though i was totally forgot about our memories in the past, but i believed that she meant a lot to me because her presence was really meant a lot to me as well.

          Even though once i thought that i was a girl that didn’t have any friend, but then ahyoung came.

        And i was so glad for it.

        “where are you going today?”

        “i’m going to check up again today”

        “ukh really? I want to stay at your house!”

        “haha maybe later ahyoung-ah, you’re very welcome”

        As i arrived my house, i immediately changed my clothes and went to the hospital with my mother and ilhoon that sat on my lap.

         I haven’t seen baekhyun again, and i didn’t turned my phone on so i didn’t have to answer his message.

         When it was my turn, i got into the room and did the treatment for a few hours.

        “do you have any problem?” asked Dr. Joohyun. I shook my head, i wasn't in the mood for talking about my problems to someone else.

         Because they might wouldn’t understand it and would judge me, even though they didn’t know what was my reason.

        Dr Joohyun looked at me deeply, seemed like she was trying to find the problems in my mind.

        Dr. Joohyun got up and sighed, “it’s baekhyun, right? girl, a lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of talking about each other. Why don’t you just try to talk to him?”

        “eonni, if i dare to do that, i’ve already done it ever since. If relationship could be this hard, i’d rather choose to be a girl who loves somebody that didn’t love me back. What’s the use if a boy loved us back but he keep hurting us? Is that they called as love? Do they even know what love it is?”

        “you thought all guys were same like? Nah, i’m thinking about the same thing also. Every human in the world is same, dear, there almost none that different from us. And for you, you only need baekhyun to prove that he’s different from any other guy in the world”

        “i don’t know, unnie, i don’t know and i’m not even trying to know about myself. because a year ago, i never thought that my life would turned out to be this way. I thought that i might could live by myself without any guy but then this guy named byun baekhyun came and ruined up everything”

        “but you ended up fall for him, right?”

        “and i ended up fall for him.”

 

        I decided to my phone after it went off for a few days because i wanted to avoid baekhyun for a while.

         All i saw were baekhyun’s messages that asked about my condition and some sweet saying that i hope that i didn’t care about it.

        but then, i saw one of bomi’s message. I got so suprised, i even didn’t know that she actually knew my phone number.

        “hey, [Y/N]-ah! does it true that jimin and ahyoung are dating? Is it okay? I mean, you’re okay with it?”

        No, actually, i wasn't okay with it. i wasn't okay with it because ahyoung life could be in danger.

        And i didn’t have to guess it because there was a victim before, and it was hyoyeon.

        I got off from my house because i wanted to go to chanyeol’s. Then suprisingly, i saw jimin who was walking the opposite direction from mine.

        I looked at him full of horrified while i didn’t see a regrets in his eyes. He only smiled at me like both of us were a friends, and just like there were nothing happend.

        Jimin said, “hey, [Y/N]-ah! why did you look so scared? Ah, do you know that me and ahyoung are dating now? Don’t worry, i’m not going to hurt her just like what i did to-“ suddenly chanyeol came and covered his mouth.

         Both of us were so suprised but i was glad that chanyeol came, i didn’t know what to say if chanyeol didn’t came.

          Chanyeol told jimin to leave because he said that me and chanyeol had some business.

        Even though there was none, i think.

        “are you okay? It’s the guy, right? jimin?” asked chanyeol and i nooded, even though i hope it wasn’t him. thinking about jimin, it made me remembered about bomi.

         And also the moment when bomi about to tell me about a story and chanyeol suddenly asked her to talk to him. and it suddenly made me curious.

        “oppa, may i ask you about something?”

        “sure”

        “when bomi, my friend that visit me at the hospital a few months ago came, what did both of you guys talked about?” i asked and he sighed. He told me to not ask about that because it wasn't something that i should know.

        And he said that i shouldn’t have to be worried because it wasn’t about me. well, chanyeol was too nice to lie to me so i just stop thinking about it.

        That night was raining so hard. The weather became so cold until i didn’t have to turn on the air conditioner.

         I wonder what was baekhyun did tonight, does he miss me or he also trying to diss me?

         nah, i refuse to know anyway. Suddenly, baekhyun sent me a message.

 

Baekhyun: are you still trying to get over me? are you still trying to mad at me? are you still trying to pretend to hate me? listen sugar lump, i’m here if you wanted to slap me or yelled right in front of my face. I don’t care how hurt it’s going to be. Because at the end of the argument, i’ll ended up hugging you right away.

 

Baekhyun: open the gate

 

        I jumped from my bed and got shocked when i saw baekhyun was there. His body covered with water and it seemed like he was so cold.

         I went downstairs right away and brought a umbrella. I opened the gate and found baekhyun who was still smiling even though the cold air trying to kill him.

        “are you crazy!? Why did you came here!?”

        “i’ve told you that i’m here. So, just slap me or yell at me”

        “NO I’M NOT GOING TO YELL TO YOU BECAUSE IT’S RAINING SO HARD SO YOU BETTER GO HOME BECAUSE YOU’LL GET SICK AND DIE. GO HOME!” i yelled at him. then baekhyun laughed, i think he does realize that i was yelling at him even though i said that i wouldn’t.

         “are you done?” baekhyun smiled at me and i nooded. i gave him a chose which was go home or i’ll burn him right now.

        But he suddenly pulled my hand and hugged me so tight until both of us washed by the rain, “why are you so cold towards me? i don’t care if this weather being cold to me, but don’t you dare to do that because did you realize how it’s killing me?” he said as he tightening the hug.

          Both of us hugged in the rain, and i don’t mind at all. Many people said that i should find my happiness, and i think i had found it.

          even though my happiness sometimes kills me, but still he was my happiness which i always found at the darkest time if i remembered to turn on the light.

        “HEY GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE!?!? COME HERE RIGHT NOW IT’S RAINING SO HARD” i heard my dad yelled at the door.

         His voice heard like he was worried but actually his face didn’t support it at all, his face showed that he was happy to see me and baekhyun.

        Me and baekhyun immediatly got into my house and wipe our body with a towel that my mother gave.

        My mom joked, “you two crazy lovers! Don’t be such a dramatic” me and baekhyun only laughed together.

         No matter how much the pain was, baekhyun always made me smile again even though it was just as simple as hug.

         Because i didn’t need anything more than him, i only need his presence to be by my side.

        My parents told me to go shower at my room and baekhyun at the guest room.

         at the shower, i only thinking about what happened tonight. It was suprising, i never thought somebody will done it for me.

         after showered, i went to the living room and saw my parents and baekhyun. They gave baekhyun a thick blanket covered on him and a cup of tea.

         He was so lucky because tomorrow was Saturday so he might could stay at jaejoong house which located nearby my house.

        “about your choose to be a pshyciatrist, are you really meant it? and you really do it for our daughter? Baekhyun-sii, it’s not going to be easy, you know” said my father.

          I sat at the floor with ilhoon that seems like didn’t care about the topic.

        Baekhyun replied, “sir, loving your daughter ain’t that easy also. Even chasing after her is just like chasing for a cloud, it might seems close to you but actually it’s 10000 miles apart. I might don’t have any talent for it, but hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard” both of my parents smiled at him while i was trying to find some bull in your eyes.

         I know i should had just trust him but i was scared, i was scared that he will suddenly break my trust and make me scared to believe in someone again.

           or even believe in myself.

 

        “the final examination will start soon, and then you have to spend your life at the hospital for maybe, your entire life? Without friends, college, family, baekhyun, and whatsoever. Is this what you want? Yes, this is what you want” i said to myself as i looked at my old picture was hanging at Dr. Joohyun’s medical room.

         my family and her’s were close to each other and took care of me was so special for her, that was why our old picture was hanging.

          When the first time i had the theraphy. I looked so scared at that picture, somehow scary too.

        “oh hey, sorry for being late. Are you ready now?” said Dr. Joohyun as she walked inside the room. we will began the treatment for a few hours.

         I didn’t know that psychology treatment would be this long and complicated.

        Somehow, i felt suspicious about this.

        Tomorrow was holiday and i could stay up late as i wanted to. I didn’t want to go sleep everynight because i always meet the nightmares, every night.

        That was why i hated sleep, i really do hated sleep. Then i usually have some friends to talk when i had a plan to stayed up late.

         It must be jaejoong or chanyeol, because boys always stay up late. That’s called as friends.

         Friends come and go, but the real one stayed on your face like an octopus.

         Why it isn’t baekhyun? Because he might going to tell me to sleep.

        Before went to the hospital, i told my mother that i’ll go to chanyeol house after the treatment.

         I pushed the bell and there was chanyeol, alone at his house. His parents was so busy all day, but they always gathered together when holidays came.

         Chanyeol always told me that he felt so happy to have a parents like them, they had a time for him even though it wasn’t that much.

        “did you bring food?”

        “i bring my hand to choke you up”

        “i’m serious, you stupid girl”

        “no i don’t, you should have call me. i’ve told you that i’ll come over, right?” i said as i walked inside his house. I immediatly ran to his room and found that was nothing change, still the same just like the last time i went here.

       “did you already had a girl to interest?” i looked at chanyeol while eating my ice cream, he shook his head.

        He said, “i still can’t find someone perfect for me”

        “you want a perfect girl? buy barbie” i said and he was laughing, although i was serious. He said that he still couldn’t find someone that captured his heart, even though there were a bunch of pretty es around him.

          even i was kinda wondering does he even have realized that he was wasting his time to waiting for someone that he thought she will come?

        “i just don’t want a girl that will hurt me” then chanyeol looked at the window, i do remember when he told me about his ex that cheated on him.

        i sighed, he should've know that everyone hurt each other.

        I said, “the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for” then i found the teddy bear that i gave him a few years ago.

          I picked the teddy bear and throw it at him, he was very suprised, “and make sure if someone hurt you, i’m the one who will kill her, do you understand?”

 

        That morning, i decided to go to the park that nearby my house. I remembered when baekhyun bragged me here and both of us argue here, the time when i confessed my feelings.

         I sat on the swing and laughed by myself, the neighbors might think i was crazy.

          Then i heard, “hey-yo, sugarlump, why so crazy?” i looked up and found baekhyun was walking towards me.

        “how come you now that i’m here?” i asked and he said that he came to my house and i wasn’t there.

         Then my parents told him that i was at that park. He sat at the swing next to mine, then i realized that he changed.

        His hair looked too long, he has eye bag and looks so tired.

        “did you haven’t sleep yet?”

        “i do, but this eye bag because i studied to much haha. i did it for you, it’s okay” he smiled at me while i was just looking at him, he shouldn’t have done it for me because i’ll be fine.

       And he would be fine if he didn’t meet me for a few years, although maybe he will find me at his own wedding with his future wife.

        Baekhyun said, “when you’re young everything feels like the end of the world. But it’s not. It’s just the beginning, you might have to meet some jerks and problems. But one day you’re gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. And i do hope that it’s me, for you”

 

        that day, my parents weren’t at home so i should be the one who took care of ilhoon.

        Me and ilhoon were at his room, this boy has grown so fast. And i hope that he would grown up as a good boy that wouldn’t do stupid things just like what jimin do.

         “i shouldn’t let people take over my life, should i?” i asked to ilhoon that was playing with his toys. I sat on the floor and it felt so cold.

          Just like what my life turned out. Many people started to control my life, and i followed the flows.

          And i wasn't happy with it, i felt stressed out though sometimes i was thinking to ended my life with a knife.

          Then i heard the bell rang, i found out that it was auntie hyomin. She gave me a box of food, i didn’t know how did he found out that my mom wasn’t at home so i didn’t have anything to eat.

          “this is for ilhoon, hope that you’ll enjoy it dear” i bowed at auntie hyomin as she left my house.

          “ILHOON-AH WE HAVE SOME FOOD! COME HERE!”

         “OH I FORGOT YOU’RE ONLY 7 MONTHS OLD”

 

         That evening, my parents finally came home. I had a schedule for my swimming practice with the other friends.

         My father took me to my school and i met the girls were there waiting for me. the practice went well, the coach said that we had to get ready for the upcoming competition.

        After the practice, i decided to go home by myself. i ran from the school to my house, i was afraid i’ll meet jaehyun or jimin on the way to my house.

        And it’ll be the end of my life. When i arrived at my house, i found a ring right in front of the gate.

        I picked the ring and it has a letter on it, it was ‘J’.

        It wasn’t mine. Baekhyun’s ring has a letter too but it was ‘B’

        “this ring might be the ring from jimin to hyoyeon” i murmured to myself. i do remember when hyoyeon broke up with jimin, and it was right in front of my house.

        I looked at them from my room, waited until hyoyeon finished with her business.

        The last scene was hyoyeon threw the ring to jimin and got into my house.

        Isn’t it weird? The ring still stayed here for almost 8 months.

 

        I threw my bags and immediatly sent text to chanyeol about the ring that i found in front of the gate.

        I was waiting for chanyeol's reply while looking at that ring, it made me wanted to wear it so i did.

        And it perfectly suits to me, even though hyoyeon’s fingers were a lot smaller than mine.

 

Chanyeol: a ring? She has ring before?

 

You: well duh, yeah, you met her before and you didn’t realize about it?

 

Chanyeol: i’m not pay attention to her fingers. Anyway, have you try it on your finger?

 

You: yup, why did you ask?

 

Chanyeol: no reason

       

        That was the day, the day when we wil did the final examination. After this exam, we will did the exam for got into the college and it was so hard.

         I didn’t take that exam since i wouldn’t be able to go college too anyway, so i’ll just stayed at class doing nothing and waited until the graduation day.

        Wasn’t that ironic? My future actually looked darker than i’ve ever thought. because baekhyun and me was busy for studying, we haven’t met for almost one week.

        We even didn’t sent any message, i missed him.

        After the test, every students ran around the coridor and discussed it with their friends while i only sat there and sighed, i’ll go to the rehabilitation after the graduation ceremony and it made me kinda sad.

        Suddenly, the swimming club girl’s got into my class and walking towards me. “[Y/N]!! Did you have some time?? We’ll go to the club again, and make sure that you won’t get out of there! Come on, let’s have fun before the seuneung!” said soyeon.

        Namjoo said, “yup, and you don’t have to be worry, we’ll take the guy as well so if someone tried to flirt with us, they can protect us”

        I didn’t know what to say. When i just about to reject it, the three of them ran out from the class because Mrs.Heo just got into my class.

        i was afraid that they would be upset if i told them that i couldn’t came since hanging out at the club had been their ‘thing’, the swimming club's ‘thing’.

        After the school end, i walked at the school hall alone. when i just arrived at the gate, i met ahn jaehyun there.

        He smiled at me and walked towards me while i was about to ran away. “don’t go” he said then i stopped, my foot became frozen.

        “w-what do you want now?”

        “i want you to stay away from baekhyun”

        “why? d-don’t do this, jaehyun-ah”

        “because you’re mine”

        “no jaehyun, i never belong to you” then suddenly, his smile dissapear and there was only his eyes on fire. When he about to walked closer to me, there was a honk from chanyeol’s car.

         he realized that i was in a dangerous situation so he got out from the car and walked towards me as jaehyun ran away.

        “okay, what’s that brat doing to you?” chanyeol asked and i told him that he didn’t do anything, yet.

 

        That night, jiyeon told me that they were going to club that night. They said that if i didn’t came, they will go to my house and picked me up.

         I didn’t want my parents knew that i was going to club, this was called as peer preasure.

          I already done with the look that i called as ‘the girl that didn’t even trying to get any attention’.

          I went to that club with my dad's car and parked it before i went into the club. Then i met the girls with their boyfriend while i was the only one that didn’t have any couple, thanks god.

        Jiwon, one of the guy, shouted at me, “hey [Y/N]!, you want something to drink?” i shook my head, no i’m not going to drunk here.

        i sat at the bar and about to told baekhyun that i was at the club with the other friends.

        Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder and sat right next beside me with a glass of drink. It was jimin.

        “j-jimin....”

        “hey, [Y/N]. Yak don’t be like that to me, you should say thanks to me”

        “thanks to you? What the ?”

        “you don’t remember when-“ baekhyun suddenly came and grabbed jimin’s collar, i told him to stop and stay away from me.

        i got shocked, just like the other friends when they saw baekhyun was there.

        Baekhyun who was holding ahyoung’s boyfriend collar, park jimin.

        “stay away from her you motherer” said baekhyun as he let his collar go. He grabbed my hand and lead me to outside, thanks god that he appeared at the perfect time.

        “are you okay? What does that guy said to you?” he looked so worried as he was holding my hand so tight.

        I said, “he said that i should said thanks. For what? For killed hyoyeon? I don’t understand, is there something happend that i didn’t know?”

        “don’t mind him, he must be crazy. let's go” he said.

 

        i was doing my treatment with Dr. Joohyun the next day, she said that the room for me at the rehabilitation was done and ready for me.

       she said that the facilities were awesome so i might like to stay there. That’s crazy, there was no way i’m going to like living there just like an animal that stay on their cage.

        “do you have anything you want to do before you get into rehabilitation?”

        “i don’t know, maybe none”

        “you must have some dreams, right?”

        “i do have dream, but it’s ed up now”

        I looked straight at her, there was no dream anymore. Even if i have some dream until now, there will be no way to live it up since i wouldn’t live just like the other girls after the graduation day.

       When i was on my way to home, ahyoung sent me a text because she wanted to meet me and chorong at the cafe we usually go.

        “what is it?” i asked when i saw ahyoung was there with chorong. Chorong looked at me with his scared look, she seemed like still hoping that i wouldn’t say anything about the situation between us.

       That shouldn’t expect that high, i could have my revenge anytime if she dare to did something bad to me.

        “the other friends said that they saw baekhyun that was holding jimin’s collar, and there was you. What happened last night?” asked ahyoung with her confused look.

        I told her that there was some misunderstanding, and i glad that she believed in me.

       even though i didn’t told her the whole story. she shouldn't know that whole story.

 

        When i was about to open the gate, gikwang ahjussi called my name from his house.

         He told me to call my mother to meet him to discuss about something, so i did. I know it was strange but i felt that people around me kept telling me lies, just like as everyone played a scenario on me.

        there was something that they hid from me.

        At this kind of situation, i decided to told jaejoong to came to my house. We had some talk at the backyards, i told him about everything i felt even though i knew that jaejoong also the one of the people that played scenario on me. probably.

        “are you joking? That’s impossible” he said. i replied, “what if i ended up right? what if everyone were lying to me this whole time, i even think that you’re one of them”

        We both stayed on silent, jaejoong didn’t say anything. I sighed, “i’ll go to hyoyeon’s grave tomorrow, i’ll told her about this. She might going to believe me”

        Jaejoong suddenly grabbed my wrist and said, “don’t go tomorrow, not tomorrow” his eyes looked so serious. He told me that i shouldn’t go to hyoyeon grave tomorrow without any reason but leaved me behind.

       He went back to his house.

        But then i remember, i couldn’t go anywhere tomorrow.

        My parents had to go to somewhere, they said that it was someone that i shouldn’t have to know.