That morning, my dad came visited me and told me about the doctor’s plan for me.

         i only sat there and listened to whatsoever he said. “they said that they will forbid you to meet your friends and family because....” he said and he didn’t continued his sentence.

          I looked at him with suspicious looks, seemed like there was another secret.

         “because of what? Don’t lie dad, everybody have lied to me and why don’t you be the first person that didn’t lie to me?” i asked and he only sighed.

        He said, “they said that they wanted to erase your memory completely and if you always met us like this, the operation will fail”

        “i don’t mind”

        “y-you don’t mind?”

        “because this is what i want, tell them to do it quickly”

        “you don’t want to meet us again?”

        “anyway, dad, if you can, just sent me abroad. I’m tired living in this country” i said and it was the right time for dad to go home.

         Dad tapped my shoulder before he went away, while i only looked into the wall.

          I hope that i could be alone from now on because i began to hate meeting people.

           Why did i like to being alone? because i always be there for me. not like everybody, especialy that dickhead.

        Dad gave me a letter from chanyeol. He was busy to teach in his school, so that was why he sent me this letter.

         I took that letter and opened it. it has a picture of the blue moon shapped light and Mrs. Byun, dickhead’s mom.

 

Dear [Y/N],

 

        How was your days there? It’s , isn’t it? i’m sorry that i can’t go with your dad because i’m so busy here with the kids.

        I miss you so much, we miss you so much. I haven’t met your dickhead, but i met his mom.

        You must be curious about how did i know here, don’t you? i don’t know either but when i was at supermarket, she came approached me to asked about you.

         This was the picture of me and her, she said that she missed you and wait until you and dickhead get married.

         We both know that it isn’t going to happen, is it? and there was a picture of a lamp that always remind you of hyoyeon.

         I don’t know if you still remember it or not. Anyway, see you later, cry whenever if you wanted to.

 

Your handsome cousins,

Lee Chanyeol.

 

        I put the letter on the table and looked at those pictures. Mrs. Byun haven’t change yet.

        And there was a picture of a lamp that i didn’t recognize at all, maybe i’ve forget it and i wouldn’t remembet it anymore.

         I didn’t want to remember anything, God should just let me forget everything.

        “[Y/N]? It’s time” said the nurse. The other nurses helped me to walked to the theraphy room and met Dr. Joohyun there.

          I sat on the chair and did the theraphy. After the theraphy, she showed me some pictures of many people. There were around 8 pictures.

         “pick the person that you still remember” she said. i looked at her for a seconds before picking the pictures that scattered at the table.

           i picked Jaejoong, Mr. Han, Jimin and Baekhyun. And the rest of the others, i didn’t remember them.

        After the theraphy, i went to the park and saw many people were playing there. And i still decided to not play with them, i became very quiet reserved.

        Haena came approached me, “eonni!”

        “haena-ah!”

        “where have you been?”

        “i’m always here, haena-ah. what happend? You look pale”

        “doctor said that my condition turned bad”

        “then you should take rest, just be happy”

        “i don’t like to be happy. When you experience happiness, tragedy follows. That’s why i don’t like being too happy, i’m afraid that something bad will happen to me” said haena.

           I took her little hand and held it tight, trying to told her that i will be there if something bad happen to her.

          me and haena became closer each thay, we just like siblings. I showed haena the pictures that chanyeol gave to me, she kept saying that chanyeol was handsome.

         “you want to meet him?” i asked and haena nooded happily, this kid seemed like turned into chanyeol’s little fans.

        One of the nurse came to us and said, “haena, this is the time for your theraphy!” she said with a playful tone.

         Haena nooded happily and waved her hand on me. she got pale day each day, and because of the theraphy, she already turned completely bald.

         Right after haena went away, hyuk came and sat with me.

        “she want me to tell you something again”

        “hyoyeon?”

        “yeah, anyway, she said about jaejoong. She said she’s actually like him and wanted you to tell him”

        “really???? Whoa, that’s really surprising. Tell her that i’ll tell jaejoong about it, she doesn’t have to be worry”

        “why don’t you just tell her by yourself? She's standing right next to you. She’s smiling” said hyuk.

          I turned my head and didn’t see anyone, but i knew that hyoyeon was there.

        I smiled at her as if i could see her. “i’ll tell him, i miss you” i said to her and i felt a soft winds passed by me.

        hyuk told me that hyoyeon already go, maybe it was her.

 

        I just laid my body on the bed and read some books to killed some times, and then someone that i’ve never expected to come was there, it was jimin.

        I was afraid at that moment, even though i already knew that the culprit wasn’t him.

        “okay, i come to here just for checking you out” he said. “w-why....” i said and he just stood there. Then, he sat on the chair and looked right at me.

        He said, “look, i know that you’re scared of me because you thought that i killed hyoyeon, but they’re lying. It’s not me, [Y/N]-ah”

        “i know, i know it wasn’t you”

        “you know? How?”

        “i don’t know how, but i heard two person talked about it and i haven’t forget about it even i already forget about those person”

        “it must be chorong and jaehyun. It was all because of jaehyun, it’s not me. i surrendered because everybody accused me as the culprit, and jaehyun said that he will do something bad to you if i didn’t surrender and lied to all of you”

        “why did you care about me? you should just let them hurt me, you’re lying to hyoyeon too! You’re lying to your girlfriend! I thought that you loved her so much but you cheated on her”

        “cheated on her? i even never dated hyoyeon. They’ve lied, i told you that they’ve lied to you”

        “w-what.......s-so it w-was-“

        “it was you, you used to be my girlfriend”

 

        Right after jimin left, i asked the nurse to called chanyeol to come here for a while since a few hours more, nobody allowed to visit me until next week.

         Then in a few minutes, chanyeol finally came. I told him about what jimin have said, what jimin said about the truth.

         I thought that jimin was lying, but all this time they were the one who lied. “i-i’m sorry......” said chanyeol while i was only sat there, speachless.

           “i can’t lie to you anymore, i just can’t. I never wanted to lie to you, but they forced me to in the name of your health but with health, you’re suffering” he said frustatedly.

        I said, “so all this time? They already manipulated my brain and made me think that hyoyeon was at my position to think that she was jimin’s ex?”

        “yes, they did it right after the tragedy happend”

        “all the things, memories, all of it? they manipulated it? who was the people who lied to me? tell me, chanyeol-ah”

        “it’s everybody, include baekhyun”

        That dickhead again.

 

        I was sitting on my bed that morning. I pray to God every morning. I didn’t asked Him to let me go from this pain, i asked him to let me go from all people.

          I didn’t want to deal with anyone anymore, i just wanted a new life where i can live alone on my own.

         I was tired, iwas so ing tired. I didn’t want to pretend life is not terrifying for me, because damn right it was.

        Last week, jimin told me about the truth and i still couldn’t forget about it. i heard the door opened, when i looked back, i found a tall guy with a handsome face with a black outfit.

         I didn’t know him.

        “who are you?” i asked him and he just smiling at me. he put a bouquet of flower on the table and hugged me, his hug was so cold.

        “you forget about me? well, it’s a nice thing, i guess” he sat on the chair. He didn’t tell me about who he was, but he acted like we both were a good friends.

        I asked, “who exactly are you?”

        “i’m the one who make you like this, do you like it?”

        “the hell you’re talking about?”

        “you know what, i can’t stay any much longer, i’ll go now. See you later, baby”

         that guy walked out from my room while i still got freeze from him. a few minutes later, suddenly someone came to my room with a scared face, it was jimin again.

         i was confused at that moment, what was happening to him?. “why did jaehyun came to your room!?” he asked and i gasped, so that was jaehyun.

        I told him that i didn’t remember him at all, i only knew his name but not with his face.

        I asked, “how about chorong?”

        “she’s pretty. Too bad her personality doesn't look like her face”

        “a pretty face, doesn’t mean a pretty heart, right?”

        “you’re right, [Y/N], you’re right indeed, anyway i have to follow him again now”

 

        All the patients were having a lunch together. I was sitting with hyuk there. We were talking about our days and our diseases.

         He even told me about his imaginary friend. I got forced to acted like there was him, the imaginary friend.

          I just didn’t want hyuk to feel sad because he said that everyone was mean to him, he still think that ‘he’ was real.

        “ah she’s here” said hyuk. I smiled, i got very happy when i knew that hyoyeon was around.

         “where is she?” i asked and hyuk were looking at the door.

        He said, “hyoyeon was there, it seems like she was waiting for someone” hyuk pointed at the hospital front door and i immediatly looked at that door.

        It was jaejoong. No wonder hyoyeon was there, she was waiting for jaejoong.

        “it was jaejoong, hyuk-ah”

        “jaejoong? The guy that hyoyeon was talking about?”

        “eum, i gotta go, i have to talk to him” i got up from my chair and came approached jaejoong and bring him to my room. i told him about hyoyeon and hyuk, he was very suprised at first but when i told him about how hyoyeon felt about him, he suddenly teard up.

        He missed hyoyeon so much, we missed her so much. “i miss her, [Y/N]” said jaejoong.

         “i know, i miss her too but we couldn’t do anything but pray for her to get a happy life there” i said as i tapped jaejoong’s shoulder.

 

        I was watching the kid’s playing around at the park. I smiled and chuckled, they were so cute.

         Haena took my arms and asked me to dance with them, so i did. It maybe can make me forget about my problem for a moment.

         however, i probably will never forget about it. “eonni, isn’t that guy that you showed me his picture?” said haena as he pointed at the guy that was leaning against the wall and looked at me.

          i shocked, and i decided to not mind him and kept playing with the girl. “no, haena, don’t. I don’t want to talk to him” i said to haena. It was baekhyun.

        When all of them were finished, they went back to their room and i followed them behind. They were so cute.

         Then i remembered that there was baekhyun, baekhyun was here. but i didn’t see him anywhere so i guess he already went back home, nice.

          I went into my room and found baekhyun was there, he was sitting at the chair.

           I sighed slowly and messaging my head, “say something you want to say, then leave. Don’t ever expect my reply”

        “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry”

        “you may leave now”

        “[Y/N]-ah, please just-“

        “byun baekhyun-sii, you’re in psychology majority and i believe that you can understand me right now. Please just, leave. Go have fun with your girlfriend, don’t mind me anymore”

        “you’ll know the truth, [Y/N]-ah”

        “i just know the truth that actually i was jimin’s ex. And i’m waiting forward for the other truth that was going to revealed, get ready byun baekhyun, your lies maybe next” i pushed baekhyun outside and locked the door.

         Why did he came here after what he done to me? does he even felt sorry for me? why did he kept acting like he can do anything to me?

        I hated him, i ing hated him.

 

        I received chanyeol’s mail again this week. He couldn’t come because today was his dad birthday so he should spent his time with his father which was my uncle.

        I opened the letter and found some pitures again.

 

Dear [Y/N]

 

        Hey, this is me again. today was my dad birthday and i’m so sorry that i couldn’t visit you today.

         Anyway, yesterday i met chorong, one of your friends that probably you’ve forgot now.

         I found that she was with his friends at the building where the tragedy happens. They’ve might preparing for something, so i want you to be careful because they can hurt you anytime.

         This is the picture where i saw them. See you next week~

 

Your cousins,

Handsome chanyeol.

 

        I grinned when i saw his letter, but not when i saw the picture. I knew this place, and i wished that i have forget it. i put the letter on my table and kept looking at that picture.

      And suddenly, i was thinking about baekhyun. I was thinking about his purpose to came here after he knew that he hurted me a lot.

       he should know that sorry won’t fix anything, but if he dissapear, it might going to help me a lot.

        “[Y/N], it’s time” said the nurse. I went to the theraphy room but i didn’t find Dr. Joohyun, it was a male doctor that i didn’t know. “who are you? Where’s joohyun eonni?” i asked.

         He said, “i’m dr. Hyunseung, joohyun nuna is at abroad to deal with something so she gave me this task” he said.

        so, we did the theraphy and after that, he did the same thing as Joohyun eonni was that the picture that scattered on the table and he told me to pick the person that i still remember.

        I picked 5 pictures that were my mom, dr. Joohyun, baekhyun, ahn jaehyun, and chanyeol.

       He wrote something on the paper and then he was smiling at me. “is it okay if you forget about everything?” he asked and i nooded. “that’s what i’m waiting for”  i replied.

        “but i think it wasn’t going to work well”

        “what do you mean?”

        “we can’t just erase your memories like that, still, we have to do our best for you with all our strength. You might going to spent your life here, for years”

        “it’s not a big deal”

        “or”

        “or what?”

        “there’s someone that maybe can help you at the future”

 

3 YEARS, 6 MONTHS LATER

 

        Today was the day when they took me to this hospital for the first time. It’s been 4 years, and i’ve got so many friends here.

          i began to think that this hospital was my new home. Many people helped my parents to paid the bills for the hospital, they hope i could go from there soon but it was a waste of money, i didn’t want to go back home.

        About baekhyun, i haven’t seen him anymore and i wish i’m not going to meet him for the future.

        I was getting sick of him. i had forget about many things, almost everything. Isn’t it weird?

         I forget about everything but then i haven’t forget about baekhyun? All in my mind was him, as if he was the one that make me breathing.

        I was having a lunch together with haeun and hyuk, but then someone that i didn’t recognize came to me.

         i got so suprised, his eyes were sparkling as if he was going to cry. “who are you?” i asked and he was very suprised.

         When he was going to tell me something, Dr. Joohyun came to him and whispered something to that guy. He sighed, he immediatly wiped his tears.

        “i’m your cousin, you don’t need to know my name. I miss you so much, it’s been so ing awhile since the last day we met. I’m sorry to make they lied to you, i’m so sorry. I want to tell you that they finally let me to come visit you after every day i came here but they rejected me, said that you weren’t ready. What your wish is come true, you did forget about everything, don’t you?”

        “I did, but there was someone....”

        “byun baekhyun?”

        “how did you know him?”

        “it doesn’t matter how, your doctor told me to not mention something that make you have your memory back. They were right, everything you kept in your mind was all bad and harming your brain health. I wish that you can go back soon”

        “go back where? This is my home now”

        “this is not your home, you’ll go back home to your real home and i swear for it” that guy hugged me before he leaved. I only stared at his back, i don’t know him. not even his face seemed familiar for me, everything was stranger to me.

 

        I was at my room, reading some books to kill times. Then there were doctors came into my room.

        it seemed like all of them were a students. The doctor always brought  many student’s to every patient to told them about our sickness and also how to cure a patient like us.

        There were around more than 7 students leaded by dr. Hyunseung. I didn’t know them, but one of them seemed familiar for me.

         he was staring at me with his face that looked so......sad?

        “her name is [Y/N]. Right 4 years ago, at this date, she was being forced to lived here because she have to have a theraphy. She’s been in this room for 4 years. She had a traumatic that made her getting a flashback, lose control of herself, bad dreams , and harming the health of her brain. Anybody knew how to cure this kind of anxiety?” he asked and then a guy that was looking at me raised his hand slowly.

         That guy answered the question and still sticked his eyes on me.

        dr. Hyunseung said, “nice, it’s right. we have erased her memories, but there’s something she left there so she still remember some memories. The doctors were planning for hipnotize her but we didn’t get the premission from the doctor’s state. Anyone want to ask?” that guy raised his hand again. wait, he was so weird.

        “what’s the memories she's still remember?”

        “[Y/N], how about that?”

        And i replied, “i didn’t remember much. I only remember about my name and the guy that hurt me by going out with the other girl, and he lied”

        “did you still love him?”

        “i don’t, i don’t know actually. But it doesn’t matters, right? i’ll lose all my memories and he won’t be matters for me, not at all. When i got out from this hospital, he and his girlfriend might already got married”

        “why did he cheated on you?”

        “we’ve never had a . So he might get bored and chased for other to play with his , i’m sure that’s the problem. Anyway, why did you want to know about my problems? It’s not like it will be matter for you, right? it’s not like you’re in my story” i said and chuckled.

         Dr. Hyunseung and the students were leaving but that guy didn’t move at all.

        He was staring at me and i just stared him back. He was crazy, i think.

        “what? Is there something in my face?” i asked and he shook his head. He said, “no, you’re beautiful”

        “go, you have to see another patient and don’t get too busy to thinking about my problems. It’s not like i’m the only girl who had being cheated by her boyfriend. He even might not my boyfriend”

        That guy lowered his head as he went out from my room. i just remembered that he had a name tag but i didn’t realized it since he looked at me with a strange look. Could it be? Ah, what was i thinking.

 

        I was at the park that evening. Suddenly, dr. Hyungseung came to me and sat right next to me.

         “i have a present for you” he said. i was looking at him full of puzzled look, i don’t know what was he meant by ‘present’.

         This wasn’t even my birthday, i din’t even remember my birthday. He gave me a red-colored box.

          I took it and opened it, i found a books. I was so happy, i do really like to read a book.

          “this is for me?????? kamsahamnida, dr. Jang!” i said to him. that was the first time i smiled in front him, and he said that he loved my smile.

        I replied, “i don’t like my smile”

        “why is that?”

        “i don’t even like to smile”

        “but you just smile”

        “it’s a reaction, okay?” i said and he was laughing. i walked away from park, heading to my room.

        and at the coridor, i saw that guy who was one of the students that was looking at me with a strange look.

        We were looking at each other for a while, and then i cut it off and got into my room without caring about him.

        I put the book in my book-shelf, all my collection were awesome. They didn’t let me to play gadget, so read books was the thing that they allowed me to do.

        Then i heard a soft knocks from my door. I looked back and saw a guy and a woman that i could tell that they were my parents.

        “[y/n]-ah.......” said the woman while crying. I didn’t even knew that both of my parents were allowed to visit me today.

         I smiled at them. though, i still got so pissed when i met someone outside my hospital.

         I didn’t know why, i just didn’t like it. maybe the past ‘me’ hate everybody that much.

         “how are you, my dear?” asked the man and i told him that i was okay. The man walked out from a moment and then held a 3 years old boy and came to me.

         that kid looked so scared, yet at the end he was smiling to me as if i was his sister.

        “who’s this?” i asked to both of them. they told me that the doctor forbided them to tell about who they were, so they didn’t tell me any for my own safety.

         The woman wanted me to hold that kid, so i did. It was so weird because that kid wasn’t crying, when usually a kid like him is so sensitive towards stranger.

        And i like this kid.

                It seemed like he like me either.