It was still early in the morning, when the chickesn even didn’t wake up yet. I already took a bath and wore my uniform, then sat there on the bed with my phone.

Suddenly, i heard someone called my name from outside. I became very scared, hope that it wasn’t a ghost.

I opened my windows and found that chanyeol were standing behind his windows.

Somehow, It made me reminded of our childhood.

He asked, “do you remember about this ? When we were talking to each other from the window? The moment that i depends so much on you?” both of us chuckled, i do remember that .

I told him about our old-memories and he couldn’t help it but laughed.

“why did you used to depends on me?” he shrugged his shoulder, a sign that he didn’t know. He told me that i was a kind of girl that very depenable since chanyeol used to not like ‘this cool’.

        “i think i cannot face the truth alone, you know. Stood beside you somehow made me comfortable and safe even though you’re only a girl”

        “you know you should haven’t depens on people so much, right? Because even your shadows leave you behind when you’re in darkness”

        “will you leave me behind?”

        “i don’t know, maybe not. Yet”

 

I walked off to school on my own again. I felt my body became more fresher due to woke up early and chatting with Chanyeol in the early morning.

Then I felt my phone vibrated and showed Baekhyun name on the screen, I felt my heart tingled.

There was a sense of excitement within me, I hope this feeling isn’t true.

 

Baekhyun: did you go to school?

 

you: yes, I’m on my way

 

Baekhyun: good then, be careful ne

 

you: don’t act like you care about it, Byun Baekhyun

 

Baekhyun: I care about you, I wish you could see my face now

 

you: why? What happened to your face?

 

Baekhyun: my face is very serious right now

 

I laughed when i was reading the message. When you already know the real Baekhyun, he wouldn’t hesitate to show it to you all over and over.

I didn’t hate this kind of baekhyun, even i prefered this Baekhyun which who act like a fool. Or indeed he was really a fool.

When i arrived at school, i saw baekhyun with his group of friends. In this school, there was only them that dare enough to face me.

Because one of them named as Kim Jaejoong was my junior high school friend, and we were pretty close.

So i thought that maybe jaejoong told them to not be afraid to me, because i wasn't that cocky.

Right behind me, i heard jaejoong was calling my name. I looked behind and saw jaejoong eyes, then met baekhyun’s also,

“what?” i asked full of hesitate.

“did you really going out with baekhyun? I even suprised that you noticed this kind of guy! Well, all the students were talking about this and even baekhyun have told me the truth. Is it true? Unbelieveable!” he screamed.

I looked to those guys one to another, this kind of peoppe weren’t a good person indeed.

I stood there silently, still thinking about what i was going to say until someone that i wasn’t recognize started to talk, “come on guys, don’t make baekhyun feels uneasy. He just making a joke! It was impossible that a guy like him wanted to go out with her, just like what baek said”

then all of them laughed, but not with jaejoong. He felt pissed because i was being mocked, even mocked by baekhyun because he also laughed at me.

I felt that hurt feeling on my chest, I just din’t think that Baekhyun turned out was playing me behind, casually demonize me in front of his friends.

I sighed and replaced my gaze became more ferocious than ever to stop the laughing from that group.

“no, I don’t even know Baekhyun. Don’t believe what you hear, don’t act like a . I don’t care about what you think about me. as you say, Baekhyun didn’t want to be together with a girl like me. and I also didn’t want to be with a man like him. my type not as low as him” I grinned before going away from them.

I normally would not felt hurt like this, I just didn’t think that Baekhyun could did it to me.

after what we did together, I thought Baekhyun already assume me as his friend despite the fact that, he wasn’t.

 

I didn’t want to talk to Baekhyun again. that was enough, I didn’t want to trust him again.

after he was playing me with his friend, then he was ‘having fun’ with a girl from my class and they were ‘having fun’ in front of my class.

I shuddered of disgust, instantly grateful that Baekhyun would go. I saw from the distance, Baekhyun hand was at her waist.

I felt pain again, why was this man really wanted to hurt me? is it has became his hobby?

I walked to my class which right in front of them who were making out.

And that was the moment when i felt my feet became weaker and weaker as if i couldn't move it.

i fall down and suprised all of the students at the coridor, they knew what would happend.

“oh no we have to bring her to the school clinic!!!!” jaejoong screamed while holding my hand and messaged the back of my neck, tried to calm me down.

My body started to shacking, trembling and I couldn’t say anything. When I was recurrent, i couldn’t imagine how painful is the pain.

Between pain and couldn’t feel anything. Pale face, I immediately sweating a lot. My lips quivered and tears began to fall from my eyes, started to remember all the painful tragedy of Hyoyeon.

“OH MY GOD ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME TO BRING HER!!” jaejoong screamed, no one move from their position, even Baekhyun.

Jaejoong swore to all of them then he carried me away headed to the school clinic.

I couldn’t think much, I could only remember the incident. When he got there, the school clinic doctor immediately gave me some pills and trying to keep me calm.

Chorong and ahyoung finally came up with a worried faces after Jaejoong walked off.

“what happened????? are you okay????? who did this to you???” asked ahyoung filled with confusion. I knew who did it, it happened when I was in a hurtful or scary condition.

Ahyoung and Chorong were sitting on the chairs next to the bed while trying to calm me down before my parents came to pick me up.

 

When i woke up, i found myself at the familiar place. I knew this place before. Everything in that room was white, i couldn’t be more calmer than this.

“ah you’re wake up!” i knew that voice, it was belongs to dr.Joohyun! she was my therapist, she was so pretty and nice.

She just like my sister. I was smiling but also wondered why did i ended up at her place.

She said, “you might be confused, right? So you passed out today and your parents decided to take a therapy again for you since it looks like you cannot control yourself again. oh dear, why is it? you look fine for the past 2 months” i shrugged, not sure if should i talk with her about this problem or not.

I sighed, she was my therapist and of course she should have know about this.

“there was a boy in my class, he looks like a boy who killed Hyoyeon. At the beginning, we were fine although the first meeting weren’t so pleasant. But he started making fun of me and playing games with me, and i’m so stupid because i was following his game. he’s a playboy, no wonder I often saw he was holding another girls. But it seems like this is the case, i think I fell in love with him” how surprising, I could talk honestly with Dr.Joohyun although I couldn’t be honest with myself.

Dr.Joohyun looked at me and embraced me full of worried.

“This isn’t good, [Y/N]- ah. You open up an old wounds and it never ends well. With a great regret, I have to repeat all the painful therapy and you can’t get along with your classmates anymore but you have to follow a private class. we must keep you far from them even the boy that you fell for. I don’t want him to hurt you, do you understand?” I nodded at Dr.Joohyun.  

That day, we started the treatment. The early stage wasn’t so painful and not so influential. I just sighed, it seemed like I couldn’t follow baekhyun's game again.

After the therapy, i got out from Dr.Joohyun house and went to the cafe near her house.

How suprising, when i walked into the cafe, i saw bomi who looked like waiting for me.

“why are you here? What are you doing here alone?” i asked. Even though i wasn't in the mood to talk to someone and she was also the one who made me became like this.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a minute” said Bomi, then I sat right in front of her. her face seemed sorry, I didn’t know what happened to her because she always hated me.

she always hated me since we were in junior high school, for reasons that I didn’t know at all.

“I want to apologize about what I’ve done. I know it’s already happened a long time ago and everyone began to forget it, but I know you’re not likely to forget the tragedy. I’m sorry, I don’t intend to destroy your relationship” said Bomi while I was confused, my relationship?

Why was it related to my relationship? I never had a boyfriend before especially when the tragedy took place.

“You don’t remember?” I shook my head. I told her that when the incident, I never have a boyfriend.

I didn’t understand her. was there might be something I didn’t know or may not know?

 

“but i think what she told you was right, you shouldn’t met this guy or even interact with him again. your life goal is being covered from all this trauma, right?” chanyeol was driving me to my house.

I told him that it wasn’t that easy to forget about something that made your heart beat.

“make your heart beat? Are you sure he made your heart beat? Well of course, he made your heart beat then he beat your heart. Whatsoever he made you feels like if it ended up like this, you cannot meet this guy anymore. You should have learn to not hurt yourself because there were so many people that dying to take care of you” i sat there silently, chanyeol already turned out to be my other-mother right now.

“love when you’re ready not when you’re lonely. You’re not lonely nor you also not ready yet. Don’t love anyone, [Y/N]-ah, you cannot imagine how hurt is it when it was over”