I DON'T KNOW
Flower May Flow In Your Weapon
I woke up and found myself beside Dr. Joohyun. I think some memories already gone.
I blinked my eyes for a few times and i could feel myself felt a little bit more easier than before.
Did i still remember about baekhyun? Yes. The moment when we met for the first time? Yes.
i just got a blured moment for hyoyeon, i couldn’t remember clearly. “i think i forget about hyoyeon, a few of my memories with her” i said while messaging my head.
This theraphy usually took time for days, i didn’t know that it could be this hurt.
“do you have plan today? I want you to take a rest”
“i do think so, i’ll try then”
I went to hospital without baekhyun. Since the moment when i saw him with those girls, i haven’t meet baekhyun.
We just contact each other from text messaging, yes, i didn’t go to school for a few days.
As i reached my home, i saw baekhyun was there. Stood still in front of his car and smiling at me.
“what are you doing here?”
“my boys are going to go out again with their girlfriend”
“so? I’m not your-“
“don’t. Just go with me? okay?” i sighed and nooded at him. even though i wanted to say over for this friendzone thing, i just can’t.
I was sick of this relationship, i mean, this relationship didn’t make sense.
As we reached there, we met the boys with their girlfriend. The same girls that i met at the beach a few weeks ago.
Baekhyun walked over the boys while i sat with the girls. They were talking about their school problem and their boys while i didn’t told them anything about baekhyun, i was not his girlfriend.
His mother even didn’t let him had a girlfriend so i wasn't going to be his girlfriend.
Like it or not, baekhyun have to listen to his mother. Like it or not, she was the only one left.
“you’re such a good girl, [Y/N]-sii. Baekhyun shouldn’t left you, ever” said the girl named celena. What a nice thing to hear, such a nice girl.
“i don’t know, if baekhyun wanted to let me go then let it be. I don’t want to be in a relationship that only me who being in love” i replied.
Then hyelim said, “he won’t do that”
“let’s just see”
On the way back home, baekhyun kept asking me about why was i so quiet today.
He didn’t even try to discussing about when i saw him with girls, i didn’t know whether he thought that i forgot about it or he was afraid that he might get caught.
Then he finally asked, “are you mad?”
I turned my head and staring at him blankly, didn’t really understand about my feelings.
I shruggered my shoulders, not in the mood to talk to anybody. “is it about when the girls were gathering around me? are you jealous?” he grinned at me.
i turned my head again and staring at him blankly, then shruggered my shoulders. He never saw me that seems didn’t care about him, i even didn’t understand myself.
There was something wrong with me, i knew it. finally we were arrived at my house.
I got out from his car and bowing at him, didn’t forget to say thanks as if he was my senior.
“what’s wrong with you?”
“i had a theraphy today, i lost some of my memories. I didn’t know why but i feel not sure about us. Maybe they had erase the memories when we were together, the moment where you said something that made me fluttered. I’m not sure baekhyun-ah, ukh who am i kidding. Thanks for the ride, sorry for the unstable mood”
then i felt something grabbed my hand. It was baekhyun. His eyes were burning, he seemed very mad.
He gripped my hand too tight, until it was so hurt so bad. I yelled at him to let my in hand go, but he still looking at me with that stare.
He pulled my hand to his hug, “don’t you ever give up on remembering me. you have to remember, you can’t forget about it. fight for it as i fight for you, please cherish our memories. I fight so hard for it”
Then he kissed my cheek.
The next day, i was so suprised when i heard a singing. I opened my eyes and saw that ahyoung, baekhyun, my parents and a guy that i could’t remember.
I even forgot my own birthday. They brought a cake and i blew the candle, don’t forget to whishing on it.
“i’m sorry, who are you?” i asked to the guy and everybody were suprised, they kept asking me whether i remembered that guy or not.
Of course i didn’t, that was why i asked him.
“[Y/N]-ah, i’m jaejoong!”
“jaejoong who?”
“guys, she had a theraphy and it accused her to lost some of his memories. So she might forgot about us, or even hyoyeon” said ahyoung.
i was so sad that i even forgot about jaejoong, that they said he was my friend since junior high school.
“and you might forget TO TELL ME THAT YOU’RE BAEKHYUN’S GIRLFRIEND YOU JERK” ahyoung threw me with a pillow while i was laughing at her, she seemed very pissed.
So baekhyun told her about our relationship, no wonder baekhyun was here with ahyoung.
baekhyun said that he was going to take me to somewhere special since it was my birthday.
Of course i asked him if i could bring ahyoung too but he insist that he wanted us to be alone.
Then baekhyun took me to the water fountain at my school. the place where we made the promises, which was the reason for our feelings right now.
I smiled a little, a little bit relieved that i didn’t forgot about this. Even if i might forgot about this place, baekhyun will take me here for a thousands times so i could remember it again.
”you haven’t forget about our memories here, right?” he asked with full of hope that i could see on his eyes. I shook my head and smiling at him, i’ll try to not forget about this place.
“if one day you forgot about this place, i’ll bring you here all over and over so you’ll remember it. i can’t let you forget about our memories, not even our agrument. Because each our conversation, it means a lot to me since asking you to stay is so hard as . Everytime i came over you, you just walked away. actually, if a boy were pissing you out, it because he wanted you to stay and get mad at him. he love it, i love it because we had a moment there. Maybe it seems very ridiculous, but what can i do? You’re not that easy girl. that’s why you’re amazing”
“don’t be that serious about life, baek, it’s not like you’re going to get out alive. And whatsoever you said a few seconds ago, it’s so ing cheesy and i think i’m going to throw up” we both laughed together then sat beside the fountain.
Then i looked at him deeply, “if i’m going to forget about you, i think it’s not a big deal for you. I lost everyone, even myself. You’re going to forget me and of course i will, i will forget everyone. Then you’re going to be with someone else and me? i don’t know. Maybe i’ll spent my old-day with cats. I’m getting enough of life again but i need to keep my head up because i know life will be better but it’s just really hard sometimes. Isn’t it stupid?” i laughed a little before looked back at baekhyun who already looking at me with his mad eye, he must doesn’t like about whatsoever i said a few seconds ago.
Then suddenly he hugged me, “there’s nothing stupid about you. Even though you’re face sometimes looks like an idiot, but you’re still my favorite”
Baekhyun insisted me to go to his house to meet with his mother again. and we were pretending to be as a regular friends, which i know that her mother will find out and kill both of us.
As we reached there, baekhyun took me inside and called jaejoong to visit us too so she, his mother, wouldn’t get suspicious.
When jaejoong already arrived, we got into his house and met his mother. She was really pretty.
“ah you’re the one who came here a few days ago, right?”
“yes, ma’am”
“that’s weird, baekhyun never took a girl here before. But i should be glad right? baekhyun should focus on his school first then girls” baekhyun’s mom tapped baekhyun back before left us behind.
When i looked at jaejoong, his face looked like so suprised.
“so she didn’t know?”
Baekhyun sighed, “don’t let her know”
Me and chanyeol were on the way to the hospital for the next theraphy. It was getting really tired, visit Dr. Joohyun every twice a week.
“did you still get the flashback?” chanyeol asked and i nooded, sometimes i was dreaming about hyoyeon and the tragedy.
“does the treatment is really necesarry? I mean, it’s hurt a lot when you suddenly forget about me” heard what chanyeol said, i could only laughed.
Yes, i did forgot about my family a few days ago after the treatment but then they told me about all of our family members and stories.
I sighed, “i’ll pick erasing all my memories than crying every night because of those dreams. You might don’t know about it but i always cry everynight, remember about hyoyeon and couldn’t forget about her. i feel so weak, i feel like this life isn’t belong for me” chanyeol stopped the car and looked at me with his serious eyes.
The morning sunlight made the atmosfer felt so warm though it was spring.
“perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while , so that we can see life with a clearer view again”
“i always cry, but i still can’t see the clearer view. Clearer life, at least” i threw my sight and looked out at the window. But seeing that my life had gotten worser everyday, i wasn't really care about it anymore.
I mean it just like, whatever, it was what i already expected.
“after the graduation, you should stay here until the progress is finish. You can’t go home for a few months and you can’t meet other person but me and the other doctor. Are you okay with this?” asked Dr. Joohyun to me.
i nooded my head slightly. But i wasn't sure if i could stand to not seeing baekhyun that long, i probably going to miss him.
Anyway, i had stayed here for a few months and when i came back home, i became a cold hearted girl.
and probably, i will be that kind of person again. after we finished the treatment, i told chanyeol to take me to the park where me and hyoyeon used to play.
“just leave, i’ll meet my friends here” i screamed at chanyeol who was in the car. then, he was looking at me suspiciously as he squinted his eyes, “you don’t have any friend”
“ off, lee chanyeol”
“alright alright, gosh” as i saw chanyeol drove away, i got into the park and ignoring the sounds of the childrens.
I could only hear my voice and hyoyeon’s, it was such an unforgetable moment. Then i was thinking about baekhyun, he might should know this place since this place used to mean a lot to me.
i didn’t know how could i fall for baekhyun after i hate him to death. I didn’t even remember falling in love with him.
i just remember holding his hand realizing how much it was going to hurt when i would have to let it go.
I went back home by cab and stayed at the backyards. I sat there and holding the weird stone, everything changed after i found this stone.
I asked it about the real me, and everything change. Is God trying to make the wish come true?
Does all of this happening because God is going to tell me about the real me? no, it was ridiculous.
Suddenly, there was someone calling my name, “[Y/N]-sii?” i turned my head and found Mr. Han was at in front of Chanyeol’s house, he might wanted to visit gikwang ahjussi.
I smiled to that teacher and he also smiled back to me, “how was your condition? Is the treatment went well?” he asked and i nooded.
hopefuly, everything will turn out well.
“where’s baekhyun?” heard what he said, i suddenly cough out loud. I forgot that Mr. Han already knew about me and baekhyun, though he might think that both of us just a regular friends.
Maybe, we were. Then i replied, “he’s busy, sangsaenim” Mr. Han nooded to me and went into gikwang ahjussi house.
Ukh, that convo was so akward as .
Even though sky getting dark by seconds, i still stayed at the backyards. I was busy taking a picture of myself and the backyards.
I do remember when me and hyoyeon were decorating this palce. Planted flowers, searched for any beautiful stone, and we also planted a tree.
But it haven’t grow as big as the other trees at the backyards. When i was busy remembering about the memories, i got a text message from bomi.
It had been a long time since both of us met. The last time i talked to her was when we met at the cafe.
Bomi: hey, [Y/N]-sii? Can’t we meet?
You: oh hi, bomi-sii. What is it? is there something important?
Bomi: it is, important for you, i guess.
I immediatly went to the cafe when the last time we met. I went there by a bus.
As i reached there, i found bomi was there and smiling at me. i smiled back.
“what is it?”
“i just found out that you had a treatment that causing you lost some memories, is that right?”
“haha yes”
“oh my god, i’m so sorry. I almost tell you about something that very dangerous for you”
“wait what? I don’t get it”
“you don’t have to, i’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about everything i’ve done with ji- ah i almost do it again, i’m so sorry” then bomi just left like that.
I didn’t understand about what the she was talking about, she was talking about ji? Jiyeon? Or maybe, jimin? I couldn’t understand her.
and i was thinking that maybe something left unknown, like there was something that i don't to know.
Or maybe, something that i shouldn’t know.
As i reached home, i went into my bedroom and saw my black journal on the desk.
I opened the journal and found some new picture. It was me and baekhyun, i even didn’t take it so i was confused.
Then someone tapped my shoulder. I jumped and found that it was baekhyun, HE WAS AT MY ROOM AND HOW THE HE COULD WENT HERE!?!??!
“WHAT THE ARE YOU DOING HERE!?” i screamed at him because i’m so suprised. He just chuckled and sat on the bed, he told me that he just arrived a few minutes before i arrived here.
I sighed, someone should teach him a manner about go to someone else bedroom without any premission.
“anyway, where have you been? Did you meet someone?” i nooded and sat on the chair. I told him that i met bomi, i also told the moment when bomi spoke about the strange things.
Baekhyun face became scared, such as something bad was going to happend.
I squinted my eyes on him as i asked, “are you okay?” he just nooded and faking his smile. Is there something happend?
Why did everybody act so weird today? I was trying to forget all the thoughts when it was dinner.
My family, me and baekhyun had a dinner together. They asked baekhyun about his new school and about our relationship.
My mom asked, “so, honey, how about baekhyun’s parents? Have you meet them?”
“actually, she already met my mother and-“
“yes, i have. And seems like his mother still didn’t allow him to have any girlfriend. So i’m not so sure about us” i said without looking at anyone.
I only looked at my plate that almost empty, i don’t like lying to anyone so i just tell the truth to my family.
“is it true, baekhyun-sii?” my dad asked and i bet that baekhyun couldn’t deny it. though my parents said that we were a teenager so we didn’t have to go too serious about this relationship.
My parents already fall for his charm, anyway. Then he replied, “actually, Mr and Mrs Jung, i do want to be serious with her. i will go to the same college with her, i will try so hard so i can be together with her again. and after we graduate, i want to take her as mine. Forever”
“ukh can you just please shut the up? Don’t talk rubbish like that, byun baekhyun. You’re probably going to find someone else. You know why? Because i’m going to forget about everyone and you’ll leave me so don’t talk bull like that. i’m not going to go to college, don’t speak about college” i got up from my chair and leaved the house.
I didn’t know why i became so sensitive, i just didn’t want baekhyun to leave me after he said something like that.
I didn’t want to suffer from that kind of pain, when someone that said they will love you forever is the one that make you hurt forever.
Everything is bull. The sweet boy that going to love you forever? There was no such thing like that.
It was only a dream
And dream was meant for sleeping.
~~~***~~~
HI THERE I'M BACK. I'M SO SORRY IF ALL OF YOU NOTICED THAT THERE WERE SOME MISTAKES LIKE GRAMMAR THINGS OR WHATSOEVER, I'M SO BAD AT IT BUT I'LL TRY MY BEST TO FIX IT AND UPDATE IT EVERY WEEK.
ANYWAY
DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GETTING USED TO THE NEWS EXO'S MEMBERS LEAVING THE BAND.
I'M SO SAD BUT I'M GETTING USED TO THAT KIND CERTAIN OF SADNESS. IT'S GETTING LAME. LIFE IS
BY THE WAY
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HAPPY WEEKEND<3!
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