To say that Hyukjae’s mind was in knots was a complete understatement to what he was feeling. The look Donghae had on his face when he answered his question earlier was something he can’t easily erase in his mind and it’s making him think things he really shouldn’t be doing right now because he has an interview in exactly 10 minutes and damn he has to be professional about this.

Fortunately, the interview went smoothly without anything popping out of the ordinary. Hyukjae managed not to space out and also inserted jokes here and there that earned him a clear thumbs up from his manager so was watching him. He was already in the middle of removing his make up at his dressing room when Leeteuk came in.

“Hey, did the interview go well?” His hyung took a seat at the swivel chair next to his.

“Yeah. He just asked about some things about our comeback.” He continued dabbing his face with the cotton. “Of course I was very discreet about the whole concept.”

“Good good.” Leeteuk trailed. It took him about a minute or two before he spoke up again. “I wanted to ask you something though.”

“Okay?” Hyukjae said, stopping his routine and facing his hyung. “What is it about?”

“Have you spoken to Donghae again? He looked pretty gloomy after you guys talked at the car. I dunno what’s wrong with him”

Hyukjae was surprised. Isn’t he the one who’s supposed to be gloomy though? He just got indirectly dumped by Donghae nonetheless.

“What do you mean gloomy? I should be the one that’s gloomy.”

“Huh?” Leeteuk eyed him. “Don’t tell me you told him already?”

“Of course not.” Hyukjae pointed out. “Well technically not that forward. I just asked him a question about that.” Hyukjae actually forgot about the bit that Leeteuk knows about his feelings towards Donghae. He had always been thankful to his hyung that would help him get a few moments of alone time with his bestfriend during schedules so he could cheer himself up.

“God Hyukjae don’t tell me you did that I have friend situation because I swear.”

“I did okay. And he then he said he won’t accept the feelings because he’d be afraid to lose what they’ll have and isn’t that like an assumption that I’ve been indirectly dumped already?”

Leeteuk stared at him. “But he doesn’t know that it’s you though. Maybe he’d have a change of heart when he learns that it’s you that has feelings for him. You know you’ve always been special to him.”

“Pft, special, yeah right.” Hyukjae chuckled bitterly. “Because I’m his bestfriend, only his bestfriend, of course I’d be special.”

About an hour and the two had finally managed to go into the practice room where the others are. They’ve been busy with preparations for the comeback for a few weeks now. All have been working hard to show a new side of themselves to their fans who have been eagerly waiting for about a year now.

The practice room was noisy as ever. Maknae line has been flopped on the floor while crazily singing their title track over and over again. Some of the hyungs like Heechul is busy with his phone while Siwon and the others are cramped at the back eating take out. Where’s Donghae though?

“He’s at the roof top.” Kyuhyun uttered, as if sensing what question Hyukjae was about to say.

“The roof top? Isn’t it too hot at a time like this?” Hyukjae mumbled. “How long has he been here?”

Kyuhyun smirked. “About half an hour now? He was gloomy since this morning so maybe he needed some fresh air.”

“Oh okay.” Hyukjae said and slipped on the floor with the others.  Kyuhyun was eyeing him when he took a space beside him. “What?”

“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun asked, eyeing him as he removed his bag from his shoulders.

Hyukjae stared at him. Is there something he’s supposed to do? “Uhm, sitting on the floor? Why?”

“Stupid. Go to Donghae hyung!” Kyuhyun demanded, pushing Hyukjae away.

“Yah! Who you calling stupid, stupid. I’m older than you, let me remind you that. I’m supposedly wiser than you.”

Kyuhyun continued pushing him to stand up until he eventually did. “Well if you’re smarter than me then go to Donghae hyung right now. I would personally push you out the door but Sungmin hyung’s using my thigh as a pillow and he’s sleeping so do it on your own. Now shoo!”

“Brat” Hyukjae muffled under his breath before heading towards the door. He didn’t catch the triumphant grin Kyuhyun had on his face as he watched him go out.

Hyukjae was convinced that the universe hates him today when he realized that the elevator that heads to the rooftop was under maintenance today. That means he had to walk 5 flights of stairs just to get to his bestfriend. He was gasping for air when he managed to get to the rooftop.

The bright afternoon sun was the first thing that greeted him along with the warm air that hit his face when he opened the door. He had always admired how the company made the rooftop into a little garden by putting on a wooden swing set at the sides while grass is laid out along with small potted plants. It was a nice escape from the amount of work that was happening inside the building.

It wasn’t that hard to find Donghae seated at the wooden swings at the far end of the place, the one farthest from the door. His back was facing Hyukjae and he just can’t help but admire how serend Donghae looked right now. All he wants is to wrap his arms around him and just go back to what they are even if it’ll end whatever spark of hope Hyukjae has on escaping the friend zone.

“Hey.” Hyukjae greeted, sitting on the empty swing on Donghae’s left side. “Why are you out here alone? It’s like 40 degrees outside.”

“Nothing.” Donghae gave him a soft smile. “Just wanted to get some fresh air. They’re a mess downstairs.”

“Yeah. I think practice is going in their heads. They’re all a bunch of crazy kids down there.”

Donghae nodded before staring infront. Hyukjae thinks this is the perfect time to say everything, like a now or never situation. If he’s going to get his heart broken, might as well do it now while they’re alone.

“Donghae, I wanna----“

“Hyukjae can I say something?” Hyukjae’s words were cut off when Donghae suddenly faced him.

Hyukjae nodded, shifting his position to his bestfriend. “Go ahead.”

“About what you asked me this morning.” Donghae started. “You know, about that friend liking me in a romantic kind of way.” He was fumbling with the hem of his shirt. “I wanna ask if you’re in that situation, how would you react?”

Hyukjae stared at him. Was Donghae on to something? “You mean if a friend liked me in a romantic kind of way, is that?” Donghae nodded. Hyukjae thinks this is his chance. “I’d be grateful, because like what you said, it’d be an honor to be liked someone. To be accepted by someone no matter how many flaws I have. Because I think when a person confesses to you that they like you, especially when they’re a friend, it means they know a lot about me. All my good and bad sides. And for them to confess that they like me, doesn’t that mean that he accepts every side of me?”

Donghae stared at him, his eyes looking directly at Hyukjae as he continued. “I mean there would be doubts and fear won’t be something that’ll be completely out of the picture. If he’s a precious friend I’d be scared that what if I do accept his feelings, but the relationship won’t work. I’m afraid that we would totally lose the friendship. I don’t want to lose someone precious in my life.”

Hyukjae stared at Donghae just to see if he actually has a hint to where this is going. He continued. “But you know what would be even scarier than risking that friendship?”

“What?”

“It’s that gnawing feeling in your system that will be left when you choose to just suppress your feelings when you reciprocate his feelings too. That even though you ike him, just like the way he likes you, but you’re afraid to admit it because you cherish the friendship more, It’s like indirectly saying that he’s not worth taking the risk in the first place.

They both stayed speechless for a moment. Hyukjae was still staring at Donghae as the latter one has his breath caught up. Hyukjae shifted his position and grabbed Donghae’s hand that was clutching the bars.

“Because I wanna take the risk Donghae.” Hyukjae was staring at him intently. It was now or never.

“W-What?”

“I wanna take this risk Donghae. That no matter how much I value the friendship we have, the years we’ve spent as friends, I want to just try my luck and this risk. Because I think you’re worth it and I’ll take whatever outcome this will give me. I wanna be brave this time around.”

Donghae didn’t know what to say. Hyukjae was clutching his left hand and he could feel those warm hands warming him up.

“A-Are you saying that….”

“Yes. I like you Donghae. I like you a lot.” Hyukjae was rubbing his thumb on Donghae’s hand. “I like you more than a friend, and heck I think I even love you. I just want to get this out of my chest because it’s been eating me up for 3 years now and I think I’m going to burst anytime soon if I don’t get this out here now.”

Hyukjae was nervous and his voice was breaking. He’s just laid out his heart on the line here, and everything is just left to Donghae on what to do with it.

“I….”

“You don’t have to accept them right away, or maybe reject me.” Hyukjae whispered. “But whatever it is, I just wanna be true to what I feel for the first time. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I mean it’s okay if you’ll reject me becaue I totally get it. That maybe I’m sometimes weird, and I’m annoying and that---“

Soft warm lips on his own where the only things that registered in his mind when Donghae craned his neck to give him a chaste kiss. Hyukjae still can’t register it in his mind that Donghae just kissed him.

When Donghae retreated back, Hyukjae released his breath that he didn’t even know he was holding on to. What just happened?

“You’ve been mumbling Hyuk, can you just shut up for a moment and let me talk?” Donghae whispered, a little annoyed but he seemed flustered. The tips of his ears were turning red.

“I---- okay.” Hyukjae managed to squeak out.

“Okay.” Donghae smiled. “I’ll cut this short because you’ve been very sappy and cheesy and I think my heart’s about to burst ever since you sat beside me.’

Hyukjae nodded timidly as he looked at Donghae. “I like you too. Like a whole lot and I can’t even explain how goddamn long it has been.” Donghae was chuckling, his cheeks looking flushed. “And you beat me into confessing too. I was planning to do it like every single night since the last week but something just suddenly comes up so I end up retreating again. Then I thought this morning that today would be the perfect day. But then you asked me that stupid question this morning and I got flustered because I thought maybe someone confessed to you and that I’m late already and that----“

Hyukjae quickly planted a kiss on Donghae’s lips to shut him up. He could get used to this warm feeling in his chest.

“We’re both stupid aren’t we?” Donghae chuckled as he laced his hand onto Hyukjae’s.

“We are. Atleast we’re both stupid for each other.” Hyukjae smiled warmly. Yes, he could definitely get used to his feeling for the rest of his life.

*******

This has been so overdue you guys I'm sorry. It's been like what, four years?

I just wrote this now and I think it deserves to properly end like this. I miss writing eunhae and I haven't written anything eunhae since way way back.

I'm also still surprised that I still get subscribers for this when I'm literally cringing on the way I wrote before. I'm just high school me right now.

But anyways, I hope this was okay, as way to finally close this fic on the way it should be. I can't exactly remember how this scene was supposed to be written because it's been years but I hope this will suffice.

Thanks for being wonderful, as always :)

Well, till then!

-Jen