M83 - I need you 

http://listenonrepeat.com/?v=fwTOsbjZkQA#M83_-_I_need_you_(Divergent_OST) 

In the previous chapter...

She can feel the latter trembling slightly in her arms, before she spoke,” I want to talk. I want to let it out of my chest, and I just want somebody to listen to me.”

“I’m here for you, so you don’t have to worry,” Sooyeon rubbed her back, when she heard Yoona’s soft sobs again. “Shh, we are all here for you Yoong. You just need to let us in, and let us help you.”

Yoona then wrapped her arms around Sooyeon tightly, and cried,” Sooyeon, I-I messed things up. And I am so sorry for whatever that had happened. I-I didn’t mean to snap at you guys, and I didn’t mean to cause the broken relationship between Yifan and you.”

“It’s okay, and it’s alright. I don’t blame you, so stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t even your fault to begin with,” Sooyeon shushed her, as the two girls huddled together.

Yoona then buried her face into her shoulder, and she cried,” S-Sooyeon, I need help. I-I need to go for rehab.”

“Sure, I will bring you to see a therapist and talk about your problems. You don’t have to hide it from us, and you can let us know your pain or your sadness. Depression isn’t a j-“ Sooyeon stopped abruptly, when she spotted a bottle of pills lying on the bed.

Sooyeon’s expression tightened for a second, as she pulled away from Yoona, who was now crying uncontrollably. She then took a step into the room, as she clenched her jaw. She then walked towards the bed, as she leaned forward to pick up the bottle.

“What the is this, Im Yoona?” she screamed, as she jerked the bottle outwards, as Yoona sobbed. “Yoona, h—how long?”

The doed-eyed female looked at her friend, with tears streaming down her face,” Anti-depressants. A few years.”

“,” Sooyeon cursed out loud, as she looked at the bottle. She then stared at the white pills on the bed, and she glanced through the dosage before looking at her friend with tears in her eyes. “W-Why?” she whispered, as she let go of the bottle.

The bottle then fell to the floor as the lid opened, and the rest of the content spilled out. Yoona then fell to her knees, while crying out loud. “I-I need help,” she cried.

“You didn’t need that kind of help. For goodness sake, why them?” Sooyeon questioned coldly, despite the tears that were spilling. “Why do you have to take those ing anti-depressants? Why do you have to ing ruin yourself with them? W-Why?” she screamed at Yoona, as she fell to her knees and cried.

Sooyeon then looked at Yoona with her blurred vision, and whispered with a hoarse voice,” Y-You need to go for rehab. Rehab, Yoona.”

There was a tense atmosphere among the table as everybody just stare at their hands. Joohyun, who was sitting beside Luhan, was holding his hand tightly as she tried to fight back her tears. She then looked down at their intertwined hands.

Luhan then rubbed his thumb gently against her back of the palm, while glancing down to look at her. “Are you okay?” he whispered into her ear, as he pulled her closer into his embrace. Joohyun made no reply, as she buried her face into his chest, as she inhaled his scent to calm herself down.

“We have to send her for rehab. You just heard what she said,” Chanyeol spoke up after a long period of silence, as he stared at the closed door of the room. Sooyeon let out a sob, as Yifan held her tightly in his embrace.

Yoona had admitted to taking the drugs for a few years, but she ended up getting addicted to it. As she was about to take in another round of dosage a few hours ago, she realised that she was hooked and even had thoughts of ending her life.

Yixing then clenched his jaw tightly, as he looked at his friends,” You heard her. She pleaded us to help her, and we need to. I know some of you guys aren’t in favour of that idea, but Yoona asked us to help her, and as friends, I think we should.”

“I agree. The sooner she enters, the higher the chances that she can be pulled out from it,” Chanyeol supported Yixing’s agreement, as both boys looked around them.

Luhan then nodded his head, as he looked down at Joohyun,” I agree. I am in this.” So am I,” Yuri raised her hands, as she wiped her tears. She then stood up, while looking around,” I am going in to talk to her.”

“How about the rest?” Yixing questioned, as he looked at the others, who were wearing serious and pained expressions. Kyungsoo then slowly nodded his head,” I am in too. We have to help her.”

Sooyeon then shook her head,” We didn’t even know that she was suffering so much to the point that she needed to ask for help from drugs. W-W-“ Before she can complete her sentence, Yifan shushed her as she broke into tears again.

“It is nobody’s fault, Sooyeon-ah,” he comforted her, as he rubbed her shoulders gently. He then looked at the others,” I am in too.”

Jongdae then sighed as he nodded his head,” Same here. But the problem is how are we going to break to her parents about her condition?”

“They are probably going to freak out or act as if they knew nothing,” Yixing offered his ideas, as he stood up. “I will speak to them about her, while we should start looking for a rehab centre in this area where we can pay frequent visits to her.”

The rest hummed in agreement, as Yixing walked out of the room with his phone placed at his ear. Luhan then placed his chin on Joohyun’s head, and asked softly,” Do you want to get out of here? Let’s go to my room.”

“O-Okay,” she replied in a shaky voice, as Luhan helped her to her feet. “We will be heading up first. You guys can call for a take-out if you are hungry.”

Luhan shut the door behind him as he watched Joohyun stumbled towards his desk, as she took a seat.

“Are you hungry, Joohyun?” he asked worriedly, as he approached her. Luhan then knelt down before her, as he held her hands,” Everything is going to be okay. You don’t have be worried or nervous or anxious or anything.”

Joohyun then looked at Luhan with her teary eyes, and he felt a sharp pain in his chest as he watched her. He then pulled her into his embrace tightly, as Joohyun buried her faced in his neck as she sobbed softly,” Y-Y-Yoon-“

“Shh, everything is going to be okay. She will be better after receiving the treatment and she will get better,” Luhan reassured her, as he patted her head gently.

The latter then sobbed,” W-We didn’t know anything about her, a-and she turned out to be in pain a-and I-I never notice-“

“It isn’t anyone’s fault, Joohyun. Something just went wrong, and we just had no idea. It is nobody’s fault in this matter, so don’t blame yourself,” he whispered into her ear, while patting her head.

Joohyun then looked at Luhan with her glassy eyes, and mumbled,” I-I want to speak to her. I need to talk to her.”

“No problem, but first, you need to eat,” he gave a small smile while wiping her tears.

***

Joohyun entered the room and spotted Yoona, sitting down beside the window as she stared out with a dazed look. “H-Hey,” she whispered, while closing the door behind her.

“Joohyun,” Yoona whispered, as she turned her head. She then frowned slightly,” H-Have you been crying?” She then stood up, as she approached Joohyun.

Wrapping her arms around Joohyun, Yoona then mumbled,” I am sorry for everything. I didn’t mean to hurt everybody.”

“W-Why did you have to hide it from us? They should have at least know your story since you guys have been friends for a long time,” Joohyun asked, as she returned the hug.

The doed-eyed latter then pulled apart, as she lowered her eyes,” I didn’t mean to hide it but I didn’t want anybody pity me. Joohyun, the thing about you is that you are so innocent, fragile and pure that I just don’t want to taint you with my past. Everybody in this house has a secret, a secret that they themselves can only know. For me, I hate sympathy from others because I think that if they are sympathising me, why not help me instead?”

“I am not as angelic as you think I am. Why does everybody here pushes me away when I want to come closer?”

“Because you are you, Joohyun. You are different from us. You face your darkest secrets and fears and I am basically not like you,” Yoona shook her head. “It is not that we dislike you or anything, it is more of like we don’t want you to be afraid of us and our stories.”

Joohyun then asked, with tears,” What is so scary about you guys? Every single person on this damn Earth is the same. We have blood running through our bodies and veins, and we all have that one heart that beats. What is so different about me? What is so different about us?” Yoona looked at her with a pained expression, and she took a step back.

“In the end, you still want to know about me despite my continuous protests,” she sighed softly, while taking a seat at the window panel again.

The latter then walked towards Yoona, as she wiped her tears but keeping her gaze on her friend. Yoona then gave a bitter smile. “I have an older brother as you know, and I adore him a lot. He was my idol, and I used to think that I want to be like him when I grow up but then along the way, he changed and he became a different person.”

“He started to mess around with girls, treat them like some toys and threw them aside. My parents weren’t the perfect family either. I know that they are rich, and they are always loving in public but behind the scenes, they hated one another so much. My mom hates me, like she hates me presence and everything about me. She finds every single way to vent her frustration and her anger on me, and at times, she says really hurtful things like it was because of my birth that I ruined my parents’ relationship.”

Joohyun was about to reach over and hold her friend, and Yoona shook her head,” I am not done yet. My father wasn’t the perfect husband or man either. He loves me a lot, and I could tell but he began to drift when he started having another woman outside. My mom went hysterical and she blamed me for not telling her earlier and she began to say even more hurtful things when I was 7? She began to hate my dad a lot for she loves him, but he never returned the feelings when they grew older. My dad thought that she was irritating, and hard to live with. They fought almost every single day. It became worst when everybody in the house started to act differently. She hates me. He changed. He got another lady and I guess like, they decided to put up an act to act like the most perfect family on Earth. My brother forgot about his only sister, and my parents forgot that I exist. I grew up then, in a place with no love anymore. My mom hates me, my dad doesn’t even cares about me and my brother changes. It was so different, and there were time where I feel like I was ruining the perfect picture they have there. I didn’t have any true friends, until I met them but I wasn’t ready to open up. I had insecurities about my figure, my intellectual sense, my presence and my looks. I was afraid people will judge me, and hate me like my family. Those guys outside, they were there for me at times, and I am thankful for that. But I still fell into depression after many years of sadness and pain, I thought that pills can help to improve my mood. I thought that they will improve me, but I was wrong. I increased the dosage, and I knew that I was addicted but I couldn’t stop. It was the only hope for me. Even though Seunggi came in, but he didn’t like me for who I was. When I trusted him, and opened up to him, he gave me that disgusted look and ended things. I-I didn’t dump him, Joohyun. He dumped me because he didn’t love me enough to accept the broken me. He said I was crazy and he was horrified and decided to leave. He went to America, and never bid goodbye. I was broke even further and the dosage increases as time passes. I knew I was hooked but I couldn’t let anyone know because if I do, I will end up being worse than I am now. More broken and ruined. But then, the day Sooyeon and Yifan came back, I knew that things had to somehow stopped. I heard her pleas, and I decided to let it out. My darkest secret in which that Im Yoona, the forgotten child and sister, the broken girl, the ugly and imperfect human was on drugs – anti-depressants.”

Yoona then lowered her head, and played with her fingers. “I cut myself before, and there is a scar now. On my stomach. I cut myself there to remind myself that the pain wasn’t enough to overcome the pain that I was feeling emotionally. I had suicidal thoughts. I had everything. Pain. Blood. Scars. Tears. But nothing was able to stop the pain in the end. I am a forgotten kid, and I don’t know what to do with my life. University? I chose doctor because you were going. I had no clues about myself, and I don’t know what I want to do. I am not smart, but to be smart, I have to work so hard that I drove myself insane at times. It is so scary to see myself being ruined, when I remember those times when I could really give a genuine smile. But then, good times don’t last. So, here I am, trying to find a way out from pills, and trying to get help to be a better person. I don’t want to ruin myself anymore. I figured that I probably had ruined myself, but I want to be happy again. I want to smile and I want to spend time with you people. I don’t want to end here. I just want to begin again.”

A tear rolled down Yoona’s cheeks, as she hastily wiped it away. “I thought that maybe telling you is a better choice because you know what to do or say. Yuri just left the room in silence a few hours back, and I figured things out that she was disappointed in me. When I looked at you, I didn’t want to tell you either but then, I don’t want to build barriers against people and suffered alone. I wanted help, I needed help which is why I am telling you this. This isn’t your fault Joohyun, about not knowing my expressions or stuff. I can hide feelings well, and you shouldn’t cry for me. Really, I chose this path myself and to get out of it, I need a map to help me. I need to go for rehab, and I need to live to breathe again. Joohyun, w-will you help me?”

The latter looked up with her red, and glassy eyes with a pained expression. Joohyun, who was in tears, just nodded her head silently as a sob escaped from . She then reached out, and embraced Yoona tightly,” I-I will help you. T-Thank you.”

“No, thank you instead for listening,” Yoona whispered back, as she buried her face in Joohyun’s shoulder while crying. Joohyun just hugged her tightly, while shutting her eyes to prevent more tears from spilling.  

“Hey,” Luhan greeted Joohyun, as she walked out from Yoona’s room. The latter looked up and instantly crashed into Luhan’s arms, as they stood like this in the same position for a few minutes.

The male then wrapped his hands protectively, and gently around her waist, as he placed his chin on her head. “Are you hungry?” he asked softly, as he peered down at her.

Joohyun hummed back in response, while burying her face into his neck as she inhaled in his scent. He then chuckled,” What do you want to eat?”

“Something with rice and soup,” she replied, as she pulled back from him. Luhan then rubbed his thumb across her cheek, as he stared into her yes,” You have been crying. A lot.”

She then gave a small smile,” I want to help her, Luhan. Will you help her too?” “Of course, she is my friend. But now, you need to eat. You have not consumed any food for a few hours.”

“I think she is hungry too. Can we order for her along?”

Luhan nodded his head, as they walked down the stairs to the dining room. Joohyun then asked,” Where are the others?”

“Yifan and Sooyeon went out to talk and have some fresh air. Jongdae is sleeping in the guest room with Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol went to send Yuri home.”

She then nodded her head,” Y-Yixing?”

“He went to settle some matters,” Luhan replied as they walked down the stairs. “Any food in your mind that has what you desire?”

Joohyun nodded her head, as she sat down while watching Luhan reached for his phone,” Kimchi stew with rice.”

“On it,” he grinned, as he dialled the number as he walked into the kitchen. Joohyun then looked around the room, when she heard some footsteps approaching the dining room. Turning her head, she was surprised to see Kyungsoo with a dazed look.

He then lifted his hand,” Morning.”

“It is at night,” she pointed out, as she watched with slight amusement as Kyungsoo tumbled onto the chair. He then groaned,” I slept through the evening? Great. Have you guys eat?”

Joohyun shook her head, while gesturing towards the kitchen,” Luhan is ordering some take-out. Yoona is upstairs.”

“How is she?” Kyungsoo asked immediately, as his eyes flew open. He then rubbed his eyes groggily,” Is she better or something? Is she hungry? Oh, Luhan! I want some food too. Anything is fine!”

Joohyun then nodded her head,” She is okay. Like, she is opening up, I guess. You can go upstairs and talk to her. I am pretty sure she needs to talk.”

“I don’t want to scare her. I mean, I saw the look on Yuri’s face, and it wasn’t that pleasant and I wonder what happened, what went wrong. It shows that she didn’t accept Yoona’s talk or explanation well,” Kyungsoo sighed, as he leaned back against the chair. 

She then bit her lips, as she nodded her head, again,” Yeah. Yuri didn’t really take the news well but she doesn’t look like that is the only thing bother her. Like, something else is bugging her.”

“I don’t know either, but she requested Chanyeol to send her home. We can wait for Chanyeol to arrive, and then question him,” the latter shrugged his shoulders, while standing up. “Well, I am going to wake Jongdae up.”

Kyungsoo then walked back towards the guest room, just as Luhan walked out from the kitchen. “Do you need to speak to your brothers? I called them to inform them what was going in, and they said that it was okay for you to stay.”

“Oh, right. I forgot about calling them,” Joohyun let out a sigh, before adding on,” Can I borrow your phone for a few seconds? I don’t know where my bag is currently.”

Luhan nodded, as he sat down beside her,” If I am not wrong, it should be in my room.”

“Why are my things or myself always in your room?” Joohyun chuckled, while scrolling through Luhan’s contacts. “Because you are going to be the owner of the room too?” he replied cheekily, earning himself a whack on the shoulder.

Joohyun then pressed the phone to her ear, as she listened to the ringing tone. “But I am serious, you can be the owner of the room,” Luhan spoke again, as he played around with Joohyun’s palm, by drawing figures.

“What?”

“I said t-”

“I heard that part, but like why?” Joohyun tilted her head, as she carried on counting the beats of the ringing tone. “Why not? We will get married.”

“We will?” she asked again and Luhan was about to reply, when Joohyun held her hand out as she lifted her head up. “Sehun, it’s me.”

There was a second of silence, when Joohyun frowned,” What do you mean Jongin broke the- Don’t ever tell me that he danced on the table? Seo Jongin! Put him to the line now.” Luhan sat by the side, watching with amusement as the latter frowned deeper as she glared at him, as if he was her younger brother.

“Jongin, why are you even dancing on the table? I don’t care but we are going to use your pocket money to buy another one back, and I mean it,” she warned lowly, before adding,” Anyway, I am going to by staying over at Luhan’s house, and you two better report to school early tomorrow, and Jongin, stay away from the dining table.”

Hanging up the phone, Joohyun let out a sigh as Luhan inched closer, allowing her lean her head on his chest. The couple sat there for a few minutes, as their breathing rhythms matched one another. “So, Jongin broke the table?”

“Don’t even remind me about it. This isn’t the first time either,” she sighed, while inhaling Luhan’s smell, while chuckling,” You smell nice.”

Luhan then let out a grin,” I am glad that you like my smell, because you are going to smell this for the rest of your life.”

“Back to that, who says that I am going to marry you?”

“Me.”

“I am sorry then, Mr.Big Ego, but I rather marry Yixing than you,” Joohyun stuck her tongue out cheekily, when Yixing stepped into the dining room. “I am sorry, then Miss.Seo, but I have no interest in you and I prefer the fact that my life to be spared from your boyfriend, who is giving me that not-even-scary glares.”

Joohyun laughed even more, as she caught sight of her boyfriend’s face before holding his hand,” Relax, you are probably the only guy I will consider to marry.”

“So, is that a yes?”

Yiixing then cleared his throat,” I found the perfect rehab centre for her, and I spoke to her parents. It seems as if her brother wishes to speak to her. Any objections?” Luhan then tore his attention away from Joohyun, as he felt her trembled slightly.

“What did her parents say?”

“They didn’t say much, but her mom said she will like to see her too if Yoona permits the visit,” Yixing replied calmly, whicle tucking his hands into his front pocket.

Luhan then sighed,” Well then, let’s talk to Yoona and see how she likes things.”

“P-Please don’t scare her. Yuri didn’t really leave with a good response, and she is kind of affected by it,” Joohyun pleaded silently.

Yixing then looked at the couple for a second, before chuckling,” Luhan, you better not let her go or else Yoona is going to beat the daylights out of you, and I swear, I will too. Anyway, Joohyun, do you like to speak to her regarding this since you are the only one here that seemed to be comfortable with her currently?”

“I love to, but I think you guys here should do it instead because she wants to speak to you guys. I believe you guys want to speak to her too. Yoona wouldn’t be afraid you, she is just afraid of getting judged. That’s all,” Joohyun suggested, while throwing glances at Luhan.

The two boys then looked at one another, and Luhan looked at her,” You are coming along then. We are just afraid that she doesn’t want to see us.”

“Then, you are scared of the wrong thing.” 

[ A/N ] like i am saying, everybody gets depression for some reason or another. and i hate depressino because i was under it but i wasn't consider the worst case. i was the mild one, even though i never told anybody. i remember isolating myself from friends, stop talking and crying every single night. and my point is that, happens everyday and you guys may be depressed over it but, look around you and realise that there are friends there for you, who are willing to help you and listen to you. depression isserious because it affects your whole damn life, and iw atched a few of my friends walking down that road. they act as if they are fine but in fact, they are not but they are not asking for help. ask for help, talk to somebody and don't let things get to you. 

down with the soapy drama, but i just want to say that you can talk to me too if you aren't that happy.i am here, and i don't bite. anyway, thank you guys for listeningto me, and reading this story! i hope to see more comments below, and also more subscribers. do upvote too :) thank you!

_insanegirl_